Wish I could say things are going great but they aren't as i feel more lost now than I did before. Feeling like avoiding online for a few days as things going on there i just want to avoid for my own mental well being. No ones fault just need time to adjust to things as the closer to xmas it gets the worse the feelings inside of being alone ( Read more... )

I have finally decided to try adding some excercise into the mix as an aid to fighting the depression. So my rowing machine has finally been assembled after sitting in parts for a few months.

Whether it will aid against the depression at this stage, I do not know but it can't hurt for me to get a bit fitter and lose some weight along the way.

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I wish this was being posted as a happy update to my battles but it is nowhere near that at all. Hell has decided it will claim me fully one way or another whether by it’s darkness or by driving me to do something stupid ( Read more... )

Well now week 9 of this depression hell and I find myself slipping more and more into the darkness inside myself. These days motivation to do anything is getting harder and harder ( Read more... )

Well the new toy arrives next day or so am looking at Monday to be honest but if it arrives tomorrow would be a nice surprise.

So a shiney, well black really, Canon 20D plus lenses and other fun stuff will arrive for me to learn the art of digital photography on and hopefully get good at.

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Got a phone call from solicitor today telling me the house sale completes today and money will be in bank by 4pm ish today :D

So the spending spree will begin with new digital camera and kit, fix my main computer and treat myself to some needed stuff to relax with :D

Bounces happily

I sit in the darkness,
It clings to me,
I am it,
It is me,
We are one,
Joined to our depths

Depressed I sit,
Darkness clinging to me,
It's warm embrace,
All I recognise now,
and care about,
As my light fades

Yet another poem that came to me when a dark period hit me while online and stuck it here as well as on my DA page.

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At the moment the waking hours are consisting of a fight deep inside my mind where both the sides are struggling for domination over me. The light side is so far fighting and losing at every turn and the darkness creeps up and takes me over on an increasing and worrying basis. I sit ok for about 5-10 minutes listening to music or doing something ( Read more... )

One of those days where i just can't be bothered doing anything and everything i am doing is not keeping my interest for long. sighs depression sucks as all my old interests at present are now not holding me for any length of time and i flit between chatting online, posting on forums and other stuff every few minutes ( Read more... )

in the silence we all sit and wait
the life we have slips away
as our souls become one
with the darkness around us

Something i came up with in about 20 seconds yesterday while sitting in the darkness of my mind while trying to do stuff online.