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and their reply will cause me to buckle to my knees
Every night around this time, I take a pill to help me sleep. With a glass of water, and a bit of hope, I'll float off into the only place that I feel welcome… darkness, silence, emptiness… sleep. This nightly ritual that I never deviate from is nothing more than a game I play with my brain to keep it from realizing that it's now the time to ( Read more... ) -
a revolutionary street gang armed with AK-47s
This post is a copy of something I was asked to write by my psychologist for a therapy session. His goal, as well as mine, is to get me to start writing again as a therapeutic output in order to release a lot of the feelings that have been crippling me and keeping me from getting back out into the world again. Knowing a lot more about my ( Read more... ) -
Dear Kayla
Kayla, I still love you. I love you just as much, if not more, than the day I first saw you, or the day we first kissed, or the day we sat in your car and you told me that you couldn't be with me at the moment, because you still wanted to have fun, but someday, we'd be together and it would last. Throughout everything, I've still held to that ( Read more... ) -
every single kid who didn't go to the Sadies Hawkins Dance in seventh grade
Alright, alright. I'm sick of seeing pictures of awesome fun frat/tech parties at SxSW. The truth is, even today, with beautiful aluminum and glass iPads and faded denim jackets with just the right amount of black mixed in so it isn't the same color of those stupid denim shorts that were so cool when you were in third grade, computers aren't ( Read more... ) -
no closer to home than we were to our destination
There was a really long time after my downfall... that's what I'm determined to call it now, instead of breakup, or mental breakdown, or trying to kill myself and ending up in the psych ward, or being a drug addict without a home and living in a garage, or going to rehab, since that all happened at lightning speed for me.... anyway, a long time ( Read more... ) -
when they share their final kiss for the night
Three years ago during the holiday season my life changed completely, and while I never thought something as dramatic and romantic and fulfilling as that would ever happen again, something of equal impact happened today. For two years now I've been trying to force my way back into the life of a girl who once loved me. And I ask myself why? There ( Read more... ) -
the meow of a cat that had been left in a field for days
Sometimes I wonder why God doesn't watch over West Middlesex. In a small town where the only recreational activities are going to Church, eatting pizza or ice cream, high school sports, or high school pregnancies, the higher authority, the being that can ultimately save us from evil, turns his head the other way as this town aggressively destroys ( Read more... ) -
with my arm wrapped in a blood-soaked towel
About a year and a half ago, my entire life changed. Everything and everyone I ever relied on and felt comfortable around was thrown up into the air and destroyed as if a tornado came through my life, uprooting friendships and relationships and jobs. To be honest, I think it was the best thing that ever happened to me. While this journal is ( Read more... ) -
sweep her off her feet while she's sober
I know I write about the metaphorical equivalent happening in this journal all the time, but today, I literally, physically, chased after a girl and then she laughed at me. In downtown Hermitage, dodging a Hummer that almost hit me, I burned all the energy my pathetically out-of-shape body had stored, and tracked her down. With sweat pouring out ( Read more... ) -
a traveling salesman advertising the advantages of being my friend
I've been gone for far too long. I'm coming back, and things are incredibly different. While I was suffering through my own personal hell, the world went on around me. A year and a half is a lot longer when thinking about it in retrospect, a lot longer than it seems when you're struggling to stay alive every day, going through the motions ( Read more... )