When I'm in Jacksonville, I'm not always happy, but for the most part I'm content. When I'm at my parents? Opposite story. I've been home for a little over 48 hours and already I've had the double standards that my family holds for me thrown into my face repeatedly. And had the reminder of why I moved in the first place made glaringly obvious. I ( Read more... )

"Her smile was fake, like a piece of paper with a smile drawn on it had been glued to her face." - Twisted, by Laurie Halse Anderson.I'm a liar ( Read more... )

Right now I'm writing one of my hoodie_time challenge prompts. It would be so much easier if I had a computer. I'm über frustrated about it. Oh and could the semester be over so I can write more? Thanks.

Clarity. That's what it feels like after I write. Like I just erased the board and started fresh.

I love that feeling. So much. Which is why this, having no computer thing sucks so bad. Because I feel better when I can vent, write. Without it, I kinda lose myself. Not as in go completely kuckoo for cocoa puffs, but sort of frayed. Stretched too ( Read more... )

On the real? My course load this semester is beginning to look like Mt. Everest already. But it doesn't matter, because I'm honestly the happiest I have ever been. Ever. It has nothing to do with a guy, or anything like that. I've just finally gotten to the point in my life where I actually want to be happy. And as cliched as that sounds, sometimes ( Read more... )

So it's life update time.

Basically this has been probably the worst month I've spent at my parents' house since tenth grade, except for that magnificent trip to Melbourne/Jacksonville for Anna's graduation. I'm pretty much a recluse when I'm up here, and I feel like a mom to a fifteen year old. Who cooks? Cleans? Runs everyone around? Makes sure ( Read more... )

Okay so we all know that I'm pretty much an emotionally stunted bastard. I get upset without anyone being the wiser. I hurt myself, a lot, by giving up. I'm a screw up. None of this is news, at all. We also all know that my biological little sister is a whore, a bitch, and revels in telling me repeatedly that I'm never going to get a boyfriend, ( Read more... )

Being broken. It's hard. Sometimes so hard that you can't sleep while everyone else does, because you know that you'd never wake up. Sometimes it makes you fake illnesses so that someone will take care of you. Sometimes it gives you phantom pains. Most of the time it makes you feel all alone. Because no matter how many sisters I have, or how many ( Read more... )

1. What is your greatest fear?
well, it's a tie, being trapped is probably my first real fear, whether its being held down, or having the feeling like I can't leave my bed/room that has always terrified me. Along with being in an undescribable space, like being in this huge crowd and unable to find my way out or being stuck in the middle of a dark ( Read more... )

So life, while it isn't perfect, and hell I don't even want that anymore, it definitely doesn't suck. But sometimes it is lonely. Not that "I've got no one left lonely" but more of a "I'm so tired that I can't even ask for the help I would get if I tried" lonely. That bone deep wish I had a soul mate loneliness. Don't get me wrong, I'm not pining ( Read more... )