Memory in Movement (General Audience) - lvw prompt #4
Here's my atlantis_lvw entry for prompt #4: Practice, only female characters allowed (<500 words)
Author: Starrylizard
Characters: Charin and Teyla
Summary: Charin watches Teyla and remembers
Rating: General audience, no spoilers
Beta: rinkle
Memory in Movement (General audience no spoilers)
Written by starrylizard
Charin closed her eyes for a moment, letting the gentle warmth of the rising sun warm her and the cooler wind off the ocean sooth her. She lay, comfortably wrapped in a blanket, watching Teyla complete her morning exercises.
Teyla’s body was a picture of strong muscle and flowing lines silhouetted against the morning light. Each movement was precisely placed as she swept the fighting stick upward in a carefully controlled arc, her eyes following an imaginary target. Her whole body moved as one, carefully maintaining the momentum without losing control. It was like a graceful dance, one carefully honed by years of patient practice.
Charin smiled, remembering a much younger Teyla, a little over two years old. The chubby little toddler had stood behind her mother one morning, a small stick in her hands and a look of sheer determination plastered on her little face. Charin had laughed that morning, watching the small child attempt to copy her mother’s movements with an awkward grace.
It wasn’t long before the women had been taking turns to teach the stubborn child the patterns she would practice for the rest of her life.
“Again, Teyla. You are rushing. Have patience. It is not about strength, but using the power the movement itself creates. Remember to follow through with your whole body.”
A twelve-year-old Teyla had stamped her foot petulantly, frowning at Charin and throwing her sticks down in anger. Her attitude had suddenly changed, though, when her mother had been taken a few days later. Like so many children, she had realised that she needed to grow up, and she had finally grasped the frightening reality of the Wraith.
“Always running, always looking to the sky in fear,” Charin whispered now, watching the wise and caring leader Teyla had grown to be. She would be glad to be free of that fear when death finally claimed her.
Charin realised, long ago, that for Teyla the exercises she practices with such poise every morning are a reminder of her mother and the other women that taught her from such an early age. Women she has lost over time. Charin felt Teyla honouring them with each careful move. She saw a mother’s strong arms guiding her only child’s smaller ones through carefully controlled patterns, the same calm voice praising her and correcting her gently.
Charin felt only pride when she looked back to Teyla. The younger woman had finished the pattern she was practicing this morning and she straightened, bowing to the sun.
(Notes: Always running, always looking to the sky in fear is a direct quote from episode 2.13 Critical Mass.)
EDIT: I just got my comments for this one. I only actually received one comment that had any substance to it and I mostly disagree with it this week. My responses are below, but they don't make the commenter's opinion any less valid and I always love constructive criticism, so it was perfectly welcome.
Teyla's father was the one taken by the Wraith, but that's not the main problem I had with this story. Far too many adjectives were used here - telling us how Teyla looks but not showing us. Also, Charin's memories are of a stereotypical ordinary child, when Teyla has obviously been set apart since early childhood by her gift.
So, to this I have to say that you obviously have a set view of Teyla's background, but there isn't any specific evidence in canon for most of this. Therefore I believe my glimpse into Teyla's childhood is still valid.
Firstly, while Teyla tells us (in the episode "The Gift" I believe) that her father was taken by the wraith, we already know she hasn't any family left. Therefore it is fairly safe to assume that at some point her mother died or was taken by the Wraith.
Also, while she had "the gift" from an early age, I am quite sure she would have still participated in ordinary childhood activities and that her family would, for the most part, have treated her as an ordinary child.
As for adjectives and telling-not-showing, that is in the eye of the reader. I was describing a scene as seen from Charin's POV, the feel of the sun, the vision of a woman she is proud of and this triggering her memories.
I personally quite liked this week's entry and the imagery I believe I managed to show, but each to their own. I'm sorry it didn't work for you and thank you for being so open in your comments. :)
Author: Starrylizard
Characters: Charin and Teyla
Summary: Charin watches Teyla and remembers
Rating: General audience, no spoilers
Beta: rinkle
Memory in Movement (General audience no spoilers)
Written by starrylizard
Charin closed her eyes for a moment, letting the gentle warmth of the rising sun warm her and the cooler wind off the ocean sooth her. She lay, comfortably wrapped in a blanket, watching Teyla complete her morning exercises.
Teyla’s body was a picture of strong muscle and flowing lines silhouetted against the morning light. Each movement was precisely placed as she swept the fighting stick upward in a carefully controlled arc, her eyes following an imaginary target. Her whole body moved as one, carefully maintaining the momentum without losing control. It was like a graceful dance, one carefully honed by years of patient practice.
Charin smiled, remembering a much younger Teyla, a little over two years old. The chubby little toddler had stood behind her mother one morning, a small stick in her hands and a look of sheer determination plastered on her little face. Charin had laughed that morning, watching the small child attempt to copy her mother’s movements with an awkward grace.
It wasn’t long before the women had been taking turns to teach the stubborn child the patterns she would practice for the rest of her life.
“Again, Teyla. You are rushing. Have patience. It is not about strength, but using the power the movement itself creates. Remember to follow through with your whole body.”
A twelve-year-old Teyla had stamped her foot petulantly, frowning at Charin and throwing her sticks down in anger. Her attitude had suddenly changed, though, when her mother had been taken a few days later. Like so many children, she had realised that she needed to grow up, and she had finally grasped the frightening reality of the Wraith.
“Always running, always looking to the sky in fear,” Charin whispered now, watching the wise and caring leader Teyla had grown to be. She would be glad to be free of that fear when death finally claimed her.
Charin realised, long ago, that for Teyla the exercises she practices with such poise every morning are a reminder of her mother and the other women that taught her from such an early age. Women she has lost over time. Charin felt Teyla honouring them with each careful move. She saw a mother’s strong arms guiding her only child’s smaller ones through carefully controlled patterns, the same calm voice praising her and correcting her gently.
Charin felt only pride when she looked back to Teyla. The younger woman had finished the pattern she was practicing this morning and she straightened, bowing to the sun.
(Notes: Always running, always looking to the sky in fear is a direct quote from episode 2.13 Critical Mass.)
EDIT: I just got my comments for this one. I only actually received one comment that had any substance to it and I mostly disagree with it this week. My responses are below, but they don't make the commenter's opinion any less valid and I always love constructive criticism, so it was perfectly welcome.
Teyla's father was the one taken by the Wraith, but that's not the main problem I had with this story. Far too many adjectives were used here - telling us how Teyla looks but not showing us. Also, Charin's memories are of a stereotypical ordinary child, when Teyla has obviously been set apart since early childhood by her gift.
So, to this I have to say that you obviously have a set view of Teyla's background, but there isn't any specific evidence in canon for most of this. Therefore I believe my glimpse into Teyla's childhood is still valid.
Firstly, while Teyla tells us (in the episode "The Gift" I believe) that her father was taken by the wraith, we already know she hasn't any family left. Therefore it is fairly safe to assume that at some point her mother died or was taken by the Wraith.
Also, while she had "the gift" from an early age, I am quite sure she would have still participated in ordinary childhood activities and that her family would, for the most part, have treated her as an ordinary child.
As for adjectives and telling-not-showing, that is in the eye of the reader. I was describing a scene as seen from Charin's POV, the feel of the sun, the vision of a woman she is proud of and this triggering her memories.
I personally quite liked this week's entry and the imagery I believe I managed to show, but each to their own. I'm sorry it didn't work for you and thank you for being so open in your comments. :)