Comments | starno_star: won't you join me now, baby's looking torn and frayed

lockless_key in starno_star

won't you join me now, baby's looking torn and frayed

Sep 19, 2005 13:29

I think it was mostly shock and exhaustion, but my head cleared as soon as I hit the pillow. I thought I was going to stay up, staring at the ceiling and thinking all night long, but I was out. For all of four hours. Didn't even dream ( Read more... )

Comments 17

sired1880spike September 20 2005, 15:41:23 UTC

I left the girl in the alleyway. I can feel her blood in my veins now; it's about the only time I feel like I've got a pulse, when I've just fed. I wonder sometimes how I manage to do anything at all without a pulse, but I guess that's magic for you. Its rhyme and reason are difficult to fathom ( ... )

lockless_key September 21 2005, 07:09:16 UTC

I curl up in the chair as Spike comes towards me, and wrap both hands around the cup of coffee. It's only half-caf, so I shouldn't be up all night. Not that it matters. I can run fine on three hours of sleep and I catch up on the weekends ( ... )

sired1880spike September 22 2005, 11:18:40 UTC

Dawn holds out the coffee cup ( ... )

lockless_key September 23 2005, 03:07:06 UTC

Mom used to make us hot chocolate. I remember. She'd always put the little marshmallows in them because Spike liked them. And she'd liked Spike. I think partly why I got along with him so well was because mom did. Buffy obviously never did but I trusted mom's tastes more.

I smirk as the waitress brings him the mug and sip my own coffee. "Yeah, you're badass," I remark on his drink of choice. At least he knows how stupid it is. Well, not really stupid, just dorky and kind of cute. Hot chocolate. Thrill me.

Staring at the murky depths of my coffee, I ponder his question for a bit. What do I want to do? "I want to travel," I say suddenly, without even thinking about it. And it's true, 'cause I do. Want to travel. "I want to get out of here. Sunnydale is nothing but bad stuff for me now. It's too small." I shrug, feeling the soft inside of the sweatshirt shift against my skin. This town is restricting me, dragging me down. I know I have to get out ( ... )

Thread 12

sired1880spike September 29 2005, 14:04:34 UTC

"Yeah, I was there for the Carnivale. Good times. There's all sorts of sides to the Carnivale, you see, pet," I explain. "Light and dark." I light another cigarette and breathe in, then exhale. The smoke, white and grey, coils towards the ceiling. "All kinds of nasty and nice things." I remember fountains of blood and demons in glitter strewn masks; I remember dancing girls and children throwing sweets. I remember corpses in alleyways near dawn.

"Yeah, it sounds like it would be pretty lonely. Spending all that time alone... but were you? Alone?"

I frown slightly.
"Wouldn't say I was lonely exactly, pet. Alone, yes. But I don't mind my own company. But I did miss... caring." Cigarette ash drops from the end of my fag onto the formica. I smear it away with my finger. "And yes, I was alone," I say. I know what she's edging around. Did I have a woman? And of course, I did. I'd had women, but only in the briefest sense. None of them made a bloody difference to my day. And why does Dawn care?

"Do you still love her ( ... )

lockless_key September 29 2005, 16:59:21 UTC

Nodding slowly, I lean back into the booth. Of course. Everyone loves Buffy the wonder sister, even though she's gone and dead and maybe never loved them at all. I remember me at fourteen, crushing hard and not really surprised when I realized that he wanted my sister. Not surprised because it happened with everyone, but still disappointed. I'd thought Spike was different ( ... )

sired1880spike September 30 2005, 14:03:19 UTC

"If you think I hadn't figured it out, about the light and dark sides, you must think I'm really slow. Everything has a shadow."

Her eyes glitter.

"Guess you think you know a lot about the dark, pet," I say coolly. "Cos you stake vampires and you go clubbing and probably sleep with boys your mum wouldn't have liked." The hard, brittle shell around Dawn is making me angry. She thinks she knows what darkness is, but she hasn't even begun. But her attitude means that she's more likely to fall, cos she reckons she's seen it all. Probably thinks she knows my darkness. But she doesn't. None of the Scoobies ever really saw it, cos even before I had the chip I was hampered by my disability and my hatred of Angel. None of them ever saw me at my best - or I could call it my worst.

I stub out the cigarette hard.

"We should go," I say abruptly, tossing some notes onto the table for the waitress to pick up. My blood was up again. I felt on edge. I wanted to hunt. No, that wasn't right. I wanted to kill. Preferably something that ( ... )

lockless_key September 30 2005, 18:04:54 UTC

How is it that one minute we're just like old friends, the three-year gap almost bridged, and the next there's a chasm between us? I'm a child, I'm a whore, I don't know anything, I know too much. There isn't a middle ground in all of this.

The way Spike talks, the way he looks at me, it pisses me off. I don't think I know everything, but I know a lot more than fourteen year-old Dawnie knew when her vampire babysitter took off. And then he comes back and acts like everything I've been through is so fuckin' insignificant. Yeah, you're hot shit now, little girl, keep fooling yourself."Yeah, okay," I say, and the words come out angry and clipped. I know more than you think you do. And not because I 'go clubbing' and 'sleep with boys'. No matter how much shit I go through, it'll never be enough, will it? I'm never going to be anything other than a little girl with delusions of grandeur in anyone's eyes. In Spike's eyes ( ... )

Thread 5