Comment fic silliness
Inspired by surrealphantast's comment to shutthef-up's post here
The aliens, really tall, skinny guys with perpetual frowns, crowded close. "You will copulate."
SG-1 exchanged weary glances. They'd woken up naked, tangled together on a cold, hard metal floor that was hardly conducive to a little something something. Now they stood back to back, surrounded by towering, glowering sex-starved aliens. "You know, as much as I like you guys," Jack said to his team, "I'm gonna requisition some porn to hand out the next time this happens."
Shushing him, Daniel edged toward one of the aliens. "Um, we-"
"Copulate!" The alien shrieked. "Immediately!"
As if by instinct, Daniel stepped back, right onto Jack's toes, turning Jack's outraged sarcasm into an outraged yelp of pain, which was cut off by Teal'c's hand clapping over Jack's mouth to forestall any further interruption. "Please," Daniel threw up his hands in supplication. "We have rituals that must be followed." Ignoring Sam's amused snort, he pressed on before he lost his advantage. "In our bags, there are items we require, items that are... necessary."
Suspiciously, Daniel's alien demanded, "Describe these items."
"They are small packets," Sam edged up next to Daniel, and he hooked an arm around her hip, pulling her against his side, smiling at his alien in what he hoped was a lascivious enough manner to prove their intent to cooperate. "Approximately seven centimeters square," and she held up her fingers to measure out the size in the air," dark green in color, with white text on one side."
Daniel's alien grabbed one of his fellows from somewhere in the crowd and squawked insistently until the alien ran off.
Twenty very awkward minutes later, the errand alien returned. Bits of green wrapper fell from the pockets of its robe, and hooting in what Daniel had to assume was mocking laughter, it waggled its fourteen lube-slicked, condom-covered fingers. The hooting was taken up by the entire crowd as the errand alien danced around the team, everyone pointing in turn at the obscenely flapping condoms and the members of SG-1.
Jack glanced down before discretely cupping his hands over his groin. "So Daniel, you think you can explain shrinkage?"
The aliens, really tall, skinny guys with perpetual frowns, crowded close. "You will copulate."
SG-1 exchanged weary glances. They'd woken up naked, tangled together on a cold, hard metal floor that was hardly conducive to a little something something. Now they stood back to back, surrounded by towering, glowering sex-starved aliens. "You know, as much as I like you guys," Jack said to his team, "I'm gonna requisition some porn to hand out the next time this happens."
Shushing him, Daniel edged toward one of the aliens. "Um, we-"
"Copulate!" The alien shrieked. "Immediately!"
As if by instinct, Daniel stepped back, right onto Jack's toes, turning Jack's outraged sarcasm into an outraged yelp of pain, which was cut off by Teal'c's hand clapping over Jack's mouth to forestall any further interruption. "Please," Daniel threw up his hands in supplication. "We have rituals that must be followed." Ignoring Sam's amused snort, he pressed on before he lost his advantage. "In our bags, there are items we require, items that are... necessary."
Suspiciously, Daniel's alien demanded, "Describe these items."
"They are small packets," Sam edged up next to Daniel, and he hooked an arm around her hip, pulling her against his side, smiling at his alien in what he hoped was a lascivious enough manner to prove their intent to cooperate. "Approximately seven centimeters square," and she held up her fingers to measure out the size in the air," dark green in color, with white text on one side."
Daniel's alien grabbed one of his fellows from somewhere in the crowd and squawked insistently until the alien ran off.
Twenty very awkward minutes later, the errand alien returned. Bits of green wrapper fell from the pockets of its robe, and hooting in what Daniel had to assume was mocking laughter, it waggled its fourteen lube-slicked, condom-covered fingers. The hooting was taken up by the entire crowd as the errand alien danced around the team, everyone pointing in turn at the obscenely flapping condoms and the members of SG-1.
Jack glanced down before discretely cupping his hands over his groin. "So Daniel, you think you can explain shrinkage?"