It's such a struggle.

I want it so bad, and it's all around me,
     all the time.

I did it once, but relapsed.
Now, I'm doing it again.
I'm gonna do it.
It's gonna happen.

It has such a negative influence in my life.
Even though it makes me happy for a moment,
   the quality of my whole life is suffering.
It doesn't have to be this way.

Today, it starts.
( Read more... )

"You don't have to love me the same way that I love you. Just love me."

~Linda Porter in "De-Lovely"

What.
The hell.
Is wrong with me.

It's August!
I should be happy!!!

And I thought being in a relationship made things better when I'm depressed.
Because at least then I'm not alone.
But no, it only makes things worse, because now I have someone else to fuck up and confuse, too.

I'm sorry, love.
You don't deserve this.

I just don't know what to do.
~~~~~~~~~~ ( Read more... )

Because it's not a meat market.
It's your living room, with beer.
    Wait, my living room already has beer.
Except that I don't meet new and interesting people in my living room, usually.
That's what's great about sitting at the bar.
Perfect strangers joke about stealing my pizza.

Tonight, among other things including the phone conversations I was ( Read more... )

I think that I change my appearance because I am dissatisfied with the way I am ( Read more... )

Half of me wants to go for it, do it, it's good, good for you!
Half of me wants to run and hide, and avoid any responsibility whatsoever.
Why is that? And why is work the only thing not affected by my empty vacillations?

My obligation is my social life.
My social life is an obligation.

I love doing this every year,
   but I feel trapped.

I go back and ( Read more... )

I was actually asked tonight by an interested party at the pub how long I thought I'd be with my boyfriend ( Read more... )

Spring Depression ( Read more... )

So much for swearing off men, I guess...   
:-P

Did having a boyfriend help with the depression?

Yes.
I didn't feel so alone.