This place is supposed to be a safe space but I don't want to write in here anymore. I have so much to say. I feel like no matter where I go, what I say, or what I do, these women will always find a way to try and destroy what is left of my heart, and soul. I don't deserve this.

I had a nervous breakdown. I started searching desperately for a way to keep my soul. Either it was giving up on me, or I was giving up on it. I lost my boundaries with my mother and told her about how awful my father was to me recently, and the betrayal of losing my job. Within hours of her leaving the house Aunt Jerri, and Aunt Beverly called me ( Read more... )

"This black hole inside of me is eating everything I love". This is something I said to Lisa tonight in bed. I have been sobbing all day. She's trying to console me. It's not working. I can't eat. I either can't sleep, or I'm sleeping too much. I've lost my love for life. I've lost my will to survive. I'm just lost ( Read more... )

I'm returning from a pretty serious meltdown. It was all initially triggered by the fact that I will never have children and a family of my own. This is something that I didn't even know was going to become an issue. I guess I thought about it from time to time, but I didn't acknowledge how important it was. I think I have been in denial for many ( Read more... )

I have to get back into the habit up writing. This is my crash course back into the world of self-reflection and discipline ( Read more... )

The world is still crazy, and this November it's going to get a lot worse ( Read more... )

I've had a spiritual shock. No doubt. A lot of people I talk to seem to know something fishy is going on. People are challenging the government. They have big plans for the fall. I feel surges of energy. It's hard to explain. I just feel weird. I actually feel more connected to people because interactions are sincere. I don't want to talk about ( Read more... )

I found my calling. I know my worth. All this time I thought it was pointless to have so much life experience, but nothing to show for it. I realize that I broke free from the simulation, and I see real reality. I am in love with my soul, and closer to it than I have ever been ( Read more... )

This pandemic is bringing out the raw side of a lot of people I know. It's putting things into perspective for me. Some of my cousins, and "friends" are keeping me at a distance. Some just started, and others have been doing this for a while. I think it's time to cut these people out. They don't have to like me, or agree with me, but there is no ( Read more... )

Under Armour ( Read more... )