"This Ruined Puzzle"
Part: 9/?
Pairing: Derek/Addison
Rating: NC-17.
Authors: A new group effort by Hannah and Sarah.
Description: A twist on Season 2.
Summary: Consequences of previous events and Derek gets an ultimatum.
Disclaimer: Not ours.
1. Bend the pieces till they fit.
2. It's the way she fills my senses.
3. Pick up the fragments and piece them together.
4. My heart feels like it's frozen.
5. I'm glad we broke the rules.
6. How could you have been a fool?
7. I wish I was anyone but me.
8. As he rips you from your skin.
A/N: So this really is the tale of the aftermath. The morning after the night before is never comfortable, particularly not in this case. We are blaming finals on the turn around time, they suck, big style. Some mandatory angst as we move along to our original idea. Thanks for all the comments they motivate us through the quagmire of finals, into the loveliness of winter break.
~~~~~~~~~
Left us nothing but cold
It's not just in the air
It's the gap between us
It's in our voices as we speak
In sentences that we say
In words once beautiful
…
Would the words get their meaning back
The sentences their depth
Our voices their warmth
And your eyes would they once again
Burn as bright as they once did
- Jeniferever, “The Sound of Beating Wings”
~~~~~~~~~~
Derek stretched out his limbs as far as they would go. On call room beds always did this to his back he realized as his arms moved above his head pushing away from his body. Then he heard the disgusting click that comes with knowing that something is completely out of place. He stood quickly looking in the tiny mirror provided on the wall opposite.
He needs to shave badly he notices as he scratches his chin; his hair is completely awry. But as he pulls up the scrub top he had collected the night before, he is more concerned and disturbed by the scratch marks decorating his shoulders. As he glimpses over his war wounds he feels the guilt wash over him, knowing hers are be twice as bad. They were rough but he was clearly the more dominate of the two.
He suddenly feels sick to his stomach as he envisions her immaculate skin tainted by purple welts from his anger and pain; from his very own hands. He sits down on the metal framed bed feeling lower than low and buries his head in his hands. Swallowing hard with his eyes closed, he tries to force away from the bitter images and formulate a plan to reprieve himself.
~~~~~~~~~~
He saw her about an hour later reading through a chart at the nurse’s station, her hair fell carelessly about her shoulders but it didn’t hide her ashen face or the empty eyes. It was those that broke his spirit the most. The empty eyes once so expressive, so very full of life and now they were just devoid of any emotion. Glassy and vapid were not words he ever expected to use about those expressive pools that had hooked him the first time he looked into them. He moved over towards her, trying to think of something to say, something to break the ice, to heal the wounds of the previous night. All he could manage was a choked out, “Hi.”
“Hi.” She glances at him with an annoyed tone before resuming eye contact with the chart. She certainly was not going to be the one to brush over the topic of their brutal sex in the middle of a hospital; she had tact and manners.
“Add-” He began only to be interrupted by a nurse calling her away. She gives a brief look back at him before gliding off to follow the nurse. His stomach nearly drops right down to his shoes. Regret and anger course through him and he slams his fist on the counter before hastily making off in the opposite direction before someone could ask what was wrong.
~~~~~~~~~
Stalking his wife was not something Derek Shepherd was used to. He was more akin to hiding from her and through the years he had become quiet good at ducking into closets and rounding corners at a higher than normal speeds. As he searches the hall for the flame haired surgeon he figures she must have taken a book from his page. He hasn’t seen her since she ran away with the nurse and his guilt is at the point of making him physically ill. He has to see her for his own sanity. He needs to run his fingers along the scratches, bite marks, and bruises and apologize for hurting her. Maybe not for everything but at least for last night.
He glances over the board again to affirm that she has been out of surgery for half an hour before running into Preston Burke. “Dr. Burke.”
“Dr. Shepherd?”
“Seen my wife anywhere around here?” He readjusts his shoes against the tile and tries to seem aggravated as opposed to concerned.
“Not since this morning.” He points to the board and pulls his scrub cap free. “She’s out of surgery.”
“I see that.”
“Good luck.” He saunters off leaving free reign to Dr. Bailey.
“Dr. Shepherd.”
“Dr. Bailey.” He looks around quickly again and finds nothing. “Miranda, can I ask you something?”
“No.”
“Have you seen Addison anywhere, I’m starting to think she is avoiding me.”
“Maybe she is. None of my business.” He watches her stomp off to find her next intern victim and that’s when he sees her. “Addison!” He shouts and gets no reply other than her retreating back. He quickens to her pace and soon has her elbow in his grasp and is escorting her into the nearest room. She breaks free as he slams the door shut and winces in pain rubbing her shoulder.
“Damn it Derek, didn’t you do enough damage last night?”
He scans the room and his eyes fall up on the lump on the top bunk. “Hey you!” The figure rolls over to reveal one of Bailey’s interns. He has no idea what his name is. “Get out or I’ll tell Bailey you were sleeping on the job.”
“Do whatever you want, I’m on call idiot.” Alex replies and flips back over huffing. He knows more than he ever wanted to about Meredith Grey’s affairs, literally.
“Get out. I’m puling rank Dr-”
“Karev.” He finishes for him before swinging his legs over the top bunk and giving Addison a quick wink before heading out.
“What do you want Derek?” She spews as he locks the door. “I’m not in the mood.”
“I don’t want sex from you Addison.”
“Great, well then.” She glances at her watch, “I should be going. I have to grab lunch before my next surgery and Mrs. Doltson is about to…” She trails off tapping her feet against the tile and stops when Derek’s expression doesn’t change. “Derek! God you aren’t even listening to me. I don’t have time for this.”
He watches as she sweeps her hair to one side and reaches for the door handle. His eyes lock on the bruising purple mark on her lower neck. Clearing his throat he asks, “Did I…did I- um do that to you?”
“Do what?” She snarls.
He steps forward lightly tracing the marks of his teeth over her skin and grimaces when he realizes how much force it takes to get flesh looking that way. “This.”
Placing her hand over his and shoving back she remarks, “Yeah, you did.”
Swallowing hard he moves his fingers back to where they were. “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t, I shouldn’t-”
“Don’t worry about it. I played along, didn’t I?” Without meeting his eyes she pushes her broken self from the room to find the nearest supply closet. Of course he only notices when there is physical damage. He doesn’t see all the other cuts and nicks in her soul that he placed recklessly years ago.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Meredith?” He asks as he watches her wheel out of the way and down the hallway.
“Go away.”
“Meredith, please.” He nearly begs but he has no idea why.
“What do you want?” She scowls leaning against the wall and letting her heart sink to the floor as he rakes a few fingers through his hair.
“I just…I don’t know.”
“Then go away. My mother’s here and your wife is here. I’d say that’s a damn good sign for us to stay away from one another.”
“Your mother?”
“She’s been admitted.” She lets her body slide to the ground as he implores her to answer. Instead she does what she always does, deflect. “What’s on your neck?” As soon as she finishes she rolls her eyes at her self for the stupidity. She doesn’t know why she expects that he wouldn’t have sex with his wife but it hurts just the same.
Self consciously he raises his hand to cover the mark he saw in the mirror hours ago. Her brand on his skin, her territory. “It’s uh…it’s nothing. I ran into a door.”
She stands nearly too quickly and lets her shoulders fall into bad posture before responding, “Right. Goodbye Dr. Shepherd.”
~~~~~~~~~~
She pulls her head from her hands feeling insanely childish and reprimands herself for the half hour pity party in the closet. He never sees her. All he sees is skin to bruise and flesh to tear at until he feels better about himself. At least I got my own orgasm this time she laughs inwardly and then wipes at her tears. He doesn’t watch her break down, he’s never around to hold her when she cries and she doesn’t know how to turn for help to the one person who always hurts her. It seems so wrong that he can shatter her world into a thousand pieces and not aide her in putting the puzzle back together. All play and zero work.
She kicks at the supply rack next to her with her four inch heels that make her legs look splendidly long and delicious. She’s not that vain but she knows when she looks good and she knows that unless she is standing naked in front of him he will never take the hint. Passive-aggressiveness takes it toll on her psyche and last night’s release, while probably insanely unhealthy, felt so right that she couldn’t stop herself. Now looking down at her hands that are clenched together over the black fabric of her skirt she just feels ashamed and embarrassed by the actions. That isn’t how you fix a broken marriage. She turns off the waterworks for the moment and forces herself to stand and go deal with reality. No one has the time or the inclination to deal with her and really the numbness of the years before seem so much better in retrospect.
~~~~~~~~~~
After two hours of sitting on the hard tile he is starting to think that Addison doesn’t actually use her office. The lunch he purchased for them to share is cold and definitely soggy by now. He pushes it to the ground and stretches his legs forward. His entire body aches with last night’s mistakes. He should have known, should’ve picked up on the fact that those events would have adverse consequences but he went along with her charade. Now the only person he is kidding is himself. Last night solved nothing other than the fact that he is still aroused by his wife. That was never in question though. He’s still absent and caring seems too difficult for the time being.
It’s so much work and for what he questions. She isn’t the dream wife, far from it. It’s not her fault and it’s not his that they drifted. It happens, more frequently than lovebirds like to think. So many things went askew that it’s awfully hard to pinpoint the area of immediate concern. They got busy, they stopped thinking in terms of “we”, and they never thought it would happen to them.
It was the little things he guesses. The times when something just feels off but you don’t know what it is so you can’t say anything to the other person for fear of a fight that you simply don’t have the energy to be in. He never gave her enough energy, maybe that’s it or maybe he has no fucking clue two months later what the whole issue was. God, it would have been so simple to pick Meredith. But she’s tainted now, poisoned by Addison and then he is back to thinking that she really is Satan. One thing is for sure and one thing that he will never admit aloud is for certain. He knew. He knew that they were falling apart; he just chose to not do anything about it.
~~~~~~~~~~
Six healthy babies, two c-sections, and one very premature barely breathing preemie later Addison collapses into her office. She skims through her messages and her schedule for the following day before checking her messages. She should be surprise that he called, surprised that he cared enough to put thought into picking up the phone and dialing her number but instead she erases the message and sinks a little further into the plush black leather.
Kicking out of her heels her feet take in the sensations of the carpet as she skims her toes lightly over the fabric. She rolls her neck from side to side and tries to come down off the surgery high. Taking a deep breath she reminds herself of why she is in this cramped office with no window and bad lighting in the middle of nowhere. Derek. She wiggles her limbs into their shoes again and stands taking pleasure in the pain that shoots up her legs and spreads through her thighs and back. At least last night was a good workout. Shaking her head she grabs the door handle intent on at least letting him know that she will be at the trailer if he is interested in coming home. Someone has to start making sacrifices and she has no ground to stand on so it may as well be her.
~~~~~~~~~~
“This is getting old Dr. Shepherd.” Meredith spurts out as the elevator doors close. It seems that they are always in the same place at the same time, oh how God loves to taunt her.
“Would you prefer I take the stairs Dr. Grey?” He smirks and unknowingly gives into the flirting.
“I would actually. I have to deal with my mother and it would be really nice if you weren’t everywhere for once.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.” Then it’s one fluid motion until her lips find his. She’s pushing him back against the side of the elevator and skimming her hand along the underside of his white button up. Call it desperation, call it a goodbye kiss, call it whatever you want she needed it. She needed to feel his pulse against her mouth and to taste his tongue one more time. The doors ding open before they can pull apart and her eyes lock in horror as Addison watches her husband straighten himself out.
She dashes from the lobby feeling like a bit of a lesser person and nearly jogs across the street to find the closest tequila. Addison on the other hand will probably have flashbacks for weeks and silently turns with the intent of finding her car before she lets the hot tears cascade down her tired face. Crying is getting so old these days.
“Addie wait!” Derek screeches following her out the doors. Half the hospital will know in a few minutes and he at least wants to be able to put his own spin on it before she sets forth her wrath. She waits when she reaches her rental car. He’s following, she knows this so when she can hear the footsteps she finds the strength to whisper, “Is that how it’s going to be?”
“She kissed me!”
“I didn’t see you pushing her away so I have to assume it wasn’t unwanted.” She cocks her eyebrow and scowls waiting for his stupid response. She’s been cheated and it is always the same damn story.
“Maybe it wasn’t.”
“You picked me Derek which means that you get me to make out with in elevators and everywhere else. Me. You don’t want that, then tell me now.”
“Addison-”
“Don’t Addison me. Stop trying to make me feel like a petulant child when it was you in the fucking elevator making out with your mistress.”
“You slept with-”
She grazes the door of her car before leaning back. “Don’t. Don’t you dare. You don’t get to do that. Not right now, not after that.”
He throws his hands into the air. Really walking in on them together was the worst moment in his history and heaven forbid he remind her that he still has nightmares about other hands on her flesh. “Fuck Addison! What do you want? What do you want from me? I am trying here.”
“If you were trying then you wouldn’t be kissing the intern.” She reminds him and lets her briefcase fall to the ground knowing that they won’t be moving for awhile.
“She kissed me!”
“I don’t-” She stops herself to keep the emotions in check and draws in the moist Seattle air. “I won’t do this; I won’t be that woman Derek. I can’t so…this is your out. If you think you made a mistake then walk away right now and go be with her. Go.” She’s almost begging for it at this point. It would hurt; hurt like hell but it at least that pain dulls eventually.
He wants to walk away. Not necessarily to be with Meredith but just to stop the escalating scene in front of him. “I want you.” He states through gritted teeth. It’s an obligation at this point, even if he doesn’t want it to be.
She‘s trying to hold steady; trying to hold strong even though the prospect of being able to actually walk away from him right now is more than enticing. “Then start acting like it. I’m sick of this.”
He nods before agreeing and managing to notice that all of the heat from their argument has dissipated. Their voices sound bare, frustrated and just exhausted. “Me too.”
“Come back to New York.”
“What?”
“You aren‘t deaf, don‘t start playing it now.”
“No. Addison, no. I moved out here to get away from all of that. I‘m- I couldn‘t. Anything we-” She stops his stupid rambling with a final thought.
“It’s home. We need all the fucking help we can get Derek.”
He looks away. She has a point; always has a point.
~~~~~~~~~~
Part 10. I'm gonna set you free.
Pairing: Derek/Addison
Rating: NC-17.
Authors: A new group effort by Hannah and Sarah.
Description: A twist on Season 2.
Summary: Consequences of previous events and Derek gets an ultimatum.
Disclaimer: Not ours.
1. Bend the pieces till they fit.
2. It's the way she fills my senses.
3. Pick up the fragments and piece them together.
4. My heart feels like it's frozen.
5. I'm glad we broke the rules.
6. How could you have been a fool?
7. I wish I was anyone but me.
8. As he rips you from your skin.
A/N: So this really is the tale of the aftermath. The morning after the night before is never comfortable, particularly not in this case. We are blaming finals on the turn around time, they suck, big style. Some mandatory angst as we move along to our original idea. Thanks for all the comments they motivate us through the quagmire of finals, into the loveliness of winter break.
~~~~~~~~~
Left us nothing but cold
It's not just in the air
It's the gap between us
It's in our voices as we speak
In sentences that we say
In words once beautiful
…
Would the words get their meaning back
The sentences their depth
Our voices their warmth
And your eyes would they once again
Burn as bright as they once did
- Jeniferever, “The Sound of Beating Wings”
~~~~~~~~~~
Derek stretched out his limbs as far as they would go. On call room beds always did this to his back he realized as his arms moved above his head pushing away from his body. Then he heard the disgusting click that comes with knowing that something is completely out of place. He stood quickly looking in the tiny mirror provided on the wall opposite.
He needs to shave badly he notices as he scratches his chin; his hair is completely awry. But as he pulls up the scrub top he had collected the night before, he is more concerned and disturbed by the scratch marks decorating his shoulders. As he glimpses over his war wounds he feels the guilt wash over him, knowing hers are be twice as bad. They were rough but he was clearly the more dominate of the two.
He suddenly feels sick to his stomach as he envisions her immaculate skin tainted by purple welts from his anger and pain; from his very own hands. He sits down on the metal framed bed feeling lower than low and buries his head in his hands. Swallowing hard with his eyes closed, he tries to force away from the bitter images and formulate a plan to reprieve himself.
~~~~~~~~~~
He saw her about an hour later reading through a chart at the nurse’s station, her hair fell carelessly about her shoulders but it didn’t hide her ashen face or the empty eyes. It was those that broke his spirit the most. The empty eyes once so expressive, so very full of life and now they were just devoid of any emotion. Glassy and vapid were not words he ever expected to use about those expressive pools that had hooked him the first time he looked into them. He moved over towards her, trying to think of something to say, something to break the ice, to heal the wounds of the previous night. All he could manage was a choked out, “Hi.”
“Hi.” She glances at him with an annoyed tone before resuming eye contact with the chart. She certainly was not going to be the one to brush over the topic of their brutal sex in the middle of a hospital; she had tact and manners.
“Add-” He began only to be interrupted by a nurse calling her away. She gives a brief look back at him before gliding off to follow the nurse. His stomach nearly drops right down to his shoes. Regret and anger course through him and he slams his fist on the counter before hastily making off in the opposite direction before someone could ask what was wrong.
~~~~~~~~~
Stalking his wife was not something Derek Shepherd was used to. He was more akin to hiding from her and through the years he had become quiet good at ducking into closets and rounding corners at a higher than normal speeds. As he searches the hall for the flame haired surgeon he figures she must have taken a book from his page. He hasn’t seen her since she ran away with the nurse and his guilt is at the point of making him physically ill. He has to see her for his own sanity. He needs to run his fingers along the scratches, bite marks, and bruises and apologize for hurting her. Maybe not for everything but at least for last night.
He glances over the board again to affirm that she has been out of surgery for half an hour before running into Preston Burke. “Dr. Burke.”
“Dr. Shepherd?”
“Seen my wife anywhere around here?” He readjusts his shoes against the tile and tries to seem aggravated as opposed to concerned.
“Not since this morning.” He points to the board and pulls his scrub cap free. “She’s out of surgery.”
“I see that.”
“Good luck.” He saunters off leaving free reign to Dr. Bailey.
“Dr. Shepherd.”
“Dr. Bailey.” He looks around quickly again and finds nothing. “Miranda, can I ask you something?”
“No.”
“Have you seen Addison anywhere, I’m starting to think she is avoiding me.”
“Maybe she is. None of my business.” He watches her stomp off to find her next intern victim and that’s when he sees her. “Addison!” He shouts and gets no reply other than her retreating back. He quickens to her pace and soon has her elbow in his grasp and is escorting her into the nearest room. She breaks free as he slams the door shut and winces in pain rubbing her shoulder.
“Damn it Derek, didn’t you do enough damage last night?”
He scans the room and his eyes fall up on the lump on the top bunk. “Hey you!” The figure rolls over to reveal one of Bailey’s interns. He has no idea what his name is. “Get out or I’ll tell Bailey you were sleeping on the job.”
“Do whatever you want, I’m on call idiot.” Alex replies and flips back over huffing. He knows more than he ever wanted to about Meredith Grey’s affairs, literally.
“Get out. I’m puling rank Dr-”
“Karev.” He finishes for him before swinging his legs over the top bunk and giving Addison a quick wink before heading out.
“What do you want Derek?” She spews as he locks the door. “I’m not in the mood.”
“I don’t want sex from you Addison.”
“Great, well then.” She glances at her watch, “I should be going. I have to grab lunch before my next surgery and Mrs. Doltson is about to…” She trails off tapping her feet against the tile and stops when Derek’s expression doesn’t change. “Derek! God you aren’t even listening to me. I don’t have time for this.”
He watches as she sweeps her hair to one side and reaches for the door handle. His eyes lock on the bruising purple mark on her lower neck. Clearing his throat he asks, “Did I…did I- um do that to you?”
“Do what?” She snarls.
He steps forward lightly tracing the marks of his teeth over her skin and grimaces when he realizes how much force it takes to get flesh looking that way. “This.”
Placing her hand over his and shoving back she remarks, “Yeah, you did.”
Swallowing hard he moves his fingers back to where they were. “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t, I shouldn’t-”
“Don’t worry about it. I played along, didn’t I?” Without meeting his eyes she pushes her broken self from the room to find the nearest supply closet. Of course he only notices when there is physical damage. He doesn’t see all the other cuts and nicks in her soul that he placed recklessly years ago.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Meredith?” He asks as he watches her wheel out of the way and down the hallway.
“Go away.”
“Meredith, please.” He nearly begs but he has no idea why.
“What do you want?” She scowls leaning against the wall and letting her heart sink to the floor as he rakes a few fingers through his hair.
“I just…I don’t know.”
“Then go away. My mother’s here and your wife is here. I’d say that’s a damn good sign for us to stay away from one another.”
“Your mother?”
“She’s been admitted.” She lets her body slide to the ground as he implores her to answer. Instead she does what she always does, deflect. “What’s on your neck?” As soon as she finishes she rolls her eyes at her self for the stupidity. She doesn’t know why she expects that he wouldn’t have sex with his wife but it hurts just the same.
Self consciously he raises his hand to cover the mark he saw in the mirror hours ago. Her brand on his skin, her territory. “It’s uh…it’s nothing. I ran into a door.”
She stands nearly too quickly and lets her shoulders fall into bad posture before responding, “Right. Goodbye Dr. Shepherd.”
~~~~~~~~~~
She pulls her head from her hands feeling insanely childish and reprimands herself for the half hour pity party in the closet. He never sees her. All he sees is skin to bruise and flesh to tear at until he feels better about himself. At least I got my own orgasm this time she laughs inwardly and then wipes at her tears. He doesn’t watch her break down, he’s never around to hold her when she cries and she doesn’t know how to turn for help to the one person who always hurts her. It seems so wrong that he can shatter her world into a thousand pieces and not aide her in putting the puzzle back together. All play and zero work.
She kicks at the supply rack next to her with her four inch heels that make her legs look splendidly long and delicious. She’s not that vain but she knows when she looks good and she knows that unless she is standing naked in front of him he will never take the hint. Passive-aggressiveness takes it toll on her psyche and last night’s release, while probably insanely unhealthy, felt so right that she couldn’t stop herself. Now looking down at her hands that are clenched together over the black fabric of her skirt she just feels ashamed and embarrassed by the actions. That isn’t how you fix a broken marriage. She turns off the waterworks for the moment and forces herself to stand and go deal with reality. No one has the time or the inclination to deal with her and really the numbness of the years before seem so much better in retrospect.
~~~~~~~~~~
After two hours of sitting on the hard tile he is starting to think that Addison doesn’t actually use her office. The lunch he purchased for them to share is cold and definitely soggy by now. He pushes it to the ground and stretches his legs forward. His entire body aches with last night’s mistakes. He should have known, should’ve picked up on the fact that those events would have adverse consequences but he went along with her charade. Now the only person he is kidding is himself. Last night solved nothing other than the fact that he is still aroused by his wife. That was never in question though. He’s still absent and caring seems too difficult for the time being.
It’s so much work and for what he questions. She isn’t the dream wife, far from it. It’s not her fault and it’s not his that they drifted. It happens, more frequently than lovebirds like to think. So many things went askew that it’s awfully hard to pinpoint the area of immediate concern. They got busy, they stopped thinking in terms of “we”, and they never thought it would happen to them.
It was the little things he guesses. The times when something just feels off but you don’t know what it is so you can’t say anything to the other person for fear of a fight that you simply don’t have the energy to be in. He never gave her enough energy, maybe that’s it or maybe he has no fucking clue two months later what the whole issue was. God, it would have been so simple to pick Meredith. But she’s tainted now, poisoned by Addison and then he is back to thinking that she really is Satan. One thing is for sure and one thing that he will never admit aloud is for certain. He knew. He knew that they were falling apart; he just chose to not do anything about it.
~~~~~~~~~~
Six healthy babies, two c-sections, and one very premature barely breathing preemie later Addison collapses into her office. She skims through her messages and her schedule for the following day before checking her messages. She should be surprise that he called, surprised that he cared enough to put thought into picking up the phone and dialing her number but instead she erases the message and sinks a little further into the plush black leather.
Kicking out of her heels her feet take in the sensations of the carpet as she skims her toes lightly over the fabric. She rolls her neck from side to side and tries to come down off the surgery high. Taking a deep breath she reminds herself of why she is in this cramped office with no window and bad lighting in the middle of nowhere. Derek. She wiggles her limbs into their shoes again and stands taking pleasure in the pain that shoots up her legs and spreads through her thighs and back. At least last night was a good workout. Shaking her head she grabs the door handle intent on at least letting him know that she will be at the trailer if he is interested in coming home. Someone has to start making sacrifices and she has no ground to stand on so it may as well be her.
~~~~~~~~~~
“This is getting old Dr. Shepherd.” Meredith spurts out as the elevator doors close. It seems that they are always in the same place at the same time, oh how God loves to taunt her.
“Would you prefer I take the stairs Dr. Grey?” He smirks and unknowingly gives into the flirting.
“I would actually. I have to deal with my mother and it would be really nice if you weren’t everywhere for once.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.” Then it’s one fluid motion until her lips find his. She’s pushing him back against the side of the elevator and skimming her hand along the underside of his white button up. Call it desperation, call it a goodbye kiss, call it whatever you want she needed it. She needed to feel his pulse against her mouth and to taste his tongue one more time. The doors ding open before they can pull apart and her eyes lock in horror as Addison watches her husband straighten himself out.
She dashes from the lobby feeling like a bit of a lesser person and nearly jogs across the street to find the closest tequila. Addison on the other hand will probably have flashbacks for weeks and silently turns with the intent of finding her car before she lets the hot tears cascade down her tired face. Crying is getting so old these days.
“Addie wait!” Derek screeches following her out the doors. Half the hospital will know in a few minutes and he at least wants to be able to put his own spin on it before she sets forth her wrath. She waits when she reaches her rental car. He’s following, she knows this so when she can hear the footsteps she finds the strength to whisper, “Is that how it’s going to be?”
“She kissed me!”
“I didn’t see you pushing her away so I have to assume it wasn’t unwanted.” She cocks her eyebrow and scowls waiting for his stupid response. She’s been cheated and it is always the same damn story.
“Maybe it wasn’t.”
“You picked me Derek which means that you get me to make out with in elevators and everywhere else. Me. You don’t want that, then tell me now.”
“Addison-”
“Don’t Addison me. Stop trying to make me feel like a petulant child when it was you in the fucking elevator making out with your mistress.”
“You slept with-”
She grazes the door of her car before leaning back. “Don’t. Don’t you dare. You don’t get to do that. Not right now, not after that.”
He throws his hands into the air. Really walking in on them together was the worst moment in his history and heaven forbid he remind her that he still has nightmares about other hands on her flesh. “Fuck Addison! What do you want? What do you want from me? I am trying here.”
“If you were trying then you wouldn’t be kissing the intern.” She reminds him and lets her briefcase fall to the ground knowing that they won’t be moving for awhile.
“She kissed me!”
“I don’t-” She stops herself to keep the emotions in check and draws in the moist Seattle air. “I won’t do this; I won’t be that woman Derek. I can’t so…this is your out. If you think you made a mistake then walk away right now and go be with her. Go.” She’s almost begging for it at this point. It would hurt; hurt like hell but it at least that pain dulls eventually.
He wants to walk away. Not necessarily to be with Meredith but just to stop the escalating scene in front of him. “I want you.” He states through gritted teeth. It’s an obligation at this point, even if he doesn’t want it to be.
She‘s trying to hold steady; trying to hold strong even though the prospect of being able to actually walk away from him right now is more than enticing. “Then start acting like it. I’m sick of this.”
He nods before agreeing and managing to notice that all of the heat from their argument has dissipated. Their voices sound bare, frustrated and just exhausted. “Me too.”
“Come back to New York.”
“What?”
“You aren‘t deaf, don‘t start playing it now.”
“No. Addison, no. I moved out here to get away from all of that. I‘m- I couldn‘t. Anything we-” She stops his stupid rambling with a final thought.
“It’s home. We need all the fucking help we can get Derek.”
He looks away. She has a point; always has a point.
~~~~~~~~~~
Part 10. I'm gonna set you free.