"This Ruined Puzzle"
Part: 6/?
Pairing: Derek/Addison.
Rating: Harmless this round.
Authors: A new group effort by Hannah and Sarah.
Description: We start with some history, then weave carefully around canon, and finally head completely A/U.
Summary: Derek's trip and Addison's arrival.
Disclaimer: We own nothing.
Give it a chance because we can't reveal too much within the description.
1. Bend the pieces till they fit.
2. It's the way she fills my senses.
3. Pick up the fragments and piece them together.
4. My heart feels like it's frozen.
5. I'm glad we broke the rules.
A/N: Hey, all! This is the last segment in this point of view. Next chapter is entirely dealing with canon, put into third person, and significantly longer. Thanks for hanging in there with us and you will see where we are headed with this whole thing next chapter. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~
You set your mind on cruise control,
Knuckles grip the wheel in fear to let it go.
Love is empty, love is cruel, love it blindly breaks the rules.
How could you have been a fool?
It's something all of us go through.
You choke back tears and swallow lies but those wiper blades won't fix you eyes,
Count on having clouded vision for at least a little while.
-The Classic Crime, "Headlights"
~~~~~~~~~~
I walked that entire night. I must have looked like hell because no one on the streets bothered me once. No cat calls, beggars, cops, late night street vendors, drug dealers, not a thing. The universe must have gotten the memo that I was having the worst day in the history of my life. Honestly, it was right up there with the day my father ceased to exist. I finally gave in to the nausea somewhere around the neighborhood of W. 93rd when the images of my wife naked and writhing below my best friend wouldn’t stop replaying in my head. I vomited until it felt like I no longer had any stomach lining into an already overflowing garbage can that did nothing to help the situation. The tears set in on 78th and the shaking followed shortly after that. Somehow in my stupor I found my way into the hospital by the following morning. I immediately canceled everything I had for the day and tried to formulate a plan of attack in the on-call room on the sixth floor. I didn’t move from that bed for what felt like an eternity. No matter what I did I couldn’t breathe so I hastily scrawled out a formal resignation to the chief, placed it on his desk, and vacated the premises in hope of a new life.
Then I walked some more not that it was helping the problems at hand in any manner but the warm damp air felt nice against my stubble ridden face and I was taking any satisfaction that I could get. I got lost in the crowd for about three hours wandering aimlessly through different districts. I wondered if anyone could even see me anymore or if I really was the ghost it felt like I had to become. The tears turned on again and I quickly ducked into an alley behind some fish restaurant where I promptly gave up all hope of holding onto the coffee I had forced down my throat in the on-call room I had once almost lived in. I stopped the sobbing, coerced air down my throat and decided right then that I had to get out of town. Everything about New York screamed Addison and every time I thought about her I felt my stomach clench into an unrelenting knot. I took a few more deep breaths settling myself and reached into my pocket to get my cell phone. To my surprise no one had bothered calling yet. I had thought for sure that by now Addison would have tried and Mark maybe but hell they were probably both back wrapped up in my sheets sleeping contently in one another’s arms. I dashed the thought and dialed the familiar number. I then informed Richard’s secretary that I would like to take him up on his offer from the month before and that I would be there in about a week.
The plot took form slowly but surely and hurriedly made my way to our old parking garage to retrieve the rustic Jeep hoping that I wouldn’t have to change the oil before making the trek across the country to find my new home. Maybe driving almost three thousand miles wasn’t the brightest idea I ever had, in retrospect, but considering I wasn’t really in my right mind I had to give something a shot. I found the old corroded beast from my college days and turned the key until the ignition caught. Addison hated this old thing and now I hate Addison so it is a rather perfect fit. As I emerged into the traffic filled streets I leisurely decided that it would be a lot less painful if I just didn’t deal with the situation. Starting over implies just that, no one will have to know about all of my past indiscretions. It is a chance to be myself so I slipped my wedding ring off my finger and carefully placed it in my wallet secretly hoping that I would get to wear it again someday.
Somewhere in the mid-west when I stopped for gas I decided that I didn’t have a wife. I don’t have a wife, or a best friend for the matter. I was headed out to do my job. She is starting over and now it is my turn. This whole plan would be a hell of a lot easier if I could’ve stopped thinking about her for longer than ten seconds. If I could’ve stop seeing her face when I tried to sleep and mostly if I could’ve stop thinking that I heard her voice in random places like Montana or wherever I was. She wasn’t with me then and she hasn’t been with me for quite a few years. As the wind caught my hair from the rolled down windows I tried to envision the bad going out the window and the new air being pumped back into my chest. Someone once told me about the power of visualization. As I switched the radio station to find absolutely nothing good on I realized what load of crap that was. I slumped back in my seat and tapped my fingers on the steering wheel trying to force the feeling of drowning away. Something had to be waiting for me out there; waiting to pull me out of the ocean of agony.
My first night in town was done in the most absurd manner. I immediately pulled into the hospital parking lot and made my way to find Richard. I wanted to start the next morning cutting not filling out asinine paperwork. When I made my way back out the old Jeep I knew it was time to get a rental, or perhaps to just give in and buy something because driving this old ragged thing around town was impractical and a waste. Instead of doing what I should have done I let my gaze follow to the bar across the street, upon which, promptly deciding that a nice glass of scotch couldn’t hurt my circumstances in any way shape or form.
She wasn’t a joke, a bet, revenge, or anything else one could deduce from my circumstances. That night wasn’t intentional. The target goal of strolling into a bar and picking up a woman was not in the plan. I blame the scotch, or her, or perhaps fate. Maybe I thought I had to go through all of these horrid sordid affairs in my previous life to find her. It was a lot to ask of someone and I should’ve known how ridiculous it was to pin all of your hopes and dreams on one woman but I had been doing it my whole life so why stop now? I never mentioned Addison because she wasn’t relevant. She wasn’t a part of my life any longer, it was that simple. In some deeper moments of reflection I knew that it was wrong to cut someone out like that but dealing with her and then by proxy with him was not something I was prepared for, yet.
It started as quickly as it ended, and always with me being the one to push the boundaries. There was something so familiar about her and at the same time it was exciting and very new. She didn’t want to date an attending that was fine. I didn’t have to be an attending outside of work. In truth, I needed someone, something in Seattle. The two most dominant characters in my life vanished in my own choosing and I needed something to fill that void. Through the weeks we grew together. Mostly with the confines of secret meetings, too much tequila, and some doubt on her part. She asked me once to name a few things about myself. I stumbled and faltered making up ridiculous excuses to make myself seem more mysterious and worthy of knowing. The god awful reality was that I could only think of a handful of things about myself that had nothing to do with either Addison or Mark. I stuck to the basics: colors, books, music, and ice cream. I omitted, it’s what I do. I keep things to myself shoved down in a deep dark hole to deal with at another time with a good bottle of scotch. It’s my coping mechanism and it works. Can’t fix what isn’t broken they always say. I rationalized it until it all made perfect sense in my world.
Then she was there, in all her high fashion glory. Dressed from head to toe in black, including the umbrella. I saw her first and when I did my stomach nearly jumped out onto the floor wanting to flop around like a half dead trout. I did the best I could possibly do by apologizing to Meredith and turning to face my past. She looked incredible, which isn’t to say that she always doesn’t, but after being away from her for two months I had started to forget what I was missing. The second she retorted my question with a comment about phone calls I immediately started regretted ignoring the calls all day. She called few times during our chosen separation and I should have known that four calls in one day was excessive and that I should be expecting something. But I wasn’t. I was too wrapped up with work and Meredith to anticipate her arrival in a town that I am uncertain if I even like. With the exception of the ferryboats this town is dull and dreary in comparison to my old home.
I definitely had not bargained on this surprise, which I hate by the way. As she extends her hand out towards the small woman next to me that I think I may be falling in love with, it takes every once of strength I have to keep my jaw clenched and not falling to the carpet. I’ve seen some rather vicious and petty things out of my wife, especially within the last few years. Generally it takes her a long hard time to work up the valor to do it because of her rather pretentious upbringing, but this…this was astonishing. I exhale deeply as Meredith runs out of the room certain to never speak to me again. I turn defeated and ask her again what she is doing here. She continues on with a tangent forcibly working up my anger and then suddenly our conversation is over and I am left with the lingering smell of her perfume and the familiar sucker punch to the gut. The only thing I know about the last few chaotic moments is that my wife is back. Back in rare form.
Part 7. I wish I was anyone but me.
Pairing: Derek/Addison.
Rating: Harmless this round.
Authors: A new group effort by Hannah and Sarah.
Description: We start with some history, then weave carefully around canon, and finally head completely A/U.
Summary: Derek's trip and Addison's arrival.
Disclaimer: We own nothing.
Give it a chance because we can't reveal too much within the description.
1. Bend the pieces till they fit.
2. It's the way she fills my senses.
3. Pick up the fragments and piece them together.
4. My heart feels like it's frozen.
5. I'm glad we broke the rules.
A/N: Hey, all! This is the last segment in this point of view. Next chapter is entirely dealing with canon, put into third person, and significantly longer. Thanks for hanging in there with us and you will see where we are headed with this whole thing next chapter. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~
You set your mind on cruise control,
Knuckles grip the wheel in fear to let it go.
Love is empty, love is cruel, love it blindly breaks the rules.
How could you have been a fool?
It's something all of us go through.
You choke back tears and swallow lies but those wiper blades won't fix you eyes,
Count on having clouded vision for at least a little while.
-The Classic Crime, "Headlights"
~~~~~~~~~~
I walked that entire night. I must have looked like hell because no one on the streets bothered me once. No cat calls, beggars, cops, late night street vendors, drug dealers, not a thing. The universe must have gotten the memo that I was having the worst day in the history of my life. Honestly, it was right up there with the day my father ceased to exist. I finally gave in to the nausea somewhere around the neighborhood of W. 93rd when the images of my wife naked and writhing below my best friend wouldn’t stop replaying in my head. I vomited until it felt like I no longer had any stomach lining into an already overflowing garbage can that did nothing to help the situation. The tears set in on 78th and the shaking followed shortly after that. Somehow in my stupor I found my way into the hospital by the following morning. I immediately canceled everything I had for the day and tried to formulate a plan of attack in the on-call room on the sixth floor. I didn’t move from that bed for what felt like an eternity. No matter what I did I couldn’t breathe so I hastily scrawled out a formal resignation to the chief, placed it on his desk, and vacated the premises in hope of a new life.
Then I walked some more not that it was helping the problems at hand in any manner but the warm damp air felt nice against my stubble ridden face and I was taking any satisfaction that I could get. I got lost in the crowd for about three hours wandering aimlessly through different districts. I wondered if anyone could even see me anymore or if I really was the ghost it felt like I had to become. The tears turned on again and I quickly ducked into an alley behind some fish restaurant where I promptly gave up all hope of holding onto the coffee I had forced down my throat in the on-call room I had once almost lived in. I stopped the sobbing, coerced air down my throat and decided right then that I had to get out of town. Everything about New York screamed Addison and every time I thought about her I felt my stomach clench into an unrelenting knot. I took a few more deep breaths settling myself and reached into my pocket to get my cell phone. To my surprise no one had bothered calling yet. I had thought for sure that by now Addison would have tried and Mark maybe but hell they were probably both back wrapped up in my sheets sleeping contently in one another’s arms. I dashed the thought and dialed the familiar number. I then informed Richard’s secretary that I would like to take him up on his offer from the month before and that I would be there in about a week.
The plot took form slowly but surely and hurriedly made my way to our old parking garage to retrieve the rustic Jeep hoping that I wouldn’t have to change the oil before making the trek across the country to find my new home. Maybe driving almost three thousand miles wasn’t the brightest idea I ever had, in retrospect, but considering I wasn’t really in my right mind I had to give something a shot. I found the old corroded beast from my college days and turned the key until the ignition caught. Addison hated this old thing and now I hate Addison so it is a rather perfect fit. As I emerged into the traffic filled streets I leisurely decided that it would be a lot less painful if I just didn’t deal with the situation. Starting over implies just that, no one will have to know about all of my past indiscretions. It is a chance to be myself so I slipped my wedding ring off my finger and carefully placed it in my wallet secretly hoping that I would get to wear it again someday.
Somewhere in the mid-west when I stopped for gas I decided that I didn’t have a wife. I don’t have a wife, or a best friend for the matter. I was headed out to do my job. She is starting over and now it is my turn. This whole plan would be a hell of a lot easier if I could’ve stopped thinking about her for longer than ten seconds. If I could’ve stop seeing her face when I tried to sleep and mostly if I could’ve stop thinking that I heard her voice in random places like Montana or wherever I was. She wasn’t with me then and she hasn’t been with me for quite a few years. As the wind caught my hair from the rolled down windows I tried to envision the bad going out the window and the new air being pumped back into my chest. Someone once told me about the power of visualization. As I switched the radio station to find absolutely nothing good on I realized what load of crap that was. I slumped back in my seat and tapped my fingers on the steering wheel trying to force the feeling of drowning away. Something had to be waiting for me out there; waiting to pull me out of the ocean of agony.
My first night in town was done in the most absurd manner. I immediately pulled into the hospital parking lot and made my way to find Richard. I wanted to start the next morning cutting not filling out asinine paperwork. When I made my way back out the old Jeep I knew it was time to get a rental, or perhaps to just give in and buy something because driving this old ragged thing around town was impractical and a waste. Instead of doing what I should have done I let my gaze follow to the bar across the street, upon which, promptly deciding that a nice glass of scotch couldn’t hurt my circumstances in any way shape or form.
She wasn’t a joke, a bet, revenge, or anything else one could deduce from my circumstances. That night wasn’t intentional. The target goal of strolling into a bar and picking up a woman was not in the plan. I blame the scotch, or her, or perhaps fate. Maybe I thought I had to go through all of these horrid sordid affairs in my previous life to find her. It was a lot to ask of someone and I should’ve known how ridiculous it was to pin all of your hopes and dreams on one woman but I had been doing it my whole life so why stop now? I never mentioned Addison because she wasn’t relevant. She wasn’t a part of my life any longer, it was that simple. In some deeper moments of reflection I knew that it was wrong to cut someone out like that but dealing with her and then by proxy with him was not something I was prepared for, yet.
It started as quickly as it ended, and always with me being the one to push the boundaries. There was something so familiar about her and at the same time it was exciting and very new. She didn’t want to date an attending that was fine. I didn’t have to be an attending outside of work. In truth, I needed someone, something in Seattle. The two most dominant characters in my life vanished in my own choosing and I needed something to fill that void. Through the weeks we grew together. Mostly with the confines of secret meetings, too much tequila, and some doubt on her part. She asked me once to name a few things about myself. I stumbled and faltered making up ridiculous excuses to make myself seem more mysterious and worthy of knowing. The god awful reality was that I could only think of a handful of things about myself that had nothing to do with either Addison or Mark. I stuck to the basics: colors, books, music, and ice cream. I omitted, it’s what I do. I keep things to myself shoved down in a deep dark hole to deal with at another time with a good bottle of scotch. It’s my coping mechanism and it works. Can’t fix what isn’t broken they always say. I rationalized it until it all made perfect sense in my world.
Then she was there, in all her high fashion glory. Dressed from head to toe in black, including the umbrella. I saw her first and when I did my stomach nearly jumped out onto the floor wanting to flop around like a half dead trout. I did the best I could possibly do by apologizing to Meredith and turning to face my past. She looked incredible, which isn’t to say that she always doesn’t, but after being away from her for two months I had started to forget what I was missing. The second she retorted my question with a comment about phone calls I immediately started regretted ignoring the calls all day. She called few times during our chosen separation and I should have known that four calls in one day was excessive and that I should be expecting something. But I wasn’t. I was too wrapped up with work and Meredith to anticipate her arrival in a town that I am uncertain if I even like. With the exception of the ferryboats this town is dull and dreary in comparison to my old home.
I definitely had not bargained on this surprise, which I hate by the way. As she extends her hand out towards the small woman next to me that I think I may be falling in love with, it takes every once of strength I have to keep my jaw clenched and not falling to the carpet. I’ve seen some rather vicious and petty things out of my wife, especially within the last few years. Generally it takes her a long hard time to work up the valor to do it because of her rather pretentious upbringing, but this…this was astonishing. I exhale deeply as Meredith runs out of the room certain to never speak to me again. I turn defeated and ask her again what she is doing here. She continues on with a tangent forcibly working up my anger and then suddenly our conversation is over and I am left with the lingering smell of her perfume and the familiar sucker punch to the gut. The only thing I know about the last few chaotic moments is that my wife is back. Back in rare form.
Part 7. I wish I was anyone but me.