"This Ruined Puzzle"
Part: 8/?
Pairing: Derek/Addison
Rating: NC-17.
Authors: A new group effort by Hannah and Sarah.
Description: We start with some history, then weave carefully around canon, and finally head completely A/U.
Summary: Door slamming and fights abound.
Disclaimer: Not ours.
1. Bend the pieces till they fit.
2. It's the way she fills my senses.
3. Pick up the fragments and piece them together.
4. My heart feels like it's frozen.
5. I'm glad we broke the rules.
6. How could you have been a fool?
7. I wish I was anyone but me.
A/N: So we have some heavy content in this chapter but look it has only been four days! Thank you to everyone has endured this thus far and for all of the comments. You keep us going through the writers block. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~
In the black and white, wounds all bound
Sitting at the table, biting nails all short
The consequence of adultery
As he rips you from your skin
- Funeral For A Friend, “Memories Forever Faded”
~~~~~~~~~~
“Exactly how long do you expect me to live in this tin can?” Addison asked throwing her purse on the table, while Derek reclined on the bed at the other end of the trailer.
“Addison, we have had this discussion. I am not moving back to New York.” He stated flatly, without even looking up from the page he was reading. He sounded tired, and he was, physically and emotionally drained. He had expected some hard work when he didn’t sign the divorce papers. After all anything worth having was worth fighting for right? But this just seemed too hard; they were constantly at each others throats. He missed the simplicity of the younger woman whose name he was no longer allowed to even think.
“I’m not asking you to move back to New York, I’m asking you to be reasonable. I don’t see why we have to stay here. There are perfectly good hotels and I really don’t want to sleep on that bed where…” She gives up on voicing it and attempts a hand gesture before she is cut short.
“She didn’t stay here.” He said again disinterested and without looking.
“Still it holds too many past mistakes.” She flopped down onto the bed beside him. “How are we supposed to work through this Derek if around every corner there’s something to remind us of how we got here?”
“What and New York wont be the same?”
“Well, no and yes. But there are happy memories in New York too.”
“Maybe for you.” Derek rolled over away from her still reading and not looking at her.
“Your problem is you just don’t want to remember anything at all…even if it was good. We did get married for a reason right?” She stood quickly huffing as she pulled her shirt over her head and kicked off her shoes. Her anger was building inside as she removed her clothing, searching for her nightdress and then the irritation went through the roof after she stumbled over a pair of Derek’s boots. She threw the sweater she had been moving. “Why the hell didn’t you just sign the papers Derek! Why didn’t you just put me out of my misery? You obviously don’t want to do this; you don’t even want to try. You just want to torture me. Lesson learned, I get it…so why Derek why didn’t you just sign and get it over with?”
“Because I love you.” But his eyes say that he hates her and his voice is devoid of all emotion.
“Bullshit.” She found the nightgown, “You can’t bring yourself to look at me Derek. Am I that grotesque? Do you hate me that much? We are in the middle of a screaming match and you are yet to look at me. You can’t look at me never mind love me. Is there any wonder as to why I slept with Mark?” That did it, she finally hit the button. He threw the book down and sat up looking at her as wriggled into her nightgown.
“Maybe you slept with Mark because you’re a self absorbed fucking whore. Ever consider that?”
“Fuck you. Self absorbed. Where do you get off? I wouldn’t have had to screw Mark if I had a husband was interested in touching me on occasion. Don‘t you dare even say anything, why don‘t you sleep on the couch." She propped herself up against the pillows and placed her glasses on the edge of her nose. She picked up her book, barely opening it to the page she had folded over as a marker before he snatched it from her grasp throwing it through the doorway to the other end of the trailer.
“Because it’s my trailer. You’re the one who hates it here so much, why don’t you go stay in a hotel?” He growled getting closer to her face.
“Well I thought since you are so used to leaving at moments notice you might be better suited.” She spat back.
“Are you ever going to stop throwing that back in my face?”
“Are you going to stop throwing Mark in mine?” She retorted as quickly as he had asked. “You had your revenge Derek, I’ve had to see Meredith draped all over you for weeks-”
“You never stop do you? Why do you always have to have the last word?”
“I-” But by this point they had both reached boiling point. Derek’s voice taking on a very different tone than hers. He couldn’t listen to her voice anymore; its shrill tone was scraping at his soul. The guilt that he had played a hand in turning this once vibrant strong woman into the petulant banshee now laid out before him.
His lips crushed hers at first only to silence her and she fought to pull away but his hand holding fistfuls of her hair wouldn’t allow it. It quickly turned from a desperate need to shut her up into a vehicle for their anger with Addison’s hands pushing at his shoulders to distance herself and when that didn’t work her finger nails scraping and digging at the exposed skin at the back of his neck. Occasionally she balled her hand into a fist and hit his chest with little force, as if it were just for effect. He felt her bite down on his lower lip not playfully but with determination as their battle of wills spilled over.
He hissed sucking his lip back in tasting blood where her teeth had pierced the tender skin. As he looked down at her she glared at him, and opened her mouth to speak. “Shut up.” He muttered moving himself above her before he bore down on her again. The pent up anger he held in at her for showing up in Seattle, ruining his new start, her relentless presence, her callous remarks, the way she had been before in New York, her constant nagging and apparent mood swings, and for Mark above all had begun to bubble over. The skin on her neck tasted bitter sweet as the image of his wife and best friend flashed before him once more, the idea that she had let him into their bedroom, that she had let someone else touch what had once been exclusively his.
As he left teeth marks in her skin in a trail to the frill of black covering her heaving breasts he realized it had been months since he had touched her. The familiar shape of her becoming new again in his realization. His hunger and anger building within the pit of his stomach as she pulled his hair heatedly so that he would face her once more.
“Don’t tell me to shut up.” She spat pulling his mouth back to hers as his hands bunched up the silk gown and his hands explored the familiar territory. He pushed his fingers forcefully inside her twisting and pumping while trying to hold back a smile at her gasp of pain and happy in the knowledge that she may feel physically what he had been feeling emotionally for months. Her fingers found their way into the space between the buttons on his shirt and she pulled hard splitting the shirt open, scraping her nails down his chest, leaving long red trails that would be burning with their reminder in a few short hours. She couldn’t decide if this was better than being ignored. She had longed for him to even look at her sideways, give her a second thought, and now he was. He was biting down on her lips, her skin and then roughly pushing into her causing her to cry out in pain again. Not to be out done Addison reached forward to his shoulders and pushed with all the force she could.
She straddled his lap pushing down his shoulders when attempted to sit up. For all the right he had to be angry, she was angry too. He had been absent for months. He left her not willing to fight for what they had. He had cheated too with a much younger model. But most of all he hadn’t been there when she needed him most. She was angry at herself too, for the waste of life that echoed through her body each month when the knotting pains in her stomach started. She was angry at Derek because if he had been there, been emotionally available that child would have been his and she would be getting the family they always wanted.
She was angry that she had secrets from her husband he could never find out, she was angry that he had put her in that situation. It coursed through her body as she took over scraping her hands down his skin as their tongues dueled for supremacy. She made light work of his belt buckle, and ripped apart their kiss feeling Derek’s teeth graze her lip and begin feasting on her collarbone as she sat back pulling down his pants and boxers deftly.
“Why am I not surprised you are good at this?” He muttered against her skin, only to yelp a second later when he felt her hand grasp him a little too tight.
“You really want to make snide remarks now Derek? When I literally have you by the balls?” She glowered as she slipped down his body a little further, taking him in her mouth. Under normal circumstances he would have run his fingers through her hair or brushed at her temples with his thumbs but for the first time in their relationship unnecessary force was permitted. So instead he held her head firmly in his palms while she used her teeth a bit too much in response.
Their bodies now burning with desire, Derek drug her up by her hair and rolled them over pushing into her without a second thought causing gasps from both parties. His thrusts were rage filled and powerful causing her to whimper into his skin and bite down on his shoulder when it became too much. Her nails dug into the skin along his back.
He began to shudder from the friction long before she did but he made sure to keep one tradition from their old life. As he felt her body stiffen and her muscles tighten around him, he kissed her passionately for the first time that night and for the first time in months.
Both panting heavily he rolled off her pulling up his pants and fastening his belt buckle. Neither one dared to speak. He found his buttonless shirt thrown on the floor next to her side of the bed and he shrugged it on quickly as she drew her knees up to her chest, hugging herself protectively. He looked at the frame of his wife, who suddenly seemed so fragile and small. Then he bent forward, lifting her chin with his finger and kissed her once more. Her eyes glassy with unshed tears as he pulled away.
“If I didn’t love you Addison, I wouldn’t be doing this.” He stated, imploring her to believe with a last look, before snatching his keys from the nightstand and slamming the trailer door on his way out.
~~~~~~~~~~
The winding road blocks his view into the night as the memories flood through his mind. The scratches and bite marks are burning with every movement and he is suddenly regretting being rough with his wife. It seemed fitting; it seemed appropriate to follow suit and get a little violent but the look on her face as he reached out for his keys tells him that there will definitely be hell to pay for the little stunt he pulled.
He started it really, didn’t he? He isn’t sure anymore. It was a culmination of too many things. Pulling onto the ferry he thinks better of getting out into the dark rain and sits alone in his car. Silence washes over him and he contemplates going back. She doesn’t want him there right now. He left her incredibly open and hurt, not just physically. He sucks in the warm humid air from his heater and sets his mind on sleeping in another on call room tonight. Just like all their nights in New York.
~~~~~~~~~~
The tears begin spilling over as soon as his engine roars to life. He’s leaving again. After that he can simply walk out and be done with her. Like it meant nothing; it never means anything to him. She thought at first that him touching her was better than nothing but now she suddenly feels as though her heart has been ripped in two.
She was a willing participant. His back and shoulders will go to prove how much so but right now she needs someone to hold her. She needs someone to tell her that that wasn’t as big of a mistake as it feels like it was, and someone to wipe away the tears as her chest reverberates with the aching sobs. She knows that she should be used to crying because of him but it always manages to hurt a little more every time she hears a car door slam in the not so far off distance.
She clenches the comforter before into a ball and slams her fists down angrily before bringing it back under her chin. She has yet to move from her spot and the tears still refuse to stop. The floodgates have been opened.
~~~~~~~~~~
Part 9. Left us nothing but cold.
Pairing: Derek/Addison
Rating: NC-17.
Authors: A new group effort by Hannah and Sarah.
Description: We start with some history, then weave carefully around canon, and finally head completely A/U.
Summary: Door slamming and fights abound.
Disclaimer: Not ours.
1. Bend the pieces till they fit.
2. It's the way she fills my senses.
3. Pick up the fragments and piece them together.
4. My heart feels like it's frozen.
5. I'm glad we broke the rules.
6. How could you have been a fool?
7. I wish I was anyone but me.
A/N: So we have some heavy content in this chapter but look it has only been four days! Thank you to everyone has endured this thus far and for all of the comments. You keep us going through the writers block. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~
In the black and white, wounds all bound
Sitting at the table, biting nails all short
The consequence of adultery
As he rips you from your skin
- Funeral For A Friend, “Memories Forever Faded”
~~~~~~~~~~
“Exactly how long do you expect me to live in this tin can?” Addison asked throwing her purse on the table, while Derek reclined on the bed at the other end of the trailer.
“Addison, we have had this discussion. I am not moving back to New York.” He stated flatly, without even looking up from the page he was reading. He sounded tired, and he was, physically and emotionally drained. He had expected some hard work when he didn’t sign the divorce papers. After all anything worth having was worth fighting for right? But this just seemed too hard; they were constantly at each others throats. He missed the simplicity of the younger woman whose name he was no longer allowed to even think.
“I’m not asking you to move back to New York, I’m asking you to be reasonable. I don’t see why we have to stay here. There are perfectly good hotels and I really don’t want to sleep on that bed where…” She gives up on voicing it and attempts a hand gesture before she is cut short.
“She didn’t stay here.” He said again disinterested and without looking.
“Still it holds too many past mistakes.” She flopped down onto the bed beside him. “How are we supposed to work through this Derek if around every corner there’s something to remind us of how we got here?”
“What and New York wont be the same?”
“Well, no and yes. But there are happy memories in New York too.”
“Maybe for you.” Derek rolled over away from her still reading and not looking at her.
“Your problem is you just don’t want to remember anything at all…even if it was good. We did get married for a reason right?” She stood quickly huffing as she pulled her shirt over her head and kicked off her shoes. Her anger was building inside as she removed her clothing, searching for her nightdress and then the irritation went through the roof after she stumbled over a pair of Derek’s boots. She threw the sweater she had been moving. “Why the hell didn’t you just sign the papers Derek! Why didn’t you just put me out of my misery? You obviously don’t want to do this; you don’t even want to try. You just want to torture me. Lesson learned, I get it…so why Derek why didn’t you just sign and get it over with?”
“Because I love you.” But his eyes say that he hates her and his voice is devoid of all emotion.
“Bullshit.” She found the nightgown, “You can’t bring yourself to look at me Derek. Am I that grotesque? Do you hate me that much? We are in the middle of a screaming match and you are yet to look at me. You can’t look at me never mind love me. Is there any wonder as to why I slept with Mark?” That did it, she finally hit the button. He threw the book down and sat up looking at her as wriggled into her nightgown.
“Maybe you slept with Mark because you’re a self absorbed fucking whore. Ever consider that?”
“Fuck you. Self absorbed. Where do you get off? I wouldn’t have had to screw Mark if I had a husband was interested in touching me on occasion. Don‘t you dare even say anything, why don‘t you sleep on the couch." She propped herself up against the pillows and placed her glasses on the edge of her nose. She picked up her book, barely opening it to the page she had folded over as a marker before he snatched it from her grasp throwing it through the doorway to the other end of the trailer.
“Because it’s my trailer. You’re the one who hates it here so much, why don’t you go stay in a hotel?” He growled getting closer to her face.
“Well I thought since you are so used to leaving at moments notice you might be better suited.” She spat back.
“Are you ever going to stop throwing that back in my face?”
“Are you going to stop throwing Mark in mine?” She retorted as quickly as he had asked. “You had your revenge Derek, I’ve had to see Meredith draped all over you for weeks-”
“You never stop do you? Why do you always have to have the last word?”
“I-” But by this point they had both reached boiling point. Derek’s voice taking on a very different tone than hers. He couldn’t listen to her voice anymore; its shrill tone was scraping at his soul. The guilt that he had played a hand in turning this once vibrant strong woman into the petulant banshee now laid out before him.
His lips crushed hers at first only to silence her and she fought to pull away but his hand holding fistfuls of her hair wouldn’t allow it. It quickly turned from a desperate need to shut her up into a vehicle for their anger with Addison’s hands pushing at his shoulders to distance herself and when that didn’t work her finger nails scraping and digging at the exposed skin at the back of his neck. Occasionally she balled her hand into a fist and hit his chest with little force, as if it were just for effect. He felt her bite down on his lower lip not playfully but with determination as their battle of wills spilled over.
He hissed sucking his lip back in tasting blood where her teeth had pierced the tender skin. As he looked down at her she glared at him, and opened her mouth to speak. “Shut up.” He muttered moving himself above her before he bore down on her again. The pent up anger he held in at her for showing up in Seattle, ruining his new start, her relentless presence, her callous remarks, the way she had been before in New York, her constant nagging and apparent mood swings, and for Mark above all had begun to bubble over. The skin on her neck tasted bitter sweet as the image of his wife and best friend flashed before him once more, the idea that she had let him into their bedroom, that she had let someone else touch what had once been exclusively his.
As he left teeth marks in her skin in a trail to the frill of black covering her heaving breasts he realized it had been months since he had touched her. The familiar shape of her becoming new again in his realization. His hunger and anger building within the pit of his stomach as she pulled his hair heatedly so that he would face her once more.
“Don’t tell me to shut up.” She spat pulling his mouth back to hers as his hands bunched up the silk gown and his hands explored the familiar territory. He pushed his fingers forcefully inside her twisting and pumping while trying to hold back a smile at her gasp of pain and happy in the knowledge that she may feel physically what he had been feeling emotionally for months. Her fingers found their way into the space between the buttons on his shirt and she pulled hard splitting the shirt open, scraping her nails down his chest, leaving long red trails that would be burning with their reminder in a few short hours. She couldn’t decide if this was better than being ignored. She had longed for him to even look at her sideways, give her a second thought, and now he was. He was biting down on her lips, her skin and then roughly pushing into her causing her to cry out in pain again. Not to be out done Addison reached forward to his shoulders and pushed with all the force she could.
She straddled his lap pushing down his shoulders when attempted to sit up. For all the right he had to be angry, she was angry too. He had been absent for months. He left her not willing to fight for what they had. He had cheated too with a much younger model. But most of all he hadn’t been there when she needed him most. She was angry at herself too, for the waste of life that echoed through her body each month when the knotting pains in her stomach started. She was angry at Derek because if he had been there, been emotionally available that child would have been his and she would be getting the family they always wanted.
She was angry that she had secrets from her husband he could never find out, she was angry that he had put her in that situation. It coursed through her body as she took over scraping her hands down his skin as their tongues dueled for supremacy. She made light work of his belt buckle, and ripped apart their kiss feeling Derek’s teeth graze her lip and begin feasting on her collarbone as she sat back pulling down his pants and boxers deftly.
“Why am I not surprised you are good at this?” He muttered against her skin, only to yelp a second later when he felt her hand grasp him a little too tight.
“You really want to make snide remarks now Derek? When I literally have you by the balls?” She glowered as she slipped down his body a little further, taking him in her mouth. Under normal circumstances he would have run his fingers through her hair or brushed at her temples with his thumbs but for the first time in their relationship unnecessary force was permitted. So instead he held her head firmly in his palms while she used her teeth a bit too much in response.
Their bodies now burning with desire, Derek drug her up by her hair and rolled them over pushing into her without a second thought causing gasps from both parties. His thrusts were rage filled and powerful causing her to whimper into his skin and bite down on his shoulder when it became too much. Her nails dug into the skin along his back.
He began to shudder from the friction long before she did but he made sure to keep one tradition from their old life. As he felt her body stiffen and her muscles tighten around him, he kissed her passionately for the first time that night and for the first time in months.
Both panting heavily he rolled off her pulling up his pants and fastening his belt buckle. Neither one dared to speak. He found his buttonless shirt thrown on the floor next to her side of the bed and he shrugged it on quickly as she drew her knees up to her chest, hugging herself protectively. He looked at the frame of his wife, who suddenly seemed so fragile and small. Then he bent forward, lifting her chin with his finger and kissed her once more. Her eyes glassy with unshed tears as he pulled away.
“If I didn’t love you Addison, I wouldn’t be doing this.” He stated, imploring her to believe with a last look, before snatching his keys from the nightstand and slamming the trailer door on his way out.
~~~~~~~~~~
The winding road blocks his view into the night as the memories flood through his mind. The scratches and bite marks are burning with every movement and he is suddenly regretting being rough with his wife. It seemed fitting; it seemed appropriate to follow suit and get a little violent but the look on her face as he reached out for his keys tells him that there will definitely be hell to pay for the little stunt he pulled.
He started it really, didn’t he? He isn’t sure anymore. It was a culmination of too many things. Pulling onto the ferry he thinks better of getting out into the dark rain and sits alone in his car. Silence washes over him and he contemplates going back. She doesn’t want him there right now. He left her incredibly open and hurt, not just physically. He sucks in the warm humid air from his heater and sets his mind on sleeping in another on call room tonight. Just like all their nights in New York.
~~~~~~~~~~
The tears begin spilling over as soon as his engine roars to life. He’s leaving again. After that he can simply walk out and be done with her. Like it meant nothing; it never means anything to him. She thought at first that him touching her was better than nothing but now she suddenly feels as though her heart has been ripped in two.
She was a willing participant. His back and shoulders will go to prove how much so but right now she needs someone to hold her. She needs someone to tell her that that wasn’t as big of a mistake as it feels like it was, and someone to wipe away the tears as her chest reverberates with the aching sobs. She knows that she should be used to crying because of him but it always manages to hurt a little more every time she hears a car door slam in the not so far off distance.
She clenches the comforter before into a ball and slams her fists down angrily before bringing it back under her chin. She has yet to move from her spot and the tears still refuse to stop. The floodgates have been opened.
~~~~~~~~~~
Part 9. Left us nothing but cold.