Rebecca and the Sorceror's Stone - Chapter 4 Part 2:
"You know Ron.
Mantra: No, she doesn’t. They’ve only known each other for two months and don’t spend much of the time interacting. The last time they conversed was when Harry and Ron were sneaking out and she was rebuking them. They’ve not had any conversations. They’ve never communicated. She doesn’t know ANYTHING about him.
Nagare: Stop rubbing it in her face how you are closer to Harry and Ron. Given the reason she’s crying in the first place, that is just needlessly cruel.
He is just a stupid git that can't hand someone showing him up.
Mantra: ...
He is a WHAT?
Suethor, I DARE you to repeat that.
And of course Harry and the other boys laughed to make him feel important,"
Mantra: *Sighs and rubs forehead* And we’re upping the ante to two gigantic rants per chapter, aren’t we? How fantastic.
- Ron is not stupid. In the entire class, only Hermione got that spell right (I’m not counting you because you are a stupid, pompous Sue). In fact, the others had decidedly worse results than Ron. At least he didn’t explode his feather. And the reason he couldn’t get the spell was because he misheard the incantation, which is understandable in such a big classroom. Not to mention, his wand wasn’t suited for him properly, so it’s bound to provide less satisfactory results. After everything you’ve said and done, calling him stupid is beyond arrogant and hypocritical, and THAT MAKES ME WANT TO KILL SOMEONE.
- Ron is not contemptible. Even at this point in the story, he’s shown himself to be an average but more than loyal friend. He goddamned accompanied Harry to what he thought was going to be a duel! After you judged someone based solely on their looks and then spent your days twisting their actions so that you can justify your hatred of them, you have absolutely no fucking right to call Ron contemptible. NONE, AT ALL. At least he wasn’t going around insulting and demeaning people in his head!
- RON is the one who can’t stand someone showing him up? The only reason you hated Hermione was because she was smarter than you, and thus stole the spotlight! You’ve made that more than clear! What gives you the fucking right to say that about anyone? Ron was genuinely frustrated and didn’t mean what he said! He clearly felt guilty about it! He wasn’t slandering against Hermione out of maliciousness! He was just blindly lashing out because he’s feeling inadequate! READING COMPREHENSION! IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD!
- Do you have ANY idea that you are abusing the oldest cliché in Harry Potter fanfiction - Weasley bashing? I have not seen one fic where this is done right. In fact, it is one of the hallmarks of bad writing. You would know if you read so much as ONE Harry Potter fic. How the HELL can you believe that you are writing a good story?
- No one laughed. All of the characters interpreted the outburst as it was - a simple outburst that he didn’t mean. They didn’t rebuke him, because he had the right to vent once in a while, but they DID NOT find it funny. Harry was downright CONCERNED about Hermione! HE WASN’T FUCKING LAUGHING. STOP FUCKING PROJECTING! And no one else laughed either, because no one fucking heard it! If they did, more people would know that Hermione was crying, and thus Harry and Ron won’t have to save Hermione by themselves, because more people will know to look for her when the troll came!
- Why would Harry want to suck up to Ron? For what purpose would he possibly want to make Ron feel important? What kind of eleven year old sucks up to any of their peers to make them feel important? The whole point about Ron’s character was that he was UNDERAPPRECIATED! That he felt NOT GOOD ENOUGH! That he was under severe pressure from his older brothers! If he were in a social position where there were hordes of boys laughing at everything he said to make him feel better about himself, he wouldn’t have fucking self-esteem issues! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY NOT GET THAT? DO YOU EVEN REMEMBE THE MIRROR OF ERISED? HOW COULD YOU NOT GET THE POINT OF THAT SCENE?
Nagare: And no, making canon characters assholes does not make your Sue less asshole-y. She’s still every bit a gigantic bitch. You can’t erase that no matter how many characters you dump on. In fact, it probably makes it worse.
There was a long moment of silence
Mantra: See? Even Hermione, the one insulted by Ron, is horrified by what she just said.
Nagare: I think the Suethor meant that the Sue’s argument was so water-proof that not even Hermione could come up with a resort.
Mantra: I like my interpretation better.
except for the couple of sniffles
Nagare: Well then there wasn’t fucking silence, was there? Keep your own canon straight, dammit! At least keep the sentences fucking consistent! Remember what you typed a few words ago! INVEST IN A SHORT-TERM MEMORY!
before I heard movement inside.
Mantra: Because, you know, people having a crying fit always keep perfectly still. Movement is so rare that it has to be especially mentioned in the narration.
I sighed and turned around to the sight of a cave troll with a large club standing behind me.
Nagare: ...Excuse me?
Mantra: O_o Wut?
Nagare: How the FUCK did she not hear a huge fucking cave troll coming up behind her, especially during that ‘long moment of silence’? Did she just go temporarily deaf or what?
Mantra: How the fuck did she not SMELL that thing! It’s described as smelling of old socks and public toilets! How the hell can you not notice that?
Nagare: And why hasn’t it attacked yet? Why was it just standing around, waiting for a pair of girls to finish off their conversation? What the hell?
Mantra: Just...what...WHEN, IN THE ENTIRE CANON, DID YOU CONCEIVE THE NOTION THAT CAVE TROLLS ARE STEALTHY? BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT. THEY’RE REALLY FUCKING NOT! THEY ARE ABOUT AS OBVIOUS AS AN ANVIL ON YOUR HEAD! TROLLS DO NOT MAKE EXCELLENT NINJAS! THAT IS NOT HOW THEY WORK!
The Voice: And she is remarkably calm for someone who just saw a gigantic fucking troll wielding a gigantic fucking club whilst cornered in a tiny toilet, isn’t she? This is from her point of view, remember, and she’s just blithely describing the thing. I think the more appropriate response would be, ‘I turned around and- OH MY FUCKING GOD HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT IS THAT THING OH MY GOD IT’S A FUCKING TROLL AND IT HAS A FUCKING CLUB AND I DON’T HAVE ANYWHERE TO FUCKING RUN TO AND I THINK I JUST PISSED MY PANTS HOLY SHIT I’M GOING TO DIE *Is ded*’
Mantra: See? That should be the ending of this fic.
My eyes widened as I stared up at the things as it glared down at me.
Nagare: Ah, so it’s angry too.
...
WHY THE FUCK IS SHE SO CALM?
Mantra: Maybe she’s just not intelligent enough to realise that she’s about THIS close to death? I mean, she IS a Sue!
As slowly as I could I began to pull out my wand
Nagare: Oh yes, take your fucking time! It’s not like he’d be so uncourteous as to attack before you’re prepared, after all! Yes, this is the perfect time to be doing things in slow motion!
The Voice: See? We can certainly wait until she’s in her seventh year if this is her instinctual reaction to danger. She’s too stupid to win any fight.
before it began to take a step forward.
Nagare: BEGAN to take a step forward? Is the fucking TROLL moving in slow motion as well?
Mantra: To be fair, it’s not like they’re the Flashes of the magical world.
Nagare: But I think it could take a fucking step forward in a single sentence! You really don’t need to draw it out over several!
Mantra: I wonder, why is it walking towards them anyways? How big is the freaking bathroom? It’s perfectly within range to start hitting them with the club! What does it want to do, if not attack? I don’t want to think of the possibilities.
I panicked and ripped my wand out,
Mantra: *Cringes and crosses her legs* Woman, what is UP with you and abusing wands?
Nagare: *Studiously ignores Mantra* You’re panicking NOW? What, you were perfectly calm when you saw a fucking troll behind you? You were peachy until it started walking around? The fact that it’s walking towards you instead of attaching you immediately probably tells you that it’s curious, instead of angry and agitated. Why would you choose to panic now?
only to have it knocked from my hand as the creatures club through me across the room.
Mantra: THROUGH you? He clubbed THROUGH you? ...Well, this was a short fic.
Nagare: You know, I would be a lot more worried about having a club swiped clean through me than whether or not I’m still holding onto my wand. After all, I can’t do anything if I’m dead.
"Rebecca!" I heard Hermione yell
Mantra: SHIT. She’s a ghost now, isn’t she? I KNEW we wouldn’t be rid of her that easily.
Nagare: *Interested* How do you kill a ghost?
Mantra: ...Well, we could always call in the Ghostbusters...
before I looked up to watch the troll take out the bathroom stalls in one clean swoop.
Mantra: Oh. Hermione’s dead too. Oh well, she died a worthy dead - delaying the Sue so that a troll can finish her off. Let’s have a moment of silence for her brave sacrifice.
*Moment of silence*
"Hermione!" I yelled
Mantra: Are you trying to be romantic, calling each other’s name and shit? You are fucking DEAD! Act like you are fucking dead! We’ve had to put up enough with you! Don’t insinuate yourself into the fic even after you’re fucking DEAD!
along with two boys voices.
Mantra: *Laughs* I love it how the canon characters still stick up for Hermione, even though they’re both dead. No one fucking cares about the Sue. Oh, this is great!
I looked up
Nagare: YOU WERE ALREADY LOOKING UP! You looked up to see the fucking troll kill Hermione, and you never looked down after that!
as Harry and Ron ran in and began chucking pieces of wood at the trolls head.
Nagare: ...What. Seriously, what are they trying to accomplish here? Where did the freaking wood come from? It’s DEBRIS, Suethor. I haven’t been in a single English class in my life, and I know it’s DEBRIS.
Mantra: To be fair, they did kind of do that in canon, to distract the troll...but the way she describes it makes it sound epically stupid.
"Hey, pea brain!" Ron yelled at the troll as Hermione crawled out from under the debris to me
Mantra: Oh, hey. Hermione wasn’t dead. Guess she was just that awesome.
Nagare: Even when two eleven year old boys are facing off a freaking troll, more emphasis is being placed on what is happening with the Sue (which is nothing). PRIORITIES, SUETHOR!
before the both of us moved to the nearest wall beneath the sinks.
Nagare: NO ONE FUCKING CARES WHERE YOU ARE MOVING TO! WE WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE FIGHTING BETWEEN THE MAIN CHARACTERS AND A TROLL!
Mantra: So, now they have a row of very heavy porcelain above them. And the troll has a club, which he can use to shatter it. And the debris is going to rain down on their heads. Okay, I know this is kind of movie canon, but the point there was that Hermione was panicking. She wasn’t making lucid decisions. You seem perfectly calm in your narration. Why the fuck would you make a choice like that?
The troll turned and growled before swinging it's club down at us.
Mantra: Oh, fantastic. Even the troll is randomly drawn to her. It’s blatantly ignoring two boys doing EVERYTHING they can to distract and annoy him and focuses solely on the Sue, because she has to WANGST, dammit. She has to be the focus of every fucking scene ever, even when it makes no bloody sense. Well, in that case, I hope the troll puts his club to good use!
Nagare: I’m sure you are terribly glad to have made the brilliant decision to hide under a row of sinks.
Hermione moved right and I moved left,
Nagare: Because that is so important. It’s not enough to say that they darted apart. Nope, we have to the exact direction they leaped in. AND THIS SUETHOR CANNOT BE BOTHERED TO DESCRIBE BASIC HUMAN EMOTION ON THE PART OF THE MAIN CHARACTER. NICE PRIORITIES.
narrowly missing the club as smashed the sink between us.
The Voice: Ahem. You are not narrowly missing the club. You were never aiming for the club in the first place. The club narrowly missed you. GET A BETA!
"Help!" both Hermione and I yelled in desperation.
Nagare: Uh, THEY ARE TRYING TO HELP! What are you expecting? That God will glide down on a segue and magic away your problems for you?
Mantra: I imagine so.
Nagare: *Head desk*
Mantra: And nice synchronised yelling there. It’s amazing how indoctrinated you have Hermione, after only two chapters, no less.
Harry then suddenly pulled out his wand and ran at the troll,
Mantra: Really, this isn’t even the right time and place!
Nagare: ...coming from you, I find that incredibly ironic.
grabbing onto the club to be swung up onto the trolls shoulders.
Nagare: HOW does that work? He has his wand out...and yet he still goes for a purely physical approach? What is he trying to do? And isn’t the troll just so goddamned cooperative? He’s got Harry hanging off of his club. He could swing him ANYWHERE, at the floor, the walls, the ceiling, but he chooses to put Harry on his shoulders. Seriously, I know trolls aren’t exactly smart, but they’re not this stupid, are they?
Mantra: And are you telling me that Harry PLANNED that? He was honestly anticipating on the troll putting him exactly where he needed to be? Really? He could somehow predict exactly how that troll was going to swing its club? AND HE STILL FAILED DIVINATION?
The troll, being the dumb creature it was,
Nagare: WE FUCKING KNOW TROLLS ARE NOT INTELLIGENT! WHAT IS THAT INTERJECTION EVEN THERE FOR? WHAT DOES IT ADD TO THE STORY? WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT SERVE? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? NO! DON’T BULLSHIT ME! YOU PUT THAT IN THERE FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF ALLOWING YOUR SUE TO MAKE SNIDE REMARKS AT THINGS! YOU PUT THAT IN THERE SOLELY SO THAT SHE CAN LORD IT OVER THE CANON CHARACTERS EVEN MORE! YOU PUT THAT IN THERE JUST SO SHE CAN BE EVEN MORE OF A DISGUSTING, CONDESCENDING BITCH!
AND YOU HAD TO DO IT IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ‘INTENSE’ FIGHT SCENE,WHERE WE ARE MEANT TO BE WORRIED ABOUT THE CHARACTER’S LIVES!
TENSION DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! LIKEABLE CHARACTERS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD WRITING DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!
STOP!
Mantra: And really, when EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED PERSON is an idiot in your fic, you really can’t call any one of them stupid. Just the fact that this troll can identify your character as a Sue, and thus purposely goes for her, makes him a hundred-thousand times more intelligent than any character you’ve written so far.
looked around quickly, jerking it's head to try to find out what was on it's shoulder.
Nagare: *Face palm* God, how stupid is this thing?
Mantra: In the movies, this kind of worked, but it doesn’t here. Know why? Because you’ve written the scene as though the goblin PURPOSEFULLY swung Harry up to his shoulder. The only reason Harry approached him in the first place is to get on his shoulder. THAT IS FUCKING IT. No, I don’t care how stupid trolls are, if they purposely put something on their shoulder, then they can remember what that thing is a few SECONDS later.
Harry was yanked around
Nagare: NO, HE WASN’T! THE TROLL NEVER TOUCHED HIM! Yank is defined as ‘to pull or remove with vigour’! Harry isn’t being pulled anywhere or removed! HE WAS SWUNG AROUND, BUT NOT YANKED AROUND!
Mantra: Seriously, just accept that English is probably this Suethor’s twelfth. It’ll do wonders to your blood pressure...that, or we can have comfort sex.
Nagare: *Dirty glare*
until he accidentally shoved his wand up the trolls wand.
Nagare: He shoved his wand up WHAT? Since when did trolls have wands?
Mantra: They don’t...I don’t know whether to grin or vomit.
"Ugh," the four us hissed in unison.
Mantra: Thank you, but I think Ron can manage a disgusted reaction well enough on his own. He doesn’t need your fucking help, so fuck off. You’re ruining an interesting scene.
Nagare: How can you hiss a word with no ‘s’s in it?
Mantra: The same way Bella hissed ‘Jake’, I imagine - by authorial intervention.
Then the troll began to blow out his nose and jerk his head around again, trying to get the wand out of his nose.
Nagare: Oh, thank god, the Suethor meant its nose. Oh, and thank you for that. We would’ve thought he was blowing his nose because he wanted to cure his stomach-ache if you didn’t specify.
Mantra: Wait a minute...She said that Harry accidentally jammed his wand in the troll’s nose. WHAT MOVIE WERE YOU WATCHING, SUETHOR? He clearly did it intentionally! He didn’t know any useful spells, so he decided to attack the troll in an unprotected area! He clearly did it in an attempt to hurt the troll! IT WASN’T BY ACCIDENT! JUST ADMIT THAT HARRY IS FASTER ON HIS FEET THAN YOUR SUE! SURE, HE DEPENDED A LOT ON LUCK, BUT THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE INCIDENTS! STOP MAKING CANON CHARACTERS DUMBER AND LESS AWESOME TO PROP UP YOUR SUE! IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK!
When the troll realized he couldn't do this, he grabbed at his face and ended up with Harry's ankle,
Nagare: WHAT? Where were Harry’s feet? You’d think they’d be around the troll’s NECK, so that he could hang on! Why is he rubbing his ankles around the troll’s face?
Mantra: This is why people who have as much imagination as fucking Meyer should not be allowed to novelize movies. If you don’t put necessary description in there, everything ends up sounding STUPID.
holding him up, gangling upside down for it to see.
Nagare: He did not hold Harry up and find his ankle SIMULTANEOUSLY, I believe? One action followed the other? Then, START A NEW SENTENCE! Run-ons are only okay if you know what you are doing!
Mantra: And do you have any idea what ‘gangle’ means? It means ‘to move awkwardly or ungracefully’. HARRY DOES NOT HAVE A CHOICE HERE! HE IS BEING FLUNG AROUND BY A TROLL! HE IS NOT GANGLING! And I think we can freaking assume that someone being held upside down by their ankle is not going to be very graceful, thank you.
"Do something!" Harry yelled.
Mantra: We’ve been screaming that since the start of the fic. Why would the Suethor cave to your demands and move the plot along and yet ignore us?
Oh wait. You’re her lust object.
"What?" Ron yelled back.
Mantra: (Ron): I can’t hear you over your OOC-ness!
"Anything!"
Mantra: (Harry): Yes, anything! Strip and do the hokey-pokey! Sneeze with your eyes open! Drink a can of beer in one breath! ANYTHING!
Nagare: What a terribly polite troll. It’s just standing there and letting them finish their conversation. It’s not even swinging Harry around! I wish the enemies we face had half of his courtesy.
Mantra: So we can take advantage of them?
Nagare: Of course.
Mantra: *Gigglesnort*
Nagare: *Blinks, realises what she just said* MANTRA! REALLY! STOP DOING THAT! IT’S NOT FREAKING FUNNY!
Mantra: Obviously, we have very different opinions on what constitutes as funny.
I knew my wand was on the other side of the room
Nagare: AS YOU’VE TOLD US BEFORE! Wands are inanimate! They do not move around! If you’ve said that your wand has been knocked across the room, then we can assume that it is still across the room! Do you get off on repeating yourself or something?
Mantra: It seems to be a common trait of Suethors and Stuthors. They don’t know how to write anything that doesn’t involve bashing canon characters and singing their own phrases, so they just repeat random information until they reach the next plot point.
Nagare: Except this thing isn’t moving towards the next plot point!
Mantra: You’ve never read New Moon, have you?
and I didn't know about Hermione,
Mantra: Correction: you didn’t know Hermione, period.
so it was up to Ron.
Mantra: Ah. So, you’re utterly useless. Good to know.
Nagare: Why would you even write the character if she contributes exactly ZERO to the plot? What is the point?
Mantra: Some Sues waltz into canon and proceed to take everything over. This one doesn’t. She gets into her favourite fandom of all time...and then proceeds to do jackshit. She never does ANYTHING. She just sits there and reminds the audience that she exists, and yet she has no purpose! AND WE STILL HAVE TO READ SIX FUCKING FICS FROM HER PERSPECTIVE! WHAT IS THIS SHIT?
Nagare: I mean, why would you write a self-insert, if they’re not going to do anything? Why would you even want to enter your fandom of choice if you don’t want to do anything there? This character is just DULL. She doesn’t canon rape that much. She doesn’t pursue canon characters overtly. She...she’s nothing. She is literally less than a cardboard cut out. She IS nothing. That’s kind of terrifying.
I shivered and watched Harry in horror as the troll tried to hit Harry with his club,
Mantra: Oh yeah. She doesn’t have her wand, so she’s hopeless. She can’t possibly do what the boys did and distract the troll by throwing debris at it! No, that would be too much work! And she’ll never put herself in danger for someone else’s sake! She’s just going to sit there and shiver prettily whilst watching someone DIE.
Nagare: And we can fucking ASSUME that you are watching him! It’s kind of hard to be distracted when a fucking troll is trying to kill someone in front of you! YOU REALLY DON’T NEED TO REMIND US!
but each time yanked Harry upward, making him miss.
Nagare: *Buries face in hands* Just how stupid is this thing?
Mantra: Well, there goes any hint of tension we may have had! The troll is too fucking stupid to kill someone when he literally has his hands around him. I don’t think it’s going to be a threat any time soon. In fact, just leave him and let go on trying to hit Harry and missing and go tell a teacher! He’s occupied, and he’s nowhere near to thinking up a solution to this dilemma!
Seriously, if this is the calibre of the monsters you have to fight...yeah, we’re not scared for you at all. It’s your own damned fault if you can’t beat something this stupid.
"Hurry up!" Harry yelled as Ron pulled out his wand.
Mantra: This seems a theme in this fic, does it not? Everyone’s so impatient and desperate for some wandwork.
Nagare: ...Mantra? Please shut up. We’re finally moving forward in plot. Be happy.
Mantra: What makes you think I’m not? Subtext is what MAKES this fic!
"'Swish & Flick!'," Hermione reminded him.
Nagare: DON’T use fucking contractions in your story! I don’t care if it’s direct dialogue, you do not use fucking contractions! The word is only three letters long, it won’t take that much time out of your life to type it out!
Mantra: And Hermione had no idea what he planned! Nobody had any idea what a first-year planned to do against a troll! No one knew what he was going to do! Did Hermione just read Ron’s mind or something? There’s no way she can know what he intends to do! The whole POINT of the scene is punching the viewers in the face with how awesome Ron is and how fast he thinks! The surprise was the POINT!
"Wingardium Leviosa!" Ron yelled. With that the club slipped out of the troll's hand and remained in the air.
Mantra: Okay, technically, it did remain in the air...but that’s not all it did! It didn’t just float an inch away from the troll’s head! It flew up! If you omitted that description, then it makes no sense how it can knock the troll out! See? Some descriptions are NECESSARY and some AREN’T! Learn to differentiate between the two!
The troll stared at his hand confused for a moment before looking above him as the club dropped out of the air, hitting him in the head.
Nagare: *Dully* Wow. How climatic. I’m on the edge of my seat.
Mantra: *Sweetly* Thank you for ruining an epic battle between eleven year olds and a fucking cave troll. Your utter mastery of prose did precisely nothing to bring out how epic and intense that fight was. Or how plot important, for that matter. Really, thank you. Now, do you prefer cremations or traditional burials?
"Cool,"
Nagare: See? Even the in-universe characters are thrilled by their survival.
Mantra: Yes, such a gripping moment, so full of emotion. Certainly, this Suethor is miles above the hack that is Rowling.
The troll dropped Harry
Nagare: ...Considering the position he was in, shouldn’t Harry have landed on his head? What is up with this Suethor and writing the accidental deaths of canon characters?
Mantra: Now, if only Voldemort was smart enough to recruit a troll into his services...
and started to sway,
Mantra: -to the music.
stumbling toward Harry as he scooted back as fast as he could.
Mantra: Now drunk, apparently. I wish I had this reaction whenever I got hit on the head.
Suddenly the troll just dropped,
Mantra: -his pants.
Nagare: MANTRA! What is WRONG with you?
Mantra: Many, many things. Shall I make a list?
Nagare: NO.
nearly hitting Harry if he hadn't have spread his legs.
Mantra: O_o Harry just WHAT?
Nagare: ...The troll was going to hit Harry if he didn’t spread his legs for it...
Mantra: I...I honestly had no idea this was that kind of fic.
Nagare: *Deeply traumatised*
There was a long silence before Hermione and I got up and walked toward the troll.
Mantra: -prepared to make a foursome-
Nagare: No! Mantra, don’t make jokes like that after...after something like THAT. It’s not funny.
"Is it dead?" she asked.
Mantra: *Grimly* He’s dead, Jim.
I rolled my eyes.
Nagare: Why? Why would that question be stupid? It’s a legitimate concern! He could very well be dead, considering the weight of his club! And if he wasn’t dead, he’s bound to wake up at one point, and that would be horrible! It is a perfectly valid question, why are you rolling your eyes?
Mantra: See? The Sue has read ahead and knows that the troll isn’t dead! See how smart she is? Hermione is a dumbass, isn’t she? She doesn’t even have divine-given knowledge! Don’t you love the Sue so much more?
Nagare: ...how many more of these scenes are there? Bashing other characters for perfectly HUMAN responses does not endear us to your Avatar! Will you stop making your own protagonist even more unlikeable?
"No, just knocked out," Harry told her as I walked up to him.
Mantra: *Grits teeth* See? The Sue was totally right! Hermione is so stupid for believing that the troll is dead! The Sue is so much better!
Nagare: And he would know that the troll was knocked out...how? I don’t see him checking for breathing or pulses. Are trolls just very dramatic breathers?
"You okay?" I asked him.
Mantra: He was flung around by a fucking troll. Of course, he’s fucking okay. Oh, and completely ignore Hermione who was in the cubicles when the troll smashed them! There’s no way she can be hurt! No, we must focus all of our attention on the hot boys. Because that’s what freaking matters. Who cares if Hermione lives or dies?
"Yeah, you?" he asked back.
Nagare: *Bare suppresses a yawn* When is this going to be over? Is any of this significant in any way? Why the fuck do I have to be woken in the middle of the night to read try tripe like this?
Mantra: *Leans cheek on hand* Well, I can think of a few activities to wake you up.
Nagare: *Drily* Thank you, but I think I’ll prefer sleeping.
I checked quickly,
Mantra: Dude, you were up against a gigantic troll. If you had been injured by him, I’m pretty sure you would have NOTICED. Mostly because it would hurt like fuck.
The Voice: Fuck hurts?
Mantra: *Irritated* Yes. It does. Don’t make me fuck you.
mentally checking myself until I reached my hand.
Nagare: Clearly, anything below the hands is irrelevant. Doesn’t matter if you have your feet smashed to pulp, when checking for injuries, just go down to the hands and call it a day.
Mantra: Mentally checking yourself? If you’re as numb to pain as you make it sound, I think a visual confirmation would be nice.
Go Forward to: Chapter 4, Part 3
Go Back to: Chapter 4, Part 1