dean | imagine kissing the skull of a saint

[devilyouwere]

IMAGINE KISSING THE SKULL OF A SAINT
dean, doctor cartwright, castiel, sam. spoilers for 5x11, minor drug use. rated pg-13. ~5,290
It's harder when the end of the world actually ends.
(c) title from pluto to persephone by daniel williams

a/n: for here4castiel for help_haiti auction. thanks to thevinegarworks for the hand-holding and beta work.

Comments

[tahirire]

This was amazing. I'm going to have to read it again before I can be coherent about it. But it was amazing.

[devilyouwere]

Wow, thank you! I'm glad the story worked for you :)

[tahirire]

It did. :) I have memmed it, in fact.

[borgmama1of5]

This was beautifully written but so so terribly sad.

I have to believe it will end better than this.

[devilyouwere]

I put all of my hope in the notion that it will end better than this, so you are not alone.

I'm glad my fic worked for you and I hope you're not too sad anymore :) Thank you so much for reading!

[mrs_gregsanders]

Beautiful, just beautiful. Not that I expected anything less. I always see Dean in the end fighting his own demons and I always think he'll be terrified of Sam leaving him again. The way you write Dean in his own head is perfect, different from anything I've seen and yet so much the way I think it would be. Lovely.

[devilyouwere]

Aww thank you so much! I'm so glad this worked for you because I was incredibly nervous about how this fic would be received!
The way you write Dean in his own head is perfect, different from anything I've seen and yet so much the way I think it would be.
Stop it--you're making me blush :) Thank you, darling, so much!

[smilla02]

Oh, wow! Your back and forth through (false) realities is so smooth, beautifully done. What a trip in Dean's brain! Love Dr. Cartwrite's voice (I was convinced she was entirely a projection of Dean's brain, too), gentle, but firm, not feeding false illusions, like deep down Dean doesn't.
This is amazing. Your Dean is awesomely fucked-up and the ending, the final harsh reality of it, is so bittersweet.

[devilyouwere]

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who was thinking that the doctor was Dean's own imagination :) I thought I was all alone there for a bit.

Wow, thank you for such an amazing comment. I'm glad it worked this well for you! And that you enjoyed Dean and especially Dr. Cartwright--I've never written such small characters before and, yes, I'm glad it worked :) So thank you thank you thank you!

[labseraph]

I ...

*is broken*

Just ... you got into his head and spilled out all his secrets for all of us. Illuminating the heartbreakingly beautiful man who has lost so much of himself in his struggles that he's only learned that he needs to fix himself.

“I am all those people,” Dean says and it's the best answer, the only answer, he has and, of course, it's not enough. “That's who I am.”

“You're okay with that?”

Dean shrugs. “Yeah. I don't know anything else.” He gets up then. Walks over to the dresser again. Opens the top drawer again. He knows she's watching him. He's uncomfortable.

He got so used to being there for other people, it made him uneasy to be accept that he should be there for himself and himself alone.

Dean thinks of broken machines, used parts, things that never work. Dean's not in denial, not really; it's just easier to stuff everything down the deep, dark hole and just leave it there. No thinking, no examining. Just knowing that the pain and fear and anguish and doubt exist but just push it aside, there's work to do

[devilyouwere]

Oh, wow! Thank you for such a lovely comment! You totally made my night :D I can't believe how well this fic worked for you--it's great to hear such awesome feedback! I'm happy that you enjoyed it.

And you're right--Dean's denial is unique. He knows it's there, he just finds it easier to not deal with it at all. I'm so glad that that's what you got from the story because it's definitely what I was aiming for.

Again, thank you forever for such a great comment! ♥ *puts you back together*