dean | imagine kissing the skull of a saint
IMAGINE KISSING THE SKULL OF A SAINT
dean, doctor cartwright, castiel, sam. spoilers for 5x11, minor drug use. rated pg-13. ~5,290
It's harder when the end of the world actually ends.
(c) title from pluto to persephone by daniel williams
a/n: for here4castiel for help_haiti auction. thanks to thevinegarworks for the hand-holding and beta work. ( note cut for spoilers )
dean, doctor cartwright, castiel, sam. spoilers for 5x11, minor drug use. rated pg-13. ~5,290
It's harder when the end of the world actually ends.
(c) title from pluto to persephone by daniel williams
a/n: for here4castiel for help_haiti auction. thanks to thevinegarworks for the hand-holding and beta work. ( note cut for spoilers )
*is broken*
Just ... you got into his head and spilled out all his secrets for all of us. Illuminating the heartbreakingly beautiful man who has lost so much of himself in his struggles that he's only learned that he needs to fix himself.
“I am all those people,” Dean says and it's the best answer, the only answer, he has and, of course, it's not enough. “That's who I am.”
“You're okay with that?”
Dean shrugs. “Yeah. I don't know anything else.” He gets up then. Walks over to the dresser again. Opens the top drawer again. He knows she's watching him. He's uncomfortable.
He got so used to being there for other people, it made him uneasy to be accept that he should be there for himself and himself alone.
Dean thinks of broken machines, used parts, things that never work.
Dean's not in denial, not really; it's just easier to stuff everything down the deep, dark hole and just leave it there. No thinking, no examining. Just knowing that the pain and fear and anguish and doubt exist but just push it aside, there's work to do.
This will need to be re-read before I can be properly coherent, but the tears just made it hard to see.
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And you're right--Dean's denial is unique. He knows it's there, he just finds it easier to not deal with it at all. I'm so glad that that's what you got from the story because it's definitely what I was aiming for.
Again, thank you forever for such a great comment! ♥ *puts you back together*
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