and said disclaimer would be that this entry is random, it is past 1 AM, and I am freaked out...so forgive the lack of actual updates on me, my life, etc.While at the corner store to purchase milk, I accidentally witnessed a large scale drug bust, Kevlar, guns, under cover agents and all. It was surreal, like something you'd see on bad Saturday ( Read more... )

Yes, Just in case anyone reads this, (and by anyone I mean a fairly specific someone ( Read more... )

It's hard to believe, that at one point in my life I considered this place to be a second home. It's even harder to remember these times, all the while stifling the disdain and anguish that leaks through my pores ( Read more... )

things have been ok...good within the past week actually, things are well on the way to be repaired and hoorah ( Read more... )

like relationships.

but more importantly, like windows and fingers, and telephones.

The frustrate me. and so I break them...it's all the windows fault, I'm telling you, they deserve their holes.

and I've made the biggest mistake of my life, and lost in return...my life, my will, my home, my best friend, my angel, the only person in my life who has ever ever ever made me feel safe, whole, real...

I just don't know anything anymore.

I went back to church yesterday after many absent months in which I felt I just couldn't muster up what I needed to be truly present...I felt oppositional and different from mainstream Christianity , and so I needed to take a break ( Read more... )

So aside from the sickness...which isn't really gone completely (I've been out of the hospital 10 days now, and had to see the doctor today for emergency UA and blood work...) I got more upset yesterday than I've been in a really really long time ( Read more... )

While an excellent song, it's not such an excellent state of being, and having been so for far too long now, I can say this with intense sincerity ( Read more... )

I took this year long detour, of sometimes loveliness, but also lots and lots of manipulation, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and losing a lot of myself for the sake of taking care of something I really have nothing to do with. I can't change anyone, I can't fix anyone, I can't change the circumstances, all I have to work with is me, and when THATS ( Read more... )