I was just reading a few past entries from around January, and in at least two I claim that the last thing I want is a relationship, because I was NOT over all the shit with Jeremy/Mike and because I KNEW the next person I dated would have all that hurt shoved onto them...and because I knew that I would want it so badly no matter how unrealistic or ( Read more... )

I hate alcohol and I hate emotions. I think I try so hard sometimes to pretend I'm ok with something and to force myself to get over situations before I'm ready that I actually end up making things far worse than they were to begin with. I've never been good at manipulation or game-playing, so why should I start now? The lesson here is that if you ( Read more... )

I think I'm doing that thing where because I'm overwhelmed by all the stuff I DON'T know, I'm like procrastinating the shit out of this studying, when if I'd just start (well, continue), I'd be better off.

I just want it to be over.

But I want to get a good score.

Bah, I wish I naturally knew everything.

Is on Saturday. I need to make a huge effort to ( Read more... )

I think my new philosophy on dating is that if you aren't happy, and this depression is lasting a significantly amount of time, then the reasons behind it are really relative. I think maybe it's the high-energy, fixer, type-A tendencies of Americans (or maybe just human nature, I'm not sure which) to think that if only you could just pin-point the ( Read more... )

I never thought I'd say this but I'll be HAPPY to take the MCAT next Saturday. I don't necessarily feel 100% prepared but I think that I could by next weekend. I took a practice test last Friday and got a 30 ( Read more... )

So 2010 isn't the shitfest that 2009 was, but it definitely isn't the shining miracle-filled year (so far) that I was hoping it'd be ( Read more... )

Over time, I'm sure if someone actually bothered to read my journals, they'd see them as a series of repeating the same thing, time and again. I'm partially bothered by the fact that I never have anything new to say, but then again it serves as a firm reminder that the things I struggle with continue to crop up, though often in different forms, ( Read more... )

I worry ( Read more... )

So today I had a mini nervous break down because I couldn't find my passport. It occurred to me last week some time in the middle of the night that I had no idea what I'd done with my passport. I remember finding it in a box in my parents' garage and thinking "Who the ef would put the passport in a box?" Then I took it out and then I had no clue ( Read more... )