relationshits
I think my new philosophy on dating is that if you aren't happy, and this depression is lasting a significantly amount of time, then the reasons behind it are really relative. I think maybe it's the high-energy, fixer, type-A tendencies of Americans (or maybe just human nature, I'm not sure which) to think that if only you could just pin-point the problem, you can fix it and move on. But sometimes, I wonder whether in matters of love, the waiting period is worth it.
I've seen too many movies where boy meets girl, boy and girls go through an issue that makes one or both of them miserable, but in the end when everything works the way it "should," the misery is worth it and actually contributes to the strength of the resulting relationship. The old, it didn't kill me but it made us stronger, adage.
Except in real life sometimes things do just kill you. You wait and you wait and wish and hope and say, "If this wasn't this way, then it wouldn't be and I'd be happy." The "if" clause is a dangerous one, because it makes things seem like a possibility. But it's more of an alternate universe. Things AREN'T the way you wish they were. And yes, if they changed, your problems would automatically be solved. But life is rarely that neat. The biggest problem IS the change. With something like working out more or fixing a toilet, the change is obvious and under your control. But with other people, that change may not be necessary to them. If it were, they'd do it. So it comes down to the fact that you can't make people want what you want. Even if you could, you might have to wait 100 years. Or maybe by the time you got what you wanted out of the other person, you'd resent them for making you suffer.
I guess my point is, obviously there are many times in relationships where you can work past relationships to get to a point where you are happy again. It's not like every unhappiness issue is one that can't be worked through. But sometimes there are issues people won't compromise on. And it's not worth it to suffer through or wait for a change. The other things don't matter if there is one issue you just can't let yourself be ok with. Even if the issue seems stupid, it's still there.
I have to continually remind myself that I deserve to be happy. There's no guarantee that at the end of your suffering you'll get your fairytale or teen melodrama ending. The only thing you can guarantee to yourself is that you've done everything in your power to make yourself happy. You can't predict the future or understand decisions others make. Sometimes people don't even understand their own emotions. The only person you can worry about is yourself.
To quote Cheryl Crow, "If if makes you happy, then why the Hell are you so sad?"
I've seen too many movies where boy meets girl, boy and girls go through an issue that makes one or both of them miserable, but in the end when everything works the way it "should," the misery is worth it and actually contributes to the strength of the resulting relationship. The old, it didn't kill me but it made us stronger, adage.
Except in real life sometimes things do just kill you. You wait and you wait and wish and hope and say, "If this wasn't this way, then it wouldn't be and I'd be happy." The "if" clause is a dangerous one, because it makes things seem like a possibility. But it's more of an alternate universe. Things AREN'T the way you wish they were. And yes, if they changed, your problems would automatically be solved. But life is rarely that neat. The biggest problem IS the change. With something like working out more or fixing a toilet, the change is obvious and under your control. But with other people, that change may not be necessary to them. If it were, they'd do it. So it comes down to the fact that you can't make people want what you want. Even if you could, you might have to wait 100 years. Or maybe by the time you got what you wanted out of the other person, you'd resent them for making you suffer.
I guess my point is, obviously there are many times in relationships where you can work past relationships to get to a point where you are happy again. It's not like every unhappiness issue is one that can't be worked through. But sometimes there are issues people won't compromise on. And it's not worth it to suffer through or wait for a change. The other things don't matter if there is one issue you just can't let yourself be ok with. Even if the issue seems stupid, it's still there.
I have to continually remind myself that I deserve to be happy. There's no guarantee that at the end of your suffering you'll get your fairytale or teen melodrama ending. The only thing you can guarantee to yourself is that you've done everything in your power to make yourself happy. You can't predict the future or understand decisions others make. Sometimes people don't even understand their own emotions. The only person you can worry about is yourself.
To quote Cheryl Crow, "If if makes you happy, then why the Hell are you so sad?"