battered
i'm slightly drunk at the minute, and thus prone to rambling and terrible typing. oh well.
the following is how and why i'm going to end up as a battered woman.
now, let's keep in mind that i'm having a shitty night and that i'm in a helluva mood and i'm more than a tad emo at the moment, and that tomorrow, the liklihood of me wanting to talk about this will be slim to none. but right now i'm hurt and angry, and the current topic is on my mind anyway, so here i go:
i hate that i let people affect me like this.
and most of all, i hate that i know it's true.
NOTE: this entry was brought about by a particular incident that made me think, not one that resembled any kind of abuse and scaryness. please don't fear for the worst, i'm just emo and drawing connections between two things that are in all liklihood unrelated.
the following is how and why i'm going to end up as a battered woman.
now, let's keep in mind that i'm having a shitty night and that i'm in a helluva mood and i'm more than a tad emo at the moment, and that tomorrow, the liklihood of me wanting to talk about this will be slim to none. but right now i'm hurt and angry, and the current topic is on my mind anyway, so here i go:
- i have been so attention/affection starved that i will fixate on whoever happens to glance my way first. show me the tiniest sign that you might care, and i'll be so goddamn thrilled that i'll have a stroke due to being unable to contain my happiness.
- i will take a ton of crap. i will wait until there is nothing left to wait for because i am one of those people who will hole out for the tiniest shred of hope. i will take whatever kind of assholish abuse someone can dish out because i don't want to be alone. i will hate myself for every day i tolerate it, but i know that i will hate myself more if i am alone. i'm masochistic like that; hurt me, just don't leave me alone.
- i will forgive you for hurting me. break my heart, leave me alone and waiting and hurt me a hundred different ways. all it will take is a kind word or a show of regret for your actions and all will be forgiven, and you can go right back to hurting me again.
i hate that i let people affect me like this.
and most of all, i hate that i know it's true.
NOTE: this entry was brought about by a particular incident that made me think, not one that resembled any kind of abuse and scaryness. please don't fear for the worst, i'm just emo and drawing connections between two things that are in all liklihood unrelated.