Forever on Thanksgiving Day (Out of Africa Event)
Title: Forever on Thanksgiving Day
Author: silver222
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG
Summary: Callie is in Seattle. Arizona is in Africa. It’s Thanksgiving and no better time to begin to resolve their separation across continents.
Disclaimer: All characters, events, settings and situations mentioned in this work are sole property of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use.
Forever on Thanksgiving Day
The heart will find the pathway home.
~Wilbur D. Nesbit
Callie wanted nothing to do with Thanksgiving this year. She had wanted to be at work, mending bones and working on her research, treating the day the same as any other day and any other Thursday. She didn’t want to attend any festivities, didn’t want to sit around a dinner table eating the traditional holiday fixings, and she sure didn’t want to give any thought as to what she had to be thankful for. Although, a list of what she was not thankful for she would be happy to make. Carter Madison grants. Africa. Sick kids. Blondes that left her. And that was only the start of the list.
But somehow the fates were against her. Not only was she not scheduled to work but somehow Mark had managed to use his charms and convince her to attend his Thanksgiving dinner. Although Callie figured it could be a lot worse. It would be a small gathering with only Owen and Christina. Callie could at least be certain that Christina would not be enforcing any inkling of over the top holiday spirit. And there would be liquor. Lots and lots of liquor.
Plus Mark had promised he had everything taken care of. All Callie had to do was show up, he had said. She didn’t need to bring anything and she didn’t need to help with the cooking. If she really wanted to do something, he had said she could bring a bottle of wine but even then he had made clear that effort was also completely optional. He had promised to make sure his wine and liquor stash was sufficiently stocked. Mark had no problem if she drank the night away; he just didn’t want her spending one more night wallowing in her apartment alone.
And yet even with those promises, on Thanksgiving day Callie still found herself with an apron tied around her waist and oven mitts on, as she checked on the turkey in the oven. “Geez Mark next time you volunteer to cook Thanksgiving dinner without any help, maybe you could make sure you at least know how to cook the turkey.”
“I didn’t know it would be this hard! I’ve never done this before!” Mark whined in response.
“Clearly,” Callie mumbled as she moved to check on the potatoes on the stovetop. Her attention turned towards the other end of the kitchen counter where she had dropped her keys and purse upon her arrival. “Arghh…could you at least make yourself useful and answer my phone?” Callie asked as her phone started ringing and her hands were clearly full with the task of pulling dinner together.
“I’m on it,” Mark jumped up and grabbed Callie’s phone off the counter, hitting the answer button without looking at the caller id. “Callie’s phone, she’s currently got her head in the oven, can I take a message?” he asked smirking at his own attempt at humor.
“Mark?” asked the surprised voice on the other line.
Mark’s head shot up as he looked over towards Callie as if she would be able to hear the caller on the other end.
His attention was brought back to the phone as he heard, “Hey Mark, it’s Arizona.”
Mark nodded his head silently before clearing his throat, “Uh hey. Hi. How are you?”
“Who is it?” Callie asked as she put the lid back on the pan she had been stirring. Callie turned to look at Mark, her own heart speeding up as she noticed his eyes were still, his normal swagger was frozen. “Mark?” Callie questioned, quickly becoming alarmed.
“Geez, is it my dad?” Callie whispered. After finding out about Sloan’s prior ‘relationship’ with his daughter, Mr. Torres was not a fan of her best friend, to say the least. Callie had still been expecting the traditional holiday greetings call from her parents today and was now regretting letting Mark answer her phone.
Mark just shook his head.
The voice on the other end of the line spoke again as he tried to focus his attention and reign in his shock. “I’m ok. Is Callie there? Could I talk to her please?” She hadn’t meant to sound so pleading but after having worked up the nerve to call Callie for the first time since she left she hadn’t expected to have to go through Mark first.
“Uh yeah sorry, hang on I’ll get her,” Mark turned the phone into his shoulder covering the ear piece. “It’s not your dad,” he said towards Callie shaking his head.
“Then who is it?”
“Arizona.”
Callie froze. She had been doing so well these last few days. She had gotten back in a routine - work, home, sleep. It was simple but she considered it a success that she was no longer spending all day cooped up in her apartment watching bad made for tv movies. She had even managed to start unpacking a few of her boxes and was slowing getting her newly recouped apartment and her life back together. At least now her every waking moment wasn’t filled with memories of Arizona. She still had moments that triggered thoughts of the blonde - it was hard not to when so much of their time together had been together in her apartment and at the hospital. However, today had been a good ‘Arizona free day’ mostly because Mark had done so well in distracting her with Thanksgiving preparations.
She continued to stare at Mark before jumping back to reality and grabbing her phone out of his hand.
“Hello?” she asked, her voice a combination of controlled excitement and shock.
“Calliope. Hi.” Arizona responded, releasing a sigh, relief evident in her voice.
“Arizona?” Callie asked still surprised to be hearing her voice. “Oh my god,” she exhaled.
“Yeah it’s me.” She hesitated, weighing her next words carefully. She settled for the norm, a common question, although with their current relationship as treacherous as ever, even this next question was anything but safe. “How are you?”
“I’m...umm…I’m fine,” Callie stuttered opting for the half truth and the easy response.
“Callie who’s on the phone? Come on you’re missing the best part!” Christina shouted from the living area where she and Owen had resorted to watching some medical mystery show.
Mark tried to hush Christina signaling like crazy with his arms but to no avail.
Callie put her hand over the phone, hissing “It’s Arizona” at Christina before turning her back towards the others as she tried to focus on hearing the voice on the other end of the phone.
“Are you serious?” Christina asked not hiding her disdain. Although Callie’s girlfriend may not have been her favorite person, she had respected her right up until she was yet another girlfriend that up and left a disheveled and distraught Callie behind.
“Callie?” Arizona asked wincing at how rough that sounded coming from her. “Calliope? Are you still there?”
“Hey no I’m sorry. I’m here. I’m just gonna go…somewhere quieter,” she looked around Mark’s apartment before grabbing her keys off the counter and heading towards the door.
“I’m sorry, I’m interrupting your plans. I can let you go,” Arizona offered halfheartedly hoping that Callie wouldn’t really take her up on the offer.
“NO! No, please don’t hang up,” she begged darting out of Mark’s apartment and into her own apartment across the hall, she closed the front door and slide down to the floor, her back resting against the door. “I can hear you now.”
Arizona grinned to herself, “I wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. Although I probably shouldn’t have called you at dinner time. I don’t really have the time difference down yet.”
“It’s fine. Really. It’s Mark and Christina and Owen. You know them, they’re always here, you’re not disturbing anything,” Callie assured her.
“Okay,” Arizona replied not sounding convinced.
“And Happy Thanksgiving to you too. Are you doing anything special today? Is there anyone special that you can celebrate with?” Callie kicked herself as soon as the words came out of mouth, not intending how it was said.
“Umm nothing too special. I helped the kids make paper turkey hands but they don’t really understand Thanksgiving so it was more just cutouts of their hands,” Arizona replied.
Callie released a small laugh, “Yeah I bet,” before they both lapsed into an awkward silence.
“Callie -”
“Arizona -,” they both said at the same time.
They both chuckled lightly before Arizona asked, “Let me go first, please?”
“Ok,” Callie relented.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called. I’ve wanted to. I just didn’t know how I could hear your voice and not break down. But today, I’m trying to celebrate Thanksgiving and I’m trying to remember all the things I’m thankful for and all I can do is think about you. And I know it’s not fair, it’s not fair to either of us, and it’s definitely not fair to you, but all I could think about is how happy and how thankful I would be if I could just hear your voice again,” Arizona confessed hoping that Callie would be able to accept her honesty.
There was silence as Callie fought to control her emotions. It was enough just hearing Arizona’s voice but the affection and love that Callie had assumed the blonde had written off when she walked away in the airport was so embedded in the words she had just spoken.
“Umm or maybe not?” Arizona joked after a couple beats of silence.
Callie laughed, “Me too,” she said softly wanting to echo Arizona’s words but not able to get any other words out past the lump in her throat.
Arizona released the breath she had been holding, comforted that Callie seemed willing to hear her out. “I’m glad you’re able to get together with your friends for dinner. Is Mark making you do all the work? He always did take advantage of your cooking,” Arizona grinned recalling how often Mark would manage to come by just as Callie had started cooking a meal and would manage to get himself an invite to join them or at the very least a plate to take back to his apartment.
“Yes! Somehow even when I’m not hosting, I still end up doing all the work. I don’t know why I spend the holidays with him,” Callie complained trailing off at the end of the sentence. It went unspoken that without Mark, Callie really didn’t have anywhere else to go this year.
“Well even so, it sounds nice,” Arizona said in a comforting manner. “I…I also wanted to thank you for the birthday gift,” she stuttered feeling nervous once again.
Callie perked up upon hearing this. “You got it? It got there ok?”
”I did. It was perfect.” Arizona’s eyes had filled with tears the day the package came and she saw the postmark from Seattle and Callie’s handwriting. Callie had sent her a large box full of arts and craft supplies to entertain the kids she worked with. There was a simple note within wishing her a happy birthday but went no further. She had broken down at Callie’s selfless gesture. It wasn’t the first time she had cursed the timing of the grant due to its direct cause in the fracture of her and Callie’s relationship. However, it was the first time since she had been in Africa that she vowed to put herself and her relationship with Callie on an even playing field with her career, if not higher, and pray that somehow she could find a way to repair the relationship she had severed so inexplicitly quickly.
It wasn’t just that Callie had remembered Arizona’s birthday; it was what she had chosen to send. Callie had taken a backseat to Arizona’s professional career and the kids she treated time and time again, no more so than with this opportunity in Africa. When they had been packing for the trip, Callie had teased her about how she kept cramming whatever toys and games and crafts she could into her suitcase before convincing Callie to so the same. Arizona knew that her first focus would be on making sure the facility, equipment and medical supplies were well stocked. The extras, like the games and crafts that helped to comfort and make the kids feel safe, was unfortunately not the top priority as much as Arizona bemoaned that fact.
Just three days after Arizona had left her standing in the airport, Callie was still staying at the Archfield, wallowing in how twisted her life had become, when she realized Arizona’s birthday was the following week. After the surprise party disaster the year before, Callie had promised no such surprises this year. But that didn’t mean she didn’t have plans for the two of them. Callie had been planning a night away at a bed and breakfast just outside Seattle. It would be quiet and serene. And it was just the kind of romantic gesture that Arizona would’ve loved. While Callie had set about canceling their reservations, she was remise to just let Arizona’s birthday go by without doing anything. It wasn’t just about Arizona’s birthday but also about celebrating the day that a year ago they had first said their ‘I love you’s’.
Callie sighed relieved at Arizona’s reaction to the gift. “I didn’t hear anything from you. I didn’t know if you even got it. Or if you did, well…I know you hate birthdays. So then I started wishing I hadn’t sent anything…”
“I wrote you an email the day the package came,” Arizona cut in not wanting Callie to beat herself up any further. “I couldn’t just write a thank you though. I think I wrote a short novel - trying to apologize, trying to explain. But I never sent it. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve for weeks to call you. I thought you would’ve hung up on me by now. God knows I deserve it.”
All Callie had heard from Arizona in the entire month she had been gone was a brief email sent when Arizona had arrived in Malawi letting her know she had arrived safely. There were no apologies, no explanations, no offers to keep in touch. Callie had written a brief email back thanking her for the email and pleading with her to take care of herself and stay safe in Malawi. After the first few days of their break-up, the anger had lessened and in its place Callie had just felt sad, heartbroken and numb. Her dreams were filled with visions of Arizona’s return and what they would say to each other. As Callie laid her head on her pillow each night, she never knew which dream would come - some nights their reunion was filled with tears of joy and running into each other’s arms. Other nights their reunion was filled with unrelenting hurt and angry words spewed out each other. Her waking moments were filled with visions of the beautiful woman and her sparkling blue eyes and the many many moments they had experienced together in their relationship. Callie was living her life in a daze, secretly counting down the days until Arizona’s return. 28 days down. 1,067 days to go.
Her heart may have been broken that day in the airport but there was only one person who could repair it. There would be no meetings and no trysts with anyone else in another dirty bar bathroom. Once she had a taste of Arizona Robbins, she was done. No one else stood a chance with her heart. All her friends were telling her to move on, to let her dreams of a life with Arizona go. But everyone else wasn’t Callie. They just didn’t understand how special their relationship and connection was. That when love had brought you the lowest of lows, then the highest of highs was just that much more. Arizona was her highpoint in life and she wasn’t ready to accept that they couldn’t find a way through this latest challenge, no matter how difficult it would be.
“Will you tell me about Malawi? What have you been doing?” Callie asked wanting to lighten the conversation in hopes of keeping it going for as long as possible. She wanted to know what Arizona’s days were like - she hoped the first hand stories and the imagery would help settle all the questions that popped up in her daydreams.
“Mostly building the blueprint for what we are going to do here. I’ve got nearly my full staff in place and we’ve already managed to get one operating room fully equipped.” Arizona continued as she heard Callie quietly express her amazement, “I’ve met with a lot of the local clinics to understand the most pressing needs and also make sure that the word gets out. So many times the local doctors and clinics and families give up so early on these kids and we need to make sure they know that my team is here and available.”
“It sounds like you’re off to a great start,” Callie said optimistically.
Arizona murmured an acknowledgment but didn’t say anything further. She had gotten off to a great start because she was working nearly around the clock, finding it near impossible to sleep or take a break without thinking of the Latina back in Seattle.
“Have you made plans for Christmas yet?” Arizona asked suddenly.
“No not yet. I’ll probably end up working since I’m off today and all.” Before the grant and the move to Africa, they had discussed spending Christmas together in Seattle and inviting both of their parents there to finally meet. But now, it was just another day that Callie was already dreading. She hated that she had looked so far ahead, had made plans and dreams, only to have them all come crashing down, because those plans and dreams had all centered around a sole blonde woman.
“If I came home around Christmas, would you see me?” Arizona spoke softly, a timid factor to her voice that was rarely evident. It was the question she been both eager and dreading to ask since Callie had come on the phone.
“Are you coming home?” Callie countered, holding her breath as she waited for the answer.
“I want to yes. I can work it out with the schedule and people here to leave for a bit the end of next month. I want to see you. But I know I have no right to expect or assume anything from you. And I don’t want to make things harder for you. So I’m asking you first. I want to see you. I want to spend time with you. I want you to say yes…but I’ll understand if you say no,” Arizona admitted.
Callie tilted her head back against the door, struggling to keep the tears at bay. “Why did you do it?” she questioned the blonde.
“Do what?” Arizona asked trying to follow Callie’s twist in the conversation, her brain not fully registering after having been so anxious for Callie’s answer.
“Leave me. I know I wasn’t over the top about moving to Africa but I was willing to do it. I would do it for you. I don’t understand after everything we’ve been through, after everything we said and promised especially after we got back together, that you could just leave me.” Callie said this not with anger but with a sense of confusion and hurt. Her mind just couldn’t comprehend or make sense of how easy Arizona seemed to make the decision to leave her behind. Callie may not have had the best sense of judgment in her past relationships but she truly thought things were different with Arizona. They had even said as much to each other.
“When I applied for this grant, I made a promise to follow through. I made the same promise years ago when I decided to go into Peds. I couldn’t turn it down,” Arizona insisted.
“Why can’t you make the same promise to me? To us? Why can’t you keep that promise you made to our relationship?” Callie begged her voice rising.
Arizona sighed calming herself before speaking, “We’re supposed to be stronger together. As a couple, we’re supposed to make each other stronger. Make each other better. If you had come with me, I would be holding you back. In time, you would have regretted being here, regretted giving up your life, your job, your friends to follow me here. And I don’t think our relationship would have gotten over that.”
“You didn’t even give us a chance to find out!” Callie exclaimed.
“But what would happen if I was right?” Arizona asked.
“What would have happened if you were wrong?” Callie retorted.
“I don’t think I would have been wrong,” Arizona insisted.
Callie groaned aggravated at Arizona’s never ending sense of confidence. “Arghh of course not. I know you’re always right, however annoying that may be, but can’t you at least admit that maybe just maybe there’s a chance that you wouldn’t be right this time? I could stand by your side in Malawi, I could help you! I’m a surgeon too for Christ’s sake! I wouldn’t be giving up practicing medicine. And I’ve been to Africa. I spent a year there, I know the challenges, I know it’s not easy!”
Arizona spoke cautiously, “I didn’t want to be right. But if I was, and Callie you know deep down that was highly likely, I don’t think we would have been able to ever get over that.” Arizona had convinced herself that she was right on this point.
Callie’s voice rose as she became more agitated with Arizona’s reasons. “And yet you think we’ll get over this? Telling me in an airport that you’re leaving me? Being apart for three years?”
“I’m…hopeful. It’s all I can be right now. I know I didn’t handle it right with what I did either but I was so excited when you said you were coming with me that it blinded me to the reality until that last day,” Arizona paused for a moment hoping to cover the sniffling and tears before lowering her voice even further, “I miss you Calliope. Every day, every minute, I miss you. I hate this situation that we’re in. I’m trying to set things up here as quickly as possible with a great team so maybe I can come home earlier or at least come home more often. Do…Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”
“Oh Arizona,” Callie crooned shaking her head at the desperation she heard in Arizona. Although there was still a heavy weight of anger and hurt laying on her heart, Callie knew that in time these feelings would be trumped by the opportunity to spend her life with Arizona. “You know three years ago, I didn’t even know you. You weren’t even in Seattle yet. And that seems like decades ago. I feel like you’ve been in my life for so much longer than a year and a half.” Callie took a deep breath steeling herself as she put herself out there on the line once more begging for Arizona to take hold. “So you know three years can go by really fast…,” Callie hinted alluding to her willingness to wait this time out while Arizona worked in Africa.
“I can’t ask you to put your life on hold,” Arizona replied still weary of letting Callie make such a huge sacrifice.
“You’re not asking. I’m telling you that I’ll wait for you. So you do what you need to do there. Make your professional dreams happen. But Arizona, after three years or maybe you are able to make it a lot less, I’m hoping that you’ll finally do something for yourself. Come back to me and make your own personal dreams come true,” Callie pleaded. “Let me make you happy.”
Arizona wiped the tears from her face with her shirt sleeve no longer able to hold back. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was that Callie wasn’t letting go and was going to keep fighting for them.
“I never realized how much I’ve come to rely on you until I didn’t have you. How much I need you in my life in so many different ways. I’ve prided myself on being my own good man in a storm. My dad always told me that I controlled my own destiny but that you honor others by putting the greater good before your own. But I don’t think he ever intended this. To cut the woman I promised forever to out of my life,” Arizona said still sniffling.
“Well now you know,” Callie replied smartly. “You don’t have to do this on your own Arizona. I want to support you. I won’t lie and say I’m happy about this but I stand behind what I said that day in the airport. We can find a way to make this work. But we have to start back at the basics - we can’t spend this time living completely separate lives. We need to keep in touch, we need to talk to each other. Maybe I can even come for part of the time,” Callie adds with an air of hope.
Arizona nodded her head in agreement before responding, “That would be great. I would love that. And there’s internet at my living quarters. I can check my email pretty regularly. I’ll write you ok? I know it’s not the same and I’ll call as much as I can but I’ll write you everyday - I’ll tell you what’s going on here, what I’m thinking about, the people here…what my hopes are for us. And you can read them or not. And maybe you’ll write me back. Or maybe you won’t. I know I still have a lot to make up for. So you can rant and rage in the emails. Don’t hold back ok?”
Callie laughed, Arizona knew her so well. “Ok I won’t.”
“And Callie, if you change your mind --,” Arizona started to offer.
“No.”
“Calliope -,” she started but was interrupted again.
“No Arizona. No. Just don’t even finish that. I know what I want. If you change your mind, if you meet someone --,” Callie trailed off unable to finish the sentence.
“The only people I’ll be crushing on will be under the age of ten and have me working tiny medical miracles on them,” Arizona assured.
“Ok then,” Callie answered a slow grin forming.
The two women lapsed into a comfortable silence, with only the faint traces of their breathing being heard through the line. Callie unfolded her legs, stretching them out on the floor in front of her as she shifted her position. As she looked around her apartment, still void of most of her furniture and belongings that were in boxes that she had yet to unpack, there was only one thing left to say.
“Arizona? Come home for Christmas ok? I’ll have your stocking hung on the fireplace for you.”
Author: silver222
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG
Summary: Callie is in Seattle. Arizona is in Africa. It’s Thanksgiving and no better time to begin to resolve their separation across continents.
Disclaimer: All characters, events, settings and situations mentioned in this work are sole property of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use.
Forever on Thanksgiving Day
The heart will find the pathway home.
~Wilbur D. Nesbit
Callie wanted nothing to do with Thanksgiving this year. She had wanted to be at work, mending bones and working on her research, treating the day the same as any other day and any other Thursday. She didn’t want to attend any festivities, didn’t want to sit around a dinner table eating the traditional holiday fixings, and she sure didn’t want to give any thought as to what she had to be thankful for. Although, a list of what she was not thankful for she would be happy to make. Carter Madison grants. Africa. Sick kids. Blondes that left her. And that was only the start of the list.
But somehow the fates were against her. Not only was she not scheduled to work but somehow Mark had managed to use his charms and convince her to attend his Thanksgiving dinner. Although Callie figured it could be a lot worse. It would be a small gathering with only Owen and Christina. Callie could at least be certain that Christina would not be enforcing any inkling of over the top holiday spirit. And there would be liquor. Lots and lots of liquor.
Plus Mark had promised he had everything taken care of. All Callie had to do was show up, he had said. She didn’t need to bring anything and she didn’t need to help with the cooking. If she really wanted to do something, he had said she could bring a bottle of wine but even then he had made clear that effort was also completely optional. He had promised to make sure his wine and liquor stash was sufficiently stocked. Mark had no problem if she drank the night away; he just didn’t want her spending one more night wallowing in her apartment alone.
And yet even with those promises, on Thanksgiving day Callie still found herself with an apron tied around her waist and oven mitts on, as she checked on the turkey in the oven. “Geez Mark next time you volunteer to cook Thanksgiving dinner without any help, maybe you could make sure you at least know how to cook the turkey.”
“I didn’t know it would be this hard! I’ve never done this before!” Mark whined in response.
“Clearly,” Callie mumbled as she moved to check on the potatoes on the stovetop. Her attention turned towards the other end of the kitchen counter where she had dropped her keys and purse upon her arrival. “Arghh…could you at least make yourself useful and answer my phone?” Callie asked as her phone started ringing and her hands were clearly full with the task of pulling dinner together.
“I’m on it,” Mark jumped up and grabbed Callie’s phone off the counter, hitting the answer button without looking at the caller id. “Callie’s phone, she’s currently got her head in the oven, can I take a message?” he asked smirking at his own attempt at humor.
“Mark?” asked the surprised voice on the other line.
Mark’s head shot up as he looked over towards Callie as if she would be able to hear the caller on the other end.
His attention was brought back to the phone as he heard, “Hey Mark, it’s Arizona.”
Mark nodded his head silently before clearing his throat, “Uh hey. Hi. How are you?”
“Who is it?” Callie asked as she put the lid back on the pan she had been stirring. Callie turned to look at Mark, her own heart speeding up as she noticed his eyes were still, his normal swagger was frozen. “Mark?” Callie questioned, quickly becoming alarmed.
“Geez, is it my dad?” Callie whispered. After finding out about Sloan’s prior ‘relationship’ with his daughter, Mr. Torres was not a fan of her best friend, to say the least. Callie had still been expecting the traditional holiday greetings call from her parents today and was now regretting letting Mark answer her phone.
Mark just shook his head.
The voice on the other end of the line spoke again as he tried to focus his attention and reign in his shock. “I’m ok. Is Callie there? Could I talk to her please?” She hadn’t meant to sound so pleading but after having worked up the nerve to call Callie for the first time since she left she hadn’t expected to have to go through Mark first.
“Uh yeah sorry, hang on I’ll get her,” Mark turned the phone into his shoulder covering the ear piece. “It’s not your dad,” he said towards Callie shaking his head.
“Then who is it?”
“Arizona.”
Callie froze. She had been doing so well these last few days. She had gotten back in a routine - work, home, sleep. It was simple but she considered it a success that she was no longer spending all day cooped up in her apartment watching bad made for tv movies. She had even managed to start unpacking a few of her boxes and was slowing getting her newly recouped apartment and her life back together. At least now her every waking moment wasn’t filled with memories of Arizona. She still had moments that triggered thoughts of the blonde - it was hard not to when so much of their time together had been together in her apartment and at the hospital. However, today had been a good ‘Arizona free day’ mostly because Mark had done so well in distracting her with Thanksgiving preparations.
She continued to stare at Mark before jumping back to reality and grabbing her phone out of his hand.
“Hello?” she asked, her voice a combination of controlled excitement and shock.
“Calliope. Hi.” Arizona responded, releasing a sigh, relief evident in her voice.
“Arizona?” Callie asked still surprised to be hearing her voice. “Oh my god,” she exhaled.
“Yeah it’s me.” She hesitated, weighing her next words carefully. She settled for the norm, a common question, although with their current relationship as treacherous as ever, even this next question was anything but safe. “How are you?”
“I’m...umm…I’m fine,” Callie stuttered opting for the half truth and the easy response.
“Callie who’s on the phone? Come on you’re missing the best part!” Christina shouted from the living area where she and Owen had resorted to watching some medical mystery show.
Mark tried to hush Christina signaling like crazy with his arms but to no avail.
Callie put her hand over the phone, hissing “It’s Arizona” at Christina before turning her back towards the others as she tried to focus on hearing the voice on the other end of the phone.
“Are you serious?” Christina asked not hiding her disdain. Although Callie’s girlfriend may not have been her favorite person, she had respected her right up until she was yet another girlfriend that up and left a disheveled and distraught Callie behind.
“Callie?” Arizona asked wincing at how rough that sounded coming from her. “Calliope? Are you still there?”
“Hey no I’m sorry. I’m here. I’m just gonna go…somewhere quieter,” she looked around Mark’s apartment before grabbing her keys off the counter and heading towards the door.
“I’m sorry, I’m interrupting your plans. I can let you go,” Arizona offered halfheartedly hoping that Callie wouldn’t really take her up on the offer.
“NO! No, please don’t hang up,” she begged darting out of Mark’s apartment and into her own apartment across the hall, she closed the front door and slide down to the floor, her back resting against the door. “I can hear you now.”
Arizona grinned to herself, “I wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. Although I probably shouldn’t have called you at dinner time. I don’t really have the time difference down yet.”
“It’s fine. Really. It’s Mark and Christina and Owen. You know them, they’re always here, you’re not disturbing anything,” Callie assured her.
“Okay,” Arizona replied not sounding convinced.
“And Happy Thanksgiving to you too. Are you doing anything special today? Is there anyone special that you can celebrate with?” Callie kicked herself as soon as the words came out of mouth, not intending how it was said.
“Umm nothing too special. I helped the kids make paper turkey hands but they don’t really understand Thanksgiving so it was more just cutouts of their hands,” Arizona replied.
Callie released a small laugh, “Yeah I bet,” before they both lapsed into an awkward silence.
“Callie -”
“Arizona -,” they both said at the same time.
They both chuckled lightly before Arizona asked, “Let me go first, please?”
“Ok,” Callie relented.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called. I’ve wanted to. I just didn’t know how I could hear your voice and not break down. But today, I’m trying to celebrate Thanksgiving and I’m trying to remember all the things I’m thankful for and all I can do is think about you. And I know it’s not fair, it’s not fair to either of us, and it’s definitely not fair to you, but all I could think about is how happy and how thankful I would be if I could just hear your voice again,” Arizona confessed hoping that Callie would be able to accept her honesty.
There was silence as Callie fought to control her emotions. It was enough just hearing Arizona’s voice but the affection and love that Callie had assumed the blonde had written off when she walked away in the airport was so embedded in the words she had just spoken.
“Umm or maybe not?” Arizona joked after a couple beats of silence.
Callie laughed, “Me too,” she said softly wanting to echo Arizona’s words but not able to get any other words out past the lump in her throat.
Arizona released the breath she had been holding, comforted that Callie seemed willing to hear her out. “I’m glad you’re able to get together with your friends for dinner. Is Mark making you do all the work? He always did take advantage of your cooking,” Arizona grinned recalling how often Mark would manage to come by just as Callie had started cooking a meal and would manage to get himself an invite to join them or at the very least a plate to take back to his apartment.
“Yes! Somehow even when I’m not hosting, I still end up doing all the work. I don’t know why I spend the holidays with him,” Callie complained trailing off at the end of the sentence. It went unspoken that without Mark, Callie really didn’t have anywhere else to go this year.
“Well even so, it sounds nice,” Arizona said in a comforting manner. “I…I also wanted to thank you for the birthday gift,” she stuttered feeling nervous once again.
Callie perked up upon hearing this. “You got it? It got there ok?”
”I did. It was perfect.” Arizona’s eyes had filled with tears the day the package came and she saw the postmark from Seattle and Callie’s handwriting. Callie had sent her a large box full of arts and craft supplies to entertain the kids she worked with. There was a simple note within wishing her a happy birthday but went no further. She had broken down at Callie’s selfless gesture. It wasn’t the first time she had cursed the timing of the grant due to its direct cause in the fracture of her and Callie’s relationship. However, it was the first time since she had been in Africa that she vowed to put herself and her relationship with Callie on an even playing field with her career, if not higher, and pray that somehow she could find a way to repair the relationship she had severed so inexplicitly quickly.
It wasn’t just that Callie had remembered Arizona’s birthday; it was what she had chosen to send. Callie had taken a backseat to Arizona’s professional career and the kids she treated time and time again, no more so than with this opportunity in Africa. When they had been packing for the trip, Callie had teased her about how she kept cramming whatever toys and games and crafts she could into her suitcase before convincing Callie to so the same. Arizona knew that her first focus would be on making sure the facility, equipment and medical supplies were well stocked. The extras, like the games and crafts that helped to comfort and make the kids feel safe, was unfortunately not the top priority as much as Arizona bemoaned that fact.
Just three days after Arizona had left her standing in the airport, Callie was still staying at the Archfield, wallowing in how twisted her life had become, when she realized Arizona’s birthday was the following week. After the surprise party disaster the year before, Callie had promised no such surprises this year. But that didn’t mean she didn’t have plans for the two of them. Callie had been planning a night away at a bed and breakfast just outside Seattle. It would be quiet and serene. And it was just the kind of romantic gesture that Arizona would’ve loved. While Callie had set about canceling their reservations, she was remise to just let Arizona’s birthday go by without doing anything. It wasn’t just about Arizona’s birthday but also about celebrating the day that a year ago they had first said their ‘I love you’s’.
Callie sighed relieved at Arizona’s reaction to the gift. “I didn’t hear anything from you. I didn’t know if you even got it. Or if you did, well…I know you hate birthdays. So then I started wishing I hadn’t sent anything…”
“I wrote you an email the day the package came,” Arizona cut in not wanting Callie to beat herself up any further. “I couldn’t just write a thank you though. I think I wrote a short novel - trying to apologize, trying to explain. But I never sent it. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve for weeks to call you. I thought you would’ve hung up on me by now. God knows I deserve it.”
All Callie had heard from Arizona in the entire month she had been gone was a brief email sent when Arizona had arrived in Malawi letting her know she had arrived safely. There were no apologies, no explanations, no offers to keep in touch. Callie had written a brief email back thanking her for the email and pleading with her to take care of herself and stay safe in Malawi. After the first few days of their break-up, the anger had lessened and in its place Callie had just felt sad, heartbroken and numb. Her dreams were filled with visions of Arizona’s return and what they would say to each other. As Callie laid her head on her pillow each night, she never knew which dream would come - some nights their reunion was filled with tears of joy and running into each other’s arms. Other nights their reunion was filled with unrelenting hurt and angry words spewed out each other. Her waking moments were filled with visions of the beautiful woman and her sparkling blue eyes and the many many moments they had experienced together in their relationship. Callie was living her life in a daze, secretly counting down the days until Arizona’s return. 28 days down. 1,067 days to go.
Her heart may have been broken that day in the airport but there was only one person who could repair it. There would be no meetings and no trysts with anyone else in another dirty bar bathroom. Once she had a taste of Arizona Robbins, she was done. No one else stood a chance with her heart. All her friends were telling her to move on, to let her dreams of a life with Arizona go. But everyone else wasn’t Callie. They just didn’t understand how special their relationship and connection was. That when love had brought you the lowest of lows, then the highest of highs was just that much more. Arizona was her highpoint in life and she wasn’t ready to accept that they couldn’t find a way through this latest challenge, no matter how difficult it would be.
“Will you tell me about Malawi? What have you been doing?” Callie asked wanting to lighten the conversation in hopes of keeping it going for as long as possible. She wanted to know what Arizona’s days were like - she hoped the first hand stories and the imagery would help settle all the questions that popped up in her daydreams.
“Mostly building the blueprint for what we are going to do here. I’ve got nearly my full staff in place and we’ve already managed to get one operating room fully equipped.” Arizona continued as she heard Callie quietly express her amazement, “I’ve met with a lot of the local clinics to understand the most pressing needs and also make sure that the word gets out. So many times the local doctors and clinics and families give up so early on these kids and we need to make sure they know that my team is here and available.”
“It sounds like you’re off to a great start,” Callie said optimistically.
Arizona murmured an acknowledgment but didn’t say anything further. She had gotten off to a great start because she was working nearly around the clock, finding it near impossible to sleep or take a break without thinking of the Latina back in Seattle.
“Have you made plans for Christmas yet?” Arizona asked suddenly.
“No not yet. I’ll probably end up working since I’m off today and all.” Before the grant and the move to Africa, they had discussed spending Christmas together in Seattle and inviting both of their parents there to finally meet. But now, it was just another day that Callie was already dreading. She hated that she had looked so far ahead, had made plans and dreams, only to have them all come crashing down, because those plans and dreams had all centered around a sole blonde woman.
“If I came home around Christmas, would you see me?” Arizona spoke softly, a timid factor to her voice that was rarely evident. It was the question she been both eager and dreading to ask since Callie had come on the phone.
“Are you coming home?” Callie countered, holding her breath as she waited for the answer.
“I want to yes. I can work it out with the schedule and people here to leave for a bit the end of next month. I want to see you. But I know I have no right to expect or assume anything from you. And I don’t want to make things harder for you. So I’m asking you first. I want to see you. I want to spend time with you. I want you to say yes…but I’ll understand if you say no,” Arizona admitted.
Callie tilted her head back against the door, struggling to keep the tears at bay. “Why did you do it?” she questioned the blonde.
“Do what?” Arizona asked trying to follow Callie’s twist in the conversation, her brain not fully registering after having been so anxious for Callie’s answer.
“Leave me. I know I wasn’t over the top about moving to Africa but I was willing to do it. I would do it for you. I don’t understand after everything we’ve been through, after everything we said and promised especially after we got back together, that you could just leave me.” Callie said this not with anger but with a sense of confusion and hurt. Her mind just couldn’t comprehend or make sense of how easy Arizona seemed to make the decision to leave her behind. Callie may not have had the best sense of judgment in her past relationships but she truly thought things were different with Arizona. They had even said as much to each other.
“When I applied for this grant, I made a promise to follow through. I made the same promise years ago when I decided to go into Peds. I couldn’t turn it down,” Arizona insisted.
“Why can’t you make the same promise to me? To us? Why can’t you keep that promise you made to our relationship?” Callie begged her voice rising.
Arizona sighed calming herself before speaking, “We’re supposed to be stronger together. As a couple, we’re supposed to make each other stronger. Make each other better. If you had come with me, I would be holding you back. In time, you would have regretted being here, regretted giving up your life, your job, your friends to follow me here. And I don’t think our relationship would have gotten over that.”
“You didn’t even give us a chance to find out!” Callie exclaimed.
“But what would happen if I was right?” Arizona asked.
“What would have happened if you were wrong?” Callie retorted.
“I don’t think I would have been wrong,” Arizona insisted.
Callie groaned aggravated at Arizona’s never ending sense of confidence. “Arghh of course not. I know you’re always right, however annoying that may be, but can’t you at least admit that maybe just maybe there’s a chance that you wouldn’t be right this time? I could stand by your side in Malawi, I could help you! I’m a surgeon too for Christ’s sake! I wouldn’t be giving up practicing medicine. And I’ve been to Africa. I spent a year there, I know the challenges, I know it’s not easy!”
Arizona spoke cautiously, “I didn’t want to be right. But if I was, and Callie you know deep down that was highly likely, I don’t think we would have been able to ever get over that.” Arizona had convinced herself that she was right on this point.
Callie’s voice rose as she became more agitated with Arizona’s reasons. “And yet you think we’ll get over this? Telling me in an airport that you’re leaving me? Being apart for three years?”
“I’m…hopeful. It’s all I can be right now. I know I didn’t handle it right with what I did either but I was so excited when you said you were coming with me that it blinded me to the reality until that last day,” Arizona paused for a moment hoping to cover the sniffling and tears before lowering her voice even further, “I miss you Calliope. Every day, every minute, I miss you. I hate this situation that we’re in. I’m trying to set things up here as quickly as possible with a great team so maybe I can come home earlier or at least come home more often. Do…Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”
“Oh Arizona,” Callie crooned shaking her head at the desperation she heard in Arizona. Although there was still a heavy weight of anger and hurt laying on her heart, Callie knew that in time these feelings would be trumped by the opportunity to spend her life with Arizona. “You know three years ago, I didn’t even know you. You weren’t even in Seattle yet. And that seems like decades ago. I feel like you’ve been in my life for so much longer than a year and a half.” Callie took a deep breath steeling herself as she put herself out there on the line once more begging for Arizona to take hold. “So you know three years can go by really fast…,” Callie hinted alluding to her willingness to wait this time out while Arizona worked in Africa.
“I can’t ask you to put your life on hold,” Arizona replied still weary of letting Callie make such a huge sacrifice.
“You’re not asking. I’m telling you that I’ll wait for you. So you do what you need to do there. Make your professional dreams happen. But Arizona, after three years or maybe you are able to make it a lot less, I’m hoping that you’ll finally do something for yourself. Come back to me and make your own personal dreams come true,” Callie pleaded. “Let me make you happy.”
Arizona wiped the tears from her face with her shirt sleeve no longer able to hold back. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was that Callie wasn’t letting go and was going to keep fighting for them.
“I never realized how much I’ve come to rely on you until I didn’t have you. How much I need you in my life in so many different ways. I’ve prided myself on being my own good man in a storm. My dad always told me that I controlled my own destiny but that you honor others by putting the greater good before your own. But I don’t think he ever intended this. To cut the woman I promised forever to out of my life,” Arizona said still sniffling.
“Well now you know,” Callie replied smartly. “You don’t have to do this on your own Arizona. I want to support you. I won’t lie and say I’m happy about this but I stand behind what I said that day in the airport. We can find a way to make this work. But we have to start back at the basics - we can’t spend this time living completely separate lives. We need to keep in touch, we need to talk to each other. Maybe I can even come for part of the time,” Callie adds with an air of hope.
Arizona nodded her head in agreement before responding, “That would be great. I would love that. And there’s internet at my living quarters. I can check my email pretty regularly. I’ll write you ok? I know it’s not the same and I’ll call as much as I can but I’ll write you everyday - I’ll tell you what’s going on here, what I’m thinking about, the people here…what my hopes are for us. And you can read them or not. And maybe you’ll write me back. Or maybe you won’t. I know I still have a lot to make up for. So you can rant and rage in the emails. Don’t hold back ok?”
Callie laughed, Arizona knew her so well. “Ok I won’t.”
“And Callie, if you change your mind --,” Arizona started to offer.
“No.”
“Calliope -,” she started but was interrupted again.
“No Arizona. No. Just don’t even finish that. I know what I want. If you change your mind, if you meet someone --,” Callie trailed off unable to finish the sentence.
“The only people I’ll be crushing on will be under the age of ten and have me working tiny medical miracles on them,” Arizona assured.
“Ok then,” Callie answered a slow grin forming.
The two women lapsed into a comfortable silence, with only the faint traces of their breathing being heard through the line. Callie unfolded her legs, stretching them out on the floor in front of her as she shifted her position. As she looked around her apartment, still void of most of her furniture and belongings that were in boxes that she had yet to unpack, there was only one thing left to say.
“Arizona? Come home for Christmas ok? I’ll have your stocking hung on the fireplace for you.”