I Thought I Don't Want You
Title: I Thought I Don't Want You
Author: Shattered Tenshi
Fandom: JE, KAT-TUN
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst...kinda?
Pairing/Characters: Akame and something else
Warnings: Real Person Slash
Summary: Unbeta-ed. Companion fic to I Thought I Don't Need You.
I Thought I Don’t Want You
By Shattered Tenshi
He took a deep breath as he tried to sort out his jumbled thoughts as he took his time walking to their dressing room.
Today was the day. That's what he has decided.
Today was the day where he'll erase all the distance that stood between them and get his best friend back. At least...he hope will. He hated those obligated "Good Morning"s and awkward silences between him and Kame. It didn't feel right when less than a year ago they were joking and fooling with each other every single day.
It wasn't like he didn't know what to say to Kame. He knew. He had lots to say.
"How have you been?"
"Ne, let's hang out and go shopping or something on our next day-off."
"Did you have fun with Yamapi? Was it too much work?"
"I wasn't mad at you. Really. I just..."
"I miss you, Kame."
He could never get the words out though. Maybe it was because of his pride. Because...he added to the distance between him and Kame willingly when he got mad at him for being part of Shuuji to Akira. He knew though, that Kame wasn't at fault. It wasn't his fault that it's what his work consisted of. He understood, yet...
Whenever he was alone with Kame, he could feel Kame's eyes staring at him. He always wondered then what Kame wanted from him. Because he no longer felt like he understood Kame anymore. He didn't know what the younger male thought or want anymore.
He hated it. He hated how they could no longer read each other's thoughts without words.
He wasn't even sure when they started to drift apart. They were together filming Gokusen 2...then he was away filming Anego. Then Kame was away filming Nobuta wo Produce with Yamapi. Somewhere between that period of time, something happened and their relationship shattered into little pieces that can never be repaired.
He wanted to pick up those pieces and attempt to mend their relationship. He was the one who made everything worse...so he will also be the one to make everything better.
The moment he walked into the dressing room, he knew he was late. Ueda gave him a glare, warning him, but didn't speak as he continued to listento his mp3 player while strumming an invisible guitar at his seat. Koki and Maru were practicing their rap and beat-boxing skills over in a corner. Junno was too focused on his Game Boy to care about anything else. Kame was...Kame was sitting at his seat with his back behind facing him. He didn't bother turning around to greet the older male.
Jin bit his bottom lip and took his seat beside Kame. He'll wait till after he finished his make-up first.
So the moment he did finish, he took a deep breath. He can do this. He needs to do this.
"Kamenashi-kun."
He didn't like calling Kame that...but he couldn't bring himself calling Kame 'Kame' either after all those months. He noticed the younger male finally turning his head around.
"Yes?"
Jin quickly searched his mind for a topic. Even though he planned to start a conversation beforehand, hearing Kame talking to him seem to mess his mind up a bit. "How did you spend your day-off yesterday?" he decided to ask and smiled.
When an answer didn’t come, he started to panic in his mind while keeping his smile. Did he say something wrong? Did he ruin his chance already? "Kamenashi-kun?"
His smile brightened when a reply finally came. From that one question, an actual conversation actually started between them.
They were actually laughing together until an assistant of the show knocked on the door, telling them they were going on in five minutes.
Jin wanted to kick and punch that assistant or something for disturbing their conversation, but seeing Kame standing up to prepare for their performance, he sighed quietly and decided they had made good progress for the time being.
The performance was one of the best they've given since who knows when because he was able to look at Kame and share a knowing glance with him. They no longer had to avoid each other on the stage. They can openly smile at each other genuinely.
Jin was happy. But he was especially happy when he received that grateful smile from Kame on stage. Because of those words that he, Akanishi Jin, had said.
"I’m on Kame's side today."
He was finally able to call Kame 'Kame'.
His best friend was back in his life.
"Jin, let’s break up."
"What?" Jin exclaimed and stared at Ueda.
When the older male held him back from joining the rest of the group to practice their dance steps, saying they need to talk in private, this wasn't what he had expected. He has been going out with Ueda for over a year already and no recent events between them have hinted a break-up. Of course, no one in the group knew they were going out, so there were several times they had to cancel their dates to cover up…but those didn’t count right?
Ueda smiled slightly. "You heard me, Jin. Let’s break up."
"Wait, why are you smiling?" Jin was confused. "Why do we need to break-up? Did I do something wrong?"
"You're friends with Kame again..."
The younger male cut him off. "Are you jealous of Kame? There's nothing between us! We're just friends..."
"Jin!" Ueda placed a hand on his arm to stop his words. "Do you remember why we started going out in the first place?"
He could only stare at Ueda. He remembered...
Taking his hand off Jin's arm, Ueda continued speaking, "I confessed to you and you agreed to give me a chance...but I knew you didn't actually like me. You were only trying to forget your own feelings."
"Tatsuya! Don’t say it like I lied to you. I really do like you..." Jin trailed off, not knowing what to say.
"I wouldn't say you lied to me. After all, I was the one who chose to be with you even though I knew of your feelings. We did have fun together. Maybe we really were in love with each other at one point...but those feelings have changed. Don't you agree? I honestly think that I might have confused my feelings for you. And Jin, I know you'll never forget Kame." Ueda looked at Jin, his stare making Jin feel like he was an open book.
He turned away from Ueda. Jin understood what Ueda was saying and knew that deep in his heart, it was probably true. When Ueda had confessed to him, he was actually trying to forget his feelings for Kame, trying to convince himself that Kame was only his best friend. Ueda said he only wanted a chance, that he didn't care if Jin actually had feelings for him or not.
Once they started dating though, Jin found himself liking Ueda more and more, so he thought he could forget Kame. But now that Ueda pointed it out, he knew he was just lying to himself.
Arms wrapped around him from behind. "Ne, Jin. Can you...kiss me one final time?"
Jin took a deep breath. He really should stop lying to himself and hiding from the truth. He turned around and wrapped his own arms around Ueda and lowered his lips on to Ueda's waiting ones.
As he kissed Ueda, he thought he heard a soft click, but he ignored it, concentrating on what he was feeling on his lips.
They quickly separated when there was a loud knock on the door. Ueda was blushing slightly and Jin kept staring up at the ceiling. A staff member popped his head in, "Akanishi-san, Ueda-san, it’s nearly time for the recording to start."
"Alright." Ueda replied for the two of them. The moment the door closed, Ueda spoke again. "Jin, maybe you should try to understand Kame more." He walked towards the door, getting ready to leave.
"Huh?"
"If you really like Kame, understand him more. Maybe your wish will come true." With a smile, Ueda left the dressing room, leaving Jin staring after him.
Looking around, Jin couldn't spot the youngest member of the group. After their performance, he has taken his time to change since he was tired, but he wasn't expecting Kame to be gone so quickly. He was hoping to invite the younger one to dinner, and maybe take Ueda’s advice to understand Kame more.
"Hage, did Kame leave already?"
Koki turned around and yelled, "Don't call me, Hage, you Bakanishi!" He lowered his voice. "Kame left right after the performance. Maru went after him, saying Kame didn't look so well after he went to call you and Ueda. He did seem quieter..." The rapper muttered to himself.
Jin blinked. "Wait, did you say Kame went to call us before the performance? But it was one of the staff members..." Suddenly, he remembered the soft click he heard and his face paled. In the fastest speed he could manage, Jin grabbed all of his things and rushed out of the room, ignoring Koki's question of where he was going.
Only one thing was going through his mind right now.
Kame saw the kiss. Kame saw him and Ueda kissing.
If Jin was thinking properly, he would have realized Kame was probably long gone, but he wasn't, so he ended up running out the building, frantically looking left and right and trying to figure out which way Kame went.
After searching for ten minutes, Jin decided it might be a smart idea to call Kame's cell phone to see where he was. Not that he knew what he could say to Kame, knowing what Kame saw.
He took out his cell phone and was about to call when he heard voices coming from the alley ahead. The words weren't clear, but Jin thought the voices sounded familiar.
When he approached the alley, he wasn't sure what he should be feeling.
Crouching against the wall was Kame crying as Nakamaru hugged him.
Jin wanted to rush up and ask Kame what's wrong, but his legs wouldn't move.
At that moment, Maru leaned closer to the smaller boy and gave him a kiss on the top of his head, saying "Don't worry, Kazuya. I'll be here with you."
Feeling he was disrupting something he shouldn't be, Jin did the first thing his mind could think of.
He ran away.
The moment Jin got home, he could only sit down on the couch and stare ahead. The thought that Kame saw the kiss and the scene between Kame and Maru just kept on replaying in his mind.
He wasn't sure how long he had sat there until his cell phone rang and broke his trail of thoughts.
"Jin, are you alright?" Ueda’s worried voice came over the other end. "I heard from Koki that you were acting weird..." When he heard no reply, he softened his voice. "Jin, what happened?"
Suddenly, as if something triggered inside of him, Jin blurted out everything he found out and saw. There a short of period of silence between the two when he finished speaking.
"Bakanishi!"
"Eh?" Jin was surprised at the sudden insult from Ueda.
"Why do you think Kame was crying in the first place? Nothing happened during the recording, so it most likely has happened before the recording. Kame was crying because he saw you kissing me! And don't question me!" Ueda said, as if he could tell Jin’s coming question. "I'm more observant than you think! Doesn't that just prove how Kame has feelings for you? Maru was just comforting him, I'm sure of that too."
Jin wasn't sure how much time Ueda spent convincing him, but by the end of the night, he came to a decision.
He wanted Kamenashi Kazuya. Not just as a friend.
When he told Ueda his decision, he could feel Ueda smiling over the phone. "I shall take back the 'Bakanishi' comment just because you said that."
After ending the conversation between Ueda and him, Jin spent the whole night rolling in his bed, reliving all the memories he had of Kame. How they first met, how they became friends, when they went on that trip to Okinawa, the many performances they had as KAT-TUN, the day-offs they spent with each other...
The more he thought about it, the more he believed the decision he made is correct.
There was one thing he was scared of at the moment though.
He was afraid Kame was going to ignore him again because of what he saw.
Jin wasn't sure what he'll do if Kame distances himself from the older male again. Maybe he'll break down. After all, if there was no Kamenashi Kazuya in his life...he didn't want to think about it.
That was the main reason Jin had his heart in his throat as he approached closer to KAT-TUN's dressing room the next day. What if Kame doesn't respond to his greeting? But if Kame responds, does that mean he's suppressing his feelings? Jin didn't know which outcome was worse. His mind was getting all jumbled and he wasn't sure of his thoughts anymore.
He'll take it step by step.
When Jin entered the dressing room, the first thing, or rather person, his eyes set on was Kame.
Smiling tentatively, Jin thought, "If Kame responds, it's a sign that I should never let go of him again. That I still have a chance."
"Kame, good morning."
Jin thought his heart was going to melt when Kame's eyes met his. His smile widened.
"Good morning, Jin."
Author's Note: This whole fic sounded so much better in my head. Now that I actually wrote...everything seems so awkward. =.= I said I'd torture Jin, but I lied. This is so much more...happier? brighter than Kame's side of the story. Junno just doesn't seem to exist in my fics...T.T This probably totally calls for a sequel where Jin puts his plan of making Kame his to work...but I don't have any idea, so don't be expecting one anytime soon. I don't like this fic...it's messed up...someone tell me what's wrong? Or convince me it's actually okay?
I'm thinking about my next Akame fic right now...and realized I'm planning to make it somewhat angsty again. And so is my next next one. My two multi-chaptered ones that I thought of are slightly happier though...but I swear, I probably will still end up making Kame sad. ><'' I wonder when I'll actually be able to write pure Akame fluff?
Author: Shattered Tenshi
Fandom: JE, KAT-TUN
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst...kinda?
Pairing/Characters: Akame and something else
Warnings: Real Person Slash
Summary: Unbeta-ed. Companion fic to I Thought I Don't Need You.
I Thought I Don’t Want You
By Shattered Tenshi
He took a deep breath as he tried to sort out his jumbled thoughts as he took his time walking to their dressing room.
Today was the day. That's what he has decided.
Today was the day where he'll erase all the distance that stood between them and get his best friend back. At least...he hope will. He hated those obligated "Good Morning"s and awkward silences between him and Kame. It didn't feel right when less than a year ago they were joking and fooling with each other every single day.
It wasn't like he didn't know what to say to Kame. He knew. He had lots to say.
"How have you been?"
"Ne, let's hang out and go shopping or something on our next day-off."
"Did you have fun with Yamapi? Was it too much work?"
"I wasn't mad at you. Really. I just..."
"I miss you, Kame."
He could never get the words out though. Maybe it was because of his pride. Because...he added to the distance between him and Kame willingly when he got mad at him for being part of Shuuji to Akira. He knew though, that Kame wasn't at fault. It wasn't his fault that it's what his work consisted of. He understood, yet...
Whenever he was alone with Kame, he could feel Kame's eyes staring at him. He always wondered then what Kame wanted from him. Because he no longer felt like he understood Kame anymore. He didn't know what the younger male thought or want anymore.
He hated it. He hated how they could no longer read each other's thoughts without words.
He wasn't even sure when they started to drift apart. They were together filming Gokusen 2...then he was away filming Anego. Then Kame was away filming Nobuta wo Produce with Yamapi. Somewhere between that period of time, something happened and their relationship shattered into little pieces that can never be repaired.
He wanted to pick up those pieces and attempt to mend their relationship. He was the one who made everything worse...so he will also be the one to make everything better.
The moment he walked into the dressing room, he knew he was late. Ueda gave him a glare, warning him, but didn't speak as he continued to listento his mp3 player while strumming an invisible guitar at his seat. Koki and Maru were practicing their rap and beat-boxing skills over in a corner. Junno was too focused on his Game Boy to care about anything else. Kame was...Kame was sitting at his seat with his back behind facing him. He didn't bother turning around to greet the older male.
Jin bit his bottom lip and took his seat beside Kame. He'll wait till after he finished his make-up first.
So the moment he did finish, he took a deep breath. He can do this. He needs to do this.
"Kamenashi-kun."
He didn't like calling Kame that...but he couldn't bring himself calling Kame 'Kame' either after all those months. He noticed the younger male finally turning his head around.
"Yes?"
Jin quickly searched his mind for a topic. Even though he planned to start a conversation beforehand, hearing Kame talking to him seem to mess his mind up a bit. "How did you spend your day-off yesterday?" he decided to ask and smiled.
When an answer didn’t come, he started to panic in his mind while keeping his smile. Did he say something wrong? Did he ruin his chance already? "Kamenashi-kun?"
His smile brightened when a reply finally came. From that one question, an actual conversation actually started between them.
They were actually laughing together until an assistant of the show knocked on the door, telling them they were going on in five minutes.
Jin wanted to kick and punch that assistant or something for disturbing their conversation, but seeing Kame standing up to prepare for their performance, he sighed quietly and decided they had made good progress for the time being.
The performance was one of the best they've given since who knows when because he was able to look at Kame and share a knowing glance with him. They no longer had to avoid each other on the stage. They can openly smile at each other genuinely.
Jin was happy. But he was especially happy when he received that grateful smile from Kame on stage. Because of those words that he, Akanishi Jin, had said.
"I’m on Kame's side today."
He was finally able to call Kame 'Kame'.
His best friend was back in his life.
"Jin, let’s break up."
"What?" Jin exclaimed and stared at Ueda.
When the older male held him back from joining the rest of the group to practice their dance steps, saying they need to talk in private, this wasn't what he had expected. He has been going out with Ueda for over a year already and no recent events between them have hinted a break-up. Of course, no one in the group knew they were going out, so there were several times they had to cancel their dates to cover up…but those didn’t count right?
Ueda smiled slightly. "You heard me, Jin. Let’s break up."
"Wait, why are you smiling?" Jin was confused. "Why do we need to break-up? Did I do something wrong?"
"You're friends with Kame again..."
The younger male cut him off. "Are you jealous of Kame? There's nothing between us! We're just friends..."
"Jin!" Ueda placed a hand on his arm to stop his words. "Do you remember why we started going out in the first place?"
He could only stare at Ueda. He remembered...
Taking his hand off Jin's arm, Ueda continued speaking, "I confessed to you and you agreed to give me a chance...but I knew you didn't actually like me. You were only trying to forget your own feelings."
"Tatsuya! Don’t say it like I lied to you. I really do like you..." Jin trailed off, not knowing what to say.
"I wouldn't say you lied to me. After all, I was the one who chose to be with you even though I knew of your feelings. We did have fun together. Maybe we really were in love with each other at one point...but those feelings have changed. Don't you agree? I honestly think that I might have confused my feelings for you. And Jin, I know you'll never forget Kame." Ueda looked at Jin, his stare making Jin feel like he was an open book.
He turned away from Ueda. Jin understood what Ueda was saying and knew that deep in his heart, it was probably true. When Ueda had confessed to him, he was actually trying to forget his feelings for Kame, trying to convince himself that Kame was only his best friend. Ueda said he only wanted a chance, that he didn't care if Jin actually had feelings for him or not.
Once they started dating though, Jin found himself liking Ueda more and more, so he thought he could forget Kame. But now that Ueda pointed it out, he knew he was just lying to himself.
Arms wrapped around him from behind. "Ne, Jin. Can you...kiss me one final time?"
Jin took a deep breath. He really should stop lying to himself and hiding from the truth. He turned around and wrapped his own arms around Ueda and lowered his lips on to Ueda's waiting ones.
As he kissed Ueda, he thought he heard a soft click, but he ignored it, concentrating on what he was feeling on his lips.
They quickly separated when there was a loud knock on the door. Ueda was blushing slightly and Jin kept staring up at the ceiling. A staff member popped his head in, "Akanishi-san, Ueda-san, it’s nearly time for the recording to start."
"Alright." Ueda replied for the two of them. The moment the door closed, Ueda spoke again. "Jin, maybe you should try to understand Kame more." He walked towards the door, getting ready to leave.
"Huh?"
"If you really like Kame, understand him more. Maybe your wish will come true." With a smile, Ueda left the dressing room, leaving Jin staring after him.
Looking around, Jin couldn't spot the youngest member of the group. After their performance, he has taken his time to change since he was tired, but he wasn't expecting Kame to be gone so quickly. He was hoping to invite the younger one to dinner, and maybe take Ueda’s advice to understand Kame more.
"Hage, did Kame leave already?"
Koki turned around and yelled, "Don't call me, Hage, you Bakanishi!" He lowered his voice. "Kame left right after the performance. Maru went after him, saying Kame didn't look so well after he went to call you and Ueda. He did seem quieter..." The rapper muttered to himself.
Jin blinked. "Wait, did you say Kame went to call us before the performance? But it was one of the staff members..." Suddenly, he remembered the soft click he heard and his face paled. In the fastest speed he could manage, Jin grabbed all of his things and rushed out of the room, ignoring Koki's question of where he was going.
Only one thing was going through his mind right now.
Kame saw the kiss. Kame saw him and Ueda kissing.
If Jin was thinking properly, he would have realized Kame was probably long gone, but he wasn't, so he ended up running out the building, frantically looking left and right and trying to figure out which way Kame went.
After searching for ten minutes, Jin decided it might be a smart idea to call Kame's cell phone to see where he was. Not that he knew what he could say to Kame, knowing what Kame saw.
He took out his cell phone and was about to call when he heard voices coming from the alley ahead. The words weren't clear, but Jin thought the voices sounded familiar.
When he approached the alley, he wasn't sure what he should be feeling.
Crouching against the wall was Kame crying as Nakamaru hugged him.
Jin wanted to rush up and ask Kame what's wrong, but his legs wouldn't move.
At that moment, Maru leaned closer to the smaller boy and gave him a kiss on the top of his head, saying "Don't worry, Kazuya. I'll be here with you."
Feeling he was disrupting something he shouldn't be, Jin did the first thing his mind could think of.
He ran away.
The moment Jin got home, he could only sit down on the couch and stare ahead. The thought that Kame saw the kiss and the scene between Kame and Maru just kept on replaying in his mind.
He wasn't sure how long he had sat there until his cell phone rang and broke his trail of thoughts.
"Jin, are you alright?" Ueda’s worried voice came over the other end. "I heard from Koki that you were acting weird..." When he heard no reply, he softened his voice. "Jin, what happened?"
Suddenly, as if something triggered inside of him, Jin blurted out everything he found out and saw. There a short of period of silence between the two when he finished speaking.
"Bakanishi!"
"Eh?" Jin was surprised at the sudden insult from Ueda.
"Why do you think Kame was crying in the first place? Nothing happened during the recording, so it most likely has happened before the recording. Kame was crying because he saw you kissing me! And don't question me!" Ueda said, as if he could tell Jin’s coming question. "I'm more observant than you think! Doesn't that just prove how Kame has feelings for you? Maru was just comforting him, I'm sure of that too."
Jin wasn't sure how much time Ueda spent convincing him, but by the end of the night, he came to a decision.
He wanted Kamenashi Kazuya. Not just as a friend.
When he told Ueda his decision, he could feel Ueda smiling over the phone. "I shall take back the 'Bakanishi' comment just because you said that."
After ending the conversation between Ueda and him, Jin spent the whole night rolling in his bed, reliving all the memories he had of Kame. How they first met, how they became friends, when they went on that trip to Okinawa, the many performances they had as KAT-TUN, the day-offs they spent with each other...
The more he thought about it, the more he believed the decision he made is correct.
There was one thing he was scared of at the moment though.
He was afraid Kame was going to ignore him again because of what he saw.
Jin wasn't sure what he'll do if Kame distances himself from the older male again. Maybe he'll break down. After all, if there was no Kamenashi Kazuya in his life...he didn't want to think about it.
That was the main reason Jin had his heart in his throat as he approached closer to KAT-TUN's dressing room the next day. What if Kame doesn't respond to his greeting? But if Kame responds, does that mean he's suppressing his feelings? Jin didn't know which outcome was worse. His mind was getting all jumbled and he wasn't sure of his thoughts anymore.
He'll take it step by step.
When Jin entered the dressing room, the first thing, or rather person, his eyes set on was Kame.
Smiling tentatively, Jin thought, "If Kame responds, it's a sign that I should never let go of him again. That I still have a chance."
"Kame, good morning."
Jin thought his heart was going to melt when Kame's eyes met his. His smile widened.
"Good morning, Jin."
Author's Note: This whole fic sounded so much better in my head. Now that I actually wrote...everything seems so awkward. =.= I said I'd torture Jin, but I lied. This is so much more...happier? brighter than Kame's side of the story. Junno just doesn't seem to exist in my fics...T.T This probably totally calls for a sequel where Jin puts his plan of making Kame his to work...but I don't have any idea, so don't be expecting one anytime soon. I don't like this fic...it's messed up...someone tell me what's wrong? Or convince me it's actually okay?
I'm thinking about my next Akame fic right now...and realized I'm planning to make it somewhat angsty again. And so is my next next one. My two multi-chaptered ones that I thought of are slightly happier though...but I swear, I probably will still end up making Kame sad. ><'' I wonder when I'll actually be able to write pure Akame fluff?