Avoiding Drama VS Passive-Aggressiveness

[shadowravyn]

EDIT: Just to be perfectly clear, while I do have reasons for this post, the odds that this reason involves you are INCREDIBLY SMALL. Please do not think think this entry is about to presage some kind of 'OMG YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF' talk and/or post. Otherwise I would have used less-hypothetical scenarios.So, LJ--at least the way I use it--is a

Comments

[teddywolf]

I have not answered the polls yet

[buddhagrrl]

Pretty good summary of how I think of and treat this topic, as well.

[teddywolf]

Oh good - makes my world a bit less lonely having other people understand how I think :-)

Poll 1 elaboration

[buddhagrrl]

Responded to #1 the way that I think and the way I'd want people to deal with me if venting about me, not necessarily what I think others should do as a hard and fast rule.

I said "Other" on the last question because I said "anonymously" on the first question, so in theory it would be moot.

Re: Poll 1 elaboration

[buddhagrrl]

Sorry, I guess I didn't say anon. But I meant to. But only kind of. I really mean somewhere in the realm of "anonymous AND maybe also don't let them see it". I would want it to be anonymous anyway, but on a case by case basis would also want the subject of the vent not to be able to see it.

Warning, moralistic tendencies

[justababyduck]

As a general rule I try not to say anything about a person behind there back that I'm not willing to say to their face. By that rubric, posting about other people bugging you is wrong. Everyone needs to vent, but that is what IM is for. There is never a need to announce to the world that Jimbob invades your dairy section when you can ask a few people close to you for advice. Think of LJ as you on stage with a microphone telling everyone you know what a dick Jimbob is being. Yes, Jimbob is being a jerk, but unless you think that he may start pilfering dairy from others , announcing it in a public forum is wrong. Use other media or restrict the post to only the people you think could help you deal with him. Otherwise you run the risk of being a catty bitch and paying for it in endless wank and drama.

If the need to vent exceeds the capacity of IM and close friends, I suggest a vent tag, LJ cuts, big disclaimers, and therapy.

Re: Warning, moralistic tendencies

[justababyduck]

I just came back and read this and it occurs to me I may have come off kinda (or very) harsh. If so, I apologize. I found out a good friend of mine passed away this morning and I'm not at my best.

Re: Warning, moralistic tendencies

[shadowravyn]

*HUGS*

Don't worry about it, hon. I'm so sorry. I understand.

[k1ttycat]

My elaboration to both polls is: it sucks to use a public forum to hurt other people's feelings. However, using it to vent, get advice from friends, or just to bring a situation out into the open you had a hard time speaking directly about is fine. If it were me you were having issues with, I would prefer not to be blocked because at least if I know what the issues are I can correct them. As far as keeping posts open to all or certain groups, I suppose it would depend on what you were hoping to get from the post. If advice, you may consider that you might not want advice from certain people who may not understand your situation or who might be too close to the problem. If just to vent, you may NOT want it to get to the other person and hurt their feelings, especially if it is a minor issue you may be able to work out with them once you are done venting and getting advice.

[dirkcjelli]

While they have to be able to respond in principle, you don't have to keep it public forever and don't have to go out of your way to advertise the post to them. You should assume all posts will eventually leak and never assume you aren't starting more trouble, potentially. And, by "you" I mean "me."