Avoiding Drama VS Passive-Aggressiveness

[shadowravyn]

EDIT: Just to be perfectly clear, while I do have reasons for this post, the odds that this reason involves you are INCREDIBLY SMALL. Please do not think think this entry is about to presage some kind of 'OMG YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF' talk and/or post. Otherwise I would have used less-hypothetical scenarios.So, LJ--at least the way I use it--is a

Comments

[jendaby]

There have been a few incidents where something had to be talked about, but I knew that some people wouldn't want to be involved and some I just didn't feel comfortable sharing with. I look at the situation and think about who to add individually. There is a handful of people who see almost every post, and some who are only ever seeing the most filtered version.

Unfortunately, I think that there will always be some level of drama when things are being aired, but it is best for the mental health of the poster to be able to talk about something, and best for the overall situation to work through it... Or at least, that seems to be the way it works in my own experience.

[shadowravyn]

NOT THE COMFY CHAIR!

[ladyscience]

This is a tough issue, one I've grappled with in the past. In my opinion, the safest route is to leave it all off LJ, and vent/ solicit advice through e-mail or IM.

However, if for some reason it's best to vent via LJ, I would create a filter of people who you know can keep quiet, and won't be tattletales.

The problem with venting is that while it's sometimes necessary, and we all do it, people's feelings still get hurt if they hear about it, even when you've confronted them about whatever issues you're having (damn illogical humans). I am also curious as to how people handle these things.

[shadowravyn]

OMG IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE MAD AT ME ISN'T IT?!?1111ONE

[ladyscience]

YES I'M MAD AT YOU BECAUSE YOU GET TO SEE GLEE A WEEK EARLY AND YOU GET ALL THE GOOD US TV SHOWS. PLUS YOU OUTSNARK ME.

[hazliya]

With all the answers you've gotten, let me pose another question: [how] does omitting names/specifics change it? For example:

Jacko is a guy who sends me creepy page-long love poems via e-mail. I have asked him to stop. He doesn't. He also reads my LJ. I post to LJ, saying "There's a dude who keeps sending me love poems even though I've told him to stop! Argh! Help!" No names are used, but Jacko will immediately know it's about him.

Where does this lie on the line of things?

[balsamicdragon]

Here is my take on social networking in general. I strongly doubt it is the majority view tho :)

If you have something you want to say in a social media setting, imagine calling up everyone that the post would be accessible to, one after the other, and telling them this thing. This is useful for two reasons. One, it will help to let you know whether your posting this would be excessive. Two, it will help you to decide whether maybe venting to just one person would get it out of your system.

I don't think that public space is good for just venting about someone you know (not a stranger or public figure) who has annoyed you. It can be good for asking for advice, but only if you really need that large a pool of potential advice givers, and only if it is worth the potential drama of telling everyone you know that a particular person is annoying you.

So for all of the above scenarios, I wouldn't use LJ to solve the problem. I think it would be likely to cause more harm than good.