so through a great mis-understanding and a great mis-communication i lost a dear friend, lost a true friend. i thought they would at least have the decency to hear me out, listen to the full story, but no. i have a habit of ruining relationships, both intimate and plutonic. i can't say it's a string of bad-luck, i can't blame it on circumstance. i ( Read more... )

and i'm that little ship, lost in the waves of everything from reality to fantasy to something then and now. the blinders are on, the fog has settled in and focus is a laughable dream. what. the. fuck.

i guess i'm writing this here because my hands are too shaky and unsteady to write with any speed, deliberation or accuracy, my mind is racing and my mood is dangerous again, i'm rapid cycling in what a friend tells me is part of bi-polar, but i'm not sure what the hell is true in that diagnosis. but my mind won't shut up and i know that if go out ( Read more... )

disconnected seems to be the theme of the week, month year, etc.
everything is disconnected. and i guess that's the balance of life, but it doesn't make it simpler or even enjoyable.

after a few days to get to karme choling, i'm here, i'll fill in the story later, cheers
ps, why have i not found that inner peace yet, i'm waiting, where the fuck is it?

so finally the bike is ready to go, all the proper bolts are on her, the new throttle cable works, the sissy bar works, windsheild works, all is well, what happens ( Read more... )

..... shit....

(edit)

2nd that notion, and a third

murphy is dying, there's no avoiding it now, i don't know what to think,
shit

so family drama is at an all time high, blondie is so damn possessive and controlling that everything anyone else does is an attack on her personally, i took munchie out to the movies and ice-cream tonight and when we get back, blondie goes apeshit, even though she knew the plan and lent munchie her helmet. so of course i hear more family drama and ( Read more... )

so i've been delicately going back to the first and early post of this online journal, and while it's not the best thing in the world for employeers i guess, and the exposed privacy is an issue, it's also a useful tool, and i realize that i've changed so much and so little in these years ( Read more... )