I remember sleep.

[shadesong]

My sleep has been massively disrupted lately, which throws everything off. Stumbling through this week. I need to get my brain to stop dreaming of him, because all of those dreams are Very Bad

Comments

[philrancid]

I hope that this doesn't drag out for you.

[heavenscalyx]

Oh, man, I remember that feeling of making sure the spotlight was on him (that is, my Evil Ex).

I also remember my experience, about a month after I left him, of reading a version of the psychopathy checklist (very similar to this one) and just... dropping the book. And staring at the wall for a really long time. Because he matched every point. It's one of the few times in my life I can say that I was really, honestly stunned beyond words or thought.

Putting the patterns together helps a lot. And hurts like hell sometimes.

[shadesong]

Yeah. I am not a doctor? But Judah matches every point there too.

[heavenscalyx]

I'm not a doc either, but some things are... just kind of obvious.

[harkalark]

Yikes. I just looked at the list with a particular ex of mine (who was also a cheater) in mind, too. She fit nearly all of the criteria.

[rikibeth]

I wish I could come put my upswing-energy (oh please let this not be hypomania, I don't need that right now, only proper energy) to work for you & take the cleaning off your hands, leaving your limited energy to put in service of your writing... but I have writing to do myself, & a deadline coming up.

I would be more than happy to come be a Helpful Do-Bee next weekend, in the spaces around Beginning of Summer, if you like.

[clodia_risa]

It is good for me to see you go through this post-relationship set of realizations. Last year, I had a relationship that was unhealthy, but not outright abusive, and had a similar set of revelations after I broke it off. I have sometimes wondered if I was trying to justify things to myself, try to make myself feel better, lying to myself for whatever reason. Seeing you go through this tells me that maybe I did not.

I hope every single day gets better.

[alumiere]

Hugs and support. I've been there with the whole running his life thing, and when we split he blamed me for his inability toget his shit together. It sucks.