The return to self is the most difficult part of any adventure.

[sehlatbear]

She had worked with the Montgomery Scott of this universe and she had worked alone. However, Spock’s tendency toward solitary work, pushing far past the limits of human capability and nearly her own, had finally paid off

Comments

[original_fine]

Jim was in their rooms, decidedly not brooding. He had just sat back after finishing his rather directionless personal log when a strange feeling overwhelmed him, a sort of snapping back of something he hadn't remembered to miss. It took him a moment to realize it was not him, but Spock. Something had happened. The feeling was too vague to place exactly, but it didn't feel bad. Even so, it had Jim on his feet, seeking shoes so he might go find Spock himself, and make sure.

[original_fine]

Jim nodded.

"I suspected that," he said. "Surely you realize I can't hold that biological fact against you. But it might help us both if you explain."

[sehlatbear]

The dry recitation of hormones produced by the biologically female Vulcan but absent in the male Vulcan - and vice versa - was lengthy - but Spock also took some comfort in it, reminding himself that biology was what it was.

"Female Vulcans are not, as you are perhaps aware, striken with pon farr. Male Vulcans are commonly regarded as the more emotional of the biological sexes, rooted in this difference."

[original_fine]

Jim didn't need the science, but the confirmation of his as Len's suspicions was useful. It comforted him. He hadn't been imagining things, hadn't been some sort of traitor. And it seemed to be more than a perception among Vulcans--Jim had no such prejudice to color his observations.

"I see," he said. "Among humans, females were commonly considered the more emotional for much of our history--though they were also, at times, pathologized for the expression of it. We've come away from that sort of thinking, with advances in biology and medicine. But if Vulcans really are different, Spock, how could you help but be affected?"

[sehlatbear]

"While it is inevitable that I would be affected, my actions are still worthy of apology now that I have regained my right form."

He slumped, not enough that a casual observer would have known, but the angle of his shoulders was less than precise.

This universe had not been so enjoyable as Jim seemed to find it.

[original_fine]

Jim was not the casual observer. "Accepted," he said softly. "For my part. You did me no harm, Spock. But I did..." His brow furrowed as he sought the words. "I missed you." Surely there was reassurance in Jim's feelings, in his touch. No recrimination, though Spock recognizing the difference meant a lot to Jim. Alleviated some of his own guilt.

"It's illogical to dwell," he pressed on.

[sehlatbear]

"Reparations will be required."

It was evident that it made Jim uncomfortable. Spock would not speak of it again. Though he continued to rub their fingers together.

[original_fine]

It didn't make him so uncomfortable that he wished to bury it at cost to Spock's needs.

"Probably," Jim agreed. "But not to me." He nuzzled closer, just reveling in Spock's return. Not the body--though the familiarity of it was comforting. But something in him had seemed to click back into place with Spock's return to himself, despite Spock's current discomfort. "What can I do? How do I make it better?"

[sehlatbear]

Your presence is, as always, Jim, a comfort.

The change had taken him quickly and the reversal was easing its way along quickly as well. Not quite so immediately - but the introduction of hormones was more easily accomplished than the processing of them by the body.

[original_fine]

As is yours.

With Spock "back," as it were, Jim was allowing himself to realize just how much he'd missed him. It made him touchy, eager for contact, for a reassurance he hadn't been able to desire when he was so fiercely insisting that everything would be all right. Now that it would be, the uncertainty of before manifested in more relief than he would have guessed.

[sehlatbear]

Spock would not object to the contact; he felt more himself, less that strange creature he had been, with the touch of Jim's skin to his own. For a moment, he allowed himself to think of Leonard - Leonard who was pleased that Spock was returned to himself but was busy elsewhere - how pleasant it would be to lay between them and listen to the rhythm of their human hearts.

Jim was not alone in his relief. But Spock was uncertain of his Jim in this form. They had found great satisfaction together before Spock's curative transformation but now... Spock was unsure though he knew how Jim's relief was prone to manifest.

[original_fine]

It was hard for Jim to keep that undercurrent of sexuality from his thoughts, his being as transmitted through the bond to Spock. It was part of who he was, part of the thing that unconsciously informed his every interaction. But he was conscious of it now. Or at least, of the potential discomfort it might cause, with Spock returned to himself and so sensitive to the difference, while he himself, though perhaps he should be eager to return to himself, felt no similar urgency.

Indeed, he was trying with uncertain success to suppress the ridiculous notion that his more lascivious self had grasped, relating to their current sexual configuration, and the opportunity presented. It seemed a shame, though he couldn't think why, considering he gave no greater credence to heterosexual relations in general. Bones, too, had tacitly opted out of such activity, and he could only conclude that him being different was disturbing enough that the sexual aspect was muted

[sehlatbear]

Jim's mind, when they were in close contact, was transparent, his thoughts easily read as his emotions broadcast themselves in bold colors. Even so, Spock was surprised. Not entirely opposed - though he had his reservations.

"Jim, you are not broken. And if you desire intercourse, you need only ask."

[original_fine]

That surprised a laugh out of him. He really was transparent, wasn't he? Even, he suspected, without a direct conduit to his thoughts and feelings.

"If I asked every time I desired intercourse, Spock, I'd never have had time to make captain. It can't be normal. But it's not--I mean, I don't require intercourse. It can wait until I'm the me you're more familiar with."

Even so. He glanced up at Spock, trying to read the mix of emotions coming from him.

"But if you were curious, Spock, it seems like too good an opportunity to let go to waste. You never know when your bonded lifemate will afford you the chance to see how the other half lives again."

And now broached, he couldn't help but think specifically about the feeling of Spock filling him like that, of feeling his own body cradling his lover through the link.

[sehlatbear]

"The human male is, biologically, programmed to be obsessed with sex. This has been a well-known fact of your species for hundreds of years."

Spock was turning toward Jim, though, his body more relaxed, more open somehow - perhaps it was simply a perception passed through the bond. He did not entirely close the distance between them, though.

"I did not care for intercourse. It was not unpleasant from a strictly physical standpoint. However, it was quite disconcerting."

[original_fine]

So, as a biological female, then, he was just a freak? Jim thought with amusement.

He wasn't going to press the issue. Not if Spock really wasn't interested. But this, too, had him curious.

"Yes, I wondered about that," he said. "You may not be unaware that I'm very fond of it. But I couldn't quite grasp what it was that upset you." He wondered if Spock was any better able to explain it, now.