Tinker, player, soldier, spy...

[sealwhiskers]

By now, most people have at least tangentially heard of "players" as in pick-up artists a la Neil Strauss' "the Game". Guys who have a whole sub-culture of methods on how to "pick up hot women and "get sex

Comments

[sealwhiskers]

I don't have the professionalism or detachment to be that, nor the psychology degree, but I would like to become a convincing writer with these types of characters in my stories, loosely based on real life observations!

[sealwhiskers]

I'm trying to write a longer thing right now, takes some discipline that I don't always have. ;)

It's probably not easy to always write while taking care of small children..there is a certain calm and quiet time needed. Maybe just goof around with her and improvise stories together? I do that with the god-kiddies, and it can bring some nice ideas.

[carrieb]

Wow! I have seen shows about players, but didn't know I'd ever been taken in by one. However, you just totally described a woman I had a fast, intense friendship with. Then one day she dropped me like a fly and I've never seen her again. I sort of knew she used people like that so I wasn't hurt for my sake, but it was upsetting for my son. We were in a moms group together and spent three days a week together with our kids, then when she dropped us my son was so, so sad.

[sealwhiskers]

Yeah, it's the same pathology that the pick-up-artists try to emulate artificially, which occur "naturally" in some individuals. Most people have encountered at least one or a few such individuals in their lives.

[ddstory]

Gee, the signs of a person having the borderline personality disorder of a player look eerily familiar and almost completely apply to some people I've known, including online!

Hugely useful read, thanks!

[sealwhiskers]

The thing this has taught me, is that online activity speeds up cycles of behavior, particularly in disorders, but at the same time the signs can be muddled by the usage of the text media. Sometimes it takes a while to connect the same dots that would have been connected in real life.

[luzribeiro]

I think I see who/what you had in mind. :)

[sealwhiskers]

Truthfully, I could bring up a handful of people whom I've observed in my life, but yes, adding the internet as a field of observation really did spur me into writing this summary, just like you observed. :)

[zeener]

Hi sealwiskers, I stumbled upon your entry from the friends page at libraryschools community that I just joined.

Here I was bumbling around library school application thoughts to distract myself from the weirded out feeling of being in a player siuation, lol. The pull-push, fast friendship, emotional manipulation..wow. You described it very well and I'm greatful to you for typing out such distinctions and connections and esp your personal experience. Because I was feeling really nutty and dislike for myself for being gullible.

I just detangled myself from a almost-romantic to friendship type player situation from someone and am hungry to find out more on figuring out such people. Would you mind telling me anything more about your thought process for figuring out your situation please? Did you read any helpful books, articles or have some kind of epiphanies that changed your thinking?

Either way thankyou for sharing your thoughts, they already got me thinking a bit differently.

-Zeener

[sealwhiskers]

Hi Zeener!
I'm in no means a real authority on player pathology, at least no more than anyone who've experienced such a thing first hand, and then applied some conscious observations through life. I think..that while someone is in that type of relationship (and here I count friendships under that term too), it is very hard to see clearly that there is something wrong, and sense the re-occurring pattern of dysfunctional behavior on the other person's behalf. Because what normal people do, particularly normal people with romantic feelings (if that is the case), is to analyze themselves and what they did wrong, as a reaction to another person's odd behavior