Tinker, player, soldier, spy...

[sealwhiskers]

By now, most people have at least tangentially heard of "players" as in pick-up artists a la Neil Strauss' "the Game". Guys who have a whole sub-culture of methods on how to "pick up hot women and "get sex

Comments

[asakiyume]

A sobering write up. Do you think that it's possible for players to have genuine relationships? Or can they *only* have these manipulative, playing relationships?

I've been lucky enough not to have any players in my close environs. I hope it stays that way!

[sealwhiskers]

I think ppl with just a mild borderline personality disorder can have real relationships, and I've seen it happen, but I also think that the less you work in it, and the deeper the disorder is, it's less likely that they have lasting relationships, whether it's friendships or romance. On the other hand, there are whole groups of people who switch circles now and again in their lives and mostly cultivate rather shallow connections, so that life style would fit for such cases.

[anotheranon]

I got played when I was young and naive, and to this day I don't know whether he was really a "player" or just young and selfish. Either way, it messed me up for a long time - it got to the point where I second-guessed everyone and everything they did.

I still haven't quite forgiven myself for being young and stupid, but then, I've always found it hideously unfair that I had to go through something as messy as growing up and didn't arise fully formed like Venus on the half-shell :P

[sealwhiskers]

You should definitely forgive yourself, there is *nothing* wrong with thinking people are more decent than they are, particularly not when you start learning about relationships.

[tuckova]

Hm, this is timely. I think fortunately so.

[sealwhiskers]

Ouch, sounds a bit ominous?

[miravisu]

*nods sadly and in some recognition*

An interesting read. It sure is fascinating how players seem so inclined to "want everyone's best" and then suffer from selective memory lapses when one asks about past events. This of course makes one question their current behaviour even more, whether they simply locked that past away mentally, instead of processing those events and becoming a better person. Time will tell.

[sealwhiskers]

I think a person with a distinct disorder of this kind really does avoid too much analyzing that involves their own flaws, part of the disorder is to find ways, *any* ways to either justify or forget past missteps. And, these types are often, to various degrees, addicted to drama, so there can certainly be turbulence around them.

[miravisu]

True, and sorry for not making it clear, but the person in question had been diagnosed and was at least at some point receiving therapy of some sort, aside from being medicated.

[alecto23]

Wow. Amazing post. Sadly, I recognise that portrait all too well, and yes, players definitely can be female. Players who have drug and mental problems are even more fun! Thank you for writing it, it's given me much to ponder. Not least of which is the bit about forgiving yourself instead of beating yourself up for being gullible (or in my case, stupid/should have known better). That's a point I can take even at my most self-flagellating-the normal thing to do is to trust someone and not suspect them of manipulating you, reality and everyone they can.

[sealwhiskers]

Yesyes, do for heaven's sake forgive yourself, friends of players are quite innocent. And gods, I don't even want to contemplate the added drama of drug addicted players with mental issues!
It is positively lovely to see you in here!

[alecto23]

Friend I think I would have forgiven myself already. Girlfriend has been a bit harder to forgive myself for. But I think I have to now! And no, adding paranoia (from the drugs) and PTSD on top of all the manipulation and it's a wonder I have any sanity left, really.

And thank you!