Tinker, player, soldier, spy...
By now, most people have at least tangentially heard of "players" as in pick-up artists a la Neil Strauss' "the Game". Guys who have a whole sub-culture of methods on how to "pick up hot women and "get sex
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I'm in no means a real authority on player pathology, at least no more than anyone who've experienced such a thing first hand, and then applied some conscious observations through life. I think..that while someone is in that type of relationship (and here I count friendships under that term too), it is very hard to see clearly that there is something wrong, and sense the re-occurring pattern of dysfunctional behavior on the other person's behalf. Because what normal people do, particularly normal people with romantic feelings (if that is the case), is to analyze themselves and what they did wrong, as a reaction to another person's odd behavior.
I think, while everyone has to figure out their own situation, it's probably safe to make a few general assumptions: if a person doesn't want a real relationship with someone, then it generally means, in over 90% of the situations that they don't like them enough or in the right way. Now..people with various issues, particularly ego issues tend to sometimes have various methods of stringing along the other person anyway, sometimes for a very long time - provided that other person feeds their ego.
It's always good to observe patterns. When is the other person charming? When is he/she creating a bit of drama, does the other person "punish" through cyclic withdrawal or cruel jokes? And most important of all, how much of your life is revolving around the moods of this other person?
It can be hard, but definitely worth doing. But there are different types of players and disorders out there, so I can't be sure. A bird view is always good.
We could friend each other if you like. :) I have several librarian type ppl on my flist.
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