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[Thanks to Lupin, he's getting a bit better at this typing thing, but it still takes a while to post the message. His thoughts are distracted, and it would be easier to speak them than write them out, but he prefers it nonetheless. For now, anyway.]
How does one regain a lost purpose ( Read more... )
How does one regain a lost purpose ( Read more... )
Comments 25
[Like he does with Roy. And the Elrics.]
They do.
... by holding onto the belief that they are all right. That they will manage without me, and Gracia will raise Elicia to be a beautiful, strong woman.
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[No, he doesn't. Not quite. Because he wants to ask, what kind of emotional bonds? Is what he had...family, or is it something different? Can a man who doesn't entirely understand the concept of love still be capable of giving it? So many questions, and no precise words to ask them in.
The next thing Hughes said gives him pause, though.]
...Is that truly enough?
[Because it's not, for him. Not when Mei is not even from his own version of Amestris, already has another 'him' to go back to.
Does that make him a weak man? A selfish one? ...Probably. He wouldn't doubt it for a moment.]
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It's not perfect however. I suppose I have it a bit easier, this is all I have. There are no what-ifs waiting for me back in Amestris. Even if I ever did leave here, I wouldn't be going back to them.
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I suppose that is something we have in common. I've nothing to return to, there.
If I don't remember, I'll survive, probably. If I do, I won't last a day before I'm shot.
[That's the blunt and honest truth. He's known this fact for a long time, accepted it. He's changed too much to return to being the Alchemist Killer. Nor does he have it in him to live on the streets again.]
Good riddance, perhaps.
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[At least, that's how Ed sees it. But, who knows if his view would even count, fixated on one goal all these years without really considering the aftermath.]
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do you just wander until you find something ? How do you know when you find it
And what about when the original goal is not finished, simply unavailable?
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As for the goal, just find another one in the meantime until it is available again?
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[...]
i very much doubt it will be, fullmetal
[...yep, he was paying attention to ID numbers, despite the text setting.]
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I wish I knew. How to recover from losing purpose.
[Another pause, she stops to think. It was him really, for her. He and Dawn and Utena who had reminded her to keep going, keep living when she had thought everything else was lost.]
I think maybe focusing on the day to day, trying to get life into some kind of order is the first step. And remembering that there are a lot of people who care about you. That is what make life worth living.
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...No, you're wrong. All of them are gone. The only ones left are you, and...her.
[And that puts him in a decidedly awkward situation. It's so lonely, now. The other losses he'd been able to bear, somehow--a combination of denial and clinging tighter to what remained--but with Mei gone, there's nothing to keep him grounded and the weight of every person he's lost in this world has hit him all at once ( ... )
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[A her who Riza doesn't like, doesn't trust, doesn't tolerate well. Whether or not she is the same Lust who almost killed her and the Colonel and who paralyzed Havoc, she can't help but remember that night every time Lust comes up. The anger, the despair, and the way that woman taunted her.
But he's in no state to be subject to her feelings about Lust.]
It's difficult, I know. I'm sorry. But wherever she's gone, she still loves you. And I can't promise I'll be here forever or even for as long as you are, but for as long as I am... I want to be here for you.
[Okay, honesty time.]
I care about you. That won't change either, even if I am taken out of this place.
Is there anything I can do for you now?
[She half wants to ask if he's been eating and otherwise taking care of himself, but she waits.]
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Loving somebody is a feeling you get in here.
[She taps her chest.]
It feels really big and strong, like maybe it's almost too big and strong to fit in here. But it does! And that's how you know!
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how do you know if its big enough
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[Yachiru can't see it, but that comment is what manages to bring the tears to his eyes, slipping out hotly over his cheeks. Every time. Every time he thinks he is out of tears for good, somehow he manages to spill them again.]
maybe i
maybe I can say I did love her, then
[And there's some small comfort in that, that someone like him was capable of giving someone else love, even if she was gone, now. If Yachiru is right, then the pain left behind...is a symbol, perhaps, of what was. Or a reminder.]
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I...
[Is that her voice? When did it get so small and faraway sounding?]
...I wouldn't say that...
[It might be true.]
...it hasn't all been terrible.
[She doesn't even balk at this - this irritating dance between yes and no, between sorrow and satisfaction, empathy (is that what this is?) and annoyance. She's just moving as if pulled by one of Anatole's ridiculous strings, but it's a familiar siren song. Unavoidable and possibly the worst idea in the history of bad ideas.
It doesn't feel like a bad idea though.
Not even when she's at his door and pressing a palm against the frame.]
Let me help you. I know a little something about this.
[This being what she's just started to do with Lupin, after months of bitterness, awkwardness and ( ... )
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