[ 59 - text ]

[lonestray]

[Thanks to Lupin, he's getting a bit better at this typing thing, but it still takes a while to post the message. His thoughts are distracted, and it would be easier to speak them than write them out, but he prefers it nonetheless. For now, anyway.]

How does one regain a lost purpose

Comments

[takemysword]

It is always possible to find a new purpose. If you do not find it on your own, someone can always assign you a reason to exist. Unfortunately there is no easy way to pull yourself out except to believe there are better things.

[She feels like his despair is audible, just reading the words.] I would think it depends on the type of love you share for someone. But for me...how I could not imagine to live my life if I had not met the people I love.

[lonestray]

I havent believed in such things in a long time.

[He thinks back to that first Tanabata, his wish, and the man who'd set it up--who spoke so much of hope, of optimism. He'd so wanted to believe, back then. Now he felt like a fool for thinking--even for a moment--that he deserved such things, even if they were real.

And then he thinks of Mei's wish, the one she'd told him about--I wished for you to smile--and it's all he can do not to burst out sobbing (he's glad for the text, and the cover it provides). Without her, there is no reason left to smile, no reason to try (he'll never fulfill that wish, now, will he?).]

different kinds of love.

[Oh right, through text, you can't tell that's a question, can you.]

what do you mean by that

[takemysword]

I'm not a blissfully ignorant child myself, monsieur. But there is always an ongoing purpose for your life, even if you are not aware of it at the current time.

[It sounds ridiculous. She has a purpose for king and country. She has a purpose for herself and for her family. She'd be content to live without any of those things, she supposes.]

I love my lover differently than I would love our child. I love my brother differently than I love my king or differently than I love God. All have enriched my life greatly, but I don't feel the same sort of love toward them.

[video]

[transitorychild]

Humans lose and find purposes all the time. You are human, aren't you? Make yourself find a new one.

[At the last sentence, though, the face on the screen is blank, devoid of expression. Feelings of love are alien to him because it isn't something he's ever had.]

Love? ...it's disgusting.