Beholder, Ch. 4, NC-17, RPS, AU, Jensen/Jared
Jared awakened to a high-pitched screech that set all the animals howling. Misha.
“It’s okay. It’s just me.”
“Jared. Crap. You scared the carrot juice out of me. What are you doing here?”
“I … “ Jared stopped. The words were too difficult, it was all too much. He sat up in his sleeping bag and leaned into his raised knees burying his head.
“Jay?” Misha squatted down and took him in a hug. “What’s wrong?”
Jared held on. Didn’t have a choice. If he said it then it would be true. He didn’t know if he could face this yet. “I … left. Misha … I left Sandy.”
Misha’s sharp intake of air sounded loud this close to Jared’s ears. Jared sensed the other man composing himself. “Well. I mean I knew something … but still, I didn’t think … C’mon, let’s get you up. I’ll make us some coffee. Or … I can run and bring back some breakfast. We can’t both leave but I’ll bring it back, okay?”
“Coffee’s enough. For now. Thanks Mish. I … I’m gonna go shower.”
He rose and rummaged through the duffle he’d thrown together quickly last night. Taking some clean clothes he disappeared into the bathroom.
Jensen had showered here. Later, Jared had noticed that Jensen had cleaned up after himself just as he had done in Jared’s apartment. He’s more animal than human. Monstrous. Sandy’s voice played in his head. How could they see such different things? What did that mean? Was it him? Was Jared confused? But Misha, Alison … they understood. At least it appeared they did. Maybe he needed to confirm this. After all, Sandy wasn’t alone in her thinking, he knew this. Chad and Sophia. The police officers. They all saw a beast.
And Jared saw an angel.
Somebody was crazy.
A mug was thrust at him as he walked back into the front reception area. Sadie danced at his feet. Jared had let her out overnight, unable to deal with the overwhelming loneliness, welcoming the dog’s warmth beside him. “Black, extra sugar, just like you like it.”
Jared took a jarring sip and felt himself come that much more alive. He petted Sadie. “You get the rest?”
“Yep. Everyone’s fed. I took out Woodward and Bernstein. Still need to walk Hamill. Figured you’d want to take Sadie out for a run.”
Jared smiled. They named all their charges. Sometimes they followed themes. Famous journalists was up now. “How’s Belle?”
Misha looked at him confused. Oh. That’s right, Misha didn’t know. “The new kitten. Jensen named her Belle.” Misha’s eyes widened at this. Jared continued. “Because she’s beautiful.”
He was met with a warm blue stare. “She is that. Has Jensen been back?”
Jared snorted. Yeah. You could say that. He dropped into the stool behind their high reception counter and shared recent events with his friend. Misha stayed quiet throughout the telling, only his eyes giving away any emotions or reaction.
Very softly Misha said, “They shouldn’t have done that.”
Jared sighed a breath of release. It was so important to know that he wasn’t alone. That someone else would also think it wrong that they’d called the cops on Jensen. But Misha’s next words chilled him.
“But Jared, maybe … maybe you should have let them take him to the hospital. I mean … he needs help. And you can’t … Is he really better off in the streets? It just seems so dangerous out there.”
Jared couldn’t fault this. It was dangerous. And Jensen was purposely spying on men who already wished him harm. Who’d kicked him and threatened him. An icy band wrapped around his heart. “I know. It’s just … I got a glimpse. He was so scared, Misha. You could imagine what they’d do to him at a facility. Off the bat they’d strip him, put him in one of those hospital gowns. Expose him. It’s his greatest fear. I can’t imagine what he’d do if they forced him. At best he’d be drugged to within an inch of his life. Misha … they’d turn him into what everyone accuses him of being. What he believes himself to be. Except he’s not. He’s so not.”
“I know. I know what you believe and that’s good enough for me.”
Jared looked at his friend. God. If only … if only Sandy had said something like that. She didn’t have to believe in Jensen. It would have been enough if she’d just believed in Jared.
The sadness filled his eyes.
Misha sensed it. “I’m sorry, Jay.”
Jared tried to snap himself out of it. Forced a partial smile. “Not your fault. Nobody’s fault. Just … Just woke up, I guess. Saw things as they are.”
Misha rose and returned to the office to wash out their mugs in the exam room’s sink. “The restaurant? White Star? I think I know it. Over on eleventh?”
Jared trailed behind him. “Yeah. That’s the one. Bastards are putting poison out. What do you think?”
“Can’t do much without evidence. You didn’t see anything?”
“No. Nothing. Must have cleaned up after Jensen caught them. Maybe they’ll stop. I hope so, but guys like that … odds are they’ll do it again. Meanwhile Jensen’s gotten it in his head to stake them out on his own. If they see him again … I don’t … I can’t let anything happen to him.”
Misha looked at him long and hard. Shook his head slightly. “You can’t stay here, Jay. Come home with me tonight.”
“No. It’s not fair to you and Tori. I’d be in the way. Besides, I’m fine here. Got a shower and my sleeping bag. Got Sadie. This place is home to me. You know that.”
“You can’t keep sleeping on the floor in that bag. Ruin your back.”
“Nah. They’re great quality.” He blinked. This was the first time he’d ever spent the entire night in the sleeping bag. He’d bought them a couple of years ago. He loved camping. Loved hiking. Had gone many times with friends from school but never with Sandy. Eventually, she’d agreed. He knew it wasn’t the kind of thing she’d be into normally. But he’d spent the money on good quality gear and planned just a weekend. Two nights where the city lights could be replaced with stars.
They’d rented a car and driven upstate. It was so beautiful. They were surrounded by mountains and trees and the sound of the nearby stream was lulling him as he lay next to her. He’d zipped their bags together and tried to get her to relax. But she was tense and uptight and couldn’t fall asleep. Said it was too quiet and too cold and too creepy in the tent. He’d taken her outside then. Told her to just look up.
Because that’s all it took for him. One look up. Made him feel one with the universe. Like the speck that he was and the specks out there were dancing together and the melody made his head feel like a balloon gone aloft.
She’d wrapped her arms tight around herself, nails scratching absently along her skin. “Baby … It’s real pretty. All the stars. But I’m cold and I keep feeling bugs like they’re all over me. I just … can’t … “ She’d looked up again. One last long look. Then she turned to him. Her eyes were black in the semidarkness. “I’d rather look at you. Just you and me and a room and a bed. There was a motel down the road, we passed it coming up. Please Jared. Why can’t … why can’t just you and me be enough?”
Despite the bite of disappointment, her words moved him. He’d pulled her to him and kissed her and he thought that it would be enough to look at her, too, she was so pretty. Lovely. He took down the tent and packed their supplies. She stood off to the side, helping with her things. She smiled crookedly at him and never again looked up.
Heaving the camping gear onto his shoulders he took once last look at the heavens. She was already walking ahead in front of him, flashlight beaming. Funny how she didn’t seem afraid any longer. He’d allowed himself one last glance at the stars, eyes burning a moment with the need to stop and fall into the inky blackness. To stay. But then she’d turned and asked in a voice filled with impatience. “Are you coming? It’s a long hike back and I’m so ready to get out of here.”
“Jared?”
Misha’s voice shook the memory away. “I’m sorry. I’m fine, really. The sleeping bags are comfortable. I brought two, connected up they’re roomy enough even for me.” He tried to laugh and knew it fell short but it was all he had.
Sounds from the front caught both their attentions. Jared heard barking and stood up quickly. “Time for work.”
Jared returned to the White Star diner later that evening. He wore a cap pulled over his head and even though he felt silly it was comforting to feel covered. The restaurant had several customers, spread out over four tables. There were a couple of folks waiting at the takeout counter. The phone kept ringing. He figured the takeout business was booming. He walked nonchalantly toward a takeout menu and held it up pretending to read it while gazing toward the back. He glanced at their schedule, they were open until midnight. Not so surprising for the location. Lots of restaurants were open all night.
The kitchen was partially visible above a high counter. He spotted the tall man that had been one of the two with Jensen that first night. Jared turned slightly and hid further behind the menu. He heard speaking in a foreign language - possibly Russian but he couldn’t be certain. A woman was answering the phone taking the orders. Her English was accented but good. The restaurant in general looked slightly shabby but clean. Silently he replaced the menu, smiled to no one and walked back out.
He worked his way swiftly to the side. The streets were quiet as it was approaching ten o’clock. The alley was empty. The wind whipped garbage around but Jared didn’t notice any open containers of food. He approached the large dumpster and peered behind it. Nothing. A hand suddenly touched him from behind and he jumped.
“Jensen! God, you scared me.” Jensen retreated pulling his arm back and lowering his hooded head. Jared immediately softened his tone. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. Just didn’t expect … ” He paused. Of course he expected. Just not that second. “How are you?” he asked finally.
Jensen ignored the question saying instead, “No poison.”
Jared looked around. “Yes. I saw it seemed clean. Well, that’s good.” He looked his friend over. His clothing needed washing again. “After we’re done here, can you come back to the shelter with me? We can do laundry. You can take a shower again.”
Jensen tilted his hood. “Shelter closed. Too late.”
“No. It’ll be open. I … I’m sleeping there.”
Jensen seemed to be staring at him. It was too dark to see even an outline inside the hood. “No Jared. Go home. Girl waiting.”
Jared chuckled with no mirth. Right. Girl. “I … can’t go home right now. You wouldn’t under-“ He stopped himself. He was doing it again. Treating Jensen like he was dumb. He took a deep breath. “I left Sandy.”
Wow, those words were hard to get out.
Jensen touched his arm slightly. “Jared. No. Go back. Tell her go away Beast. Not come any more. Never bother her. You go home.”
Jensen was many things but stupid wasn’t one of them. Jared wouldn’t insult that intelligence by telling him that he had nothing to do with this. But it was important Jensen understand. “Her reaction to you. Calling the police. Yeah, that’s part of it. But it’s not your fault. It showed me something about myself. About Sandy. About our relationship. About the way we view things.” He came a little closer to Jensen, leaned his head down. He damned the dark and wished for the millionth time he could see into the man’s eyes. “She sees a beast. I see. You.”
Jensen stepped back and put his arms around himself defensively. His breathing was distinct and Jared could sense the other man’s will to be understood, to speak clearly. “Jared, you are wrong.”
Jared invaded Jensen’s space. He peered into the blackness beneath the hood. “Show me.”
“You wish to see the Beast?” Jensen asked in a voice so soft it landed like a single drop in a large puddle.
And then all hell broke loose.
“You! I tell you not to come round here no more. No food. No food for you!”
Jared startled. “Hey, relax it’s-“
The man emerged from the cellar doors, continuing to yell only now in a foreign tongue. A second figure followed. Jared recognized the first as the shorter man that had originally brought Jensen to the shelter. The other he’d never seen before. He was wiry with a buzz-cut head and circled Jensen and Jared slowly.
Jensen crouched down defensively. He snarled low and deep and it echoed within the alley walls. The buzzed man’s hand snaked to his waistband. “What the hell?! You’re bringing your friends now?! This ain’t no buffet.”
This man’s accent was American. Jared pounced on potentially easier communication and thought maybe he could talk them out of this. “I was just meeting my friend. We’re leaving now.”
“Fuck you. Junkies looking for an easy score to pay for your next hit. We ain’t getting robbed again!”
Whoa. Jared wasn’t prepared for the intense hatred coming at him. Jensen faced this daily? “We’re not-“ But his reply was cut off because the restaurant’s back door swung open and the tall cook appeared.
“You again!” he shouted immediately. He glanced at Jared but all his rage was directed at Jensen.
Vicious laughter. “Shoulda let him eat the cat food.”
Jared was distracted from the revulsion these words brought as the three men herded Jensen and him toward the alley’s dead end. His eyes fastened on the baseball bat the tall man was holding. Adrenaline spiked his system. Jared was a big guy. And that was enough to keep him out of fights. Nobody messed with him. The last physical altercation he’d been in was when he was eleven. Definitely pre-growth spurt. Instinctively he tried to shield Jensen but Jensen kept moving, trying to get in front of Jared. They were stuck in a slow motion dance.
There was no further back to go. Jared chanced a look at the alley mouth, hoping for a familiar blue and white car. Except. Jensen and cops would be a bad idea. Jared tried to quell his fear. This was ridiculous. These men had no cause to hurt them. He tried again. “Look. We’ll go now. Nobody has to get hurt. Just let us go.”
The young one glared at him. “Shoulda thought of that before you tried to rob us, you freaks.”
Jensen snarled louder and shifted a step closer to Jared. The little movement triggered the tall man and he swung his bat at Jared’s head, but its downward arc was broken by a roaring blur that knocked Jared’s attacker sideways.
Jared yelped as his hip took the brunt of the blow. There was no time to think as he was knocked backward by the little man cursing in a mix of English and his native tongue. Unprepared, the weight of the assault threw Jared sideways against a dumpster, and he swore at the pain of the rough metal edge smashing into his ribs.
He shoved his attacker away, not wanting to hurt the man, just needing to get Jensen and him out of here.
“Jensen!”
Jensen and the tall cook were chest to chest, the bat upright above them, both struggling to wrest it away from the other. But the animal howls coming from Jensen sent shivers through Jared … was this what everyone else saw?
The third man, the one who spoke fluent English, was hanging back to see which of his friends needed his help more. The bulldozer plowed into Jared again and once more he crashed into the lip of the refuse container.
“Shit!”
Almost unconsciously Jared drew back his arm and punched the man in the face. His knuckles flared with pain as the man’s head snapped back and he went down.
Then he saw the flicker of the blade in the buzz-cut man’s hand as he charged at Jared. Fuck. He was in over his head … There was a semi-crushed cardboard box sticking out of the other dumpster. Jared lunged for it, held out with both hands to shield his body as the knife wielder charged.
Thunk of metal. Ripping of cardboard. Jared didn’t even realize where his impromptu dance was taking him until he backed into Jensen and the tall man fighting over the bat. The impact caused him to drop his protection.
“He’s got a knife!” he yelled, glimpsing Jensen’s unprotected back as the wicked steel was thrust at Jared.
Physically in contact with the other two, Jared felt Jensen’s surge as he yowled and jerked and the bat fell to the ground as the cook screamed, “He bit me!”
Jared’s brain cried this isn’t happening, even as his world stuttered to slow motion and he saw Jensen turn, throw his body in front of Jared’s, and the knife pierce his chest.
“NO!”
Like in a nightmare time sped up and Jared lifted the baseball bat and brought it down on the shoulder of the man with the knife … the horrific crunch of bone melded with the sound of pain rising from the kneeling Jensen who was clutching his chest …
“Come on, we gotta move! Jensen, come with me! Please!”
Jared knew he was on the edge of panic, but they had to get away before the cops …
He pulled Jensen to his feet. Blood was soaking the front of the hoodie, coating Jensen’s hands as Jared stared down at them.
Oh god, oh god …
The man Jensen had bit was bent over his arm screaming; the other two men were groaning on the ground. They had to get out now. Jared pulled his sweatshirt over his head and pressed it into Jensen’s hands.
“Hold this against your wound. Hard.”
Jensen was whining … like a wounded animal. Jared didn’t want to think that. He put an arm around the slighter man, ignoring the stab of pain as he did so, and manhandled Jensen as gently as he could away from the restaurant.
Help, where could he go for help? He couldn’t take Jensen to a hospital. He looked down to where Jensen was grasping the sweatshirt with trembling hands.
“Come on, Jensen, stay with me.” Jared’s head was practically touching the hoodie shielding Jensen’s face. The whimper from within the concealment tore through Jared like he’d been knifed as well. If they could just make it the short distance back to the shelter.
Jared fumbled with his free hand for the cell phone in his pants pocket. Misha was on speed dial.
“Jared?” From the way he answered, Misha knew it must be an emergency for Jared to call this late.
“I need you at the shelter now, right away. And Alona, call her and tell her it’s an emergency!”
Alona tried to examine Jared. “No. Take care of Jensen. He’s bleeding. I’m okay.”
“Jared. Let me call an ambulance … or we’ll take a taxi to the ER. Please. I’m not a medical doctor. I’m a veterinarian. This is crazy. Let me get you some proper medical attention.”
Jensen started moving off the table, low growl deep in his throat.
Jared tried to stand, but slumped back. “No! Jensen stop, it’s okay. No hospital. I promise. Let Alona look at you. She won’t hurt you.” He stifled his own groan. God, it hurt. He felt like, well, someone had taken a bat to him. There had to be bruises on his bruises.
Misha came over and touched Jared’s arm. “I’m okay. Just help me up.”
With Misha’s help he approached Jensen slowly. The front of his jacket was all red. The knife flashing silver in the streetlamp, swishing by Jared’s face as Jensen leapt and …
Alona turned to Jared, her voice low. “We have to take this off him. He might need stitches. I need to see the wound. See where it struck … Jared …” Her voice was unnaturally high.
He motioned her back with his arm. Approached Jensen and leaned in, spoke to him within the hood. “Please Jensen. Take it off. We won’t yell. Won’t be scared. I promise.”
Jensen shook his head violently and pulled his arms around himself tighter. The motion made him whimper.
Misha appeared holding a towel. “Here, you can cover yourself with this.”
Jared looked at Misha with gratitude. “Yeah, buddy, that’ll work, right? We won’t see you. Here.”
Jensen took the towel and with Jared’s help held it over his head, he lowered the hood with his free hand and the towel replaced it quickly. Jared caught a shock of dark blonde hair. Alona approached and slowly took the ruined hoodie off. The tee-shirt beneath was also coated in blood. Jared fought back his fear.
Misha moved Jared to the side, and Alona lifted up Jensen’s ruined tee-shirt and continued her examination. She thoroughly cleansed the bloody gash with peroxide, Jensen hissed at the sting. “Okay,” she said when done. “The bleeding has stopped. Your first aid was good, Jared.” She applied antiseptic. “Now, Jensen, take a deep breath for me because this will pinch a little. It doesn’t look like it nicked anything vital, and it isn’t very deep. I’m going to put on a butterfly bandage. It should heal fine.” Jensen let out a little sound as Alona pulled the skin tightly together. She applied another larger bandage over it so that it would stay dry when he showered. “Your clothing is ruined. Do you have anything to change into?”
Jensen nodded yes and the towel surrounding his face bobbed up and down. “Jared,” he said.
“Yeah. I’m here.”
“No,” Jensen sounded frustrated. “Take care Jared.”
Alona smiled grimly and approached Jared. “Okay, tough guy. Let’s see the damage.”
Jared stripped off his shirt and grimaced as Alona gingerly worked her fingers over his bruises. “Nothing feels broken. You should get an X-ray. C’mon.”
She managed to maneuver him on the table that was intended to hold a large dog, not a man the size of Jared. Somehow they made it work. Soon she was examining his images.
“Looks okay. I’m just going to tape them up. It’ll hurt like hell for a few days though.”
Jared grimaced as Alona finished wrapping his ribs. Yeah. Tell him something he didn’t know. Jesus, he wanted to go home. He stared at Jensen. He was homeless now like Jensen.
Misha seemed to read his mind. “Come home with me. Tori would kill me if I left you here.”
God he wanted that. Wanted Misha to take care of him and give him a warm bed and tuck him in and … His eyes fell back on Jensen, sitting quietly on the examining table, head shrouded in a towel. He remembered being a little boy with a head cold and his momma filling a large bowl with hot, steaming water. She’d put a towel over him and he’d hide inside it and lean into the warm steam and breathe deeply and it would fill his phlegm-filled throat and make him feel loose and safe.
“I can’t Misha. I can’t leave-“
“Bring him, too. You can’t stay here.”
Jared looked down at himself and then at Jensen. They were a mess. He couldn’t do this to Victoria. Or Misha. They were good people but this was his … he was thinking problem but that’s not what it was. A flash of green reached him before Jensen ducked his head down again. He didn’t know what this was, but it wasn’t a problem.
“No. Misha. We’re fine now. Really. I need to wash up. I’ll make sure Jensen does, too. We’ll be fine here tonight. It’s not like we were followed. I’ll lock up.”
Alona looked shocked. “But … you can’t stay here. Jay, where will you sleep? And what about Sandy-“
Misha met her eyes and nodded ‘no’ silently. Alona didn’t say anything further but her eyes roamed back and forth between Jared and Jensen once before biting down on her lower lip. She rummaged in her bag and handed a pill bottle to Jared. “Here. Take a couple if it hurts.” She looked toward Jensen. “I’m sorry I can’t - we don’t have a medical history … But I think he should be fine with Tylenol. Keep the wound dry. If you see any swelling or severe redness call me.” She saw Jared’s worried gaze at Jensen. Met his eyes. “He’ll be fine. Jay … what … will you be okay?”
Jared nodded. Took her in a soft hug. “Thanks. Thanks for helping him. Helping me.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” She pulled back and leaned in. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Jared.”
She met Misha’s eyes and together they walked out. Jared locked the door behind them, lowering the shade. Suddenly nervous he hurried back to double check that the back door was also locked. Jensen was standing when Jared returned. He pointed to the back where the cages were. “Belle?”
Jared smiled. “Sure. She’s probably sleeping but go on. Say hi to Sadie, too. I’m going to take a shower. Then it’ll be your turn, okay?”
Jensen nodded and walked toward the cages. There was some half-hearted barking before he heard Sadie’s familiar greeting. Jared disappeared into the shower stall. He was fast because he wanted to be sure there’d be enough hot water for both of them.
He dried off quickly and slipped into clean scrubs he kept on hand. In the office he found the clothes he washed the last time Jensen was here. He ran his hand over the hoodie. It was Jared’s old one, the one he’d given him the night they’d met.
Jared went into the back area and found Jensen sitting on the ground, Sadie at his side. The towel was draped around his neck and Jared could see the back of his head clearly. His hair was a dark blonde, almost brown. It seemed relatively short and he wondered when and how Jensen cut it. Sadie spotted him and sauntered over happily. He saw Jensen stiffen and quickly lift the towel up and over his head into a makeshift hood.
Jared squatted down despite his bruises complaining. “Hey girl. You been taking care of Jensen?”
Jensen stood. His motion was slow and awkward and Jared figured his chest must be hurting him. He was holding Belle and he put her gently back in her cage turning to Jared. He was hidden in the towel. Jared fought down his frustration at Jensen’s ongoing mistrust. After everything he couldn’t really believe that Jared would think him too ugly to look at, could he?
“Your turn,” Jared said before he said something he shouldn’t. “I left you clean clothes. I don’t think there’s much to save with yours. We’ll pick up a few new things tomorrow.” Jensen nodded and started toward the shower. Jared called after him. “Jensen. I … left a fresh razor … in case you needed it. I think … in the alley … I figured you got blood on your beard.”
Silence. Jared wasn’t sure Jensen would say anything but then he nodded again briskly.
“Do you … There’s a mirror in the bathroom.”
“No!” Jared started at the sudden yell. “No mirror. Can shave without.”
Sadie whined at Jared’s feet. Jared knew how she felt. “Jensen … I wouldn’t want you to cut yourself. I won’t come near you. I promise.”
“Hate mirror.”
It was spoken quietly but Jared had heard. He walked a little closer, Sadie dancing around his feet. “Why?”
“Ugly.”
He stood behind Jensen and leaned his chin into the towel sighing deeply. “You know I don’t believe that.”
Jensen shook himself free. “She said ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly inside. Ugly outside. Beast.” His voice had become so guttural the words came out as a growl.
“Who told you that?” Jared asked into Jensen’s retreating back.
“The witch.”
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