Words 19
"Hatred is blind, as well as love." Oscar Wilde
When Rachel entered the choir room at the end of the day, she immediately felt that something was different. A heavy silence was filling the room. Finn and Puck were sitting in the back row. Their eyes were on the ceiling and they seemed profoundly bored. It was nothing unusual. Lauren was next to them, eating skittles. Mike was next to Tina, looking straight in front of him, waiting for everybody to arrive. Tina was bent forward, giggling, and gossiping with Mercedes. They were both giving side looks to Sam who was standing against the wall, looking forlornly at Quinn. That was when Rachel noticed how distant they were from one another.
"Why is Sam sitting so far away from Quinn?" Rachel whispered to Mercedes as she sat on a chair next to her.
"Haven't you heard?" Mercedes replied a bit too loudly. "Quinn broke up with him."
Rachel glanced at the head cheerleader and their eyes met briefly. There was no doubt that Quinn had been listening to their exchange. The blond girl's stare was now set on her notebook on which she appeared to be sketching a Sue Sylvester caricature. Rachel took note of how similar the drawing was to the one she had discovered on the backseat of the Cheerio's bus. Of course, that particular caricature did not represent their coach; it was an unflattering portrait of Rachel. It had been made a long time ago. Their relationship had evolved a lot since then, but it still hurt every time Rachel laid eyes on it.
"Faster Artie! Faster!" Brittany and Artie wheeled their way into the room. The tall girl seemed much better than earlier. She sported a childish grin on her face and was looking at her boyfriend in an amorous way. They rolled their way to the side and Brittany jumped off her ride. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him one quick last kiss on the cheek before taking place on a seat right behind him. Rachel smiled at the sight. She was glad to see that their little conversation had paid off and that Brittany was able to recognize how lucky she was to have such a loving boyfriend at her side.
Mr. Schuester entered a few seconds later and closed the door behind him. He started to explain the assignment of the week and Rachel barely listened. She didn't want anyone to know how she felt, she kept everything to herself, it wasn't safe to show glimpses of herself, and sang mostly only to herself at home. She didn't feel free to be herself in glee club anymore. She was too lost for that.
Someone knocked at the door and, before someone could react, Santana barged into the room. She was out of her cheerleading uniform which made it clear that she had spent the entire day ditching class. She was wearing boyfriend jeans that were hanging loosely around her hips and a tight soft beige blouse patterned with very small triangles of various colors. Her heels were impossibly high which, to someone as small as Rachel, made her seem incredibly tall. Her hair was tied in a mid-low ponytail and straight bangs were shading her eyes which made her even harder to read than usual. She was wearing makeup, a massive amount of makeup. Her foundation made it impossible to see any flaws in her face which made her seem alien, emotionless: inhuman. Her lips were shiny and almost viscous under the amount of lip-gloss covering them. Around her right wrist was a silver chain- a friendship bracelet- that Rachel hadn't seen in months. It matched perfectly the one Brittany had never stopped wearing around her own. The singer's heartbeat quickened anxiously when she recognized it.
"Thank you for joining us Santana," Mr Schuester said, breaking the silence provoked by her sudden appearance. "I'm glad you could make it. I heard you were sick. I hope that singing with us will make you feel better."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever…" Santana glanced at her teacher and rolled her eyes before giving a circular look around the room. Her eyes fell on the only free chair, between Quinn and Rachel, her usual spot. She scowled, crossed her arms over her chest, and walked towards her seat, her hips swaying proudly under her steps.
Quinn swiftly shifted her body toward the brunette and whispered something to her. Rachel tried to decipher what she was saying, but the head cheerleader was muffling the sound of voice with her hands in a way that made it impossible for anyone that wasn't Latina to hear. Santana smirked and snorted.
"Really?" She asked, sounding deeply amused. Quinn nodded vigorously before pulling back, giggling and gently nibbling her bottom lip under her friend's mocking gaze.
Rachel's heart sank. She felt left out. She should probably have worked more on gaining Quinn's friendship, but the head Cheerio was even harder to approach than Santana. She was cold and calculating. She wasn't as gratuitously mean as the dark brunette, but she chose her friends in a very selective manner. No matter how hard Rachel tried, she never seemed to be able to fall into this category. It wasn't that she wanted to befriend the other girl. She was just uncomfortable to know that Santana had a relationship with someone that fell completely out of her control. She also disliked the fact that -while completely ignoring her- the Latina was giving so much attention to her other friend.
Rachel sighed and tried to focus on Mr. Schuester who was gesturing in exaggerated motions in front of the group, but all she could hear was her two classmates murmuring to one another. She felt like interrupting them to point out how rude they were. The slight noise they were making was buzzing in her ear in a way that was deeply irritating. Her frustration was growing by the minute and was feeling like running away from the room, away from the horrible feeling emerging in the pit of her stomach. She didn't notice that she had been subconsciously scratching her right arm until Mercedes grabbed her hand to stop her.
"What the hell are you doing?" The black girl told her and Rachel's gaze dropped on the dark red patch across her skin.
Everybody turned towards them and the singer blushed under their stare. Santana nervously glanced her way for the first time that day before looking away and Rachel felt her heart stop.
"I think I have a rash. I must be allergic to something." The words came out of her mouth awkwardly.
Her declaration was followed by an uneasy silence. Then, Mr. Shuester cleared his throat, bringing the attention back to himself and everything was forgotten. At least, the two Cheerios had stopped talking. Their moment had been broken and they were now both staring at the front. Quinn had her limbs wrapped around the legs of her chair. Her feet were pointing gracefully to the back and a crooked smile was twisting the corner of her mouth. Santana's eyebrows were furrowed. Her feet were tapping at an irregular rhythm on the floor. She seemed to be chewing her cheeks alternatively and her hands were gripping the sides of her chair.
Rachel hated this situation. It was beyond awkward. She probably shouldn't have made that move the previous day. It was too early. Santana did not trust her and their seemed to be no way to cross the sudden gap between them. As subtly as she could, Rachel tried to move her chair closer to her. The darker girl noticed it and her features hardened. The singer waited until the Latina's attention was to the front before attempting anything else. When Santana's expression seemed to relax a bit, Rachel extended her fingers, separating the distance between her hand and the other girl's, and grazed it shyly. Santana's grip on her chair grew so hard that her knuckles turned white. Rachel took a deep breath. She stayed still until she was certain that the other brunette wouldn't pull away from her touch and when it seemed sure that she wouldn't do so she let her finger's gently brush the back of the caramel hand. Santana's mouth twitched nervously and her body stiffened. She closed her eyes for a second or two before slowly opening them and turning her gaze towards Rachel. The singer gaped, flushed, and her heart stammered anxiously against her chest. She was surprised, shocked, by the large amount of struggling emotions reflected in the other girl's stare. Fear was the most preeminent of them all. Rachel gulped and her eyes grew wide.
For a second, she almost forgot how much she hated the girl in front of her.
For a second, she almost forgot where she was and why she was there.
For a second, she lost herself in that terror and it almost became her own.
Santana looked away, breaking the spell. Rachel shook her head, trying to erase those fearful brown eyes from her mind, and tried her best to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall of her own. Her vision became blurry. She didn't want to know that fear existed. It scared her because it shouldn't have. She chased her tears away with a swift hand motion and her gaze shifted anxiously around the room. She caught a flash of blue and had to hold back a gasp. Brittany had been studying them all along. Rachel shuttered at the thought of the expressionless stare she knew was set on her. She sniffed and Santana's soft hand suddenly shifted under her own. Rachel felt the Latina's index wrap around her own to squeeze it reassuringly. Cold metal pressed against her wrist. Rachel looked down to find Santana's friendship bracelet brushing against her skin. She glanced back at Brittany.
The dreamy girl was smiling in a strange kind of way.
part20