Words 18
"It has been said something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world." J. Mackye Gruber/ Eric Bress
There are moments in life where everything seems perfect. Everything seems to be at its rightful place. Everything you wanted, everything you wished for, seems to be within reach. All seems possible and nothing seems to stand in your way. Rachel used to feel that way when she sang. Her talent-an inner ability that she had nurtured with love- gave her the strong feeling that she could accomplish anything.
With time, she had come to realize that talent wasn't enough to get what she wanted. The truth was that she didn't even know what she wanted anymore. It was this confusion over her own aspirations that was on Rachel's mind that morning, taunting her, torturing her. Part of her felt happy of what had happened the day before and part of her just felt empty.
She had woken up a bit before sunrise. To celebrate the arrival of spring, Coach Sylvester had one of her extreme training session prepared for them that morning and she couldn't be late. Quinn was already stretching near the bleachers when she arrived. She went up to her, offering her a helping hand. The head cheerleader gave her a brief head nod as a sign of agreement.
"We're going to run outside." Quinn told her. Her hazel eyes were filled with annoyance. Rachel pouted.
"Outside? It's pouring!" Quinn laughed sarcastically.
"Welcome to the team!"
Other cheerleaders were starting to arrive, but Santana wasn't one of them. Rachel realized that a knot had formed into her stomach at the idea of seeing the brunette again. Not seeing her was even worst. They had barely exchanged words after the kiss. The Latina had interrupted the silence to ask her if she wanted to be driven back to her house, declaring that it was getting late. The second after Rachel had step out of Santana's car, the engine had raced away at a speed way above limit.
Rachel excused herself, pretending that she had forgotten her water bottle in her locker, while what she really had to do was to regain her composure. She was secretly hoping that she would come across the Latina but when she got to the locker room there was no sign of her. She walked in front of a mirror. She stared at her own reflection, trying to control her nervous breath. She ran her hands nervously under her top, scratching over and over her wounded skin. She pressed her forehead against the mirror, lifted her top, and lowered her gaze to her stomach. There was red all over the whiteness of it and blood was tainting her fingers. A tear ran down her cheek and fell unto her hand. She dropped to the floor, sobbing quietly, her body shaking restlessly.
"Rachel?" Quinn's voice came from the door. Rachel stood up, readjusted her top, and wiped her tears away.
"What?" She replied, trying to erase any trace of weakness from her voice.
"We're leaving soon. Hurry up."
Rachel took some toilet paper and cleaned her face up. Her eyes were a bit puffy, but it was too subtle for someone to notice it.
Jogging under the pouring rain was probably one of the worst experiences Rachel had to face in her life. Her entire body was stiff and refused to move forward. The only thing that kept her from dropping to the ground was Quinn's hypnotizing ponytail bouncing in front of her and the lyrics of Singing in the Rain playing over and over again in her mind. She was pretty sure that Kelly had disappeared in the middle of their run. She had heard someone whisper that she was turning blue from hypothermia when Coach Sylvester finally took her plea to stop seriously.
When it was finally over, she took more time than usual under the shower, trying to raise her body temperature. She lost track of time and hadn't finished changing back into her clothes when the bell rang.
She threw her bag over her shoulder and walked swiftly towards her class. Her wet sneakers were squeaking loudly as she stepped down the hallway. She glanced out a window and saw Brittany sitting on picnic table. Her head was heavily resting on her hands. It wasn't raining anymore, but she was shivering under the cold windy weather. Rachel realized at that moment that she had been absent from their morning practice. Intrigued, she decided to seek an explanation to this outlandish behaviour. She found her way out and walked up to the blond. Brittany was looking in her direction, but she did not react when Rachel got close and her face remained expressionless.
"So are you, like, Santana's new best friend?" She said all of a sudden.
Rachel writhed awkwardly under Brittany's blue stare. Wind was flowing through the taller girl's hair. A golden strand was dancing near her mouth, but she did nothing to remove it from there.
"Well, we do spend a lot of time together."
Brittany nodded pitifully. She seemed thoughtful for a while, lost in her own little world.
"She called me yesterday." She whispered, her eyes firmly set on the brick wall in front of them.
Rachel felt irritated. That was not part of the plan. They were not supposed to talk to one another. Whey would Santana got to Brittany when she had her? Weren't they friends? They were almost always together, why would she go back to Brittany?
"Why? I thought you two weren't friends anymore." Aqua eyes turned towards her, scrutinizing her in a contemplative way. Rachel gulped. She hadn't meant to sound so angry.
"We're not really friends. She just- she needed me. She's very confused." The dreamy girl replied after a while. A frown had crept his way upon her face and she seemed pretty puzzled herself. Rachel, eager to hear some more, licked her lips in an anxious manner and was about to open her mouth to talk when Brittany spoke again.
"She thought I was special. That it was different 'cause we were BFF'S." Her eyes filled with tears and, for a second, Rachel thought she saw a flicker of anger flash through the blue gaze settled on her. "Turns out I'm not."
Rachel sighed, relieved. While she obviously did not understand what the other girl was saying, it didn't seem as though the childish girl's relationship with Santana was mending.
"What do you mean? I don't understand."
Brittany's lips were pressed into a thin line and her eyebrows were furrowed. She seemed very present suddenly, far from her usual self, much more aware of her surroundings.
"She told me she liked your sweet lady kiss." Brittany answered bitterly. Rachel yelped, surprised and shocked that Santana had revealed her the incident, but the blond seemed unfazed. "She said it was almost as good with me, but she doesn't like girls in that way. That's why she was crying all over the phone like that time Coach told her boob job wasn't good enough for her to be captain and that she wouldn't be flying anymore. I don't like it when she cries. It's scary. It's like a water explosion. When it happens, I don't really understand what she says 'cause her words are all slippery."
Rachel did her best to process the chaotic pile of information. Santana did enjoy the kiss they shared the previous night, but she obviously didn't feel nearly as close to her than she did to Brittany. Never had she told her anything about how she felt, but she did speak of them with the blond, even after months of not talking to her. She also wasn't exactly sure what to think of the fact that the Latina had spent the end of the night on the phone, weeping hysterically over what had happened. She could hardly picture it. It seemed somehow incongruous.
"I don't understand why she would be crying if she liked it."She stated after some time.
"She's scared." Brittany said. Her voice was suddenly softer, tender. "She's like my cat. She doesn't like when strangers get to close. I think she confuses people with evil gnomes like the one in my backyard. It's almost like she believes that everybody's planning to hurt her or something. It doesn't make any sense. Why would people do that? It would put them on Santa's naughty list and they wouldn't get any gifts for Christmas which totally sucks."
Rachel smiled at her. Brittany was endearing even if most of what she said was based on a logic that defied reality.
"You're so adorable!" She had the sudden urge to hug her. Brittany frowned and backed up a little when the singer tried to wrap her arms around her waist, pushing her hands away.
"Rachel..."She sighed. Her facial expression was suddenly very serious. "She likes you a lot and I don't like it 'cause it makes me feel weird in my stomach."
"Wait, Brittany, are you jealous? Do you have feelings for her? I thought you were in love with Artie" Rachel asked her.
Who would prefer someone as unbalanced and moody as Santana to Artie? He could offer to Brittany everything she could not. They had a stable relationship. He loved her. He cared for her. He protected her naivety from the dark reality of this world, while Santana used to egoistically drag her down the dangerous path of debauchery. She was a vile self-centered person who found pleasure into destroying everything around her on her to self-devastation.
"Well, yeah...We were best friends. Best friends always love each other very much, don't they? Like it's not that I don't love Artie, I love him so much. He's my boyfriend, but I miss her 'cause she was always there and now she's not. She's always with you, but I can't be, like, jealous. It wouldn't be fair for her so I'm not jealous. I'm just sad."
"You shouldn't be sad Brittany." Rachel told her with sincerity. She truly believed that it was better for her to stay away from the wild brunette. Nothing good could come out of it.
"San, she- she doesn't really like to like people. And I-"She exhaled with difficulty and bit her lip."I think I've hurt her a lot so it's even harder for her than before. What I'm trying to say is: try not to make it worst. Promise me you'll take care of her."
The blue eyes staring into Rachel's were very alert, piercing, which made her wonder if Brittany was as truly innocent as she was letting on. Rachel chewed the inside of her cheek, trying to make up a reply. It was one thing to lie and be mean to cruel people, but this was entirely different. Brittany was a loving and caring friend, filled with good intentions...But there was no other way to escape from this, besides she was doing it for Brittany's own good.
"I promise. I'll do my best not to hurt her." Brittany's eyes narrowed as if she was evaluating her reply.
"Pinkie swear?" She extended the small finger forward. Rachel intertwined her finger with Brittany's.
"Pinkie swear." She answered back, swallowing with difficulty.
"Good." Brittany smiled childishly and gave a quick peck on Rachel's shamefully crimson cheek. She stood up, stretched her arms over her head. Her gaze was lost in another world. When she spoke again her voice seemed to come from a faraway distance. It was a barely audible murmur. "If you ever happen to forget the promise you gave me, I'll be there to remind it to you."
part19
There are moments in life where everything seems perfect. Everything seems to be at its rightful place. Everything you wanted, everything you wished for, seems to be within reach. All seems possible and nothing seems to stand in your way. Rachel used to feel that way when she sang. Her talent-an inner ability that she had nurtured with love- gave her the strong feeling that she could accomplish anything.
With time, she had come to realize that talent wasn't enough to get what she wanted. The truth was that she didn't even know what she wanted anymore. It was this confusion over her own aspirations that was on Rachel's mind that morning, taunting her, torturing her. Part of her felt happy of what had happened the day before and part of her just felt empty.
She had woken up a bit before sunrise. To celebrate the arrival of spring, Coach Sylvester had one of her extreme training session prepared for them that morning and she couldn't be late. Quinn was already stretching near the bleachers when she arrived. She went up to her, offering her a helping hand. The head cheerleader gave her a brief head nod as a sign of agreement.
"We're going to run outside." Quinn told her. Her hazel eyes were filled with annoyance. Rachel pouted.
"Outside? It's pouring!" Quinn laughed sarcastically.
"Welcome to the team!"
Other cheerleaders were starting to arrive, but Santana wasn't one of them. Rachel realized that a knot had formed into her stomach at the idea of seeing the brunette again. Not seeing her was even worst. They had barely exchanged words after the kiss. The Latina had interrupted the silence to ask her if she wanted to be driven back to her house, declaring that it was getting late. The second after Rachel had step out of Santana's car, the engine had raced away at a speed way above limit.
Rachel excused herself, pretending that she had forgotten her water bottle in her locker, while what she really had to do was to regain her composure. She was secretly hoping that she would come across the Latina but when she got to the locker room there was no sign of her. She walked in front of a mirror. She stared at her own reflection, trying to control her nervous breath. She ran her hands nervously under her top, scratching over and over her wounded skin. She pressed her forehead against the mirror, lifted her top, and lowered her gaze to her stomach. There was red all over the whiteness of it and blood was tainting her fingers. A tear ran down her cheek and fell unto her hand. She dropped to the floor, sobbing quietly, her body shaking restlessly.
"Rachel?" Quinn's voice came from the door. Rachel stood up, readjusted her top, and wiped her tears away.
"What?" She replied, trying to erase any trace of weakness from her voice.
"We're leaving soon. Hurry up."
Rachel took some toilet paper and cleaned her face up. Her eyes were a bit puffy, but it was too subtle for someone to notice it.
Jogging under the pouring rain was probably one of the worst experiences Rachel had to face in her life. Her entire body was stiff and refused to move forward. The only thing that kept her from dropping to the ground was Quinn's hypnotizing ponytail bouncing in front of her and the lyrics of Singing in the Rain playing over and over again in her mind. She was pretty sure that Kelly had disappeared in the middle of their run. She had heard someone whisper that she was turning blue from hypothermia when Coach Sylvester finally took her plea to stop seriously.
When it was finally over, she took more time than usual under the shower, trying to raise her body temperature. She lost track of time and hadn't finished changing back into her clothes when the bell rang.
She threw her bag over her shoulder and walked swiftly towards her class. Her wet sneakers were squeaking loudly as she stepped down the hallway. She glanced out a window and saw Brittany sitting on picnic table. Her head was heavily resting on her hands. It wasn't raining anymore, but she was shivering under the cold windy weather. Rachel realized at that moment that she had been absent from their morning practice. Intrigued, she decided to seek an explanation to this outlandish behaviour. She found her way out and walked up to the blond. Brittany was looking in her direction, but she did not react when Rachel got close and her face remained expressionless.
"So are you, like, Santana's new best friend?" She said all of a sudden.
Rachel writhed awkwardly under Brittany's blue stare. Wind was flowing through the taller girl's hair. A golden strand was dancing near her mouth, but she did nothing to remove it from there.
"Well, we do spend a lot of time together."
Brittany nodded pitifully. She seemed thoughtful for a while, lost in her own little world.
"She called me yesterday." She whispered, her eyes firmly set on the brick wall in front of them.
Rachel felt irritated. That was not part of the plan. They were not supposed to talk to one another. Whey would Santana got to Brittany when she had her? Weren't they friends? They were almost always together, why would she go back to Brittany?
"Why? I thought you two weren't friends anymore." Aqua eyes turned towards her, scrutinizing her in a contemplative way. Rachel gulped. She hadn't meant to sound so angry.
"We're not really friends. She just- she needed me. She's very confused." The dreamy girl replied after a while. A frown had crept his way upon her face and she seemed pretty puzzled herself. Rachel, eager to hear some more, licked her lips in an anxious manner and was about to open her mouth to talk when Brittany spoke again.
"She thought I was special. That it was different 'cause we were BFF'S." Her eyes filled with tears and, for a second, Rachel thought she saw a flicker of anger flash through the blue gaze settled on her. "Turns out I'm not."
Rachel sighed, relieved. While she obviously did not understand what the other girl was saying, it didn't seem as though the childish girl's relationship with Santana was mending.
"What do you mean? I don't understand."
Brittany's lips were pressed into a thin line and her eyebrows were furrowed. She seemed very present suddenly, far from her usual self, much more aware of her surroundings.
"She told me she liked your sweet lady kiss." Brittany answered bitterly. Rachel yelped, surprised and shocked that Santana had revealed her the incident, but the blond seemed unfazed. "She said it was almost as good with me, but she doesn't like girls in that way. That's why she was crying all over the phone like that time Coach told her boob job wasn't good enough for her to be captain and that she wouldn't be flying anymore. I don't like it when she cries. It's scary. It's like a water explosion. When it happens, I don't really understand what she says 'cause her words are all slippery."
Rachel did her best to process the chaotic pile of information. Santana did enjoy the kiss they shared the previous night, but she obviously didn't feel nearly as close to her than she did to Brittany. Never had she told her anything about how she felt, but she did speak of them with the blond, even after months of not talking to her. She also wasn't exactly sure what to think of the fact that the Latina had spent the end of the night on the phone, weeping hysterically over what had happened. She could hardly picture it. It seemed somehow incongruous.
"I don't understand why she would be crying if she liked it."She stated after some time.
"She's scared." Brittany said. Her voice was suddenly softer, tender. "She's like my cat. She doesn't like when strangers get to close. I think she confuses people with evil gnomes like the one in my backyard. It's almost like she believes that everybody's planning to hurt her or something. It doesn't make any sense. Why would people do that? It would put them on Santa's naughty list and they wouldn't get any gifts for Christmas which totally sucks."
Rachel smiled at her. Brittany was endearing even if most of what she said was based on a logic that defied reality.
"You're so adorable!" She had the sudden urge to hug her. Brittany frowned and backed up a little when the singer tried to wrap her arms around her waist, pushing her hands away.
"Rachel..."She sighed. Her facial expression was suddenly very serious. "She likes you a lot and I don't like it 'cause it makes me feel weird in my stomach."
"Wait, Brittany, are you jealous? Do you have feelings for her? I thought you were in love with Artie" Rachel asked her.
Who would prefer someone as unbalanced and moody as Santana to Artie? He could offer to Brittany everything she could not. They had a stable relationship. He loved her. He cared for her. He protected her naivety from the dark reality of this world, while Santana used to egoistically drag her down the dangerous path of debauchery. She was a vile self-centered person who found pleasure into destroying everything around her on her to self-devastation.
"Well, yeah...We were best friends. Best friends always love each other very much, don't they? Like it's not that I don't love Artie, I love him so much. He's my boyfriend, but I miss her 'cause she was always there and now she's not. She's always with you, but I can't be, like, jealous. It wouldn't be fair for her so I'm not jealous. I'm just sad."
"You shouldn't be sad Brittany." Rachel told her with sincerity. She truly believed that it was better for her to stay away from the wild brunette. Nothing good could come out of it.
"San, she- she doesn't really like to like people. And I-"She exhaled with difficulty and bit her lip."I think I've hurt her a lot so it's even harder for her than before. What I'm trying to say is: try not to make it worst. Promise me you'll take care of her."
The blue eyes staring into Rachel's were very alert, piercing, which made her wonder if Brittany was as truly innocent as she was letting on. Rachel chewed the inside of her cheek, trying to make up a reply. It was one thing to lie and be mean to cruel people, but this was entirely different. Brittany was a loving and caring friend, filled with good intentions...But there was no other way to escape from this, besides she was doing it for Brittany's own good.
"I promise. I'll do my best not to hurt her." Brittany's eyes narrowed as if she was evaluating her reply.
"Pinkie swear?" She extended the small finger forward. Rachel intertwined her finger with Brittany's.
"Pinkie swear." She answered back, swallowing with difficulty.
"Good." Brittany smiled childishly and gave a quick peck on Rachel's shamefully crimson cheek. She stood up, stretched her arms over her head. Her gaze was lost in another world. When she spoke again her voice seemed to come from a faraway distance. It was a barely audible murmur. "If you ever happen to forget the promise you gave me, I'll be there to remind it to you."
part19