Words 10
"Cure for an obsession: get another one. " Mason Cooley
Rachel knew, even though at times she found it hard to admit, that she used to be obsessed by her boyfriend. She knew everything about him. Well, everything that could be known to someone who did not own the gift of omniscience. She used to think that love made her that way. That love would make anyone that way.
As she bought them matching calendars and wrote both of their schedules in them, as she collected pictures of them for her personal scrapbook of their relationship, as she wrote lyrics of songs dedicated to her boyfriend, as she spent countless hours wondering where and with whom he was, Rachel never doubted that her actions were simply due to the intensity of the love they shared.
Recent events had made her realize that love wasn't the only factor that could motivate such dedication.
Yes, she was obsessed again, but this time it wasn't love that made her feel that way.
It was jealousy.
It was resentment.
It was hate.
Rachel knew she was staring at the Latina's unguarded features from under her lashes, but she couldn't help herself. Santana's straightened hair hung loosely around her neck. Near her ear, one of her dark lock was held back by a baby blue bow which, somehow, made her seem softer and, in the singer's opinion, more feminine.
Her face was illuminated by the flickering purplish light projected by the movie. Entranced by the story, probably in the belief that the darkness was protecting her from any possible observers, Santana seemed rid of most of the tension that usually took hold of her body. Her lips were parted in an expression of wonder and her eyes were opened wide as the film's images reflected on her brown orbs.
Although she seemed happy at the moment - a slight smile appeared from time to time in the corner of her mouth- she had an air of melancholia and general fatigue. She looked as though she was wearing a heavy weight on her shoulder which was draining her energy and deepening the rings under her eyes.
Still, she was frustratingly beautiful, even in her sadness, as if she remained unaffected by it.
The small diva envied her. She felt disdain towards her effortless sensuality which she associated to her well-known sleaziness. It seemed senseless to her that someone could project and aura of sexual energy while doing something as simple as watching a movie, but yet Santana was there doing exactly that and she despised her for it.
Rachel could easily imagine Finn being the one sitting there beside the Latina. He probably would have been feeling butterflies dancing in his stomach while looking at her. Maybe would he have reached for that soft hand resting lazily on the armrest separating them? Then, Santana would have turned her head towards his, like Rachel used to do, and pressed her mouth lightly against his cheek, a whispered touch, before capturing his lips with hers to share a heating kiss reminding him in that way of their night of passion.
Rachel growled in frustration.
A finger brushed lightly against her forearm.
"Hey", Santana murmured next to her ear, eying her inquiringly. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to be sick."
The smaller brunette nodded vehemently, took a large intake of breath, smiled politely, and exhaled slowly through her teeth. Her head started to spin, painfully, as she did so.
"'Kay, if you ever feel weird, you know where the bathroom's at. I'm not in the mood of having you throwing up all over my dress."
The Latina's face was expressing disgust, but her voice was humorous.
Rachel did not laugh, merely smiled, and brought her attention to the movie. Her enemy's gaze was searching her intensely almost as if she could guess her true intentions. It made it hard for her to concentrate on the plot which she already thought was barely interesting.
There was a few minutes of this followed by a shy sigh, and Santana's mind went back to the movie. She did not though retrieved her initial state of innocent pleasure and Rachel could feel the Latina's sudden awareness of her presence.
The time they spent watching the end of the movie was filled with awkwardness, with uncomfortable uneasiness.
"That movie was all kinds of awesome!" Santana exclaimed, shaking her set of keys as they walked back towards her car. "Like I said, the guy's super fine."
"Yeah!" Rachel replied. "Totally!" She laughed at her own choice of words. She, then, crossed her arms over her chest, trying to gain some heat."Santana, I really don't know how you do it. I'm fully covert and I'm freezing. You're in a dress!"
Santana shrugged her shoulders and reached for the car's front door handle.
"Nobody said that being pretty was easy." She replied in a neutral tone of voice before sliding unto the driver's seat.
Rachel stood in place for a few seconds, staring at the sky, wishing her soul could be as peaceful as the quietness of the night. A loud honking noise interrupted her sad contemplation. Santana had a gift for destroying any type of serenity.
"What are you waiting for? Get your ass in the car! You think I'm going to open the door for you or something?"
Rachel sighed, swung her arms back in forth in a childish motion before taking a few step forward, opening the car's passenger door, and finding her way back to hell.
A few minutes later, Santana's car was blasting some loud music. The sound of it was loud enough to stop them from starting conversation. It was also probably loud enough to keep her from having any depressing thoughts about the fact that the girl sitting next to her wasn't the tall blue eyed dancer she wished she was.
No matter how loud the music was, a gloomy mood had crept into the car that neither of the girls could chase. Rachel stared out the side window. She was starting to wonder where her life was going. It seemed that every decision she made was directed towards her revenge. She knew it was wrong, but it was as though it was the only thing keeping her together. It was as if she was made of puzzle pieces. If someone was to discover it, if someone was to remove a piece of her plan, she wouldn't be complete anymore. Not that it should have matter because she already was, in some way, a deconstructed image of herself.
A tear rolled down her cheek.
"Berry, I don't want to sound rude or anything, but we've been parked for like a minute…" Santana's voice was filled with annoyance.
Rachel shook her head and was about to open the door when a small hand grasped her wrist. She saw more than felt a caramel thumb slide against her skin in a way she assumed was meant to be soothing, but it made her shudder with disgust.
"Rachel, have you been crying?" And it really seemed as though the brown eyes scanning hers were genuinely concerned. The tanned hand left her wrist and gently caught the second tear that was threatening to spill down her cheek. The gesture sent a wave of spicy, insistent, perfume to her nose. Rachel suppressed the urge of smacking the cold fingers that were stroking her cheek.
She tried to find something to say, something to explain her sudden distress.
"My boyfriend- he left me today." It was the only idea that came to her mind. It was an easy lie that would save her from having to pursue with the one she had told her classmates before. "He sent me a text to inform me that it was over."
"Oh…" Santana replied. Her hand left Rachel's cheek to rest on the headrest and she smirked. "Well, if you want some piece of advice, you should do like I do, and just not fall in love. Then, you wouldn't get your heartbroken, you know? It's easier that way. That's why people shouldn't do relationship. Like that, everyone gets what they want and nobody's hurt."
Rachel stared into the pretentious dark eyes, trying to see pass the Latina's thick walls of nonsense.
"So, you've never been in love?"
Santana let out a strangled laugh, which had obviously meant to be much more confident, and turned her gaze towards the front. Both of her hands fell upon her laps and her fingers fidgeted with the material of her purse. She opened her mouth, closed it, and laughed again, this time more nervously.
"Love is stupid, Rachel. You'll never get anything good out of it. Don't you get it? Finn treated you like shit. That knew guy did the same. How many times will it take before you understand the obvious?"
This time, when dark eyes met hers, Rachel was stunned by how much sincerity she saw in them. She nodded before stepping outside.
"Thanks Santana" She whispered. "Good night"
"Whatever…"She heard the other girl reply as she closed the door.
She started walking toward her house. There was sound of screeching tires and she hadn't even had the time to get inside that Santana's car was turning down the corner of the street.
Everything was peaceful again.
part11