Words 11
"Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life." George Bernard
Alcohol, it most probably was the best thing Rachel had discovered on her journey towards popularity. It had the taste of freedom. Yes, it tasted like a momentary pause to her inner turmoil. Nothing felt more pleasant than the numbing sensation of her own intoxication.
Every time she attended a party, she would eagerly grasp a bottle of liquor and let the blissful liquid slide down her throat, invade her blood, and sweep her away from reality. When she wasn't plotting against Santana, she lived for those moments where the room would start spinning and her heart would, finally, stop thumping anxiously against her ribcage.
Only in those intoxicated hours did the raging craziness of this senseless world seemed to make sense. It was then that she could look at it without fear. Her soul would almost be at rest and, at times, a contented smile would find its way on her face.
Sometimes, though, words she wished she wouldn't have said would slide out of her mouth. Other times, she would do things she never thought she could have done. In the end, if she could get rid of that nagging feeling constricting her chest, even if it was only for a few hours, it was worth it.
One of those blurry nights, she was laying on a couch- she wasn't really sure where she was or why she was there, but she was laying on a couch- when she saw Finn. He was resting on the wall on the opposite side of the room. He was drinking beer while lurking at the cheerleaders that passed by.
"Finn", she slurred, but nobody heard her.
A flash of golden locks passed before her face and a pair of hazel eyes were suddenly peering into hers.
"Someone seems pretty gone!" Quinn said in a mocking tone.
A few seconds later, strong arms were lifting Rachel in a sitting position. The floor started moving slowly, which reminded her of the ocean's tide, and she felt seasick.
"Quinn!"She let herself sink against the taller girl's body and started laughing when she realized how similar the head Cheerio's name was to the one she had said earlier.
"You're funny when you don't act like a conceited know-it-all." Quinn told her almost sweetly.
Rachel tried to pull back in protest, but her head was too heavy to move. Instead, she nuzzled the other cheerleader's swan-like neck leaving a stray of saliva on pale white skin as she did so.
"I always knew you were gay Fabray!" Rachel didn't have to open her lazy eyes to know it was Santana's voice she was hearing. The sound of it irritated her deeply. She felt the couch slump under the Latina's weight.
"Shut up S!" The small singer giggled as she felt Quinn's throat vibrating against her nose.
"Is she passed out?" Rachel felt strands of hair tickling her collarbone and hot breath brushing her cheek. She whined, unable to control her frustration at Santana's sudden invasion of her personal space.
There was a sigh and a mix scent of vodka and beer flew over her face. Rachel tried to chase it with her hand. Two loud laughs interrupted her motion and Santana's warm fingers interlocked with her own keeping her from making any other attempt at chasing her away.
"Her boyfriend left her…" The Latina said, probably to Quinn's intention.
"Sometimes, I wish I were single too." The other girl replied.
"Trouble in paradise?" Rachel opened her right eye. The first thing she saw was Santana's crossed legs, fully exposed by her t-shirt length dress, almost resting against her own. It probably wouldn't take long before she opened them for some random guy she clearly did not care about.
"No, I like Sam. He's great, but I don't know there seems to be something missing." Quinn sighed. "It's not like I imagined. I guess I wish I had something more like Brittany and Artie. They seem so in love, you know?" Rachel noticed that Santana's thigh muscle suddenly contracted at the mention of Brittany. "Since the baby, it's as if I can't fall in love anymore and, it's stupid, but I'm scared of having sex again."
"First time always sucks. There's nothing magical about it. Sex is-"Santana grasp on Rachel's hand became stronger, almost vice-like." You have to stop believing that there'll be a special connection or something or that you'll have these amazing feelings out of it. You just have to get into it without having any expectations. And, with time, it gets more fulfilling."
Her declaration seemed to put an end to the conversation because they both fell in silence. Rachel closed her eyes again.
"By the way, why aren't you talking to Britt anymore?" Quinn blurted out all of sudden.
"It's just that things are different since she's with the crippled. I don't like it. It's not the same between us. We used to be so close. Now, she's all over him. She has no time for me. I didn't like what her relationship was doing to our friendship."
Santana's hand finally left Rachel's and the diva felt relieved.
"Santana, don't you think you're being selfish? You're her friend. He's her boyfriend. Obviously, she'll want to spend more time with him than with you. It's not the same type of relationship. You can't cut her out of your life just because she's in love."
There was no answer, only the sound of music and cheers, resonating into Rachel's ears. She felt Santana shift uncomfortably against her side and soon her hand was captured by the Latina's again, toyed with by anxious fingers.
"You should go dance with Sam. He won't stop looking this way. It's pathetic. If I have to stand one more minute of this I think I'm gonna barf."Santana's free hand was suddenly on Rachel's waist, pulling her softly towards her. "I'll look after her." She said, lowering herself a little so that the smaller brunette's head could rest on her shoulder.
"Who would have thought that one day we'd be hanging out with the midget!" Quinn stated. Santana snorted in response. Then, the head cheerleader was gone.
Rachel felt horrified, to say the least, to be in this uncomfortable position. She, also, wasn't exactly sure how to handle it. She couldn't exact pull herself away from Santana's embrace. For one, she was feeling as though her body was weighting a hundred tons. She would also probably ruin her chances at building a comfortable friendship with the Latina.
Then, as Rachel thought the situation wouldn't be more awkward, the other girl's head dropped against hers, almost as if she was looking for comfort. When she felt Santana's chest rise and fall against her arm under the pressure of a heavy sigh, the small singer stirred. She slowly stretched her legs in front of her and opened her eyes.
When she realized Rachel was awake, the Latina swiftly moved away from her, putting some distance between them.
"Girl, you were far gone." Santana told her seemingly amused.
Rachel scanned the room. She saw Quinn in a corner playing with Sam's hair. Puck was near them, playing at a drinking game with Mike. Finn wasn't far by talking to a football guy she only knew by name, Jack.
Jack was, very unsubtly, lurking at Santana's enlarged breasts.
The singer grunted and tried to stand up, but her legs were wobbly. She was about to fall when Finn caught her. Rachel closed her eyes contentedly. She smiled as she took in his scent. The embrace didn't last long and, soon, her ex-boyfriend was pulling away.
"Rachel, you should go back home." Finn's fuzzy mouth told her. "Do you have a ride? I could drive you"
Rachel felt her heart jump wildly with hope.
"I'll drive her." Santana said from behind her. "I was gonna leave anyway."
"Cool, thanks Santana!" Finn grinned at her goofily.
The singer felt a surge of hate sprawl through her body. She did not know if the Latina did in on purpose or not, but she always found a way to come between Finn and her. Reluctantly, feeling like a living-dead, she followed Santana as she searched for both of their coats and dragged her outside.
The Latina, glaring and growling, reprimanded her several times for not walking fast enough which made her want to slow her pace. She took a vicious pleasure at seeing Santana's legs take a reddish color and found it amusing to see her huff from time to time white clouds of air. If she did not dress in such a provoking way, she wouldn't have suffered from the cold like she did.
When they, finally, sat down in car, Rachel did not take in pity the shivering girl next to her. She merely stared out the window waiting to be brought back home, back to reality, far from Finn, far from her dreams. Santana was like that. She would constantly cut other people's wings. She did it over and over again. It was her second nature.
Rachel chuckled darkly.
"What's so funny?" The darker girl asked her with curiosity.
"I was thinking-"If Santana could interfere in her love life, she could do it too. "I was thinking of what Quinn said about Brittany."
"You were listening? I thought you were asleep." The Latina said aggressively.
"Brittany and I were talking about you the other day and she told me that, even though at first she missed you a lot, she was glad that you took your distance. She said it was better that way. To be apart from you made her realize how much she couldn't have a voice of her own in your relationship -or friendship if you'd rather call it that way- because she constantly lived in your shadow. Being at your side made her feel ostracized by her classmates, but now she feels truly accepted for whom she is and it makes her happy. Quinn is wrong; you shouldn't try to build a friendship on ruins. I know it's not my place to tell you that, but I personally don't think neither of you would gain something out of it."
There was no response, only a strange stifled noise escaping from the Latina's mouth. Her pores seemed to exhale frustration, rage, pain, and Rachel wondered if she had gone too far. The car braked suddenly. She shut her eyes closed and mentally prepared herself to jump out of the car, readying herself to any possible attack. A loud banging noise resonated in the car.
"FUCK!" Rachel opened her eyes. The dark brown orbs she found herself staring into were drowning in a pool of tears."I don't fucking understand! He's such a freaking asshole! You've seen him! He treats her like she's fucking retarded. I've always been there for her. Well, almost…At least, I tried! He just wheeled his way into her life and, now, it's like I don't even exist. I don't get it. I just don't get it..."
Then, the world began to spin again and Santana's words didn't make sense anymore. They were just dancing around like annoying flies. The singer suddenly found it hard to breath. She tried to unbuckle her seatbelt, but couldn't. And, under the Latina's horrified stare, Rachel bent forward and heaved all over her feet. She clasped her hand over her mouth and started giggling uncontrollably.
The night had turned out to be ridiculously bad.
part12