Food for thought

[sabrarosa]

America's Fidelity Crisis
Moral hypocrisy aside, American men and women still battle a fidelity crisis. While our church and state expect monogamy, we know that this is an ideal rather than the nature of our real lives. We witness men in power ride the waves of temptation, get caught, proclaim contrition and eventually catch more waves. Advertisers

Comments

[artphr33k]

Most tribal 'marriages' would only last 6-9 years, consequently this is also about as long as children were given to develop. So it is feasible to imagine marriages were just a social contract to help raise children. Some couple would stay together after the said period. I think it's important to note that the ones who didn't stay together didn't suffer any 'consequences' because of it.

[sabrarosa]

What? You mean "the sanctity of marriage" isn't an omnipresent, global thing??? THE HORROR!

[jp7]

I am not sure if our society wants a happier safer world. The happier and safer we feel, the less we need it.

[sabrarosa]

The less we need what?

[jp7]

Society, religion, consumerism

and whatever else we buy into for happiness.

[sabrarosa]

Well I could definitely do without false notions of fidelity and forced monogamy myself.

[kraven251]

If people were just horribly honest with each other, the world would be better off anyways.

It would probably drastically cut down on the number of failed marriages and lots of other social maladies.

Instead of "Happily Married Man" stepping out on his wife because he doesn't think she would be into his sexaul deviance...

"Honey, I want to tie you up, smack your ass with a belt and stick it in your butt?"

Clearly a mild example, but that level of honesty just isn't there as much as it should be.

[sabrarosa]

Well, I think either extreme is bad. After all, certain questions don't really need to be answered with brutal honesty because little white lies like "No honey,your butt isn't too big for your favorite pants" can help keep the peace. Also, what does happily married man do if Wife says "Um no. I'm not into spanking or anal. I tried it once and it left me with a sore ass and no orgasm so thanks but no thanks"? Does he try to never approach the subject again and bury that desire away so he will never seek it outside of his monogamous relationship?

[jperegrine]

Personally, I'm quite convinced that there is a HUGE difference between fidelity and monogamy. The first does not in any way require the latter.

I am 100% faithful to my wife. We are not monogamous. We make sure that the other knows and approves. We communicate. We make sure to spend time together for just the two of us.

It's the communication that is the key. With the spouse and any partners. And safety where sex is concerned.

[sabrarosa]

Heh. Well, this article is not so much a newsflash for those of you on my list who are already living polyamorously. It is however a new relationship hack, if you will, for those of us who really bought into the whole "Married for life, forsaking all others" fairy tale.

[jperegrine]

Heh. I also don't think that the "Married for life, forsaking all others" thing is a fairy tale. Different strokes and all that. I know some people who have deliriously happy monogamous marraiges. More power to them. It's just not us.

[sabrarosa]

Yes, it works very well for some and I have seen it but it just doesn't seem to work the majority of the time. Again, perhaps I am simply cynical.

[trip_tych]

Hi, I came here through pornpositivefem with my two cents ;)
Fidelity is important for my husband and I but we aren't so sure monogamy is. We got married recently and the vows we used were nothing of the typical "you and only you til death" business. He grew up in a poly family and I was introduced to the concept when I met him.
When it occurred to me that we would/could always still have each other but also still have others, I hit a point of calmness and peace. Things made a lot more sense and it brought us closer together to know that we can share in one another's happiness even if we're not directly, physically involved with it.

[sabrarosa]

That's a wonderful way of looking at it. It isn't easy for many to think that way and indeed may be impossible for some but it is heartening to know that for some people it really does work.