Food for thought

[sabrarosa]

America's Fidelity Crisis
Moral hypocrisy aside, American men and women still battle a fidelity crisis. While our church and state expect monogamy, we know that this is an ideal rather than the nature of our real lives. We witness men in power ride the waves of temptation, get caught, proclaim contrition and eventually catch more waves. Advertisers

Comments

[jperegrine]

Personally, I'm quite convinced that there is a HUGE difference between fidelity and monogamy. The first does not in any way require the latter.

I am 100% faithful to my wife. We are not monogamous. We make sure that the other knows and approves. We communicate. We make sure to spend time together for just the two of us.

It's the communication that is the key. With the spouse and any partners. And safety where sex is concerned.

[sabrarosa]

Heh. Well, this article is not so much a newsflash for those of you on my list who are already living polyamorously. It is however a new relationship hack, if you will, for those of us who really bought into the whole "Married for life, forsaking all others" fairy tale.

[jperegrine]

Heh. I also don't think that the "Married for life, forsaking all others" thing is a fairy tale. Different strokes and all that. I know some people who have deliriously happy monogamous marraiges. More power to them. It's just not us.

[sabrarosa]

Yes, it works very well for some and I have seen it but it just doesn't seem to work the majority of the time. Again, perhaps I am simply cynical.

[jperegrine]

Nah, I wouldn't call it cynical. Monogamous or non, most marraiges don't work. Trust, communication, dedication, money, you name it. There are so many reason that marraiges fail. Too many people go into it thinking that it will all be easy and that things will just magically all work out.

[sabrarosa]

Which is another issue I have with what we learn: is it really a failure when a relationship ends? Or is that simply a natural part of relationships and something we should learn to accept not as a failure but as simply another part of loving? I could go on all night...sorry!

[jperegrine]

That's just it though, not all relationships end. They go through phases and stages - and yes, some do end. But not all.

If the relationship has come to its natural conclusion, then it is not a failure that it ended. Interesting side note on this point: our wedding vows. Lynette and I did not ever say "till death do us part". We said "For as long as our love shall last". BIG difference there, no? If only more people realized that not every relationship is meant to continue to the bitter (sometimes very) end, perhaps some of the stigma could be removed.

[sabrarosa]

Well I didn't say all but many do. Again, as I pointed out, many of the folks on my list have much different ideas of what relationships are or can be but you all are the exception rather than the norm.