Comments | saanders: (без темы)

saanders

(Untitled)

Dec 08, 2005 01:06

Don't read this unless you want to be chastised. And don't say I didn't warn you.

( You don't want to read this, but you can't keep your curiosity from doing it, can you? )

Comments 12

jarlalex December 7 2005, 23:26:14 UTC

And why should I bother anymore? I'm not happy. Duh if you didn't know that one by now. Maybe I've never been happy, but you know what? It doesn't matter.

If it makes you feel any better, I won't come up with some crap challenging this statement's validity. 'Cuz you know what? Sometimes, I feel like I could well say the same thing.

Did anybody call me when I said I was feeling down? No. Did anyone here ever say "Hey, you wanna talk about it?" No. No one tried to make any kind of effort, the best I get is a couple of comments saying "Hey, perk up, you're dragging me down."

The reason for that is:
I need help, I know it. Yet I know I will refuse it at every turn.After being rebuffed a few times, people do stop trying. I didn't figure that out until I could literally count on one hand the number of people who even noticed my depressive spells. And unless you count my mom's constant attempts to get me on pills, I don't even get "Hey, perk up ( ... )

jarlalex December 7 2005, 23:59:04 UTC

I'VE TRIED TO CONNECT WITH YOU TEN MILLION TIMES AND INSTEAD YOU JUST DANCE. I DIDN"T WANT YOU TO DANCE. I JUST WANTED TO KNOW HOW YOU REALLY FELT. REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME YOU STOOD BY THE DOOR CRYING, AND I ASKED IF YOU WERE OK, AND YOU GOT PISSED AND TOLD ME TO SHUT UP, SO I GOT OUT OF BED AND HUGGED YOU FOR A WHILE, and then eventually you told me to go back to bed? Well, I just gave you what I could. Whenever I or anyone else tries to help you or anyone else when they are hurting, you just say they were trying to help cause they're selfish and it makes them feel smug and important to help somebody ( ... )

saanders December 8 2005, 02:15:09 UTC

Never let someone's constant refusal keep you from giving them what they need, not what they want. Which is why I have no friends. I'm pushy and heartless and have no one to look up to or walk along side of because I give what I preceive is needed. Damn me and my stupidity.

anonymous December 8 2005, 00:00:56 UTC

OOPS> I REPLIED TO JARJALEX....jarlex...jarlalex....whatever....instead of saanders

-SHE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED

saanders December 8 2005, 02:07:40 UTC

Jarlex (whatever) is Jim from high school, he's intelligent, he'll figure it out. I thought about including "She who much not be named" and one other individual who knows who he his as being off the hook. But then didn't. I know she who must not be named probably understands better than anyone else at State, but she who must not be named has not in all her time her come over to my side of campus. Which she should do because we can eat more sugar than we should and watch Veggie Tales together. But she who must not be named should also realize that it is not her fault. I also feel that she who must not be named is not ready to deal with the bulk of my emotions because she who must not be named is a) really long to type and b) has her own problems to deal with before she can effectivly deal with others. Yes, we resonated the same chord, but neither of us knows how to stop playing it. I hope she who must not be named does well on her exams too becaue I know how wound up about that she who must not be named can get.

saanders December 8 2005, 02:18:25 UTC

Random, extra comment to keep things even. Why? Because even when I'm psychotic I'm still anal. Good luck on finals everybody.

the_great_satan December 8 2005, 06:36:09 UTC

Well, I guess you can take comfort in the fact that everything ends...life, hope, happiness, pain, sorrow, etc.

Or maybe not. I'm probably not the best person for this.

saanders December 8 2005, 13:34:57 UTC

End, starts again. It's all freakin' cyclic. Someone stop the Ferris Wheel, I want to get off.

gop_always_rite December 8 2005, 18:05:56 UTC

*turns off the ferris wheel*

saanders December 8 2005, 22:22:26 UTC

*smacks into side of the car from sudden stop*

drama queen ehjeh December 8 2005, 08:59:18 UTC

I called you a drama queen. I also call pots black.

I'm not happy that you tried to kill yourself. Heck, if I had known that that was the real point behind your entries, I would have probably been supportive of doing something OTHER than attempting suicide. But, that is sadly, just a hypothesis.

Other people hurt too, and they don't like it.

And what's really funny is that most of your entries make me smile.

Re: drama queen saanders December 8 2005, 13:36:46 UTC

The make me smile too. Some sick twisted part of me gets a kick out of this. I know my entry isn't fair, and if it's true, it's a really distorted truth. But that's just how I feel sometimes and I can't help it. I do still find "shrapnel of my heart" highly amusing.