This is about a breakup, but it's not what you think.

[s00j]

Many, many people have contacted me and taken me to task over my blithe use of a word I didn't understand was something horrible. Most of them have done so with utmost gentleness, and for this I am grateful

Comments

[inaurolillium]

I'm proud of you. It's really hard to make an apology when you've screwed up, and it's a lot of work to go back and fix all those things, especially the recorded parts. Thank you for doing it.

When you have new lyrics sorted out, do you think you could give them to us? I've been changing the way I sing them when I sing along, but I'd rather sing your words than mine.

[madfilkentist]

It's your choice. I just wish you hadn't given in to social pressure and bad reasoning, or at least that you'd explained what reasoning had convinced you

[inaurolillium]

Just out of curiosity: Does it not matter to you at all that the actual people involved say that the word is harmful to them? Do you quibble about the etymology of "fag" or "dyke" when gay men or lesbians ask you not to call them that?

It doesn't matter where the word comes from. It matters how it's used. And it is used -- actually used, now, today, regularly -- as a slur, during beatings and harassment and the enacting of new laws specifically intended to persecute. The word itself carries such a heavy burden of hatred and horror now that it cannot be safely used.

Sooj hasn't "given in," she's just opted to listen to people who told her that she was using a word that hurt them. I know she'd do that for me, if I asked her to. Why shouldn't she do it for others? Because you don't think it ought to hurt them?

[yendi]

The word "Roma" is no more accurate; they aren't Roman, either.

Well, since "Roma" is actually a term from their own language, and has nothing to do with the word "Roman," that's hardly relevant here. The term "Roma" as in "tomato" has an entirely different origin.

explaining what reasoning convinced me

[s00j]

Thanks for weighing in and for being so honest.

The truth is that there's no consensus, but you know that. My temptation is to give you a full explanation of the varying viewpoints I've heard, but I think you'll have plenty of opportunity to gather your own.

This is what it boils down to, since you wanted to know. There are people of Romani and Sinti descent in my life who don't mind at all if I use the word in description of myself or of them. But there are also people of Romani descent in my life who object strongly.

The latter? That's enough for me. That's what made this personal, as opposed to my just caving in to sociopolitical pressure and online bullying a la mode.

I can't make everyone happy, and I won't die trying.
What I've got to do as an artist is make up my mind to do what I feel is right, and not worry about what people are gonna say.

I'm grateful that you took the time to say what you have said, though.

[tithenai]

I would dearly love to know the alternate lyrics for Lady Vagabond just so that when I sing it to myself I can be getting it right until you re-record it!

This is a good and compassionate thing you are doing, and I understand why it's a break-up. I wish you a smooth transition into new word-loves!

[reedrover]

Wow. You fill my heart with admiration. Few people would go beyond a statement of "I won't do that again." Your work (as documented above) to correct your past presentations sets a moral model for the rest of us.

[alfrecht]

You are awesome, admirable, and wonderful in every way, my dear! :)

I would say more on this issue, and some of my own troubles with it (including in recent history), but the most important and useful comment I can make at present is to commend you and tell you how exemplary your response on this matter is.

I hope to see you on the 11th!