This is about a breakup, but it's not what you think.

[s00j]

Many, many people have contacted me and taken me to task over my blithe use of a word I didn't understand was something horrible. Most of them have done so with utmost gentleness, and for this I am grateful

Comments

[madfilkentist]

It's your choice. I just wish you hadn't given in to social pressure and bad reasoning, or at least that you'd explained what reasoning had convinced you.

The word "Gypsy" derives from "Egyptian." It's based on a mistaken assumption, but not a malicious one, and in the minds of most people the connection doesn't exist or is a vague coincidence of words. The word "Roma" is no more accurate; they aren't Roman, either.

I'm really saddened that you've decided to disable downloads of some perfectly good songs, but again, it's your choice. It's the sense that you're coming up as if before a Party meeting and denouncing yourself that really upsets me.

Gypsies, Roma, or whatever you want to call them often have been insulted, but changing their name won't help that. Every language his its own name or names for them, and any and all can be used as a simple description, a term of honor, or an insult.

Last year I rejected a song for a songbook that referred to gypsies, not because it used the word but because it perpetuated the stereotype. If it had warned of the danger of "Roma" stealing children it wouldn't have made any difference.

I do object to being called a "poor fool" for not agreeing with an unsupported claim, but I don't feel angry, just sad.

[inaurolillium]

Just out of curiosity: Does it not matter to you at all that the actual people involved say that the word is harmful to them? Do you quibble about the etymology of "fag" or "dyke" when gay men or lesbians ask you not to call them that?

It doesn't matter where the word comes from. It matters how it's used. And it is used -- actually used, now, today, regularly -- as a slur, during beatings and harassment and the enacting of new laws specifically intended to persecute. The word itself carries such a heavy burden of hatred and horror now that it cannot be safely used.

Sooj hasn't "given in," she's just opted to listen to people who told her that she was using a word that hurt them. I know she'd do that for me, if I asked her to. Why shouldn't she do it for others? Because you don't think it ought to hurt them?

[yendi]

The word "Roma" is no more accurate; they aren't Roman, either.

Well, since "Roma" is actually a term from their own language, and has nothing to do with the word "Roman," that's hardly relevant here. The term "Roma" as in "tomato" has an entirely different origin.

explaining what reasoning convinced me

[s00j]

Thanks for weighing in and for being so honest.

The truth is that there's no consensus, but you know that. My temptation is to give you a full explanation of the varying viewpoints I've heard, but I think you'll have plenty of opportunity to gather your own.

This is what it boils down to, since you wanted to know. There are people of Romani and Sinti descent in my life who don't mind at all if I use the word in description of myself or of them. But there are also people of Romani descent in my life who object strongly.

The latter? That's enough for me. That's what made this personal, as opposed to my just caving in to sociopolitical pressure and online bullying a la mode.

I can't make everyone happy, and I won't die trying.
What I've got to do as an artist is make up my mind to do what I feel is right, and not worry about what people are gonna say.

I'm grateful that you took the time to say what you have said, though.