[& Worst. Book. Ever.]
It seems ironic that the first entry of the year is a /rage entry but I decided to drop of the grid and play a few RPGs, finish Borderlands, do 7 loads of laundry, and just general do fuck all.
But I made a mistake of reading a book, called Havemercy by Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett. The cover is amazing: http://www.amazon.com/Havemercy-Jaida-Jones/dp/0553591371/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262960877&sr=8-1 and lulls you in to thinking there is clockwork dragons and amazing steampunk-ness.
Oh. Not really.
Start off with a magician named Royston being banished for have 'teh buttsecks' with some other guy of higher standing. There's not much reason given beyond that between the epically sweeping descriptions of a city that you only see the Dragonhouses and the 'king's' palace and alternating 'deep' thoughts. Along side of that there's the swaggering lead man of the DragonCorps, Rook who's a mean, cocky, womanizer and slept with some diplomat's wife and said diplomat wants some kind of punishment. Now the DragonCorps are the only thing between some bad guys that aren't really fleshed out called the Ke-Han. They like wild magic while fancy dragon-city likes magic from a well (oh how original) and their color is blue. Not much else learned about them at all. But in any case, they can't kick any member of the DragonCorps out because they're 'too vital'. So the punishment?
Etiquette classes. Because it would embarrass them.
Cue said record scratch.
Meanwhile Emo-Magician is sent out to the country where he falls in "wub" with the tutor of his brother's kids. Of course he'd never be so crass as to *admit* that because zomg-his-life-is-shattered-and-he-has-teh-sads. Hal, the tutor, is the only semi-likable human character is the stereotypical too-smart-for-this-place still and is just head over heels for Emo-Magician. After literally 100 pages, Emo-Magician gets called back to the city and Hal is dragged with him. Why? Who knows?
Etiquette classes are given by this guy named Thom, the DragonCorps doesn't like him and play pranks on him. Beetles in the suitcase, steal his socks, ect.. Then Rook, takes Mr. Thom on the back of his dragon Havemercy, the only truly likable character in the whole book who is maybe in 20-22 pages on a raid and there's this weird sort of...romance? Rook hates Thom but Thom is intrigued by Rook? So he follows him around and gets cussed out for another 30 pages before Rook tries to play the wounded animal only to dig the dagger deeper. Oh goodie.
Page 341 the plot shows up--the Ke-Han poisoned the well with a snake that is stealing people's magic and killing them. That includes the Dragons (yes, there are more dragons and riders but they are largely forgettable) so they're dying too. Royston gets sick, Hal spends the next half of the book crying thinking his woobie is going to die before magically coming up with a solution that has evaded all the smart people in the room. The Dragons are sent out to destroy the Ke-Han at their own expense--all the dragons die, and only 4 members of the DragonCorps survive. Rook survives of course and then you learn the 'shocking' truth--Rook and Thom were originally John and Hilary--brothers from the slums of town and they thought each other had died in a fire when they were little. Weird sexual tension turned to incest? Wut? Then everyone gets statues and Rook and Thom go off into the mountains to 'explore' (read: have brother sex probably) and Royston and Hal get all cuddly. The. End.
And that wasn't a quick plot summery--you spend half the book inside someone's head and then suddenly the plot unzips, cockslaps you, and asks, "Was it good for you?". Did I mention that all these people are over 20? In age I mean. It took a random line, something about Royston having gray and being 15 years older than Hal who's listed at 20 and Rook and Thom being 27 and 24.
No.
WTF.
They act like CHILDREN. Petulant, caricatures without any meat on their bones. And I could do without the soaring language, kthnx and I'd like my villains to not just be boogeymen from over the mountains. Not to mention they didn't even have the common courtesy to throw in a sex scene even though I was reading this book for death-from-above dragons. *cough* The names of the dragons are cool--Havemercy, Thoushalt, ect.--and how they're made and choose their riders but after that? Phe.
In short, the book is going to paperback palace. I know it's got good-ish reviews but it's just lazy. Not worth the effort of reading much like this book Wounds: http://www.amazon.com/Wounds-Jemiah-Jefferson/dp/0843949988/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262962853&sr=8-1 that I read in HS and pawned off on Crystal because I was so mad.
/angry fase.
Now I need to drink because FUCKING ALABAMA IS A SHITSTAIN OF A STATE WITH A TRAITOR COACH. ASSHOLE. FUCK NICK SABAN.
/storms off.
Goodnight and Good Luck.
But I made a mistake of reading a book, called Havemercy by Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett. The cover is amazing: http://www.amazon.com/Havemercy-Jaida-Jones/dp/0553591371/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262960877&sr=8-1 and lulls you in to thinking there is clockwork dragons and amazing steampunk-ness.
Oh. Not really.
Start off with a magician named Royston being banished for have 'teh buttsecks' with some other guy of higher standing. There's not much reason given beyond that between the epically sweeping descriptions of a city that you only see the Dragonhouses and the 'king's' palace and alternating 'deep' thoughts. Along side of that there's the swaggering lead man of the DragonCorps, Rook who's a mean, cocky, womanizer and slept with some diplomat's wife and said diplomat wants some kind of punishment. Now the DragonCorps are the only thing between some bad guys that aren't really fleshed out called the Ke-Han. They like wild magic while fancy dragon-city likes magic from a well (oh how original) and their color is blue. Not much else learned about them at all. But in any case, they can't kick any member of the DragonCorps out because they're 'too vital'. So the punishment?
Etiquette classes. Because it would embarrass them.
Cue said record scratch.
Meanwhile Emo-Magician is sent out to the country where he falls in "wub" with the tutor of his brother's kids. Of course he'd never be so crass as to *admit* that because zomg-his-life-is-shattered-and-he-has-teh-sads. Hal, the tutor, is the only semi-likable human character is the stereotypical too-smart-for-this-place still and is just head over heels for Emo-Magician. After literally 100 pages, Emo-Magician gets called back to the city and Hal is dragged with him. Why? Who knows?
Etiquette classes are given by this guy named Thom, the DragonCorps doesn't like him and play pranks on him. Beetles in the suitcase, steal his socks, ect.. Then Rook, takes Mr. Thom on the back of his dragon Havemercy, the only truly likable character in the whole book who is maybe in 20-22 pages on a raid and there's this weird sort of...romance? Rook hates Thom but Thom is intrigued by Rook? So he follows him around and gets cussed out for another 30 pages before Rook tries to play the wounded animal only to dig the dagger deeper. Oh goodie.
Page 341 the plot shows up--the Ke-Han poisoned the well with a snake that is stealing people's magic and killing them. That includes the Dragons (yes, there are more dragons and riders but they are largely forgettable) so they're dying too. Royston gets sick, Hal spends the next half of the book crying thinking his woobie is going to die before magically coming up with a solution that has evaded all the smart people in the room. The Dragons are sent out to destroy the Ke-Han at their own expense--all the dragons die, and only 4 members of the DragonCorps survive. Rook survives of course and then you learn the 'shocking' truth--Rook and Thom were originally John and Hilary--brothers from the slums of town and they thought each other had died in a fire when they were little. Weird sexual tension turned to incest? Wut? Then everyone gets statues and Rook and Thom go off into the mountains to 'explore' (read: have brother sex probably) and Royston and Hal get all cuddly. The. End.
And that wasn't a quick plot summery--you spend half the book inside someone's head and then suddenly the plot unzips, cockslaps you, and asks, "Was it good for you?". Did I mention that all these people are over 20? In age I mean. It took a random line, something about Royston having gray and being 15 years older than Hal who's listed at 20 and Rook and Thom being 27 and 24.
No.
WTF.
They act like CHILDREN. Petulant, caricatures without any meat on their bones. And I could do without the soaring language, kthnx and I'd like my villains to not just be boogeymen from over the mountains. Not to mention they didn't even have the common courtesy to throw in a sex scene even though I was reading this book for death-from-above dragons. *cough* The names of the dragons are cool--Havemercy, Thoushalt, ect.--and how they're made and choose their riders but after that? Phe.
In short, the book is going to paperback palace. I know it's got good-ish reviews but it's just lazy. Not worth the effort of reading much like this book Wounds: http://www.amazon.com/Wounds-Jemiah-Jefferson/dp/0843949988/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262962853&sr=8-1 that I read in HS and pawned off on Crystal because I was so mad.
/angry fase.
Now I need to drink because FUCKING ALABAMA IS A SHITSTAIN OF A STATE WITH A TRAITOR COACH. ASSHOLE. FUCK NICK SABAN.
/storms off.
Goodnight and Good Luck.