Comments | rs_games: Day 28 - Team Remus

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Day 28 - Team Remus - Fic: Between the Lines

Oct 28, 2012 05:52

Team: Remus
Title: Between the Lines
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: horror, canon character deaths, werewolf conversion of five year old Remus, sexual references, angst
Word Count: 10,136
Summary: Remus had difficulty explaining his history to Sirius until Sirius suggested he write it down. Remus expressed himself in fairy tale form, using blood magic to ( Read more... )

team remus, rs_games 2012, fic

Comments 6

TEAM SIRIUS rewrites24 October 28 2012, 14:17:05 UTC

The boldest Marauder was said to be very handsome, but Moony didn’t see it. He saw an abundance of ability with a deficit of common sense and a sharp wit completely devoid of conscience. He saw misapplied genius, shrewd eyes and a rebel to the core. This blackest of rapscallions had an oversized ego, but his heart was larger still and surprisingly fragile.

One of the best descriptions of Sirius I've ever read.

Very interesting story. I liked the use of magic behind it. And excellent use of the prompt!

evening12 October 28 2012, 16:29:04 UTC

This story was an absolute delight to read. What a clever way to tell Remus' story. I loved how you weaved in canon details (like the deluminator) with things that are are purely your own (werewolves not being able to be sorted).

I can't wait to know who you are mysterious author so that I can see what else you've written.

TEAM REMUS pavlablack October 28 2012, 23:10:34 UTC

This story really does feel like a parable, with the names you used (Flower, Serpent, Dog, etc.) standing in for the characters we know from HP but taking on a more mythic quality. Clever twist with Greyback pretending to be Uncle Alphard-you had me there! I like that the first signs of Remus being able to do magic involve him calling his parents to him, and how he was both excited and scared to attend Hogwarts. This part made me laugh:

“You’re all amazing!” Remus exclaimed. He couldn’t stop looking at Sirius or touching his hair. “You’re amazing,” he told Sirius with heartfelt gratitude and then kissed him the same way.

“Verbal praise will be sufficient for me and Peter thanks Moony,” James quipped.

And this part was especially powerful and sad:

Dog was enraged by Moony’s refusal to make him a werewolf and turned against their friends for advice they gave. First, he hunted down Stag and fed him to the Darkness. Then he tore Flower out of the soil by her roots and cast her into the Darkness too. Instead of offering Rat to the ( ... )

Team Sirius mutuisanimis November 3 2012, 06:27:44 UTC

Remus promised to trust and asked Sirius to reciprocate. Sirius replied: I’m trying. -- Nope, that's fine. I didn't need my heart. In how many shattered pieces would you like it?

*exhales* wow. In all seriousness, though, this was amazing. What a cool idea for a story, with the black and the brown text, and Andromeda reading it. That was impressively creative, and you pulled it off really well. I'm floored.

Their fight and break-up before the Potters' death was well done, and their story of reunion was even better. See quoted line at top of comment. I'm not quite sold on the Remus-makes-Sirius-into-a-werewolf thing, but I think it worked really, really well in this story.

So yeah, just...wow. Great use of the prompt. Congrats on an awesome piece!

bookgrrrl2006 November 5 2012, 00:47:42 UTC

this was really cool. it really, really felt like remus, too, mystery author. what i mean is that both the story-within-a-story and the regular, canon parts really seemed to have his touch.

i also have to say that the beginning was really scary and almost troubling in its realness. fenrir seemed so much a like a child molester that readers could really relate to the fear. that's good storytelling.

this paragraph was really great:
The boldest Marauder was said to be very handsome, but Moony didn’t see it. He saw an abundance of ability with a deficit of common sense and a sharp wit completely devoid of conscience. He saw misapplied genius, shrewd eyes and a rebel to the core. This blackest of rapscallions had an oversized ego, but his heart was larger still and surprisingly fragile. Moony had begun falling in love with one of his friends. As luck would have it, this friend began loving him back. i liked seeing sirius though remus eyes ( ... )