Fake Bi Girl

[rowyn]

I am a couple of weeks late for Bisexual Visibility Week, but I'm gonna write about bisexuality anyway. I don't think the point of the week was to have us all re-cloak when it was over.

I don't think it's a secret that I am bisexual*. I mention it now and again.  I am, in some ways, perfectly comfortable with my sexuality.
But I noticed, during

Comments

[the_gneech]

You might consider asking your mind what it thinks you would have to gain by "faking it." It's less true now than it was a few years ago, but I know plenty of people who, back in the era of the AIDS epidemic and arguing about whether or not orientation was a choice, said "Why would I choose an orientation that will make me a social pariah and quite possibly endanger my life if I act on it?"

Even now, while it's 5000% better than it was then, being "cishet" would still be a much more convenient way of life. So again, why would you fake it? It' seems to me the fact that it keeps coming up, in itself, means there must be something to it.

-The Gneech

[rowyn]

Oh, Gneech, you have no idea. v_v

There is a distinct backlash against "fake bi girls" as doing it "for attention". Like, y'know, we kiss girls because boys like that, or are only into it for a threesome, or say we're bi because it's "edgy", or to get LGBT cookies, or .... I don't even remember what else. it's a long list. It has all the charm and joy of the "fake geek girls" backlash. v_v

Bisexual men get a different kind of hate, mostly in the form of 'you're really gay', as opposed to the female 'you're really straight'. Blah.

[the_gneech]

Yeah, I did forget the whole "doing it to please boys" thing. Blugh. :P For boys any kind of queerness no matter the flavor all falls into the same homophobic hate bucket.

Ironically, nobody would ever accuse a boy of kissing other boys to please girls, because patriarchy. :P Our culture is messed up.

-The Gneech

[rowyn]

Even though girls are, in fact, ALL OVER boys kissing boys. :D

[gnibbles]

*jumps into your lap* *kneads* *climbs onto your shoulder* *drapes self, purrs* comfort cat is here for you! <3

[rowyn]

*snuggles kitty*

*purrs back*

[gnibbles]

<3 <3 <3 *grooms you* *purrs*

[rowyn]

I knoooooow. >_<

I do not need any more relationships but sometimes I am tempted to do that thing where you get on OK Cupid and set your profile to women-only because I just want more women in my life. And bed. c_c

[aldersprig]

I feel so much the same, with the added complication that all of my lovers have been cismen*. And yet, I am bi. ...

But I still felt a little weird submitting to Queers Destroy SciFi. Was I queer enough? I mean, I'm not straight... but my Bio reads "lives with her husband..."

* Not entirely certain about one of them, but the terminology did not exist at the time. Probbbbably genderqueer.

[rowyn]

Oh heavens, I feel that. And even having ciswomen/transwomen/enby lovers has not changed it. >_< NOT QUEER ENOUGH YET.

*sigh*

*hugs*

[idancewithlife]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. If one is celibate for whatever reason(s) and for whatever length of time it becomes even more complicated to describe yourself publicly. This seems even more true if you also claim to be polyamorus. If you aren't doing something with someone how can you claim any sexuality at all? Does it mean I've suddenly become asexual or aromantic? Then something will turn me on and I think, um. No. Add in being a BBW or a BHM and it adds complication again since many people assume no one will find you attractive anyway. Then add in involvement in BDSM...if you dare mention that at all

[rowyn]

Oh goodness, the poly is a whole 'nother lightning rod. >_<

I know some people are super-offended if you compare polyamory to a sexual orientation, but the truth is, being polyamorous is a more important component of my identity than being bi is. I was poly when I was last single, I was poly when my partner and I weren't seeing anyone but each other, I am poly now.

I do understand how other people can feel like it's a relationship status: "I was poly with X & Y, but I am monogamous now with just Y." And I am fine with that. But that is not how I feel about it. I have pretended to be monogamous before because I thought I could make it work. I can't, and I don't want to, and I am done trying. It may happen that I end up single again some day and not in any relationships, but I am still gonna be poly because those will be the only kinds of relationships I want.

I did this with The Moon Etherium, too: it's an MF relationship but the characters explicitly talk about being open to other relationships as well. Even though they don't have