Fake Bi Girl

[rowyn]

I am a couple of weeks late for Bisexual Visibility Week, but I'm gonna write about bisexuality anyway. I don't think the point of the week was to have us all re-cloak when it was over.

I don't think it's a secret that I am bisexual*. I mention it now and again.  I am, in some ways, perfectly comfortable with my sexuality.
But I noticed, during

Comments

[idancewithlife]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. If one is celibate for whatever reason(s) and for whatever length of time it becomes even more complicated to describe yourself publicly. This seems even more true if you also claim to be polyamorus. If you aren't doing something with someone how can you claim any sexuality at all? Does it mean I've suddenly become asexual or aromantic? Then something will turn me on and I think, um. No. Add in being a BBW or a BHM and it adds complication again since many people assume no one will find you attractive anyway. Then add in involvement in BDSM...if you dare mention that at all.

I am leaning towards simply describing myself as queer. I think in my head that now equates to not being a monogamous cis female. If I get asked to describe what that means I can say to strangers, "I don't know you well enough yet to tell you that story." Friends would get it already since I'm usually not hesitant about talking about my past.

Plus at age almost-60 I can also play the age card with anyone who questions how I categorize myself: How dare you (mostly much younger than me) assume to question my sexuality? I've been living it for 45 years.

Damn it. I want all this to NOT MATTER to anyone.

ETD: Oh, and I read your books because they are great bisexual and poly stories. So I hope you leave the label on them.

[rowyn]

Oh goodness, the poly is a whole 'nother lightning rod. >_<

I know some people are super-offended if you compare polyamory to a sexual orientation, but the truth is, being polyamorous is a more important component of my identity than being bi is. I was poly when I was last single, I was poly when my partner and I weren't seeing anyone but each other, I am poly now.

I do understand how other people can feel like it's a relationship status: "I was poly with X & Y, but I am monogamous now with just Y." And I am fine with that. But that is not how I feel about it. I have pretended to be monogamous before because I thought I could make it work. I can't, and I don't want to, and I am done trying. It may happen that I end up single again some day and not in any relationships, but I am still gonna be poly because those will be the only kinds of relationships I want.

I did this with The Moon Etherium, too: it's an MF relationship but the characters explicitly talk about being open to other relationships as well. Even though they don't have any others right now.