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First of all, this website is inadvertently hilarious. Or frightening/infuriating, depending on your mood.

But! This page of the website is the best. Seriously.

I want to write a book that meets ALL these criteria:

( hidden behind a cut for length and really quite putrescent offensiveness, as yr. humble scribe toils to devise the sort of book that would give these people 5 hemorrhages apiece )