Dear University of Sussex,

You have been ranked the second-best place to study linguistics in the country! Congratulations! Do you:

a) axe the Linguistics department, or
b) not be stupid?

Take your time. This is not a trick question.

( Cut for anger. )

The opening of the segment on dreams in the second episode of the third series of Trick of the Mind excited me to a quite ridiculous degree. 'Wait, are they... THEY ARE. THAT STATION IS NOT FIVE MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE. DERREN BROWN IS NOT FIVE MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE. DERREN BROWN IS BLINDFOLDING A GUY NOT FIVE MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE.' My housemate (at ( Read more... )

The night before last, I dreamt that I came across a YouTube video of Derren Brown playing Kid Harpoon's 'The Milkmaid' on the ukulele I sent him. Rarely have I been more disappointed to realise I was only dreaming ( Read more... )

Rewatching the 'Simon Says' episode of Supernatural, I have come to the conclusion that Andy and Ansem are Derren Brown. Both of them. Andy represents the adorkable, getting-along-with-people, taking-delight-in-everything side; Ansem represents the eeeeeeevil. Of course, this means that Derren's eeeeeeevil side is hopelessly in love with his good ( Read more... )

I have taken a suspiciously ukulele-shaped package with Derren Brown's name on it to the post office. I have no idea whether it is going to reach him or not. I certainly hope so, because it is quite a nice ukulele and Derren Brown clearly needs one ( Read more... )

I have a ridiculously overactive conscience. My DVD of Derren Brown's specials didn't work properly, so I took it back to HMV and exchanged it. When I got home, I discovered a hair in my disc tray and realised that the damage had been caused by that, rather than a fault that had been present when I bought the DVD.

So I actually called up HMV and ( Read more... )

To the three persons from my English Language course who came up to me on the train platform and allowed me to join their conversation: you won't see this, but I was feeling terribly lonely after the seminar, and you are the reason I wasn't in tears on my journey back from campus today. Thank you so much; you have no idea how much you helped me ( Read more... )

There was originally a paragraph here whining about my Tuesday schedule (long story short: my combined waking time before leaving for university in the morning and after returning in the evening? Even though I wake up at seven? Three and a half hours. My Tuesday semesters are completely awesome, but still), but I deleted it because it was boring. ( Read more... )

I spent my first night in my lodgings for the new year of university with between two and four cats on my bed at any one time. My hostess's fourteen-year-old son watches Supernatural and recognises a ukulele when he hears it, which bodes well, and poisoned us all barely an hour after I arrived by leaving a pan of oil on the hob unattended, which ( Read more... )

I suspect the third ukulele may be the point at which you should start considering the possibility that you have a problem. I mean, I'd have an excuse if I were a member of some sort of ukulele band, or if I were actually, you know, good at playing the ukulele. I am neither of these things. But I got a little soprano Lanikai as a going-back-to- ( Read more... )