Also, The 'My Master' Bit? You All Thought It.

[rionaleonhart]

I love the fact that the Big Gay Wine Adventure is now quite clearly more about cars than Top Gear is. Oh, Top Gear presenters. You are so very hopeless at keeping your programmes on-topic

Comments

[dracothelizard]

Linking cars to wine: most pointless wine challenge EVER.

"I AM FULLY EXPECTING A FRIENDS PAGE FULL OF FAKE EPISODES NEXT WEEK."

I'll be far too busy writing nano!

Also, why isn't it on? Is it because of snooker? Wimbledon? Some other stupid sport?

[rionaleonhart]

It is the Extreme Knitting world championships. Contestants have to make their way up Mount Everest wearing only clothes they have knitted themselves, and they have to knit all their own ropes and safety equipment on the way up. There have been numerous fatalities in recent years, but it is so popular that the BBC refuse to axe it.

[dracothelizard]

Is that what your brother claimed via a text message?

[th_esaurus]

...Are there no limits to your genius?

[th_esaurus]

I WAS SO EXCITED FOR YOUR 'EPISODE'

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?! You should just rewrite the episodes anyway, Riona-stylee.

Also, my parents kept talking over the Domestic/Gay montage and I possibly hate them for that. Domestic/Gay. Hmm. I am sensing a new word coming on.

HOMESTISEXUAL.

[th_esaurus]

also, WHAT 'MY MASTER' BIT WHEN WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT

[rionaleonhart]

I AM SORRY. Obviously I considered abstaining from the television and building up the level of bitterness required to write a proper Episode From Riona's Mind just for you, but in the end I couldn't resist.

AND JAMES REFERRED TO OZ AS 'MY MASTER' IN THE VOICEOVER WHEN OZ WAS GIVING THAT ADVICE ABOUT NOT MARRYING SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD GIRLS, I SWEAR

[th_esaurus]

UMMM NOW I WANT TO WRITE JEDI MASTER OZ AND PADAWAN JAMES

It'd be like "*HIC* COME, PADADADAWAN!" "Master, are you pissing drunk again?" "NO, I AM ONE WITH THE FORRRRCE."

[littlemoose]

"You all thought it"

Yes, I did... and I'm now hunting for the brain bleach. I swear James May is dertermined to give me an aneurysm!

(Aw, you should do a fake episode anyway, even if, judging by tonight's ep, the real gay is rapidly overtaking the reach of even your imagination!)

[rionaleonhart]

Well, at least I didn't imagine it. I really would have to worry about my mind in that case.

(Sorry; I've seen the actual episode and so am too content to write a fake one. I suppose you'll never get to see Episode Three: In Which Our Heroes Remove A Cursed Bottle Of Wine From Its Sacred Pedestal And Awaken The Ancient Mechanical Spider Guardian Of Santa Fe Springs.)

[littlemoose]

You realise this means that we, as slashers, are actually being outdone by James May, the slashee? I'd feel like honour is at stake, but I'm still trying to replace Oz with someone less scarring in those mental images...

(Well, your contentedness is a Good Thing anyway :) Besides, the Ancient Mechanical Spider Guardian would be no match for James's inbuilt Electrical Dead Zone!)

[dracothelizard]

"n Which Our Heroes Remove A Cursed Bottle Of Wine From Its Sacred Pedestal And Awaken The Ancient Mechanical Spider Guardian Of Santa Fe Springs."

I think you should write it anyway.

"A cursed bottle of wine?"
"Yes, that's your wine challenge for this week."
"A cursed bottle of wine that I'm supposed to steal with possibly dire consequences?"
"Yes."
"...Is the wine any good?"

[wolfy_writing]

I love the fact that the Big Gay Wine Adventure is now quite clearly more about cars than Top Gear is. Oh, Top Gear presenters. You are so very hopeless at keeping your programmes on-topic.

I'm almost expecting the following upcoming Top Gear episode;

"For today's challenge, we make wine. In a car."

"That's right, we've each picked out different cars, and will drive around in them until the wine ferments. Whoever has the best bottle wins."

"The contest will be judged by Oz Clarke, professional Wine Ponce and James's boyfriend."

Cut to James grinning and blushing.

At which point the Big Gay Wine Adventure will be more about cars than Top Gear, and Top Gear will be more about wine than the Big Gay Wine Adventure.

[rionaleonhart]

I was wondering whether Top Gear would begin becoming more about wine to compensate! Perhaps the programmes have to maintain a sort of equilibrium between them: there's a certain amount of required wineness and a certain amount of required carness, but they can be distributed over the programmes in any way the presenters choose. Perhaps James is draining all of the Top Gear car allocation in order to keep himself sane during the Wine Adventure. PERHAPS I AM THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS.

[wolfy_writing]

NO YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE BEAUTIFUL! I was thinking that since wine takes several weeks for primary fermentation (yes, I do know slightly too much about wine) making them all drive separate cars wouldn't work. They'd have to go in one big vehicle and drive in shifts.

Which, as I don't decide the Top Gear challenges, is irrelevant.

[apiphile]

DON'T YOU DARE TAKE AWAY MY EPISODE! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE! I NEED FAKE TV! IT IS MUCH BETTER THAN THE REAL STUFF!

[rionaleonhart]

Obviously, what you have to do now is write a fake fake episode.

[apiphile]

You are cunning like a small vulpine creature often associated with cunning.