Cold water, where are you; I need to wake up? I knew the exact moment I would let him break my heart and I welcomed it with an embrace. All I could see were the blue of his eyes staring back at me and was consumed by the touch of his hands. My heart slowed until it almost stopped and I became breathless. I should have walked away. I should have ( Read more... )

I wonder which will heal first the bruise in my heart or the ones on my body? A song came on the radio and all I could do was remember him dancing in his kitchen, the way he smelled when he leaned in to kiss me, his perfectly crooked teeth when he smiled at me. That smile is capable of making me do just about anything if he asked and he knows that' ( Read more... )

A) I concede and accept defeat b)realizing after I tried to suck out his heart and soul there was nothing there c) pining d) disappointed in me self e) plotting ways to wrap him around my little finger f)you! g) there is not a g on the SAT H) realizing I can go to "z" I) want what I can't have J) All of the above!!!!

Every time...its exactly the same. My heart rips open bit by bit and I don't know if it hurts more or less. The longing and sorrow is just different and the enormity of the pain lacerates my heart and my brain leaving nothing in its wake but tears and loneliness. The day starts over and everything in perfectly in place until I think about his ( Read more... )

The door is open but I just can't push myself hard enough to walk through it!

"Stars, hide your fires! Let not light see my black and deep desires"

I give up. I'm exhausted and don't want to try anymore. I don't want to squeeze lemons into small little glasses. The only thing that makes sense is not believing in the one thing I loved most about myself. The end!

I just fucked myself!!!!!!!!! There should be like a thousand exclammations after this last statement. I just drank too much and gave myself more liquid courage than I deserve and just sent my tattoo artist an e-mail asking him out knowing that no matter what he says I have to go back and get the rest of mt work done. I don't think MORTIFICATION ( Read more... )

Today is the third day in a row that I have been hung-over but not had enough to drink to be drunk!Addictions are not only substances that are consumed, for me it has been a combination of being in love with falling in love, a lot of booze and a little bit of snow falling up. In an effort to control these things I abuse I have found another ( Read more... )

I'm truly sorry for every wrong and hurtful and debaucherous thing I have ever done up till now. I wonder if in another 32 years I will be capable of saying the same thing. have all the bad decisions I have ever made caught up with me? The only answer I know is a bottle of something, new tattoos and tear soaked pillows. I don't believe I'm capable ( Read more... )