Fic
Title - The Eye of the Storm
Fandom - Once Upon a Time
Pairing - Emma/Regina
Rating - NC17
AN - Set during Second Star to the Right and follows my drabbles, Mirror Mirror, This Provincial Life, Viviane or Nimue, Dreams and Wishes, All the Better to…., Magic Keys, Curiouser and Curiouser, Snow Blind, Spinning Straw , Wooden Hearts , Poisoned , True Love and Other Curses, Spellbound, Over the Rainbow, Facades, Lost Girls, Monstrosities, Love and Lies, Something Wicked This Way Comes, Dreamscapes, Homecomings, Test Match, Wishful Thinking, Absent Friends, Small Mercies, State of Mind, Good Intentions, Sins of Mothers, Affairs of the Heart, Power Plays and Crying Wolf
The Eye of the Storm
Her body jolts to awareness at the foreign touch. The pain is absent but that is of little comfort. The waiting is worse is than the pain. The waiting brings fear. When the pain is present she is beyond fear. She is beyond everything except wishing for death. Her body shudders and screams builds inside of her but she will not give those screams release. She will not give her tormenters the satisfaction of making a sound. She bites her lip and swallows her screams. She keeps the fear to herself and tries to focus on anger.
She can’t feel the cuff around her wrist but she knows that it is there. Mocking her. Her blind selfishness has been her downfall. Her need to hold onto a symbol of her mother at any cost made her an easy mark. Hook didn’t really even have to try. There was no need to convince her to take the cuff; she demanded that he hand it over. She placed herself in this predicament.
The cuff, and everything that Owen and Tamara have, is beyond her knowledge but what she does know is that anger fuels her magic. Her anger takes her to a deep, dark place but there is no denying that it gives her immense power and right now she is very, very angry.
She focuses on nothing but the anger. She holds it close. She nurtures the part of her that has the potential to destroy her but at the moment she feels that she only has two options - either she risks darkness or she risks death. Neither of these options is particularly palatable but she when all is said and done she has things to live for and she will not let them go without a fight.
Warmth flushes down her arms and energy crackles in her fingertips. She doesn’t need to open her eyes to know that a ball of fire has formed in her hand and she feels a sense of triumph as she hurls her weapon of choice.
Regina has kept her eyes closed the entire time, she did not want her enemies to know that they had disturbed her slumber, but she has no doubt that her aim will be true. Her fireball finds its target but she is not prepared for the cry of pain that she hears.
Her eyes snap open and instead of a dark room and strange equipment she finds light and a wounded Emma. The blonde holds a hand over the opposite arm and it is clear that she is trying not to grimace in pain. Regina’s own hand flies to the site as she whispers, “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Emma tells her through clenched teeth. “I shouldn’t have woken you like that.”
“And I should have paid more attention to what was going on.” There were actually many clues that she was not being held captive. Her body wasn’t pinned, she was on a soft bed rather than cold steal, and the touch that woke her was gentle.
“No, it’s understandable that you might be a bit on edge. I should have been more careful and probably more thoughtful,” Emma manages to give a small smile.
“Can I take a look,” Regina asks.
“Yeah,” Emma consents but she tells Regina to, “just make sure you’re careful,” as she peals her fingers away.
Emma’s shirt is ruined but the wound is surprisingly minor. Regina has rained down death and destruction with those fireballs but Emma’s burn is little more than a scald. “What happened?” she asks, unsure of whether to be happy or sad that it seems the machine may have permanently drained some of her power.
“I can only assume that you thought I was someone else and tried to kill me. At least I hope you thought I was someone else.”
“Of course I didn’t know it was you.”
“I know that,” Emma leans down and places a kiss on her forehead.
“Well, it seems that even if I wanted to hurt you I wouldn’t have been able to do a good job. I don’t think my magic works anymore,” she hates how terrified it makes her feels to be defenceless.
“I’m pretty sure it works just fine. The Mother Superior of fairies said it would take a while for your powers to return fully but based on that ball of flames you just threw at me it seems like it won’t be a long wait.”
“I barely managed to harm you.”
“Try not to sound so disappointed at that,” Emma says playfully. “If it will help you feel better I can tell you that you definitely tried, it’s just that something weird happened to my arm before it hit.”
“Define weird.”
“My arm went cold and heavy, like metal I guess.”
“And you didn’t do this deliberately?”
“No. All I was thinking was oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck there’s fire coming towards me. Trust me I didn’t do anything on purpose. I didn’t even bother to try and move. At least my arm has better self preservation skills than I do.”
Regina’s fingers hover over the area. Even though it’s small she knows that it would hurt Emma if she were to touch it. She looks Emma in the eyes and asks, “May I?”
Emma nods and replies, “If you feel you’re up to it.”
She watches Emma wince as her fingers make contact with the wound and the look of pain in Emma’s eyes causes her heart to ache. It is an effort to summon her power but there is nothing that she wouldn’t do to ease Emma’s suffering. It takes longer than it normally would but she does manage to accomplish her task and when she is done she is able to trace her fingers over unblemished skin.
“That tickles,” Emma complains but she doesn’t look unhappy. The pain has vanished from the blonde’s eyes and been replaced by something far more pleasant but equally dangerous.
The sheriff lifts the cover and climbs into the bed beside Regina. Emma lies on her side and throws a protective arm across Regina. She wants to pretend that they have the luxury to be themselves but when Emma starts to nuzzle at her neck she is forced to whisper, “Emma we can’t do this here. Your parents could walk in at any minute.”
Emma doesn’t bother to modulate her voice, “While I have to say that would be excellent payback for the time I walked in and caught them in this very bed, you don’t need to worry. They’re not here and before you ask, neither is Henry.”
“I’m surprised they were willing to leave you here with me.”
“If they knew what we are about to do I don’t think they would have,” Emma tells her with a cheeky grin.
“Probably not,” she agrees, “so dearest, how long do we have?”
“Long enough. I’m due to meet them soon but I told them I might need a little while, and I also told them not to return unless I contacted them. I can’t make that an indefinite period but we can certainly make use of the time we have.”
“Why did they agree to that plan?” This is not at all what could be considered usual behaviour for them and it fills her with dread.
“Because I convinced them that you and I need to talk.”
“Okay.”
Emma brow creases in worry, “And we do but we are not going to do that, at least not first,” she slides her hand up and down Regina’s abdomen.
“Okay.”
“I need to know,” Emma kisses her lips, “just how drained are you?”
“I’m sure I can muster some energy,” she says with a purr.
“Good, because the last time we had sex you thought I was leaving,” Regina can hear the shame in Emma’s voice. “That’s not the way I want us to end things.”
“We are ending things?” she manages to ask around the lump in her throat.
“Not intentionally but this failsafe thing of yours is serious, right? If those fools activate it we are all going to die, aren’t we?”
“I stole some beans, we can save ourselves.”
“Your beans are gone, someone stole your stolen goods,” Emma informs her.
“Then yes,” she says simply, “if they activate it, we will all die.”
“If that’s the case I want some say in how I spend my final moments.”
“And you think having sex because we might die is right way to go?” she schools her tone but in truth she is pleased.
“Hell yeah. Don’t you?” Emma plants kisses across her jaw.
“Emma,” she eyes the door suspiciously, “we may not have enough time. They could just decide to come back.”
“I,” a kiss lands on her cheek, “really,” then moves to her neck, “don’t,” to her collarbone, “give,” the hollow of her neck, “a,” her breast bone, “shit,” and finally stops over her nipple. Regina can feel the moisture on her skin and worries that both her shirt and bra are in danger of being ruined. The simple and sensible solution would be to stop Emma but when she pushes Emma back by the shoulders it’s not to stop her.
Emma clearly gets the message and before Regina knows what is happening her shirt is pooled around her neck and Emma has pushed the cup of her bra aside to grant her access to the skin beneath. Fingers ghost over her breasts and then suddenly pause. Emma looks at her with concern, “You are up for this, right?”
“My dear I am always up for this,” she cranes her neck so that she can place a kiss on Emma’s lips, “but it doesn’t hurt that I get to fulfil my longstanding fantasy of defiling you in Snow’s house.”
“Well now I just feel cheap and used,” Emma huffs.
“Do you?” she rolls herself on top of the other woman. “Do you really?”
“Yes,” Emma attempts to assert but she doesn’t sound at all convincing.
“Because we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she runs her fingers over Emma’s collarbones.
“You are impossible,” Emma tells Regina as she flips her back onto her back.
“But you wouldn’t have me any other way,”
Regina had said the words in jest but the have a profound impact on Emma. She freezes and looks down at Regina with tears in her eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Emma asks.
“I’ve felt better,” she admits, “but I definitely want to do this.” She underlines her point but grabbing Emma’s hips and rocking her own towards them.
“I could have lost you,” tears fall from Emma’s eyes and land on Regina’s face. Emma gives her a sad smile and then kisses the tears away. Emma’s lips and hands map her face as though Emma is trying to memorise it.
Regina knows that things are dire; she knows that Owen and Tamara have the power to destroy them all, but if she is going to die she will not go out with a whimper and she will not let her last time with Emma be melancholy. She rolls them onto their sides and kisses Emma firmly.
Her actions are enough to spur Emma into motion, she pushes her leg between Regina’s and pulls the brunette’s hair as she deepens their kiss. Emma continues the kiss as she tries to pull Regina shirt off her body. Regina smiles when Emma lets of a growl of frustration at being forced to make a choice between continuing the kiss and removing the shirt.
In the end shirt removal wins out but lips are back on Regina’s before the item has a chance to reach the floor. Deft fingers then attack the clasp of her bra. The object snaps apart with ease and Emma’s fierce kissing continues unabated as the bra is dragged down Regina’s arms and discarded. Her nipples harden the second the cold air hits them and Emma’s initial teasing of them is somewhat painful.
She doesn’t voice her discomfort but Emma seems to sense it because she tears her mouth away from Regina’s in order to lick and kiss the tender peaks. The moisture helps to decrease the pain and to heighten her arousal. She bucks against Emma’s leg but Emma frowns at her in disapproval.
“Uh-uh,” Emma tuts. “I won’t have you overexerting yourself.”
“It’s a bit late for that,” she says with amusement.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Emma says sincerely.
“You won’t.”
“Please, just let me play with you.” Normally she would refuse such a request, even from Emma, she is not a passive bed partner, but the fear and concern etched all over Emma’s face have her nodding in acquiescence. “Good girl,” Emma says and it’s almost enough to make Regina change her mind.
Emma rakes Regina’s skirt up to her waist and she can feel her stockings being ruined in the process. “Emma,” she growls, “I don’t have spare clothes here, you need to be more careful.”
“I picked out a change of clothes for you,” Emma says with a nonchalant shrug.
“Whose clothes?” she asks darkly.
“Well they are not Mary Margaret’s that’s for sure. I know better than to do that to you.”
“I would go naked before I wore her clothes.”
“Well, in that case I may have to rethink my choices.” Emma is using her nails to rip larger holes in Regina’s stockings and the painful pressure on her skin is delicious.
“I’m not certain I’d wear your clothes either.”
“I wear your clothes sometimes.”
“Of course you do. The difference is that I have style dear.”
“At least wear something of mine,” Emma pleads quietly. “I love the idea of you wearing my clothes.”
She nods and forces herself to swallow. No matter what hideous polyester blend and denim combo Emma has selected for her she vows to keep her promise. She will find something that she can wear. She knows how it makes her feel to see Emma in clothes and she can’t bring herself to deny Emma of that.
Regina hears a tearing sound and is certain Emma has managed to destroy the crotch of her stockings. Strong fingers rub lace and satin against her core and even though her suspicions have been confirmed, she is incapable of being angry. She is incapable of feeling anything other than pleasure.
Emma shifts to lie beside her and Regina lets out a grunt of protest. “I want you on top of me. I want to feel you.”
“No,” Emma shakes her head stubbornly, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Regina is not at all happy with the situation but her arguments die on her lips when Emma slips her hand beneath Regina’s underwear and runs a finger across her clitoris. Her perfectly reasoned retorts are reduced to a whimper of need.
“You’re so wet,” Emma tells her.
Regina manages to recover both her voice and her fighting spirit as she says, “Well that is usually considered the point of this exercise.”
“Indeed it is,” Emma replies with a laugh, “I just didn’t expect it to happen so quickly.”
“Well we are on the clock here, Sheriff Swan. As much as I love the idea of traumatising your parents I worry that if they were to return we wouldn’t get to bring this activity to a satisfying conclusion.”
“We can’t have that now, can we?” Emma’s question was most likely rhetorical and even if it wasn’t she makes it impossible for Regina to answer by placing a searing kiss to her lips.
Their tongues duel playfully as Emma’s fingers explore further. Regina nearly bites Emma’s tongue when those fingers enter her. Emma seems to sense the danger and she abandons Regina’s lips in favour of her throat.
For someone worried about Regina being fragile Emma is setting a punishing pace. Regina’s partial state of undress does limit her movements somewhat but Emma still manages to create momentum and friction. Regina attempts to match Emma’s thrusts but Emma uses her free hand to pin Regina’s hips to the bed. This only results in Regina squirming in frustration.
Emma’s thrusts become deeper and more powerful and she moves her lips down to recapture one of Regina’s nipples. Emma’s palm is slapping against Regina and causing tremors to rip through her core. A particularly powerful tremor hits just as Emma bits down on a nipple and that tremor become an earthquake. Emma continues to move her fingers, but at a slower pace, until the earthquake subsides.
When the ground is once again stable Emma straddles Regina and strokes her hair out of her eyes before kissing her forehead. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispers reverently.
“So are you,” Regina tells her and then pulls her down for a kiss. “You’re turn now.”
“Are you sure?” The concern in Emma’s eyes is touching but it’s also infuriating.
“Absolutely.” Emma pushes herself up onto her hands and knees and then climbs off the bed. “What do you think you’re doing?” Regina demands.
“Removing my clothes.”
“That’s my job,” Regina complains.
“I thought it might be easier if I did it just this once.”
“I happen to like my job.”
A radiant smile erupts on Emma’s face. “Well if you insist,” she says as she moves to back to the bed.
“I most certainly do,” Regina informs Emma and with a flick of her wrist she divests them both of all of their clothing.
“Hey,” Emma exclaims, “you need to recover. You shouldn’t waste your magic like that.”
“Getting you naked is hardly a waste of magic, Emma,” Regina says in a low voice that she hopes disguises the toll that small action took on her.
Emma laughs as she cautiously settles herself on top of Regina’s hips. Regina can feel the heat emanating from Emma and it makes the small depletion in her strength seem totally worthwhile.
“You don’t have to do this if it’s too much,” Emma tells her.
“Emma, I want to do this.”
“I’m just trying to be careful.”
Regina’s growls like a feral animal as she grabs Emma’s hips and pulls the blonde up her body. Emma’s knees slide into Regina’s armpits, limiting further movement, but it’s still enough to make it clear where Regina wants Emma to be. Regina almost sighs with relief when Emma manoeuvres herself past Regina’s shoulders but then the blonde leaves herself suspended, much like the question that hangs in the air.
“If you ask me again if I really want to do this I will slap you,” Regina says forcefully and to make her intentions perfectly clear she pushes herself up onto her elbows and then swipes her tongue through Emma’s folds.
“I don’t want you to have to exert yourself like that.”
It’s better than being told that Emma doesn’t want to hurt her but it’s still annoying. “Then sit down and I won’t have to,” she barks.
The sheriff complies and Regina finds herself almost overwhelmed by the scent that is pure Emma. She forces herself to relax and allows her tongue to go to work. This is not an activity that she ever understood before but it’s something she likes to do with Emma. Her past lovers, if she can call them that, did not evoke this desire in her. Before Emma this had always seemed too primitive and too animal but somehow it doesn’t feel that way anymore. She needs to touch Emma, she needs to taste her. It’s not just something that she wants to do; it’s something that she has to do
She laps at Emma’s entrance and delights in the flood of warmth that flows across her tongue. She pushes her tongue inside and uses it to fuck Emma but when she feels Emma’s walls tightening she withdraws. Emma utters some curses of disapproval but Regina is not deterred. She moves so that she can trace figure eights across Emma’s clitoris and so that she can look at her lover.
Emma is in a state of abandon. One had clutches at the headboard while the other plays with her own breast. Emma’s eyes are closed, her face is flushed and she is breathing heavily. She has never looked more beautiful. Regina changes her course of action, she moves from licking to sucking and Emma’s eyes fly open in response. Emma locks her gaze on Regina as she shudders above the brunette. Regina feels as though she could lose herself in Emma’s eyes but there are taken from her when the blonde squeezes them shut and screams Regina’s name.
Regina holds her firmly as she collapses against the frame of the bed. It is a while before Emma is able to move and Regina takes great pleasure in that fact. When the power has returned to Emma’s limbs she flops down onto the bed and pulls Regina into an embrace.
“That was…….” Emma trails off.
“Yes it was,” Regina agrees with a smirk.
“If we had time I would totally do that again.”
“Thank you for the compliment, dear. It’s a compliment that’s returned by the way.”
“Good to know,” Emma says as she draws small circles on Regina’s hip. “I like this too though. I love holding you. I don’t get to hold you enough.”
“You hold me plenty.”
“Nope. Not enough. Never enough.”
Regina smiles tenderly at Emma, “You are the only person I’ve ever let hold me.”
“Seriously?”
“My sex life hasn’t really been about that,” she states dismissively.
“I would have thought that if either of us was the love ‘em and leave ‘em type it would have been me.”
“Yes. Well. I never loved any of them did I?” her voice has become tense, the waters that they have crossed into are deep and dark.
“You loved him though. Why did you never let him hold you?”
“Emma, I was raised to be a lady. I was waiting for marriage. The most Daniel and I ever shared was chaste kisses.”
“Wow,” Emma is looking at her like she is an alien, “I mean, just, wow.”
“I believe you’ve said that already.” Her tone is brisk. She does not like being treated like an oddity.
“So Snow’s father. He was, he was…”
“He is not a topic for discussion,” she says tersely.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise how big this all was for you.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Don’t be like that.” Emma wraps her arms around Regina and against her better judgment Regina allows the embrace. “It just hadn’t occurred to me. If I’d known I would have made sure we slept next to one another at some point.” She moves her head to rest it against Regina’s. “You should have had the experience of waking next to someone who loves you.”
Some of the tension leaves Regina’s body and she can hear the smile in her own voice as she says, “That’s alright. We made reasonably productive use of our time.”
“If we had time I’d let you sleep right now. I’d hold you for as long as I could.”
“Which might just be the same as telling me that you’d hold me until the world ended.”
“I didn’t mean to be so over the top. I just wanted to hold you. I wanted to be the one who had that privilege.”
“It’s not a privilege.”
“Yes it is.”
“Emma,” she sighs, “I’m no prize.”
“I’m not either but that doesn’t mean that it hasn’t been a privilege to love you.”
“I don’t deserve your loyalty. We are all going to die because of me.”
“It’s not your fault that your failsafe, whatever that is, fell into the wrong hands.”
“Yes it is,” she states adamantly.
“Did you give it to them on purpose?”
“Of course not,” she scoffs.
“Then it’s not your fault, is it?”
“I’m the one who had that failsafe.” In her mind it is a clear case of cause and effect.
“But you never used it,” Emma reminds her.
“I hadn’t used it yet,” she counters.
“What was it for?”
“It was my insurance policy in case things went wrong.”
Emma props herself up onto her elbow and gives Regina an incredulous look, “And nothing that happened recently - not the curse breaking, not the wraith, not being accused of murder - none of those things were worth using it for?”
“I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because of you. Because I couldn’t lose you and Henry.”
“Then I refuse to left you blame yourself for this. I will not let a gesture designed to keep me be seen as bad.”
“But it is.”
Emma’s face falls, “Why would you say that?”
“I don’t regret not destroying this place but I do regret destroying the beans. If that field still existed we wouldn’t be in so much danger.”
“That’s not your fault. That one is on me.”
“I’m the one who destroyed the beans.”
“Only because I wanted you to.”
“You never actually told me to do that.”
“I didn’t think I had to.”
“You wanted me to destroy them?” her voice hitches as she asks the question.
“Yes and I knew that you would.”
“You made me think you were leaving,” Regina accuses.
“Because I needed those beans gone.” Emma lies down so that she is level with Regina. “I couldn’t ask you to do it, I could betray David and Mary Margaret like that but I couldn’t lose you either.”
“You used me,” the thought causes her pain.
“Only because I couldn’t lose you. I’m sorry. I was selfish. I thought it was the right thing to do but I’m not so sure about that anymore.”
“Given that we might all die I’d say that’s a reasonable assessment of the situation.”
“No, I couldn’t possibly have predicted this shit. I mean that Henry really wanted to go. Maybe it was wrong of me to put my needs above everyone else’s. There was no good answer though. I couldn’t go back there and Henry would have been miserable if I’d made him stay with me.”
“You don’t think he would have been happy with just us?”
“I think he would have always resented me for making the choice for him but I don’t see how that would be any better than me resenting everyone for making me go.”
“There’s something I should tell you.”
“Why do I feel like I should be worried?”
“Because you’ve met me,” she replies sadly. “The other day I overhead something that did not bring out the best in me.”
“What?” Emma prompts.
“Snow and Charming were talking about their plans for their triumphant return to the Enchanted Forest.”
“And they made it clear that you weren’t coming?” Emma whispers her question.
“No. Their plan was a little different. They were generously going to allow me to return but they were going to put me in a cell as safety measure.”
“I’ll fucking kill them,” Emma growls.
She strokes Emma’s hair as a sign of approval, “I couldn’t accept that. I couldn’t go back to being kept in a cage.”
“Of course you couldn’t. So what did you do?” Emma looks confused. “I mean they are both still walking and talking so I don’t understand what it is that you did.”
“I went to Henry.”
“And did what?” Emma looks stricken.
“I told him that I could erase this place. That I could make it so that just he and I went back to Fairytale Land.”
“Jesus Regina,” Emma says angrily. “You would have left me here to die?”
“No,” she replies emphatically. She holds Emma tightly and says, “Never! I was still upset with you. I thought you were leaving me but I wasn’t going to destroy you along with this place. Even if you didn’t want to be with me I was going to let you live but I was really hoping that you’d come with me, that the three of us could have been a family. I just didn’t think it was the appropriate time to tell Henry.”
“Did you really change your mind or was it that Greg and Tamara just got in your way?” Regina can hear the hesitancy in Emma’s voice, the fear that she will not like Regina’s answer.
“I’d decided that I wouldn’t do it. I decided that I couldn’t. As I was making the offer to Henry I knew that I couldn’t go through with it and I wiped his memory. I couldn’t cope with idea of leaving you behind. I was even realising that I’d probably have to take your idiot parents too.”
“Really?” Emma asks clearly amused.
“Yes,” she says with a sigh. “Their death would have hurt you and so I would have to have let them live. The things I do for you,” she says with a small chuckle.
“Such horrible, terrible sacrifices,” Emma replies playfully.
“But Emma there really was a moment when I wanted to seize the opportunity. When I wanted to grab Henry and run. I wanted to remove all the obstacles so that he had no choice but to love me. I’m not proud of that but I can’t deny that I thought it and that I thought I could do it.”
“But you didn’t,” Emma reassures her and kisses her cheek.
“Yet the thought was there. Emma, I’m still dangerous. I make the wrong choices.”
“No you don’t. You have the wrong instincts but in the end you make the right choices.” Emma looks at her with such love and trust that it’s heartbreaking.
“I may not have made the right choice for the right reason,” she confesses. “Henry was appalled at the thought, he didn’t want to go with me. He really does hate me.”
“No,” Emma runs a hand up and down Regina’s back, “he doesn’t. He just doesn’t understand you. Given time that might change.”
“I doubt it.”
“Stranger things have happened.”
“Emma, I don’t even understand myself. How can a child possibly be expected to understand me?”
“All he needs to know is that you love him and you do love him, Regina, you love him so much.”
“That may not be enough. Not when he doesn’t love me. Emma he loves you though. You can both leave this town. You don’t need beans or portals, you can just drive out of here and Emma you should. You should take Henry. He should be happy and I can’t make him that.”
“How will I be able to make him happy if I’m miserable?”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine in due time.”
“Regina,” Emma almost sounds angry. “I am not leaving you here to die. We will get out of this together.”
“We may not Emma and if we don’t you’ll have sacrificed your life for nothing. Not just yours, Henry’s too.”
“I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I’d left you and the others behind to die.”
“But Emma,’ she insists, “you would live.”
“At what cost? That’s not a price I want to pay.”
“You may not say that if you knew the whole story. What you said before about me not being responsible for Greg and Tamara’s actions, you’re wrong.”
“You are not responsible for every evil in the world Regina.”
“But I am responsible for this one. I created it.”
“No, no you didn’t. You don’t even know them. They didn’t torture you because of who you are or what you’ve done. They just wanted your magic.”
“That’s not true,” she whispers.
“You are being crazy.”
“No I’m not,” she insists. “Greg did not crash into town by accident. This is not the first time he’s been here.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He is from this world but he was caught in Storybrooke when I cast the curse. He was just a boy. He was camping in the woods with his father.”
“So they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s not your fault.”
“It really is, even if I ignore the fact that what I did had an impact on this world I can not ignore what I did when I met them.”
“And what was that?” It’s clear that this is a question that Emma is reluctant to ask.
“To be honest I’m not really sure how to tell you this.”
“Did you kill his father?”
“Yes.”
“Regina,” Emma says softly, “it’s okay. I know that you’ve done things like that.”
“Oh Emma,” a tiny smile creeps onto her face, “that’s sweet of you but that was not the bit that was difficult to tell you.”
“But it’s why Greg wanted to hurt you, right?”
“Yes. I guess you could say that I created a monster. It’s not the first time,” she adds quietly.
Emma doesn’t look at her any differently, she buries a hand in Regina’s hair and caresses the back of her head. “What did he do to make you kill him?”
“He had something that I wanted,” it frightens her how easy it has become to tell Emma the truth.
“And what was that?” Emma enquires gently.
“His son.” She closes her eyes. “Henry was not the first child I tried to make love me. He wasn’t my first mistake.”
“Regina,” Regina closes her eyes tighter in response to Emma’s caring tone only to have Emma kiss her eyelids, “adopting Henry was not a mistake.”
“Yes it was.”
“He’s a wonderful boy, when he’s not being a complete brat, and that’s down to you.”
“Perhaps it isn’t. Perhaps he just inherited good genets,” Regina says forlornly.
“Don’t be ridiculous, you’ve met Neal.”
Emma’s jibe makes her feel a little lighter, “Yes and I’ve met your parents too.”
Regina expected a least some objection from Emma but instead Emma smiles and says, “See, he really had the dice loaded against him and yet he has turned out pretty well all thanks to you.”
“It’s nice that you believe that but I really wasn’t meant to be a mother.”
“I think you were. I’d have a child with you.”
She feels herself prickle at the implications of Emma’s word, “We already have a child together.” She may not be good at it but she is still Henry’s mother.
“I know that. I meant I’d have a second child with you.”
Regina almost can’t speak but she manages to find the words, or at least the word, to ask, “Why?”
“Because I happen to think we’d make beautiful children.”
“But you already made it clear that you didn’t want another child.”
“I don’t believe I said that.”
“When you found it was possible you might get me pregnant you freaked out and you told me that you didn’t want to be a mother again.”
Emma scrunches her forehead, “I think what I told you was that I wasn’t looking to be a mother again and I wasn’t. I so wasn’t ready for that. The pregnancy thing was a shock. That I could have gotten you pregnant by accident was a little too close to home. I don’t regret having Henry but being pregnant,” Emma pauses and looks away for a second, “that was a not a good time for me. It’s not something I like to think about.”
“The idea of another child terrifies me,” Regina admits. “My attempts to love children have not gone well.”
“I really don’t think that Henry is going to grow up to strap you to a table to try and drain you of your magic.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” Regina says dryly.
“Not but I think that deep down he loves you.”
“I wish I had more time. I wish I had a chance to turn things around with him.”
“I know you do.” Emma’s reply is earnest.
“I also have to say that the more I think about it the more cheated I feel that we may not have the chance to have a child together.”
“I thought we already had a child together,” Emma gives her a smirk.
“I don’t mean to minimise Henry’s importance in any way but it would have been nice to have a child that we chose to have together.”
“Are you thinking about that fate shit again?”
“I try not to but sometimes it pisses me off that someone so important to me was delivered to my life because he was meant to play a part in breaking a curse. I guess it would be refreshing to have a child that was free from all of that.”
“Maybe,” Emma shrugs, “but I mainly just think you’d look amazing pregnant.”
“I suspect that I’d hate every minute of it.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Emma teases.
“But I’d do it for you.”
“You know that I know that you are only saying that because you think you’ll be dead this time tomorrow. That doesn’t count Regina.”
“If I’m going to be dead by this time tomorrow dear, what I say and do now is all that counts.”
“Even though the idea of another child terrifies you?” The topic is a serious one but Emma’s tone is light.
“I have some series issues, Emma. I worry that I’d make major mistakes. I don’t want to ruin our baby and I also don’t know how I’d cope when the baby loved you more than me.”
“Oh honey, that’s not going to happen.”
“I don’t know how to love properly.”
“You are wrong about that.”
“No I’m not.”
“This is an area that I get to have an opinion on and I’m telling you that you are doing just fine.”
“How can you say that when the only way I know how to love something is with a possessive stranglehold? My love is poison, it kills.”
“Possessive doesn’t have to be all bad.”
“I suffocate people, I’m like a noose.”
“I don’t feel suffocated. If your love is tight it’s not a noose, it’s a tourniquet.”
“Great, so I am stopping the blood flow to you limbs to keep you from running away. You’re right, that’s so much better than a noose.”
“Tourniquets can be used to save things too.”
“You’re the saviour, Emma, not me.”
“You saved me,” Emma says quietly.
“From what?” she asks listlessly.
“From where my life was headed. From who I used to be, from who I would still be I hadn’t have come here and met you.”
“You saved yourself, Emma, I just happened to be standing on the sidelines. Besides, even if I did have something to do with a change of that nature it’s hardly pulling someone from a burning building or slaying a dragon.”
“No, it’s harder.”
“It’s really not.”
“Whatever,” Emma is clearly frustrated but it also appears as though she has lost the will to fight. “I didn’t save you today,” the hands at Regina’s back clutch at her in desperation as Emma adds, “I didn’t save anyone.”
“Shhhhh, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m safe.” She doesn’t bother to point out that she won’t be safe for long. It seems cruel under the circumstances.
“But not everyone is.”
“Henry?” Regina feels fear take up residence in her chest.
“He’s fine,” Emma tells her with a watery smile.
“Then who?” she asks but feels that the answer is unimportant. Emma, Henry and the two idiots are safe and that is all that matters.
“Yeah,” Emma starts but then closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, “this is the thing that we are meant to be talking about. Neal died today. I couldn’t save him.”
She could drown in the wave of jealously that hits her but she does her best to stay calm and even manages to sound caring as she says, “Oh Emma.”
“You don’t mean that,” it’s an accusation and yet Emma doesn’t sound angry.
“To be honest, dear, I’m not really sure how I should react. I’d be lying if I said I was sad that he was gone but I know he was,” she struggles to find an appropriate word, “important to you.”
“I’ve been so angry with everyone because of him. I don’t know how things work in your land but I really don’t understand why everyone was so keen to pair me off with the man who deserted me and broke my heart.”
“I can tell you that not everyone wanted to pair you off with him, Miss Swan.”
She can feel Emma relax in her arms as she says, “I should hope not but I can tell you that you are in the minority. It’s been a shit time.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Oh my god. I didn’t mean to be going on about my crap after all that you’ve been through. I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about what happened to you?”
“No,” she states emphatically. She doesn’t want to talk about it; she doesn’t want to even think about it. She has never known pain like that. Sometimes she wasn’t sure where she started and the pain ended. She knew she was going to die and she just wished they’d stop talking their sweet time about it. Her only regret was that she would not get to say goodbye to Emma and Henry but at least now she is being allowed that. “I’d prefer we talk about your problems if that’s okay.”
Emma nods at her, “I was so scared when I couldn’t find you.”
“Emma,” she cautions. This is dangerously close to ground that she doesn’t want to tread on.
The blonde gives a small shake of her head and then says, “I knew that bitch Tamara had you. You were gone and you may not know this but once again you were being accused of a murder you didn’t commit……”
“For fuck’s sake.”
Emma smiles at the interruption and caresses Regina’s hair, “Anyway, as I was saying I knew that Tamara was behind it but everyone just thought I was jealous. They thought I was jealous because of fucking Neal. Even he thought that and it pissed me off so much.”
“But not enough that you wanted him to die?”
“No. I did love him Regina. I told him that and he said he loved me too. He was dying and it was a nice thing to say but I did mean it.”
“I see,” she says curtly.
“Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not. I understand. He is a part of your past.”
“He was a part of my past,” Emma corrects.
“No Emma. He is and he always will be. I understand that.”
“Because of Daniel?” Emma asks. That’s a hard question for her to answer but she nods in response. “Regina, I don’t love him the way I love you, I never did.”
“He was important to you Emma, you shouldn’t ignore that.”
“I’m not. What I’m telling you is true. Even when I watched him die in front of me it was not as terrifying as the thought of losing you. In fact all I thought about was thank god it’s not you.”
“My love,” Regina brushes a kiss across Emma’s lips, “I’m so sorry that I frightened you.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I wish you’d have been around so I could have bitched about Neal though. He believed I was jealous of Tamara and he was so smug about it all. It made me want to punch him in the face so I could knock that smug look off it. It also made me want to tell him that I was head over heals in love with you.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“It’s not just my secret. I couldn’t do that without discussing it with you but I did spend a lot of time picturing what his face would look like when I told him.”
“I think I would have wanted to be there to see that.”
“That would have killed him,” there is a sense of glee in Emma’s voice and she must realise the inappropriateness of this because she quickly tones it down. “I didn’t actually want him dead though. It may not have worked out for the best but in a way I’m glad he came to Storybrooke.”
“Well that makes one of us.”
“It was important that I saw him. I wasn’t really sure how I felt until I saw him. All those years I harboured anger towards him and I guess I thought that that much anger had to have something behind it. I guess I still thought that maybe he was the one,” Regina can barely breathe, “but I saw him and I knew for certain that he wasn’t. He was less somehow. He had been the figure that defined my life, his abandonment was worse than my parents’, and yet he was suddenly unremarkable. He was small and all I could think was how dare he have held so much power over me for so long.”
“You were young when you met him. Not everything is how we remember it when we are young,” she says softly.
“Is that what it was like when you saw him again?”
“Not exactly. He hadn’t diminished, not in that way. He was a tortured monster but somewhere inside him was still the boy I loved. He was lovely. He was perfect.”
“Well he sounds a lot better than Neal then.”
She looks Emma in the eyes, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to turn this into a competition.”
“It’s okay. You can only feel what you feel.”
“That’s true. It was part of what was so hard about seeing him.”
“It must have been difficult seeing him like that,” Emma sympathizes.
“It was but the weirdest part of all was that the monsters weren’t really the problem. Not his monster and not mine. When you spend so long convincing yourself that the ends justify the mean you actually start to believe that lie. I wanted so badly for evil things not matter and in the end they didn’t. It wasn’t the evil things that were the problem, they weren’t the reason that I couldn’t be with him. It was the good things that were in the way. It never once occurred to me that I should be worried about good things,” she laughs ironically.
“Am I allowed to assume that I am one of those good things,” Emma bites her lip. There is no reason for her to do so but Emma looks insecure.
“Of course you are,” she lays her hand along Emma’s cheek, “you and Henry are the only good things. You are my family.”
Emma places a hand over the one that is resting on her cheek, “You’re my family too. It’s funny but my parents were practically falling all over themselves at the thought of Henry’s parents being together and yet they are blind to that fact that Henry’s parents already are.”
“They won’t embrace me as willingly as they would have accepted Neal.”
“You don’t know that.” Regina raises an eyebrow and Emma puts a hand up in defeat, “All right so you do know that.”
“Henry wouldn’t like it either, he’d think I’d lowered my standards,” she has to bring some levity to the moment because the thought of Henry’s real response is too painful to consider.
“Oh, you’re hilarious Madame Mayor but I am a princess and as I recall your conquests prior to me were a hunter and a wolf. Interesting choices by the way, kinda of gives a new meaning to playing both sides.”
“I never thought of it that way.”
“Really? What way did you think of it?”
“That there were the two most attractive people in town and that they would do.”
“That sounds incredibly, well, sad really.”
“I was working with what I had,” she states.
“That sounds like a recipe for a really lonely life.”
“It was.”
“So why didn’t you try to do something about it.”
“I did,” she pauses, “I adopted Henry.”
“About that,” Emma says cautiously, “how did you think that was going to work?”
“I didn’t know I was going to be a bad mother.” In retrospect that should have been obvious, Cora didn’t exactly teach her anything about good parenting, but it hadn’t occurred to her at the time. Before Snow ruined her life they had bonded quickly and even after Snow ruined her life Regina had spent years convincing Snow that she cared for her. She’d even been able to make a real connection with Owen until she pushed things too far. It should have been easier with a child that she truly cared about. Maybe there’s just too much evil in her to provide a child with what they need.
“We’ve discussed this. You are not a bad mother. I meant what did you think would happen when Henry noticed that he was the only one changing and growing? How were you going to explain that?”
“I didn’t think about any of that. I didn’t think about anything except that I didn’t want to be so alone.”
“Oh Regina.” Emma places her hand on top of Regina’s again and laces their fingers together.
“I don’t need your pity,” she says and tries to pull her hand away.
Emma grips harder and tells her, “It’s not pity.”
“Well it certainly feels like that.”
“I hate the thought of you being alone and you know that it makes me worry that the only interest you have in me is that I was the first person that you met that wasn’t a cursed drone.”
“That’s not true; you were the fourth person and the second adult.”
“Well that makes me feel so much better,” Emma says sarcastically.
“Emma,” she says gently, “the fact that you weren’t a drone is the very reason that I should never have been with you.”
“You liked the drones better than me? You can have them back, well one of them anyway, you didn’t kill Ruby and for some reason that poor girl cares about you.” Emma is all anger and bile.
“That’s not at all what I meant. The drones I could handle, the drones I could live with, because they didn’t feel like a betrayal. I could never love or care for them and so they didn’t make me feel like I was letting Daniel go.”
“But I made you feel that way?”
“So very much.”
“Do you regret it?”
“Not at all. The only thing I regret is how badly I treated you when you first arrived. I feel like I missed so much time. It could have always been like this.” She raises her leg and places it over Emma’s hip.
“No darling it couldn’t have.”
“You don’t think that we could have gotten to this point any other way?”
“I really don’t.”
“And that doesn’t seem sad to you?”
“No, not really. I don’t mind that the journey was complicated because I’m happy with what we have now.”
“So am I and I hate that it might be taken away from us.”
“Me too,” Emma kisses her soundly.
“Emma, I really do wish you’d reconsider. It would be so much easier for me if I knew that you and Henry were going to be safe.”
“I can’t do that, Regina, I can’t leave you.”
“Maybe that’s for the best,” she acknowledges, “I don’t do well without you. I have no one to talk to when you’re not here and I’m not sure that’s good for me. Without you I end up doing crazy things like telling Henry that I’m going to rip him away from everyone and everything that he cares about.”
“Are you telling me that I’m a good influence on you?” Emma asks jokingly.
“I’m trying to tell you are everything to me,” she slides her leg higher up Emma’s body as she kisses her passionately.
Emma breaks the kiss and pulls Regina’s forehead down to rest against her own. “We can’t start this because I won’t be able to stop.”
“I know,” she says reluctantly, “but don’t think that I don’t resent that you are going to waste what could be your final moments by being with your parents.”
“If I had a choice I’d be with you.”
“I’d want to be with you too and with Henry although,” she fires Emma her best seductive look, “I’d be annoyed that if he were present I couldn’t do the things I want to do to you.”
Emma groans and thumps her foot on the mattress, “I wish I didn’t have to go.”
“So do I, believe me. I could just kill your parents and then you could stay.”
“It’s tempting,” Emma indulges her, “but I think we both know that if you wanted them dead they’d be dead by now.”
“Perhaps,” she replies. She knows that Emma has a point; it’s something that she’s thought about before. Sometimes she lies awake wondering why she has let the two thorns in her side survive. “Although I have to say that the thought of killing them loses some of its shine when I know that I might only be shortening their pathetic lives by a matter of minutes.”
“That must be a huge source of disappointment for you.”
“Not as disappointing as the thought that you have to leave,” she says with genuine emotion.
“I know but I have to go and get our son. He should be here with us. You can come too if you would like.”
The thought does have its appeal but she has to be a realist, “I think things will go much more smoothly if I’m not there.”
Emma runs her fingers over Regina’s face and Regina closes her eyes in order to savour the moment. When she opens her eyes there are tears in Emma’s and Regina risks what little magical reserve she has by using her powers to redress Emma.
“Hey,” Emma exclaims, “what’s this all about? I thought you liked me out of my clothes.”
“I do, believe me, but if you dressed yourself it would take away time that could be spent holding you and I won’t have that. Also you should be more grateful given I just fixed your shirt.”
“Which wouldn’t have needed fixing if you hadn’t have tried to kill me,” Emma says as she inspects Regina’s work.
“Details, details.”
Emma is apparently pleased with Regina’s handiwork as snuggles against Regina and says, “Whatever happens, I meant what I said earlier. It has been a privilege getting to be the one who loves you.”
“Thank you. And I feel the same way. I’m so glad we found one another and I’m glad that I found a space where I feel that it was okay to be me.”
“Regina, just so you know, who you are is amazing to me”
“I’m glad you think so dear, even if you are the only one that does.”
“That should be more than enough,” Emma says cockily.
“For today it is,” she holds Emma close and for now it’s enough. When Emma holds her she can believe that the world isn’t going to end. For a little while she can believe that she is enough. For a little while she can believe that she can have her happy ending.
Fandom - Once Upon a Time
Pairing - Emma/Regina
Rating - NC17
AN - Set during Second Star to the Right and follows my drabbles, Mirror Mirror, This Provincial Life, Viviane or Nimue, Dreams and Wishes, All the Better to…., Magic Keys, Curiouser and Curiouser, Snow Blind, Spinning Straw , Wooden Hearts , Poisoned , True Love and Other Curses, Spellbound, Over the Rainbow, Facades, Lost Girls, Monstrosities, Love and Lies, Something Wicked This Way Comes, Dreamscapes, Homecomings, Test Match, Wishful Thinking, Absent Friends, Small Mercies, State of Mind, Good Intentions, Sins of Mothers, Affairs of the Heart, Power Plays and Crying Wolf
The Eye of the Storm
Her body jolts to awareness at the foreign touch. The pain is absent but that is of little comfort. The waiting is worse is than the pain. The waiting brings fear. When the pain is present she is beyond fear. She is beyond everything except wishing for death. Her body shudders and screams builds inside of her but she will not give those screams release. She will not give her tormenters the satisfaction of making a sound. She bites her lip and swallows her screams. She keeps the fear to herself and tries to focus on anger.
She can’t feel the cuff around her wrist but she knows that it is there. Mocking her. Her blind selfishness has been her downfall. Her need to hold onto a symbol of her mother at any cost made her an easy mark. Hook didn’t really even have to try. There was no need to convince her to take the cuff; she demanded that he hand it over. She placed herself in this predicament.
The cuff, and everything that Owen and Tamara have, is beyond her knowledge but what she does know is that anger fuels her magic. Her anger takes her to a deep, dark place but there is no denying that it gives her immense power and right now she is very, very angry.
She focuses on nothing but the anger. She holds it close. She nurtures the part of her that has the potential to destroy her but at the moment she feels that she only has two options - either she risks darkness or she risks death. Neither of these options is particularly palatable but she when all is said and done she has things to live for and she will not let them go without a fight.
Warmth flushes down her arms and energy crackles in her fingertips. She doesn’t need to open her eyes to know that a ball of fire has formed in her hand and she feels a sense of triumph as she hurls her weapon of choice.
Regina has kept her eyes closed the entire time, she did not want her enemies to know that they had disturbed her slumber, but she has no doubt that her aim will be true. Her fireball finds its target but she is not prepared for the cry of pain that she hears.
Her eyes snap open and instead of a dark room and strange equipment she finds light and a wounded Emma. The blonde holds a hand over the opposite arm and it is clear that she is trying not to grimace in pain. Regina’s own hand flies to the site as she whispers, “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Emma tells her through clenched teeth. “I shouldn’t have woken you like that.”
“And I should have paid more attention to what was going on.” There were actually many clues that she was not being held captive. Her body wasn’t pinned, she was on a soft bed rather than cold steal, and the touch that woke her was gentle.
“No, it’s understandable that you might be a bit on edge. I should have been more careful and probably more thoughtful,” Emma manages to give a small smile.
“Can I take a look,” Regina asks.
“Yeah,” Emma consents but she tells Regina to, “just make sure you’re careful,” as she peals her fingers away.
Emma’s shirt is ruined but the wound is surprisingly minor. Regina has rained down death and destruction with those fireballs but Emma’s burn is little more than a scald. “What happened?” she asks, unsure of whether to be happy or sad that it seems the machine may have permanently drained some of her power.
“I can only assume that you thought I was someone else and tried to kill me. At least I hope you thought I was someone else.”
“Of course I didn’t know it was you.”
“I know that,” Emma leans down and places a kiss on her forehead.
“Well, it seems that even if I wanted to hurt you I wouldn’t have been able to do a good job. I don’t think my magic works anymore,” she hates how terrified it makes her feels to be defenceless.
“I’m pretty sure it works just fine. The Mother Superior of fairies said it would take a while for your powers to return fully but based on that ball of flames you just threw at me it seems like it won’t be a long wait.”
“I barely managed to harm you.”
“Try not to sound so disappointed at that,” Emma says playfully. “If it will help you feel better I can tell you that you definitely tried, it’s just that something weird happened to my arm before it hit.”
“Define weird.”
“My arm went cold and heavy, like metal I guess.”
“And you didn’t do this deliberately?”
“No. All I was thinking was oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck there’s fire coming towards me. Trust me I didn’t do anything on purpose. I didn’t even bother to try and move. At least my arm has better self preservation skills than I do.”
Regina’s fingers hover over the area. Even though it’s small she knows that it would hurt Emma if she were to touch it. She looks Emma in the eyes and asks, “May I?”
Emma nods and replies, “If you feel you’re up to it.”
She watches Emma wince as her fingers make contact with the wound and the look of pain in Emma’s eyes causes her heart to ache. It is an effort to summon her power but there is nothing that she wouldn’t do to ease Emma’s suffering. It takes longer than it normally would but she does manage to accomplish her task and when she is done she is able to trace her fingers over unblemished skin.
“That tickles,” Emma complains but she doesn’t look unhappy. The pain has vanished from the blonde’s eyes and been replaced by something far more pleasant but equally dangerous.
The sheriff lifts the cover and climbs into the bed beside Regina. Emma lies on her side and throws a protective arm across Regina. She wants to pretend that they have the luxury to be themselves but when Emma starts to nuzzle at her neck she is forced to whisper, “Emma we can’t do this here. Your parents could walk in at any minute.”
Emma doesn’t bother to modulate her voice, “While I have to say that would be excellent payback for the time I walked in and caught them in this very bed, you don’t need to worry. They’re not here and before you ask, neither is Henry.”
“I’m surprised they were willing to leave you here with me.”
“If they knew what we are about to do I don’t think they would have,” Emma tells her with a cheeky grin.
“Probably not,” she agrees, “so dearest, how long do we have?”
“Long enough. I’m due to meet them soon but I told them I might need a little while, and I also told them not to return unless I contacted them. I can’t make that an indefinite period but we can certainly make use of the time we have.”
“Why did they agree to that plan?” This is not at all what could be considered usual behaviour for them and it fills her with dread.
“Because I convinced them that you and I need to talk.”
“Okay.”
Emma brow creases in worry, “And we do but we are not going to do that, at least not first,” she slides her hand up and down Regina’s abdomen.
“Okay.”
“I need to know,” Emma kisses her lips, “just how drained are you?”
“I’m sure I can muster some energy,” she says with a purr.
“Good, because the last time we had sex you thought I was leaving,” Regina can hear the shame in Emma’s voice. “That’s not the way I want us to end things.”
“We are ending things?” she manages to ask around the lump in her throat.
“Not intentionally but this failsafe thing of yours is serious, right? If those fools activate it we are all going to die, aren’t we?”
“I stole some beans, we can save ourselves.”
“Your beans are gone, someone stole your stolen goods,” Emma informs her.
“Then yes,” she says simply, “if they activate it, we will all die.”
“If that’s the case I want some say in how I spend my final moments.”
“And you think having sex because we might die is right way to go?” she schools her tone but in truth she is pleased.
“Hell yeah. Don’t you?” Emma plants kisses across her jaw.
“Emma,” she eyes the door suspiciously, “we may not have enough time. They could just decide to come back.”
“I,” a kiss lands on her cheek, “really,” then moves to her neck, “don’t,” to her collarbone, “give,” the hollow of her neck, “a,” her breast bone, “shit,” and finally stops over her nipple. Regina can feel the moisture on her skin and worries that both her shirt and bra are in danger of being ruined. The simple and sensible solution would be to stop Emma but when she pushes Emma back by the shoulders it’s not to stop her.
Emma clearly gets the message and before Regina knows what is happening her shirt is pooled around her neck and Emma has pushed the cup of her bra aside to grant her access to the skin beneath. Fingers ghost over her breasts and then suddenly pause. Emma looks at her with concern, “You are up for this, right?”
“My dear I am always up for this,” she cranes her neck so that she can place a kiss on Emma’s lips, “but it doesn’t hurt that I get to fulfil my longstanding fantasy of defiling you in Snow’s house.”
“Well now I just feel cheap and used,” Emma huffs.
“Do you?” she rolls herself on top of the other woman. “Do you really?”
“Yes,” Emma attempts to assert but she doesn’t sound at all convincing.
“Because we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she runs her fingers over Emma’s collarbones.
“You are impossible,” Emma tells Regina as she flips her back onto her back.
“But you wouldn’t have me any other way,”
Regina had said the words in jest but the have a profound impact on Emma. She freezes and looks down at Regina with tears in her eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Emma asks.
“I’ve felt better,” she admits, “but I definitely want to do this.” She underlines her point but grabbing Emma’s hips and rocking her own towards them.
“I could have lost you,” tears fall from Emma’s eyes and land on Regina’s face. Emma gives her a sad smile and then kisses the tears away. Emma’s lips and hands map her face as though Emma is trying to memorise it.
Regina knows that things are dire; she knows that Owen and Tamara have the power to destroy them all, but if she is going to die she will not go out with a whimper and she will not let her last time with Emma be melancholy. She rolls them onto their sides and kisses Emma firmly.
Her actions are enough to spur Emma into motion, she pushes her leg between Regina’s and pulls the brunette’s hair as she deepens their kiss. Emma continues the kiss as she tries to pull Regina shirt off her body. Regina smiles when Emma lets of a growl of frustration at being forced to make a choice between continuing the kiss and removing the shirt.
In the end shirt removal wins out but lips are back on Regina’s before the item has a chance to reach the floor. Deft fingers then attack the clasp of her bra. The object snaps apart with ease and Emma’s fierce kissing continues unabated as the bra is dragged down Regina’s arms and discarded. Her nipples harden the second the cold air hits them and Emma’s initial teasing of them is somewhat painful.
She doesn’t voice her discomfort but Emma seems to sense it because she tears her mouth away from Regina’s in order to lick and kiss the tender peaks. The moisture helps to decrease the pain and to heighten her arousal. She bucks against Emma’s leg but Emma frowns at her in disapproval.
“Uh-uh,” Emma tuts. “I won’t have you overexerting yourself.”
“It’s a bit late for that,” she says with amusement.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Emma says sincerely.
“You won’t.”
“Please, just let me play with you.” Normally she would refuse such a request, even from Emma, she is not a passive bed partner, but the fear and concern etched all over Emma’s face have her nodding in acquiescence. “Good girl,” Emma says and it’s almost enough to make Regina change her mind.
Emma rakes Regina’s skirt up to her waist and she can feel her stockings being ruined in the process. “Emma,” she growls, “I don’t have spare clothes here, you need to be more careful.”
“I picked out a change of clothes for you,” Emma says with a nonchalant shrug.
“Whose clothes?” she asks darkly.
“Well they are not Mary Margaret’s that’s for sure. I know better than to do that to you.”
“I would go naked before I wore her clothes.”
“Well, in that case I may have to rethink my choices.” Emma is using her nails to rip larger holes in Regina’s stockings and the painful pressure on her skin is delicious.
“I’m not certain I’d wear your clothes either.”
“I wear your clothes sometimes.”
“Of course you do. The difference is that I have style dear.”
“At least wear something of mine,” Emma pleads quietly. “I love the idea of you wearing my clothes.”
She nods and forces herself to swallow. No matter what hideous polyester blend and denim combo Emma has selected for her she vows to keep her promise. She will find something that she can wear. She knows how it makes her feel to see Emma in clothes and she can’t bring herself to deny Emma of that.
Regina hears a tearing sound and is certain Emma has managed to destroy the crotch of her stockings. Strong fingers rub lace and satin against her core and even though her suspicions have been confirmed, she is incapable of being angry. She is incapable of feeling anything other than pleasure.
Emma shifts to lie beside her and Regina lets out a grunt of protest. “I want you on top of me. I want to feel you.”
“No,” Emma shakes her head stubbornly, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Regina is not at all happy with the situation but her arguments die on her lips when Emma slips her hand beneath Regina’s underwear and runs a finger across her clitoris. Her perfectly reasoned retorts are reduced to a whimper of need.
“You’re so wet,” Emma tells her.
Regina manages to recover both her voice and her fighting spirit as she says, “Well that is usually considered the point of this exercise.”
“Indeed it is,” Emma replies with a laugh, “I just didn’t expect it to happen so quickly.”
“Well we are on the clock here, Sheriff Swan. As much as I love the idea of traumatising your parents I worry that if they were to return we wouldn’t get to bring this activity to a satisfying conclusion.”
“We can’t have that now, can we?” Emma’s question was most likely rhetorical and even if it wasn’t she makes it impossible for Regina to answer by placing a searing kiss to her lips.
Their tongues duel playfully as Emma’s fingers explore further. Regina nearly bites Emma’s tongue when those fingers enter her. Emma seems to sense the danger and she abandons Regina’s lips in favour of her throat.
For someone worried about Regina being fragile Emma is setting a punishing pace. Regina’s partial state of undress does limit her movements somewhat but Emma still manages to create momentum and friction. Regina attempts to match Emma’s thrusts but Emma uses her free hand to pin Regina’s hips to the bed. This only results in Regina squirming in frustration.
Emma’s thrusts become deeper and more powerful and she moves her lips down to recapture one of Regina’s nipples. Emma’s palm is slapping against Regina and causing tremors to rip through her core. A particularly powerful tremor hits just as Emma bits down on a nipple and that tremor become an earthquake. Emma continues to move her fingers, but at a slower pace, until the earthquake subsides.
When the ground is once again stable Emma straddles Regina and strokes her hair out of her eyes before kissing her forehead. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispers reverently.
“So are you,” Regina tells her and then pulls her down for a kiss. “You’re turn now.”
“Are you sure?” The concern in Emma’s eyes is touching but it’s also infuriating.
“Absolutely.” Emma pushes herself up onto her hands and knees and then climbs off the bed. “What do you think you’re doing?” Regina demands.
“Removing my clothes.”
“That’s my job,” Regina complains.
“I thought it might be easier if I did it just this once.”
“I happen to like my job.”
A radiant smile erupts on Emma’s face. “Well if you insist,” she says as she moves to back to the bed.
“I most certainly do,” Regina informs Emma and with a flick of her wrist she divests them both of all of their clothing.
“Hey,” Emma exclaims, “you need to recover. You shouldn’t waste your magic like that.”
“Getting you naked is hardly a waste of magic, Emma,” Regina says in a low voice that she hopes disguises the toll that small action took on her.
Emma laughs as she cautiously settles herself on top of Regina’s hips. Regina can feel the heat emanating from Emma and it makes the small depletion in her strength seem totally worthwhile.
“You don’t have to do this if it’s too much,” Emma tells her.
“Emma, I want to do this.”
“I’m just trying to be careful.”
Regina’s growls like a feral animal as she grabs Emma’s hips and pulls the blonde up her body. Emma’s knees slide into Regina’s armpits, limiting further movement, but it’s still enough to make it clear where Regina wants Emma to be. Regina almost sighs with relief when Emma manoeuvres herself past Regina’s shoulders but then the blonde leaves herself suspended, much like the question that hangs in the air.
“If you ask me again if I really want to do this I will slap you,” Regina says forcefully and to make her intentions perfectly clear she pushes herself up onto her elbows and then swipes her tongue through Emma’s folds.
“I don’t want you to have to exert yourself like that.”
It’s better than being told that Emma doesn’t want to hurt her but it’s still annoying. “Then sit down and I won’t have to,” she barks.
The sheriff complies and Regina finds herself almost overwhelmed by the scent that is pure Emma. She forces herself to relax and allows her tongue to go to work. This is not an activity that she ever understood before but it’s something she likes to do with Emma. Her past lovers, if she can call them that, did not evoke this desire in her. Before Emma this had always seemed too primitive and too animal but somehow it doesn’t feel that way anymore. She needs to touch Emma, she needs to taste her. It’s not just something that she wants to do; it’s something that she has to do
She laps at Emma’s entrance and delights in the flood of warmth that flows across her tongue. She pushes her tongue inside and uses it to fuck Emma but when she feels Emma’s walls tightening she withdraws. Emma utters some curses of disapproval but Regina is not deterred. She moves so that she can trace figure eights across Emma’s clitoris and so that she can look at her lover.
Emma is in a state of abandon. One had clutches at the headboard while the other plays with her own breast. Emma’s eyes are closed, her face is flushed and she is breathing heavily. She has never looked more beautiful. Regina changes her course of action, she moves from licking to sucking and Emma’s eyes fly open in response. Emma locks her gaze on Regina as she shudders above the brunette. Regina feels as though she could lose herself in Emma’s eyes but there are taken from her when the blonde squeezes them shut and screams Regina’s name.
Regina holds her firmly as she collapses against the frame of the bed. It is a while before Emma is able to move and Regina takes great pleasure in that fact. When the power has returned to Emma’s limbs she flops down onto the bed and pulls Regina into an embrace.
“That was…….” Emma trails off.
“Yes it was,” Regina agrees with a smirk.
“If we had time I would totally do that again.”
“Thank you for the compliment, dear. It’s a compliment that’s returned by the way.”
“Good to know,” Emma says as she draws small circles on Regina’s hip. “I like this too though. I love holding you. I don’t get to hold you enough.”
“You hold me plenty.”
“Nope. Not enough. Never enough.”
Regina smiles tenderly at Emma, “You are the only person I’ve ever let hold me.”
“Seriously?”
“My sex life hasn’t really been about that,” she states dismissively.
“I would have thought that if either of us was the love ‘em and leave ‘em type it would have been me.”
“Yes. Well. I never loved any of them did I?” her voice has become tense, the waters that they have crossed into are deep and dark.
“You loved him though. Why did you never let him hold you?”
“Emma, I was raised to be a lady. I was waiting for marriage. The most Daniel and I ever shared was chaste kisses.”
“Wow,” Emma is looking at her like she is an alien, “I mean, just, wow.”
“I believe you’ve said that already.” Her tone is brisk. She does not like being treated like an oddity.
“So Snow’s father. He was, he was…”
“He is not a topic for discussion,” she says tersely.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise how big this all was for you.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Don’t be like that.” Emma wraps her arms around Regina and against her better judgment Regina allows the embrace. “It just hadn’t occurred to me. If I’d known I would have made sure we slept next to one another at some point.” She moves her head to rest it against Regina’s. “You should have had the experience of waking next to someone who loves you.”
Some of the tension leaves Regina’s body and she can hear the smile in her own voice as she says, “That’s alright. We made reasonably productive use of our time.”
“If we had time I’d let you sleep right now. I’d hold you for as long as I could.”
“Which might just be the same as telling me that you’d hold me until the world ended.”
“I didn’t mean to be so over the top. I just wanted to hold you. I wanted to be the one who had that privilege.”
“It’s not a privilege.”
“Yes it is.”
“Emma,” she sighs, “I’m no prize.”
“I’m not either but that doesn’t mean that it hasn’t been a privilege to love you.”
“I don’t deserve your loyalty. We are all going to die because of me.”
“It’s not your fault that your failsafe, whatever that is, fell into the wrong hands.”
“Yes it is,” she states adamantly.
“Did you give it to them on purpose?”
“Of course not,” she scoffs.
“Then it’s not your fault, is it?”
“I’m the one who had that failsafe.” In her mind it is a clear case of cause and effect.
“But you never used it,” Emma reminds her.
“I hadn’t used it yet,” she counters.
“What was it for?”
“It was my insurance policy in case things went wrong.”
Emma props herself up onto her elbow and gives Regina an incredulous look, “And nothing that happened recently - not the curse breaking, not the wraith, not being accused of murder - none of those things were worth using it for?”
“I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because of you. Because I couldn’t lose you and Henry.”
“Then I refuse to left you blame yourself for this. I will not let a gesture designed to keep me be seen as bad.”
“But it is.”
Emma’s face falls, “Why would you say that?”
“I don’t regret not destroying this place but I do regret destroying the beans. If that field still existed we wouldn’t be in so much danger.”
“That’s not your fault. That one is on me.”
“I’m the one who destroyed the beans.”
“Only because I wanted you to.”
“You never actually told me to do that.”
“I didn’t think I had to.”
“You wanted me to destroy them?” her voice hitches as she asks the question.
“Yes and I knew that you would.”
“You made me think you were leaving,” Regina accuses.
“Because I needed those beans gone.” Emma lies down so that she is level with Regina. “I couldn’t ask you to do it, I could betray David and Mary Margaret like that but I couldn’t lose you either.”
“You used me,” the thought causes her pain.
“Only because I couldn’t lose you. I’m sorry. I was selfish. I thought it was the right thing to do but I’m not so sure about that anymore.”
“Given that we might all die I’d say that’s a reasonable assessment of the situation.”
“No, I couldn’t possibly have predicted this shit. I mean that Henry really wanted to go. Maybe it was wrong of me to put my needs above everyone else’s. There was no good answer though. I couldn’t go back there and Henry would have been miserable if I’d made him stay with me.”
“You don’t think he would have been happy with just us?”
“I think he would have always resented me for making the choice for him but I don’t see how that would be any better than me resenting everyone for making me go.”
“There’s something I should tell you.”
“Why do I feel like I should be worried?”
“Because you’ve met me,” she replies sadly. “The other day I overhead something that did not bring out the best in me.”
“What?” Emma prompts.
“Snow and Charming were talking about their plans for their triumphant return to the Enchanted Forest.”
“And they made it clear that you weren’t coming?” Emma whispers her question.
“No. Their plan was a little different. They were generously going to allow me to return but they were going to put me in a cell as safety measure.”
“I’ll fucking kill them,” Emma growls.
She strokes Emma’s hair as a sign of approval, “I couldn’t accept that. I couldn’t go back to being kept in a cage.”
“Of course you couldn’t. So what did you do?” Emma looks confused. “I mean they are both still walking and talking so I don’t understand what it is that you did.”
“I went to Henry.”
“And did what?” Emma looks stricken.
“I told him that I could erase this place. That I could make it so that just he and I went back to Fairytale Land.”
“Jesus Regina,” Emma says angrily. “You would have left me here to die?”
“No,” she replies emphatically. She holds Emma tightly and says, “Never! I was still upset with you. I thought you were leaving me but I wasn’t going to destroy you along with this place. Even if you didn’t want to be with me I was going to let you live but I was really hoping that you’d come with me, that the three of us could have been a family. I just didn’t think it was the appropriate time to tell Henry.”
“Did you really change your mind or was it that Greg and Tamara just got in your way?” Regina can hear the hesitancy in Emma’s voice, the fear that she will not like Regina’s answer.
“I’d decided that I wouldn’t do it. I decided that I couldn’t. As I was making the offer to Henry I knew that I couldn’t go through with it and I wiped his memory. I couldn’t cope with idea of leaving you behind. I was even realising that I’d probably have to take your idiot parents too.”
“Really?” Emma asks clearly amused.
“Yes,” she says with a sigh. “Their death would have hurt you and so I would have to have let them live. The things I do for you,” she says with a small chuckle.
“Such horrible, terrible sacrifices,” Emma replies playfully.
“But Emma there really was a moment when I wanted to seize the opportunity. When I wanted to grab Henry and run. I wanted to remove all the obstacles so that he had no choice but to love me. I’m not proud of that but I can’t deny that I thought it and that I thought I could do it.”
“But you didn’t,” Emma reassures her and kisses her cheek.
“Yet the thought was there. Emma, I’m still dangerous. I make the wrong choices.”
“No you don’t. You have the wrong instincts but in the end you make the right choices.” Emma looks at her with such love and trust that it’s heartbreaking.
“I may not have made the right choice for the right reason,” she confesses. “Henry was appalled at the thought, he didn’t want to go with me. He really does hate me.”
“No,” Emma runs a hand up and down Regina’s back, “he doesn’t. He just doesn’t understand you. Given time that might change.”
“I doubt it.”
“Stranger things have happened.”
“Emma, I don’t even understand myself. How can a child possibly be expected to understand me?”
“All he needs to know is that you love him and you do love him, Regina, you love him so much.”
“That may not be enough. Not when he doesn’t love me. Emma he loves you though. You can both leave this town. You don’t need beans or portals, you can just drive out of here and Emma you should. You should take Henry. He should be happy and I can’t make him that.”
“How will I be able to make him happy if I’m miserable?”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine in due time.”
“Regina,” Emma almost sounds angry. “I am not leaving you here to die. We will get out of this together.”
“We may not Emma and if we don’t you’ll have sacrificed your life for nothing. Not just yours, Henry’s too.”
“I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I’d left you and the others behind to die.”
“But Emma,’ she insists, “you would live.”
“At what cost? That’s not a price I want to pay.”
“You may not say that if you knew the whole story. What you said before about me not being responsible for Greg and Tamara’s actions, you’re wrong.”
“You are not responsible for every evil in the world Regina.”
“But I am responsible for this one. I created it.”
“No, no you didn’t. You don’t even know them. They didn’t torture you because of who you are or what you’ve done. They just wanted your magic.”
“That’s not true,” she whispers.
“You are being crazy.”
“No I’m not,” she insists. “Greg did not crash into town by accident. This is not the first time he’s been here.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He is from this world but he was caught in Storybrooke when I cast the curse. He was just a boy. He was camping in the woods with his father.”
“So they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s not your fault.”
“It really is, even if I ignore the fact that what I did had an impact on this world I can not ignore what I did when I met them.”
“And what was that?” It’s clear that this is a question that Emma is reluctant to ask.
“To be honest I’m not really sure how to tell you this.”
“Did you kill his father?”
“Yes.”
“Regina,” Emma says softly, “it’s okay. I know that you’ve done things like that.”
“Oh Emma,” a tiny smile creeps onto her face, “that’s sweet of you but that was not the bit that was difficult to tell you.”
“But it’s why Greg wanted to hurt you, right?”
“Yes. I guess you could say that I created a monster. It’s not the first time,” she adds quietly.
Emma doesn’t look at her any differently, she buries a hand in Regina’s hair and caresses the back of her head. “What did he do to make you kill him?”
“He had something that I wanted,” it frightens her how easy it has become to tell Emma the truth.
“And what was that?” Emma enquires gently.
“His son.” She closes her eyes. “Henry was not the first child I tried to make love me. He wasn’t my first mistake.”
“Regina,” Regina closes her eyes tighter in response to Emma’s caring tone only to have Emma kiss her eyelids, “adopting Henry was not a mistake.”
“Yes it was.”
“He’s a wonderful boy, when he’s not being a complete brat, and that’s down to you.”
“Perhaps it isn’t. Perhaps he just inherited good genets,” Regina says forlornly.
“Don’t be ridiculous, you’ve met Neal.”
Emma’s jibe makes her feel a little lighter, “Yes and I’ve met your parents too.”
Regina expected a least some objection from Emma but instead Emma smiles and says, “See, he really had the dice loaded against him and yet he has turned out pretty well all thanks to you.”
“It’s nice that you believe that but I really wasn’t meant to be a mother.”
“I think you were. I’d have a child with you.”
She feels herself prickle at the implications of Emma’s word, “We already have a child together.” She may not be good at it but she is still Henry’s mother.
“I know that. I meant I’d have a second child with you.”
Regina almost can’t speak but she manages to find the words, or at least the word, to ask, “Why?”
“Because I happen to think we’d make beautiful children.”
“But you already made it clear that you didn’t want another child.”
“I don’t believe I said that.”
“When you found it was possible you might get me pregnant you freaked out and you told me that you didn’t want to be a mother again.”
Emma scrunches her forehead, “I think what I told you was that I wasn’t looking to be a mother again and I wasn’t. I so wasn’t ready for that. The pregnancy thing was a shock. That I could have gotten you pregnant by accident was a little too close to home. I don’t regret having Henry but being pregnant,” Emma pauses and looks away for a second, “that was a not a good time for me. It’s not something I like to think about.”
“The idea of another child terrifies me,” Regina admits. “My attempts to love children have not gone well.”
“I really don’t think that Henry is going to grow up to strap you to a table to try and drain you of your magic.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” Regina says dryly.
“Not but I think that deep down he loves you.”
“I wish I had more time. I wish I had a chance to turn things around with him.”
“I know you do.” Emma’s reply is earnest.
“I also have to say that the more I think about it the more cheated I feel that we may not have the chance to have a child together.”
“I thought we already had a child together,” Emma gives her a smirk.
“I don’t mean to minimise Henry’s importance in any way but it would have been nice to have a child that we chose to have together.”
“Are you thinking about that fate shit again?”
“I try not to but sometimes it pisses me off that someone so important to me was delivered to my life because he was meant to play a part in breaking a curse. I guess it would be refreshing to have a child that was free from all of that.”
“Maybe,” Emma shrugs, “but I mainly just think you’d look amazing pregnant.”
“I suspect that I’d hate every minute of it.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Emma teases.
“But I’d do it for you.”
“You know that I know that you are only saying that because you think you’ll be dead this time tomorrow. That doesn’t count Regina.”
“If I’m going to be dead by this time tomorrow dear, what I say and do now is all that counts.”
“Even though the idea of another child terrifies you?” The topic is a serious one but Emma’s tone is light.
“I have some series issues, Emma. I worry that I’d make major mistakes. I don’t want to ruin our baby and I also don’t know how I’d cope when the baby loved you more than me.”
“Oh honey, that’s not going to happen.”
“I don’t know how to love properly.”
“You are wrong about that.”
“No I’m not.”
“This is an area that I get to have an opinion on and I’m telling you that you are doing just fine.”
“How can you say that when the only way I know how to love something is with a possessive stranglehold? My love is poison, it kills.”
“Possessive doesn’t have to be all bad.”
“I suffocate people, I’m like a noose.”
“I don’t feel suffocated. If your love is tight it’s not a noose, it’s a tourniquet.”
“Great, so I am stopping the blood flow to you limbs to keep you from running away. You’re right, that’s so much better than a noose.”
“Tourniquets can be used to save things too.”
“You’re the saviour, Emma, not me.”
“You saved me,” Emma says quietly.
“From what?” she asks listlessly.
“From where my life was headed. From who I used to be, from who I would still be I hadn’t have come here and met you.”
“You saved yourself, Emma, I just happened to be standing on the sidelines. Besides, even if I did have something to do with a change of that nature it’s hardly pulling someone from a burning building or slaying a dragon.”
“No, it’s harder.”
“It’s really not.”
“Whatever,” Emma is clearly frustrated but it also appears as though she has lost the will to fight. “I didn’t save you today,” the hands at Regina’s back clutch at her in desperation as Emma adds, “I didn’t save anyone.”
“Shhhhh, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m safe.” She doesn’t bother to point out that she won’t be safe for long. It seems cruel under the circumstances.
“But not everyone is.”
“Henry?” Regina feels fear take up residence in her chest.
“He’s fine,” Emma tells her with a watery smile.
“Then who?” she asks but feels that the answer is unimportant. Emma, Henry and the two idiots are safe and that is all that matters.
“Yeah,” Emma starts but then closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, “this is the thing that we are meant to be talking about. Neal died today. I couldn’t save him.”
She could drown in the wave of jealously that hits her but she does her best to stay calm and even manages to sound caring as she says, “Oh Emma.”
“You don’t mean that,” it’s an accusation and yet Emma doesn’t sound angry.
“To be honest, dear, I’m not really sure how I should react. I’d be lying if I said I was sad that he was gone but I know he was,” she struggles to find an appropriate word, “important to you.”
“I’ve been so angry with everyone because of him. I don’t know how things work in your land but I really don’t understand why everyone was so keen to pair me off with the man who deserted me and broke my heart.”
“I can tell you that not everyone wanted to pair you off with him, Miss Swan.”
She can feel Emma relax in her arms as she says, “I should hope not but I can tell you that you are in the minority. It’s been a shit time.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Oh my god. I didn’t mean to be going on about my crap after all that you’ve been through. I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about what happened to you?”
“No,” she states emphatically. She doesn’t want to talk about it; she doesn’t want to even think about it. She has never known pain like that. Sometimes she wasn’t sure where she started and the pain ended. She knew she was going to die and she just wished they’d stop talking their sweet time about it. Her only regret was that she would not get to say goodbye to Emma and Henry but at least now she is being allowed that. “I’d prefer we talk about your problems if that’s okay.”
Emma nods at her, “I was so scared when I couldn’t find you.”
“Emma,” she cautions. This is dangerously close to ground that she doesn’t want to tread on.
The blonde gives a small shake of her head and then says, “I knew that bitch Tamara had you. You were gone and you may not know this but once again you were being accused of a murder you didn’t commit……”
“For fuck’s sake.”
Emma smiles at the interruption and caresses Regina’s hair, “Anyway, as I was saying I knew that Tamara was behind it but everyone just thought I was jealous. They thought I was jealous because of fucking Neal. Even he thought that and it pissed me off so much.”
“But not enough that you wanted him to die?”
“No. I did love him Regina. I told him that and he said he loved me too. He was dying and it was a nice thing to say but I did mean it.”
“I see,” she says curtly.
“Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not. I understand. He is a part of your past.”
“He was a part of my past,” Emma corrects.
“No Emma. He is and he always will be. I understand that.”
“Because of Daniel?” Emma asks. That’s a hard question for her to answer but she nods in response. “Regina, I don’t love him the way I love you, I never did.”
“He was important to you Emma, you shouldn’t ignore that.”
“I’m not. What I’m telling you is true. Even when I watched him die in front of me it was not as terrifying as the thought of losing you. In fact all I thought about was thank god it’s not you.”
“My love,” Regina brushes a kiss across Emma’s lips, “I’m so sorry that I frightened you.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I wish you’d have been around so I could have bitched about Neal though. He believed I was jealous of Tamara and he was so smug about it all. It made me want to punch him in the face so I could knock that smug look off it. It also made me want to tell him that I was head over heals in love with you.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“It’s not just my secret. I couldn’t do that without discussing it with you but I did spend a lot of time picturing what his face would look like when I told him.”
“I think I would have wanted to be there to see that.”
“That would have killed him,” there is a sense of glee in Emma’s voice and she must realise the inappropriateness of this because she quickly tones it down. “I didn’t actually want him dead though. It may not have worked out for the best but in a way I’m glad he came to Storybrooke.”
“Well that makes one of us.”
“It was important that I saw him. I wasn’t really sure how I felt until I saw him. All those years I harboured anger towards him and I guess I thought that that much anger had to have something behind it. I guess I still thought that maybe he was the one,” Regina can barely breathe, “but I saw him and I knew for certain that he wasn’t. He was less somehow. He had been the figure that defined my life, his abandonment was worse than my parents’, and yet he was suddenly unremarkable. He was small and all I could think was how dare he have held so much power over me for so long.”
“You were young when you met him. Not everything is how we remember it when we are young,” she says softly.
“Is that what it was like when you saw him again?”
“Not exactly. He hadn’t diminished, not in that way. He was a tortured monster but somewhere inside him was still the boy I loved. He was lovely. He was perfect.”
“Well he sounds a lot better than Neal then.”
She looks Emma in the eyes, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to turn this into a competition.”
“It’s okay. You can only feel what you feel.”
“That’s true. It was part of what was so hard about seeing him.”
“It must have been difficult seeing him like that,” Emma sympathizes.
“It was but the weirdest part of all was that the monsters weren’t really the problem. Not his monster and not mine. When you spend so long convincing yourself that the ends justify the mean you actually start to believe that lie. I wanted so badly for evil things not matter and in the end they didn’t. It wasn’t the evil things that were the problem, they weren’t the reason that I couldn’t be with him. It was the good things that were in the way. It never once occurred to me that I should be worried about good things,” she laughs ironically.
“Am I allowed to assume that I am one of those good things,” Emma bites her lip. There is no reason for her to do so but Emma looks insecure.
“Of course you are,” she lays her hand along Emma’s cheek, “you and Henry are the only good things. You are my family.”
Emma places a hand over the one that is resting on her cheek, “You’re my family too. It’s funny but my parents were practically falling all over themselves at the thought of Henry’s parents being together and yet they are blind to that fact that Henry’s parents already are.”
“They won’t embrace me as willingly as they would have accepted Neal.”
“You don’t know that.” Regina raises an eyebrow and Emma puts a hand up in defeat, “All right so you do know that.”
“Henry wouldn’t like it either, he’d think I’d lowered my standards,” she has to bring some levity to the moment because the thought of Henry’s real response is too painful to consider.
“Oh, you’re hilarious Madame Mayor but I am a princess and as I recall your conquests prior to me were a hunter and a wolf. Interesting choices by the way, kinda of gives a new meaning to playing both sides.”
“I never thought of it that way.”
“Really? What way did you think of it?”
“That there were the two most attractive people in town and that they would do.”
“That sounds incredibly, well, sad really.”
“I was working with what I had,” she states.
“That sounds like a recipe for a really lonely life.”
“It was.”
“So why didn’t you try to do something about it.”
“I did,” she pauses, “I adopted Henry.”
“About that,” Emma says cautiously, “how did you think that was going to work?”
“I didn’t know I was going to be a bad mother.” In retrospect that should have been obvious, Cora didn’t exactly teach her anything about good parenting, but it hadn’t occurred to her at the time. Before Snow ruined her life they had bonded quickly and even after Snow ruined her life Regina had spent years convincing Snow that she cared for her. She’d even been able to make a real connection with Owen until she pushed things too far. It should have been easier with a child that she truly cared about. Maybe there’s just too much evil in her to provide a child with what they need.
“We’ve discussed this. You are not a bad mother. I meant what did you think would happen when Henry noticed that he was the only one changing and growing? How were you going to explain that?”
“I didn’t think about any of that. I didn’t think about anything except that I didn’t want to be so alone.”
“Oh Regina.” Emma places her hand on top of Regina’s again and laces their fingers together.
“I don’t need your pity,” she says and tries to pull her hand away.
Emma grips harder and tells her, “It’s not pity.”
“Well it certainly feels like that.”
“I hate the thought of you being alone and you know that it makes me worry that the only interest you have in me is that I was the first person that you met that wasn’t a cursed drone.”
“That’s not true; you were the fourth person and the second adult.”
“Well that makes me feel so much better,” Emma says sarcastically.
“Emma,” she says gently, “the fact that you weren’t a drone is the very reason that I should never have been with you.”
“You liked the drones better than me? You can have them back, well one of them anyway, you didn’t kill Ruby and for some reason that poor girl cares about you.” Emma is all anger and bile.
“That’s not at all what I meant. The drones I could handle, the drones I could live with, because they didn’t feel like a betrayal. I could never love or care for them and so they didn’t make me feel like I was letting Daniel go.”
“But I made you feel that way?”
“So very much.”
“Do you regret it?”
“Not at all. The only thing I regret is how badly I treated you when you first arrived. I feel like I missed so much time. It could have always been like this.” She raises her leg and places it over Emma’s hip.
“No darling it couldn’t have.”
“You don’t think that we could have gotten to this point any other way?”
“I really don’t.”
“And that doesn’t seem sad to you?”
“No, not really. I don’t mind that the journey was complicated because I’m happy with what we have now.”
“So am I and I hate that it might be taken away from us.”
“Me too,” Emma kisses her soundly.
“Emma, I really do wish you’d reconsider. It would be so much easier for me if I knew that you and Henry were going to be safe.”
“I can’t do that, Regina, I can’t leave you.”
“Maybe that’s for the best,” she acknowledges, “I don’t do well without you. I have no one to talk to when you’re not here and I’m not sure that’s good for me. Without you I end up doing crazy things like telling Henry that I’m going to rip him away from everyone and everything that he cares about.”
“Are you telling me that I’m a good influence on you?” Emma asks jokingly.
“I’m trying to tell you are everything to me,” she slides her leg higher up Emma’s body as she kisses her passionately.
Emma breaks the kiss and pulls Regina’s forehead down to rest against her own. “We can’t start this because I won’t be able to stop.”
“I know,” she says reluctantly, “but don’t think that I don’t resent that you are going to waste what could be your final moments by being with your parents.”
“If I had a choice I’d be with you.”
“I’d want to be with you too and with Henry although,” she fires Emma her best seductive look, “I’d be annoyed that if he were present I couldn’t do the things I want to do to you.”
Emma groans and thumps her foot on the mattress, “I wish I didn’t have to go.”
“So do I, believe me. I could just kill your parents and then you could stay.”
“It’s tempting,” Emma indulges her, “but I think we both know that if you wanted them dead they’d be dead by now.”
“Perhaps,” she replies. She knows that Emma has a point; it’s something that she’s thought about before. Sometimes she lies awake wondering why she has let the two thorns in her side survive. “Although I have to say that the thought of killing them loses some of its shine when I know that I might only be shortening their pathetic lives by a matter of minutes.”
“That must be a huge source of disappointment for you.”
“Not as disappointing as the thought that you have to leave,” she says with genuine emotion.
“I know but I have to go and get our son. He should be here with us. You can come too if you would like.”
The thought does have its appeal but she has to be a realist, “I think things will go much more smoothly if I’m not there.”
Emma runs her fingers over Regina’s face and Regina closes her eyes in order to savour the moment. When she opens her eyes there are tears in Emma’s and Regina risks what little magical reserve she has by using her powers to redress Emma.
“Hey,” Emma exclaims, “what’s this all about? I thought you liked me out of my clothes.”
“I do, believe me, but if you dressed yourself it would take away time that could be spent holding you and I won’t have that. Also you should be more grateful given I just fixed your shirt.”
“Which wouldn’t have needed fixing if you hadn’t have tried to kill me,” Emma says as she inspects Regina’s work.
“Details, details.”
Emma is apparently pleased with Regina’s handiwork as snuggles against Regina and says, “Whatever happens, I meant what I said earlier. It has been a privilege getting to be the one who loves you.”
“Thank you. And I feel the same way. I’m so glad we found one another and I’m glad that I found a space where I feel that it was okay to be me.”
“Regina, just so you know, who you are is amazing to me”
“I’m glad you think so dear, even if you are the only one that does.”
“That should be more than enough,” Emma says cockily.
“For today it is,” she holds Emma close and for now it’s enough. When Emma holds her she can believe that the world isn’t going to end. For a little while she can believe that she is enough. For a little while she can believe that she can have her happy ending.