Comments | re_white: WIP Amnesty: you and me and the fire makes three

re_white

WIP Amnesty: you and me and the fire makes three

Mar 29, 2011 13:20

Title: you and me and the fire makes three
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and court no profits with this fanwork.
Notes: Author!fail in brackets.

Summery: ( They stumble through the the house, fingers greedily rifling through each others clothes, necking awkwardly as they bump into shit, sloshing cheap booze across the wooden floors. Jim laughs, whiskey spilling down the front of his shirt and Leonard has real fucking reservations about this, serious doubts about whether they'll pull this off without setting themselves on fire. )

fanfic: star trek, fandom: star trek, pairing: kirk/mccoy

Comments 8

kayliemalinza March 29 2011, 21:05:15 UTC

There are secrets in Jim's house, in the flutter of the pale yellow curtains over the kitchen sink, in the scratches and scuff marks worn into the floors, and in the off-color plaster patchwork dotting the walls of the upstairs hallway... wooden moans and tattling creaks every time he goes to take a piss or get a beer.

I love descriptions of houses--any setting, really, especially those that are as much a character as the people moving about in them--and this paragraph (hell, on re-reading, this whole fic) was especially satisfying.

Just looking at it past Sulu's tin-foil-crowned head (Gaila) makes Jim feel warm inside, happy to be on his ship and surrounded by gifted lunatics with poor grammar and an inappropriate sense of humor.
I feel this is some sort of ungodly AU, like steampunk but leaning heavily on 1980s college movies rather than the Victorian Era, and it's fascinating and pearl-like, encapsulated. So uh. Keep writing it, pretty please.

Jim's childhood bedroom is essentially a library with a mattress in the middle of ( ... )

elaineofshalott March 30 2011, 00:04:16 UTC

<3!

I lol'd at the funny bits. 'Specially the beginning's poker game. And the Spock-hugging, oh god. And the cow! Hee! Nobody combines hilarity with porn quite the way you do.

Maybe you could make this piece shorter than you originally intended--take the things in brackets and make them into mini-scenes, rather than having them be longer? 'Cos it's pretty satisfying as is. Needs more about the actual fire, I think--who doesn't love arson scenes?!--but in general, you've got the beginning-middle-end down already.

rubynye March 30 2011, 03:37:17 UTC

I've read this three times this evening, and I wish i could respond with an interpretive dance of joy and wonder, because my words are not quite working. But, wow. Thank you for posting this for us.

secretsolitaire March 30 2011, 22:25:01 UTC

Even without the missing bits, I love what you have here and think it's a pretty cohesive story.

pomme_noir March 31 2011, 00:36:01 UTC

I can understand your feelings, but personally, I think this is a brilliant piece of work.